by Glover, Nhys
‘And out here. Are you all right, daughter?’
‘Yes. I’m terrified she’ll find out what the master is having us do. But, if it will save Anni, then I’ll do it.’
‘It’s at the master’s insistence. None of us can pay for following his instructions. Just make sure Mira doesn’t find out. She’ll tell her mistress.’
‘I know. I’ll be careful. I just don’t know how long we can hide her absence.’
‘As long as it takes, daughter, as long as it takes.’
Chapter Four
21 August 79 CE Outskirts of Rome, LATIUM
By the time the sun began to rise behind the Albian Hills, Vali and Anniana were well out of Rome and on their way down the Via Appia. The air was chilly, and the breeze stirred up by their steady pace made Anniana wrap her thin stola more securely around her shoulders. Vali said little, keeping his attention on the two scrawny horses, one brown, one grey, he was driving. Every bump, as the iron wheels hit uneven surfaces, vibrated right through the carrus. Even the cushioned seat did nothing to offset the punishing jarring.
At first, Anniana clung to the edge of the biga, certain she would be catapulted out of it at any moment. But after an hour of this kind of grip, her hands ached so badly she was forced to drop them into her lap and take her chances. And the longer they journeyed, the less worried she became that they were in imminent danger. After all, Vali would hardly have stood with legs apart, as if he didn’t have a care in the world, if there was any danger. Of course, the bumps probably felt less jarring on his feet than on her behind.
The road was straight and wide, stretching out in front of them like a grey line dividing the greenery. So wide was it, they had no trouble passing other wider, slower vehicles as they went. She noticed Vali made a point of giving a friendly wave to all the drivers, and many of the travellers who walked along the footpaths on either side of the road.
‘Why do you wave to people you don’t know?’ she finally asked, her curiosity overcoming her natural inclination for silence.
‘Oh, you’re awake. You’ve been so quiet I thought you’d dropped off.’ He turned his head and grinned cheerily at her. ‘I wave because it’s the custom to acknowledge fellow travellers. If I didn’t, we’d become memorable. This way, we’re no different to anyone else on the roads. Easily forgotten.’
She mulled this over for a few moments. ‘How do you know that?’
‘I was driver and bodyguard for one of my mistresses. I picked it up by watching others, and sharing conversations with fellow drivers at way stations. I try to learn what I can in whatever situation I find myself.’
She studied him more closely. His short, white-blonde hair glistened in the morning light. His heavily muscled body moved with easy grace. He was at home driving the team, just as he had been at home in her father’s office. How did he adapt so readily to the many roles he was forced to play? She had never even learned to play the one she was born to – patrician, daughter of a senator, relation of the emperor himself.
‘The horses are tiring. Do you feel like a break to stretch your legs and have a little of the food we’ve packed?’ His sky blue eyes evaluated her, as if she was a product for sale at the market.
She shrugged and nodded, turning to look at the passing scenery. It was so quiet here, only the sound of the carrus, as it grated its way along the road, and the horses’ hoof beats broke the morning stillness. At moments like this, when no other vehicles or travellers were in sight, they could be the only people in the world.
‘You’ve become a quiet little thing since I knew you. Or is it just that you have a lot on your mind?’
The question surprised her. Is that how she appeared to him? But of course, how could it be any different when it was the truth.
‘A bit of both. I became an expert at blending in to the background. I could be left to my own devices then. I suppose it’s been less necessary since Publius went off to do his military service, but by then it had become ingrained. I only speak when spoken to. Or when I’m with father, of course.’
His lips thinned and he looked away, back at the road ahead. ‘You should have told your father about what your brother did to you. He couldn’t protect you if he didn’t know.’
She didn’t say anything until he looked back at her again, eyes intent, waiting for an answer.
‘I learned very young that if I told anyone what he did, I’d be punished for it. You weren’t there in the early years. He was clever. The bruises and pin pricks were only where they wouldn’t show. The falls I took were always blamed on my clumsiness.’
‘Like falling in the herb garden?’
‘Yes. And when he couldn’t hurt me directly, he’d hurt Ninia or an animal. He’d leave dead birds on my pillow. Compared to him, Annia Major was kindness itself.’
‘Sour bitch that one. Has she produced offspring for her illustrious husband yet?’ His bitterness made her cringe.
‘Yes. A son. The family is very proud.’
‘Well, I guess she was good for something then.’
‘I can understand why you might have thought poorly of her. She said horrible things about you, and treated you like…’ She was lost for a word to describe her sister’s actions.
‘Scum? Dirt beneath her feet?’
‘Yes. I never saw her act quite so badly towards anyone else. She said… never mind.’
‘She said what? I’d like to hear what she told her sweet little sister about me.’ The anger in his voice frightened her.
‘Does it matter now? That was a long time ago.’
‘I’d like to know what you knew about your mother and me,’ he bit out, as he directed the horses off the road onto a grassy verge beside a tiny stream.
‘I didn’t believe what she said. She always lied.’
Once the horses came to a standstill, he turned his attention fully onto her. His pale eyes burned bright with something she didn’t recognise.
‘Why do you want me to say such awful things? I don’t want to hurt you,’ she pleaded, looking up at him as he loomed over her.
‘It won’t hurt me, young mistress. I just need to know the worst of it.’ His mouth hardened into one stubborn line.
‘Don’t call me that anymore. You are a liberti now, a citizen of Rome. What name does my liberti documents give me?’
‘Clodia Lara.’
‘Then call me Lara until we reach Severus. It is a nice name. Suitable. It means protection. That’s what that name gives me, protection from my mother.’
‘Lara it is,’ Vali said as he lifted her down from the carrus. His hands remained on her waist a little longer than necessary, as they stared at each other, caught between the past and the present. Then, giving his head a sharp shake, Vali released her and stepped away.
While Vali dug around under the seat of the carrus for their food, the new Lara wandered up to the tree line of the nearest hill. Here in the protected shade of the trees she found a patch of yellow wildflowers. It was the wrong time of the year for such flowers, and yet here they were, their fragile beauty brightening her day. The urge to pick one was strong, but she knew that it meant instant death to the bloom. It was much better to let it live on, unseen by human eyes, a gift to the bees of this natural haven.
While the horses grazed leisurely in the morning sunshine, Valia arranged a horse blanket on the ground nearby. He sprawled out on it and began to unpack the bread, cheese and wine he’d brought along. Lara perched on the very edge of the rug, and took up the earthenware mug they would both have to share.
‘I don’t want to discomfort you, Lara,’ he said the name with emphasis. ‘But I need to know what you were told. It’s important to me.’
Had he always been this stubborn? She sighed deeply, handing over the mug to be filled. ‘All right, if you must know, she said that you made mother do disgusting things. You made her scream and cry. You hurt her.’
Vali looked into the mug, his face closed. ‘How much do you know about physical relations
between men and women?’
Her face burned and she looked away from him. ‘I know what happens. Publius made sure of that.’
‘What?’ He swore roughly in languages she didn’t recognise. But it was clear what the words meant. ‘He didn’t…?’
‘No, not me. My virginity is where my value lies. He made me watch him take Ninia. He hurt her because I… I had stopped crying when he punished me.’
Vali swore again, and took a deep swallow from the mug. ‘That bastard needs killing. One day, if the gods are kind, I’ll face him across a battle field.’
‘I never understood why he was like that. Cruel and mean. Maybe he’ll die in battle, or he’ll torture the wrong person and pay the price. I’m just glad he can no longer hurt me.’
‘I am not like Publius. When your mother screamed and cried it was from pleasure.’ He shuddered. ‘Just as Publius forced Ninia, your mother forced me… to do things to her. I want you to know that.’
She swallowed hard and looked up to meet his gaze. They pleaded for understanding.
‘I know. Mother would never have let you hurt her. Really hurt her. Did she hurt you?’
Vali closed his eyes, dropping his head. ‘Sometimes. But not like Ninia was hurt. It was different for me. Being big meant I attracted women, and some men, who liked to be dominated. Rather than bullies like Publius, who like to hurt and control weaker creatures. Out of bed, those women and men liked to take my power, demean me in other ways to make up for what power they gave me during sex. It’s a game, an ugly game I was forced to play from the time I was enslaved.’
Lara reached across the distance between them and placed her hand on his. ‘I’m sorry you were forced to do such things. I don’t blame you. How could I?’
His fierce gaze met hers then, letting her see his fury and self-loathing for the first time. ‘Good. That’s good. That’s all I needed to know.’
They finished off their meagre meal, loaded up the carrus again, and set off once more. Strangely, for all the unpleasantness of their disclosures, Lara felt better. It was as if she was one step closer to the easy companionship they’d shared so long ago. This Vali was different, more intense, and harder than the youth she had known. But her friend was still there. All she had to do was bridge the distance time had created between them.
Vali drove the refreshed animals a little harder for the rest of the morning. He felt the need to put as much distance as he could between his little mistress and the life she had led. More than ever, he wanted her safe. But the gradient of the arrow-straight road became so steep in places, the further into the Albion Hills they went, that they were often forced to drop back to a walk. Vali had to fight his impatience for the good of the animals.
As they climbed the hills, his mind turned back to the night before. He remembered getting his first proper look at his little Anniana, when they’d entered the tiny atrium. The lamplight had made her pale skin glow and lit the highlights in her brown hair. Her exquisite face, so sombre, had fulfilled its childhood promise. With delicate features, huge doe eyes, and lush red lips that required no adornment, she was pure beauty personified. And his chest had hurt to look at her.
Vali wished that she was still the child he remembered. It was far easier to deal with a child than this glorious young woman who instantly fired his jaded senses. He didn’t want to feel attracted to her. It would serve neither of them for him to feel longings that couldn’t be fulfilled. All he was to her was her bodyguard, on this journey to her new husband. Even if he was now free, it didn’t make her more attainable. The gulf between them could never be crossed.
She was like a shy faun, unsure of herself or the dangers around her. He tried to convince himself that he preferred women with courage and spirit. This silent mouse was terrified of her own shadow. Look at how she’d cowered under his stare, as if he would hurt her. As if he could ever hurt her!
It was because of that terrified look that he had pushed her to tell him what she knew about him. If she saw him as some disgusting beast that rutted her mother, then the look was justified. What sweet innocent wouldn’t look at him like that, if she knew the truth? But her reluctance to talk to him about what she knew had been driven by her concern for him. She was worried about his feelings. And though she knew in graphic detail what he had done to her mother, thanks to her disgusting brother’s demonstration, she didn’t think badly of him. Didn’t blame him.
How had such a flower managed to grow into such beauty in that midden heap? With a whorish mother, a bitchy sister and a monster for a brother, was it any wonder she had withdrawn into her own silent world? Maybe there was no other way she could have survived unscathed. Could her choices indicate an indomitable, if unassuming spirit, a quiet courage? If so, he was lost.
Better to keep his distance as much as possible. Better to maintain the natural walls that existed between slave and owner. Better for both of them.
But Anniana, no Lara, as she wanted to be called, had always breached those walls, even as a child. It was unlikely she would allow him to keep them up for their mutual safety now. Unknowingly, she would invite intimacies that he couldn’t allow. Because, if he became too comfortable with her, too close to her, he might take from her what others saw as her greatest value; he might soil her purity.
It wasn’t just taking her virginity that would taint her, it was what he was that would tarnish her. She might not blame him for what he’d been forced to do with her mother, and with those other women. With that man. But he knew better. He knew he was filth. Because he hadn’t hated it, all the time. Sometimes he’d revelled in the debauchery, in the cruelty, and in the pain he could inflict. He’d felt the gratifying pleasure of an explosive release. Sometimes he’d been driven to be no better than a beast, and had gloried in it. When it was the only power he was granted in his life, then he took it with both fists. And that made him broken. Not fit to tie the laces of this young woman’s sandals. And nothing would ever change that.
Shortly before midday, Vali pulled the carrus off the main road and guided the horses up to a motley cluster of dwellings that looked to have tumbled down from the much larger town on the Albian hillside above them. The knot of buildings appeared to include a way station, but he had no interest in using its facilities. Instead, he pulled up under a tree, just beyond the dwellings, and told Lara to stay with the vehicle until he returned.
Handing her a small dagger, he glared at her. ‘Use this if anyone approaches. Don’t think twice; don’t try to be kind. Tell anyone who approaches to stay away, and if they don’t do as you say, use the dagger. I think you’re safe enough. We’re still close enough to Rome for civility. But you never know. See this as practise.’
She nodded silently, and took the dagger from him, her hands trembling so badly he was sure she’d drop the weapon. Before he second-guessed himself and took her with him, he strode off into the village. They needed supplies to get them through until tomorrow. What little they’d brought with them was insufficient for his huge appetite. The gladiator school had done that to him. They fed their fighters so they bulked up. More muscle meant less possible damage to internal organs from a blow. And it meant he was hungry most of the time. Some bread and cheese barely touched the sides.
He strode into the cluster of dwellings and saw a small marketplace, which was in the process of packing up for the day. He scanned what was left for sale and selected a small, plucked goose, several loaves of crusty bread, a jug of wine, a wheel of pungent cheese, olives, a small jug of olive oil, and some sweet berries he thought might tempt Lara’s appetite.
As he prepared to pay for his items he appreciated his own foresight yesterday when he’d made a point of changing several of the gold aureii for the smaller denominations of denarii and sesterces in the forum. He knew places like this on their way would rarely see gold coins, and they would have attracted too much attention.
Amongst the day old fruit on display some thick skinned citrons caught his eye. He ha
d seen these greenish yellow fruits before. One of his mistresses had used their juice to lighten her hair. What if they could improve Lara’s disguise by changing her appearance? If her mother was looking for her, then her distinctive, warm-brown hair would be a giveaway. But if she had much lighter brown hair, even reddish blonde, no one would match her to the missing girl’s description.
He added the citrons to his purchases, threw in a small bag of oats for the horses, and made his way hurriedly back to the carrus. By the time he got back to her, no more than half an hour had passed. But it probably felt like a lot longer to Lara, as she sat feverishly scanning the terrain like a cornered rabbit. When she noticed him, she beamed with relieved delight. He half expected her to demand to know what took him so long. But of course, his little mistress would never do such a thing. Instead, she simply welcomed him back, and made much of his purchases.
When they stopped to rest and water the horses at another stream well off the road a short time later, the sun was beating down on them remorselessly. Lara’s face was burned red and perspiration ran in muddy tracks down her dust covered cheeks. She kept trying to push back wet tendrils of hair, which had escaped the long braid that fell down her back. Even though she was in obvious discomfort, she didn’t so much as whimper.
He made sure the carrus was out of the sun, unhitched the horses, and walked them down to the small stream. Here he let them drink just enough to meet their needs. Then he rubbed them down, and tethered them in a lush patch of grass in the shade.
In the meantime, without being asked, Lara had unloaded the horse blanket and what was left of the food they brought with them, and had laid them out in the most shaded place she could find.
‘Come on, let’s wash some of the road off us and cool off a little before we eat.’ He held out his hand to her, and she gratefully accepted his assistance to rise. She was in obvious pain from the seat of the carrus. If they’d been provided with a better standard of vehicle she would have handled the trip a little better. But they were stuck with what they had.