“You have a wand?”
The Orc nodded, “Yeah. I gots a wand.” He held up a polished dark-wood wand with a neatly wrapped leather handle. “Here.”
Drimblerod nodded. “A Traveler’s Emberstick. Very nice.”
The Orc grunted.
Hoping for some opening offer to haggle against, Drimblerod smiled and put his hands on the counter.
The Orc grunted again. “You give coins for wand?”
“Sure, how about two nice shiny copper coins?” Drimblerod tried.
The Orc snorted and put the wand on the counter. “Sure.”
“Well, it has been very nice chatting with you Mister Orc” Drimblerod picked up the wand and put two copper coins in its place. “You’ll have to come back again.”
“Really?”
No, not really, you stupid Orc. “Sure. When you get another wand, of course.” The Orc picked up the two coins and with a curt nod, left the shop. “Next!” He hazarded a glance at his partner. They were still talking about Assassin Wands. How many wands does that Human have? ‘You should be a Bard’ he heard his partner say.
A Human stepped up to Drimblerod. He put a wand on the counter. A familiar looking wand. “Where’d you get this wand?”
The Human pointed over to the wall, “On yon wall. Need me a levitation wand.”
It hadn’t occurred to Drimblerod that customers were now also in the store. He mentally kicked himself for the mistake. He turned towards the curtain. “Rat! Get out here!” He called. “That’ll be two copper, Sir,” he said to the Human.
Rat yawned as he pushed under the curtain. “What now? I was dozing.”
“I need you to work the floor” he said to Rat, “there’s customers out there that might need help.” He put out his hand to take the two coins the Human was offering. “Thanks very much. If you have any issues with the wand, come back by.” With a smile he waved at the man. “Next!” He called into the room.
“Work the floor?” Asked Rat. “I was busy doing other things.”
Drimblerod turned on the rodent, “Like what exactly? Eating for free? Sleeping indoors for free? Snacking for free? Napping, dozing, snoozing, and whatever else you want to call your general loafing, for free?” He pointed a finger at Rat, “Go earn your keep, you!”
Rat twitched his whiskers. “Well, if you put it that way. I suppose I could offer a little help here and there.” With that he moved around the counter into the main selling area of the shop. “Anyone need help?” He glanced at the Drimblerod. “Apparently, I’m here to serve.”
A Dwarf nodded at him, “I got a question, Laddie.”
Drimblerod exhaled One crisis resolved. He hazarded a look at his partner. Who was still chatting with the same customer. Still?
“That was a great story.” Grimbledung took the wand daintily with two fingers and placed it on the counter. “What’s next?”
“Let’s see,” said the Human as he considered the remaining wands, “I got these last two after the Great Frost Giant Invasion. “Do you want to hear about the sewers there? Those are nice too.”
Grimbledung shook his head.
“You know; people really give sewers a bum rap. If more people would take the time to go in them, I’m sure more people would live there. Very cozy. Same temperature all year. Want to hear about them?”
Grimbledung stared at the man. “No.”
“So whadda think? Which ones you want?”
“I’ll take them all,” said Grimbledung with hopefully as little anxiousness in his voice as possible. “What do you want for them?” Secretly he hoped the man said three gold coins or less. They were easily worth two each.
“How’s about we trade for a nice Water Wand?” Suggested the man amicably.
Grimbledung’s brain stopped working. A two copper coin wand for eight gold coins’ worth of rare wandage. “That’s it? No coins?” He said before he could help himself.
The man considered the wands on the counter and scratched his head. Bits of something fell on the glass. Grimbledung moved to the other side of the wands away from the detritus. “Well, if that doesn’t work for you. How about the wand and two gold coins?” He tried hopefully. Usually when people bartered they asked for less. For some reason this Gnome was trying to get him to take more for the wands than he really wanted. Not wanting to offend the Gnome, he tried what he hoped was a reasonable price.
Unknown to Grimbledung, the man had been bewitched several years ago to be overly agreeable by a town Wizard who was trying to get him to live in any town but the one that he was currently in. There was a large collection taken to get the- as he was known- “Disagreeable man who lives in our sewers and gives us the willies” to go elsewhere. The Wizard took the sizeable fee, cast an Agreeability Spell on the man and then suggested he live elsewhere. Since then, the man was agreeable in a personal sense but still, unfortunately, disagreeable in an olfactory sense.
He tended to move a lot.
Of course the man’s entire situation would be reversed if someone suggested “Why don’t you move out of the sewers?” Instead of “why don’t you go live in someone else’s sewers.” Unfortunately, it would actually be decades before someone made that slightly different -yet significant- suggestion.
Kicking himself for the blunder, Grimbledung agreed immediately, “Sure thing! That sounds great. If you find any more, bring them here. We’ll trade other wands for them. And a little gold too. That sounds great.” He kicked himself again as he tried to stop his babbling. “How does that sound?” He finished.
“Very agreeable to me,” said the Human. Because it was.
The two exchanged the coins (Grimbledung at arm’s length) and the Water Wand (via a short toss) and the man left.
Drimblerod shook his head as he helped another customer. Even at the pace he was going, he would have to help another ten customers to equal the coins Grimbledung just made off his one unusual customer. He turned and looked ahead. There was an Orc standing at the counter. A familiar looking Orc. “Yes, can I help you?”
“Yeah. I gots a wand.” He held up a polished light- wood wand with a neatly wrapped leather handle. “Here.”
Drimblerod nodded. Again. “Another Traveler’s Emberstick?”
The Orc grunted.
Hoping to skip any haggling, Drimblerod reached into his belt pouch.
The Orc grunted again. “You give coins for wand?”
“Sure, how about two nice shiny copper coins?” Drimblerod said. Again.
The Orc snorted and put the wand on the counter. “Sure.”
“Well, it has been very nice...” Drimblerod stopped himself. “Sorry, I have to ask. Where did you get this wand?”
The Orc jabbed a thumb towards the window of the shop. “Found it out there.”
Drimblerod looked at the window. There was a disheveled Human peering through it back at him. The man’s shirt was ripped and he was squinting as if his eye were beginning to swell. “Found it?”
“Yeah.” The Orc snorted. It started to turn into a laugh, but he caught himself.
“OK, Mister Orc. The only wands we’d be interested in buying are ones you find...”
“Found that one,” interrupted the Orc testily.
“... on the ground or someplace that isn’t with someone else. Or that you threatened to get them to hand it to you.”
The Orc glanced over his shoulder at the window. The man ducked down.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. So you don’t get any coins for this wand.”
The Orc narrowed his eyes. “Really?” He looked back over his shoulder.
Drimblerod looked past the Orc at the man crouched down at the window.
“Well, since it’s your first time. It is your first time, right?”
“For what?”
Drimblerod shook his head, “Never mind. Here’s a copper coin. Go get yourself a drink.”
Drimblerod flipped a copper coin at the Orc. He caught it with one hand and examined i
t. “This less than last time.”
“Sure. It’s a one for two sale. If you bring in a third, you’ll owe me a copper coin so I don’t recommend you doing that.”
The Orc squinted at the coin. “Yeah. Dat make sense.” He turned and with another curt nod, left the shop. Again.
As he exited the door, Drimblerod gestured to the man still crouched down and peering into the window. He held up his money pouch and shook it.
The man’s eyes got large. Even the one that was previously squinted. The man looked down the street- ostensibly to see if the Orc was looking or not. Seeing that it was safe, he stood and moved quickly into the shop and to the counter. “That Orc’s none to pleasant.”
Drimblerod nodded, “Most of them aren’t. Sorry for the trouble. Here’s the two copper that wand would have gotten you.”
The man nodded as he took the coins. “Thanks Mister Gnome. That’s mighty agreeable of you.”
“It’s the least I can do.” With a wave, he turned to find another customer. Hoping that the obviously beaten up one left before he spooked anyone.
The man returned the wave and left the shop. When he got to the street, he looked left and right, then went left. After a few paces, he came to an alleyway. He turned into it and ran into the Orc.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Crank,” answered the man.
“That work?”
The man nodded. “Told you it would. Let’s go get some drinks.”
“Yeah” agreed Crank. “Sounds good.”
The Very Last Bit of Chapter Thirty Six
- Really-
Business was brisk in the shop. A good number of people came in to buy wands, and almost half that many came in to sell them. The till was getting pleasantly full. “This till is getting pleasantly full,” said Grimbledung as he peered into it. He had no idea how much money it was, but it was more than he had seen in one place since the several-days-in-one incident.
“Let’s help this last customer then shut down for the day. We need to celebrate.” Drimblerod nodded at the lone figure that stood dead still in the center of the shop. It wore a cloak that fell to a mere hair’s breadth from the floor- tailored to perfection. The hood, pulled over its head, completely shrouded its features. Its hands were crossed in an imposing manner.
“Can we help you?” Offered Grimbledung.
The Figure shook its head solemnly. “No, you cannot. It is I who can help you, Gnome.” It said ‘Gnome’ with a reverence that neither Grimbledung nor Drimblerod had ever heard. In fact, its booming bass voice made everything sound reverent. “I have a wand to sell.” The figure stopped all movement for several seconds. “You,” it finished. The Figure still had not moved closer to the counter.
“Well let’s see it.” Drimblerod was unsure of how to address The Figure, “Sir,” he guessed. “We’re anxious to see what you have for sale.” He tapped his fingers on the counter- window lickers had jaded him above and beyond the normal level of jadedness that being a Gnome entailed. When it came to mysterious hooded figures, his past experiences had taught him they were, for all intents and purposes, mostly nuts.
With a flourish the man pulled out a gnarled wand, bent and twisted so much it had a complete loop in it.
“This ... is ... the ... wand. For you.”
Both Gnomes looked at it in awe. It was a beautifully constructed wand of some ancient root. It was polished to where it caught the light of the lanterns, it seemed to glow. The hilt (what they could see of it) was wrapped in some dark leather. Mounted in the base of the hilt was a red stone. As red as the sun before it set behind the mountains of Orcistan. As red as rubies floating in blood. RED. It glowed a red like the breath of a dragon at five paces. GLOWING RED.
“That there is a nice looking wand,” said Grimbledung as he leaned over the counter to get a closer look at it. The Figure was still in the middle of the room.
Drimblerod was still wary and as such, did not lean forward. “Yeah, nice wand,” he said noncommittally. Even if he did buy the wand, he wanted to make sure it was for the least amount of coins possible- ambivalence helped that happen.
“That is it.” His words rumbled out of him like the frequent earthquakes on the Nearly Flat Plains. “That it is.” He repeated for emphasis. It was not necessary.
No one spoke for several moments. Finally, Drimblerod, wariness transforming to annoyance (and a bit of hungriness) broke the silence. “So what’s it do, Stranger?”
“Do?” Rumbled the figure. “Why, it does whatever you want it to.” He raised the wand slowly, “This wand will do everything and anything.”
Both Grimbledung and Drimblerod looked at the wand- which still was several paces away. There were rumors and even folk tales of ancient, all powerful wands that were able to produce most any variety of magic. Elderly Wands, they were called. Wands used to control other wands, wielded by all- powerful Wizards or Witches. Wands that could topple entire empires, win wars, vanquish gods even. Powerful stuff.
Drimblerod still was not impressed. “Great. So give us a little demonstration.” Unimpressed did not however mean completely disbelieving- “Maybe something small and non-destructive if at all possible.”
“What? Here? Inside you mean?” Boomed the figure, “that would not be wise, good Gnome.” The figure lowered the wand to his side and as he did, turned it slightly so that the Gnomes could see the glowing orb in his hilt. The figure’s side was bathed in a deep crimson glow.
“So how do we know what it is worth if we don’t know what it does?” Asked Grimbledung innocently.
“That is a good question from my partner,” added Drimblerod as he peered at the Figure. Within him, warning bells were being brought out, ready for use.
The figure laughed deeply. It sounded like the laughter came from a full grown Mountain Ogre. “Yes. Yes. That is a good question, kind Gnomes.” The Figure turned his head from Grimbledung to Drimblerod and back. “I shall help you with that problem.” The Figure gave a small bow. As he did, he shifted unnaturally backwards. Only Drimblerod noticed. Several more warning bells were brought out and placed with the others in his mind. It was a three-part-harmony warning bell choir that Drimblerod kept in his head.
“How?” Drimblerod asked as he mentally picked up two of the bells. He was preparing to whack them against the others on the counter of his mind.
“I shall tell you what it is worth,” the Figure said as he once again raised the wand. It twisted it in the light to catch the light. “After all, I know its value.”
One of the warning bells in Drimblerod’s head began clanging. The rest joined in soon after. “But ...” He began, “what does it do, this wand of yours.”
The Figure straightened up, “Any and all manner of Magic, as I said before” rumbled out of the figure.
Grimbledung clapped. “Sounds great! What do you wa .... OUCH!” He was cut off as Drimblerod stomped on his foot.
“What my partner meant to say was, is that thing even Magicked?” His patience had run out and his warning bells were now accompanied by angry bells. Lots of them. “What’s that thing do? Let me see it do it and we’ll talk price. Otherwise I’m going to get something to eat.” The Annoyed Bells had joined in the cacophony. Even a dinner bell had come out to ensure that his stomach was represented in the clamoring. Drimblerod stared at the figure over the din. It was still looking towards Grimbledung. Strange.
The Figure shuddered. Again- unnaturally. “Demands from you? Your highest achievement, Gnome” it began (this time, ‘Gnome’ was not said in a revered way), “was to turn over a log and eat the grubs under it. Mine was to create this wand!” The figure boomed in its deepest bass voice yet. At the end was a slight cough. Very strange.
“Well me and my belly full of grubs will only offer two silver for it.”
“WHAT?” Bellowed the Figure. It sounded like a thunderclap. Drimblerod leaned over the counter, “It’s a stick, isn’t it,” he said flatly.
“This is an all-p
owerful wand that with the proper imbuing will accomplish all matter of Magic!” The voice wavered this time.
In a flash Drimblerod had his wand out, “Use it or I’ll use mine.” The wand gave a hearty Ka-Clack sound to show that he meant business. A standard purple globule of energy began to form at the end of the wand.
The figure raised the wand and pointed it at Grimbledung who promptly ducked. “TWO GOLD COINS!” It bellowed.
The globule was now the size of Drimblerod’s head and attached to the end of the wand by a thin purple tendril. He raised the wand and swung it over his head in a circle. The globule whipped on the tendril. It looked like a magical Morning Star. “I’ll count to three!” Drimblerod lowered his wand. The globule disappeared immediately. “Wait, did you say with the proper imbuing?”
The figure hesitated. Finally, it looked towards Drimblerod. “Yes?” It offered.
“It’s blank? Then it’s a stick then. A wand without any imbuing is a stick. It’s a stick.” Drimblerod jabbed his wand at the figure, “Trip!” He commanded. The Figure leaned backwards, then forwards as he tried to maintain his balance.
Unable to do so, he fell sideways. When he hit the ground, he split in half. Cloak and all.
“Well I’m dashed, Drimblerod! You didn’t have to cut him in half!” Exclaimed Grimbledung. “That’s gonna get us in trouble. We need a mop and a bucket.” He moved around the counter to the two still moving halves of the figure. Very, very strange. And a bit disturbing. “That’s a bit disturbing, and I don’t mind repeating, very strange.”
“It wasn’t me,” said Drimblerod as he followed his partner around the counter. He moved to the bottom half of the figure. It sat up and a Gnome head popped out of the cloak.
“Whadda ya tryin’ tado? Kill me?” The Gnome that was the top half of the figure complained.
“Now that you mention it, that thought did just cross my mind,” said Drimblerod. He raised his wand, “Get out of our shoppe.”
They Were The Best of Gnomes, They Were The Worst of Gnomes (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 1) Page 28