by Glover, Nhys
Furious, she struggled beneath him, trying to push him away. He held her still too easily.
‘I said I was sorry. I can’t make it plainer than that. I warned you what I was like…’
She brought her right hand up and slapped him hard across the back of his head. Never had she felt so furious. Angry tears started to blur her vision.
‘How dare you say that to me! How dare you reduce what just happened to something unfortunate… How dare you dismiss me so… so easily!’
He pushed himself up off her, onto his elbows, as one hand came up to the back of his head. The shock on his face would have been laughable if it wasn’t so infuriating. By taking her he was supposed to finally accept her as his. Instead, he regretted his lack of control!
‘Dismiss you? How was I dismissing you? I just deflowered you after just seventeen days. Not my record but…’
She swung at him again and he let her hit him on the cheek this time. It only made her more furious. Her hand stung from the blows. For someone who had always abhorred violence of any kind, to find herself pushed to this point of fury was horrifying.
‘Don’t do that! Don’t make what happened into nothing. If you don’t want me, at least be a man about it and say so. Don’t make it seem as if it was just a momentary loss of control.’
Her eyes were so filled with tears she could no longer see his expression. Blinking rapidly she tried to clear her vision. What she saw when she did, froze her soul.
‘A man?’ He sneered the word. ‘I’m not a man. I told you that. Why do you keep trying to make me into something I’m not?’
‘Do you love me?’ she barked out. ‘You said you loved me! You said you were afraid of losing me. Were they lies?’
‘Not lies. But I can’t have you, Annia Minor. I am your father’s ex-slave, your mother’s ex-bed slave. I can never have what I want. What we did doesn’t change that.’
‘I’m not Annia Minor any more. My father is dead. I have documents that say I’m Lara, the liberti. You can have Lara. You can make her your wife. That’s all I want. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Stop putting up barriers between us that no longer exist. Love me, Vali. Just love me,’ she pleaded. The tears began in earnest then. She was so tired of crying.
Something in her desperation seemed to break through the cold shell he’d formed around himself. His hand came up and stroked her cheek, as he settled down on the bed beside her.
‘Don’t cry sweetling. I’m sorry. I know what you want, and I want it too. But this world is too harsh to allow us to have it. You can call yourself Lara, but you aren’t her. Lara lived a life as a slave, not a life of wealth, position and comfort. Lara could handle living poor, scraping to make ends meet because she’d known far worse. Even as the manager of your paterfamilias’ estate in Britannia, I won’t be much more than an impoverished slave. You would be expected to work: seeding the fields, threshing the harvest, washing clothes in boiling water in vats over burning coals. Your back will bend beneath the weight of it. You’ll be old before your time. Your hands,’ he took one up gently, turning it over so the palm was uppermost, ‘won’t be soft like this anymore. There’ll be calloused, with cuts on them like mine. They’ll be the hands of a pleb. You think you know what that life will be like, but you don’t. You have no idea.’
Lara tried to take in what he was saying. She knew it was not meant as criticism of her soft life. He was simply trying to get her to see what she would be getting if she became Lara for good. When she felt she could speak calmly, she took his hand in hers, and turned it palm side up.
‘I have never had to work for what I was given. My only callouses are from playing the lyre. But while my body has known comfort, my heart has not. There have been only a few people in my life who have loved me. My father is dead, my brother is on the other side of the world, and my friend is a broken shell because of me. My sheltered, comfortable world has been my prison. If I go back to that, even if I was somehow able to remain under my brother’s control, or married off to a rich patrician like Severus, I would simply trade one prison for another.’ She paused as she tried to put her next thoughts into words.
‘I am not underestimating what my life with you would be. I know it would be harder in some ways than what I’ve known. But to be wife to you, to lie beside you every night, to share pleasure like we experienced just now, to bear your children and to love them. To me, that means more than what state my hands are in, or whether I age faster than I would as a rich man’s breeding mare.
‘I love you, Vali. This is not a childish crush like when I was thirteen. I love you as a woman loves a man. And calling yourself an animal doesn’t make it so. You are a man. You are my man. And I will fight you if I have to, so I can stay at your side.
‘I can be very stubborn, so Ninia tells me. On this I will not budge. You will have to sell me into slavery to be rid of me, because I’ll follow you wherever you go. I am yours. I will never belong to anyone else again.’
For a long time Vali said nothing, letting her trace lines and circles across his palm. Finally, he closed his fingers over hers and lifted his head.
‘I will try to give you the life you deserve. I will try to make sure you never regret what you are giving me. I fear you are making the biggest mistake of your life, but I won’t try to convince you otherwise. I’m too greedy, too selfish. I want you too much. Maybe if I loved you more, I’d be strong enough to make other choices. Better choices…’ He sighed heavily.
‘You do love me… And if that’s not enough, then I’ll love you enough for both of us.’ Lara smiled brightly through her tears.
He leaned down and kissed her deeply. It was their pact.
Chapter Seventeen
Lara woke to a languid ache between her legs. Her limbs felt heavy and her brain moved at a snail’s pace. Already the heat of the day was oppressive. What time was it? The sun was well up. With bemused curiosity she cast her mind back to what she could remember: Vali getting up in the predawn, rummaging around under the bed, kissing her cheek, and then leaving.
Further back… the sensation of pure bliss as Vali took her fully for the second time that night. This time there were no apologies afterward, only words of love.
Further back… She jerked into a sitting position letting the coarse sheet drop to her lap. Looking down at her hands, she tried to see any traces of blood from the murderous scene the night before. The only blood was on the sheet beneath her.
Her maidenhead’s blood. That brought a slow smile to her lips and drove the other memories away. She hadn’t killed anyone. All she’d done was help save herself and Vali. In her heart of hearts, she knew that was just self-justification. Her actions had led to a man’s death. But Vali was also right. Those men would have killed them. What choice did they give them?
Reluctantly, she moved to the edge of the bed, and gingerly stood up. She was definitely sore. But it was a good sore. It brought flashbacks of pleasure and oneness she could live off for the rest of her life, if she had to. What they had shared was not usual. Though she knew little about sexual matters, she sensed that what existed between Vali and her was special. Their bond was stronger than with most.
She found the chamber pot under the bed and used it. Then she looked around for clothes. Everything she had was dirty after their trip from Palinurus. Their last clean clothes had been the ones they’d donned after their baths last night. And they would now be…
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she began to comb through the knots and tangles in her hair with the comb her father had given her. Vali loved to play with her hair, run his fingers through it, and clench it in fists when the passion was high. She loved that he did that, but it played havoc with her tresses afterward.
Just as she finished plaiting the long length and wrapping it around her head in a crown, the door opened, and Vali stepped across the threshold. He looked vital and incredibly handsome, even in the crushed and filthy tunic he’d put aside before his bath yesterd
ay.
‘Good, you’re awake. How do you feel?’ He dropped a pile of clothes on the unmade bed, noticing and then blushing at the sight of the blood on the sheet.
‘Wonderful…’ She was not going to admit to soreness. It seemed too personal. The absurdity of that thought after what they’d done together didn’t go unnoticed.
‘I bought us new clothes and took our old ones to be washed. All but what we wore last night. I disposed of them…’ He shot her a curious stare, as if judging her reaction to mention of the fight.
‘Good. I don’t think the blood would have come out completely… I would always have seen it…’
‘Yes, I imagined you’d feel like that. Anyway, there are clothes, some breakfast and this…’ Shyly he held out a gold and amethyst necklace. Carthago was known for its jewellery, and this piece was no exception. With tentative fingers she reached out for the piece, more touched than she could ever remember being by any gift. Other than his piece of amber, of course.
‘Thankyou… it’s beautiful.’
‘If you want, you can think of it as your bride gift. We give the father of a bride wedding gifts. The more worthy the bride, the richer the gifts. You deserve far more, but I had to be sensible. We have limited resources and a long way to go…’
‘Bride?’ Her voice came out as a squeak.
‘If you want. I will not hold you to it. Last night was … well you may feel different in the light of day… ‘
‘Vali, I don’t feel differently. I accept your bride gift gladly. Do we need to do anything else to seal the bond?’
His shyness evaporated and he grinned at her. ‘We’ve done it all, twice. But after we’ve eaten and bathed, I wouldn’t mind confirming the bond, one more time. Just to make sure.’
She laughed at his silliness. Suddenly, she felt like the young girl she was. She felt like a young woman in love on her wedding day. For her class, there would have been formalities, augers ascertained, gifts to the gods, the exchange of contracts and verbal vows in front of witnesses. But none of those were truly necessary to seal the bond. A vow said between man and wife, and consummation. That was all that was required.
Standing up gingerly, unconcerned by her nakedness, she held out her hand. ‘I take you Gaius…’
Vali knew the simple wedding vow of her people. He took her hand and said, ‘I take you Gaia…’ Then he kissed her tenderly on the lips and turned her around so he could place the necklace around her throat. ‘I will love and protect you and our children with my life, forever.’
She shivered at the simple words. They meant so much. When she felt the soft kiss on her shoulder she shivered again. So much love. How was it possible to feel so much love? Though she had lost everything in the last few weeks, somehow she’d ended up with so much more.
‘Now eat, wife, so we can get clean. Then I plan on spending the day in bed with you, unless you have other ideas?’
‘No. Bed sounds wonderful, even if it is getting stifling in here.’
He nodded as he began laying out their simple breakfast of pomegranates, dates, honey cakes and sweet wine. Then he stripped away his clothing and sprawled naked across the bed. The earthenware plate holding the dates and cakes was strategically placed over the blood on the sheet.
For a moment Lara could do nothing but stare. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. His long limbs were heavily muscled from his months in the ludus, his skin was tanned golden except for the area normally covered by a loin cloth. The paleness of this area was particularly arousing. It told her that no one but her saw him like this. His chest was heavily muscled with the strange inking over his heart. Tight corded muscles ran down his lean belly to his hips.
And the face. The gods could not have a fairer face than Vali. Adonis. He was Adonis. That white blonde hair that feathered over his ears and fell negligently over his brow perfectly set off his skin and ice-blue eyes.
Beautifully formed lips suddenly split into a broad, white smile. ‘You like what you see?’
She blushed, and looked away. Suddenly his hands were on her arms, drawing her toward the bed. ‘Sweetling, there’s no need for embarrassment. I have never valued my appearance. It has led me down paths I wish I’d never been forced to take. But if I please you, then I’m glad for my appearance. It’s something I have that’s mine to offer you.’
She looked up into those startling blue eyes. ‘You have far more to offer than just that, but the most important thing is love. If that was all you offered me, it would be enough.’
He leaned in and kissed her lips tenderly, as he had when they exchanged their vows. There was a strange reverence in the way he treated her now, as if she were something of untold value. It felt disconcerting, because she didn’t really believe she deserved it. He thought far more of her than she deserved. But it was nice, too. No matter how undeserving, she would accept his adoration with gratitude.
‘Later in the afternoon, I’ll go to the docks and see if the Baal has come in. It would be good if we had another day to rest, but I’m conscious of the days passing. We must complete our journey before the end of the season.’
She lay down on her side of the feast and began to eat hungrily. She hadn’t realised how hungry she was until that moment. Last night, they hadn’t had a meal after their bath as they’d planned. A cold shiver ran down her spine, but she shrugged it away. This was her wedding day. Nothing was going to spoil that for her. Nothing!
9 September 79 CE, Carthago AFRICA
The sun was just rising as the large merchant ship, the Baal, slipped out of Carthago’s artificial merchant harbour, fully laden for the journey back to Gaulia. Vali and Lara stood at the midship railing watching the flat roofed houses of the magnificent city pass them by. The water was the colour of aquamarine, the sky above the palest amethyst streaked with blue. With the sea breeze at their backs, the heat of the city seemed to be already left behind.
As the sails were fully raised, they filled with unseen wind, billowing out toward their destination, cracking and pulsing like living things. Vali’s breath caught in his throat. Was there any sensation more arousing than the first moments the wind took a sail? It was electric, and filled with promise.
Then he looked down at the beautiful face of the woman at his side. Yes, there was. Looking into those amber eyes gave him that same feeling. As if he could conquer the world. As if he was powerful beyond measure.
Her rosy lips turned up at the ends and those eyes warmed beneath his gaze. His wife smiled at him. That thought still scared him senseless. It was the most reckless thing he’d ever done, taking her as his own. But he didn’t regret it now. There would probably be plenty of opportunity for regrets somewhere in the future. Now, there was only joy and hope, and love.
How much he loved her! Not just her beauty or her grace. Not just because she loved him, no matter what. Not just because she was courageous, uncomplaining, gentle and kind, and oh so sweet. Not even because she was his perfect mate in bed. Her boundless energy, her uninhibited responses, her hunger and greed for more, were the ultimate gift. Nothing he did to her, nothing he asked her to do, was wrong or degrading in her eyes. Other women were excited by what they considered dirty or depraved acts. His sweetling was excited by the acts themselves, and the pleasure they gave. Because she gave and took pleasure as naturally as she breathed air or ate food.
But no, he didn’t love her for any one of those qualities. It was the accumulation of them all that made his love so potent. With her he felt clean and whole, powerful enough to take on the world, brave enough to protect her from anything that would threaten her. It had been a long time since he felt this sense of belief in himself. Because of her.
‘We’re worried about the chilis,’ the Master said, as he came to stand at Vali’s other side. ‘They’re worst in spring and autumn. If I had my way I wouldn’t sail except in summer. But my master is a greedy man.’ He grimaced with rancour. ‘So far this season we’ve been lucky. Pray to your
gods, Norseman. Maybe they have power to calm the djinns who drive the southern gales.’
‘Woden would have no interest in this south land. He rules the north. Could offerings to Neptune assist?’
‘We make offerings to Neptune, to all the Venti, especially Auster, the god of the south winds, to Priapus, and even to the dolphin-boy god, Palaemon. But I thought you might have some additional gods we could call on if the worst happens.’ The ship’s master quirked a grin, revealing a gold front tooth. Against his dark olive skin and jet-black hair, it presented the exotic mix so common in the region.
‘You found your place?’
‘Yes. Behind the deckhouse, as on the Utica. It keeps us out of the way but provides cover,’ Vali replied.
‘Fahri is an excellent sailor. It is an honour that he recommended me to you.’
‘On such a dangerous route, it’s always important to choose your ship well. Baal is seaworthy and her master is experienced and skilled. Those factors are essential, when putting your life in another’s hands.’
‘I couldn’t agree more, my friend. I hear you men of the north are expert seaman. You’re a long way from home, though.’
‘Going aviking has more dangers than the sea and the elements. My father’s longboat was attacked by pirates. I was young, and survived to be sold at the slave markets. That was eight summers ago. Now I’m a freedman and a citizen of Rome, with a lovely new wife. The gods were hard, but ultimately good, to me.’
The man nodded and studied Vali from beneath his bushy eyebrows. Vali knew that seaman the world over were superstitious. By painting himself in this light, he assured their safe passage. No sailor would risk the wrath of the gods by harming one of their favoured sons. He couldn’t say the same for other passengers. If the ship was becalmed or faced some other dire situation, it might be blamed on someone’s bad luck. Whoever caught the crew’s eye as unlucky would be thrown overboard. That was a fate to be avoided at all costs.