Zelah clamped her lips closed upon the angry retort that rose within her and with a slight nod she moved off, inwardly seething.
Disinclined to join the others, she moved to the piano on the pretext of tidying the pile of music, but Dominic soon followed, carrying two glasses of wine. He held one out to her.
‘You look troubled. I am sorry if you did not wish me to stay. I merely came to pay my respects to your sister and see how Nicky goes on.’
The roughness of his tone rubbed at her raw nerves.
‘Your presence does not trouble me.’ She forced herself to smile. ‘I have a headache. The weather...’
Her gaze shifted to Tim Lerryn, who had come up. She kept the smile fixed on her lips as she hid her dismay at his interruption.
‘Poor Zelah never could endure thunder. The storm this afternoon was particularly bad, was it not? However, the sky is clearing now and I am in hopes that the weather will improve for the remainder of my visit.’
‘How long are you staying in Lesserton?’ Dominic enquired.
‘Oh, a few days more, at least. Having caught up with my friends again we have a great deal to talk about, do we not, my dear?’
Zelah felt her cheeks burn with anger and embarrassment at his familiar tone. She dare not risk her voice, so she turned her attention to straightening the sleeve of her gown.
‘I shall not see much of them tomorrow, I fear,’ Timothy continued. ‘Mrs Buckland tells me the family are joining you at Rooks Tower for your summer ball, Major Coale. I hope the weather holds for you.’
‘You are welcome to join us for the dancing, if you wish, Mr Lerryn. My sister has already sent out all the invitations, but I will see to it you are not turned away if you present yourself at the door.’
Zelah froze.
‘Why, that is exceedingly kind of you, sir, most obliging, is it not, Zelah?’ Timothy beamed with pleasure. ‘It means I shall have the opportunity to dance with you again, my dear. By heaven, that will bring back some memories, eh?’
She murmured something incoherent. After listening to Timothy repeat his gratitude, Dominic gave a little nod and walked away. He exchanged a few words with Maria and took his leave. Beside her, Timothy expelled a hissing breath.
‘Dashed ugly brute, ain’t he? Didn’t know where to look when we was first introduced, my eyes kept going back to that damned scar.’
‘One hardly notices it after a while.’
‘You might not, but others will, take my word for it. I heard about this Major Coale of yours in Lesserton. Allowing villagers grazing rights, letting them forage in his woods—trying to buy his way into their favours, I don’t doubt.’
‘You know nothing about him,’ snapped Zelah.
His brows rose. ‘Oho, and you do? I hope you are not growing too attached to the Major, my dear. He won’t be interested in the likes of you, at least not in any honourable way.’ He leaned closer. ‘Better to let me look after you...’
She hunched a shoulder and turned away, just as Reginald came up to escort her to dinner. Zelah placed her fingers on his arm, steeling herself for an interminable evening.
* * *
‘Ah. I did not expect to see you here today, Miss Pentewan.’
Zelah looked up as Dominic strode into the library. His formal address did not escape her notice. After Timothy’s remarks yesterday perhaps it was for the best. She could be formal, too.
‘Good morning, Major Coale. I wanted to finish listing the books on mathematics today. I understood you and your guests were going riding, so the library would be empty.’
He spread his hands, looking down at the buckskins. She wished he had not drawn her attention to them, for they clung to his powerful thighs in a way that made her feel quite weak. ‘I am dressed for riding, as you see. I was on my way to the stables when I heard a noise in here and came to investigate. Your devotion to your work is admirable, but it is the summer ball this evening.’
‘I am aware of it. My sister is bringing my ball gown. I shall go upstairs and change when she arrives.’ She was quick to note his frowning look and added, ‘Mrs Hensley has no objection to my working here today.’
‘Hmm.’ The major walked over to the window while Zelah continued to pull the books off the shelf. She was about to take them upstairs to the tower room when he spoke again. ‘I thought you would spend the day with your friend Mr Lerryn.’
She stopped. ‘Mr Lerryn is not my friend.’
‘Oh?’ He turned to face her. ‘I thought he was damned friendly towards you yesterday.’
‘Mr Lerryn is an old acquaintance, nothing more. He is a married man.’
‘Married! His behaviour towards you did not give me that impression.’
Zelah had no answer to that. Silently she started towards the door. In two strides he had crossed the room and blocked her way.
‘And you were not exactly spurning his advances.’
The accusation hurt her, but she could not deny it. She merely gave him a scorching look and went to walk past him. He caught her arm.
‘Let me warn you to be careful, madam. I’ll not have an employee of mine embroiled in a scandal.’
Her face flamed. Anger, indignation and dismay warred within her breast. Silently she shook off his arm and stalked off. Only when she reached the seclusion of the tower room did she allow her self-possession to crumble. She dropped the books on to the desk and sank down on the chair, shaking.
Scandal.
How could it be avoided? If she allowed Timothy Lerryn to dance with her, to flirt with her this evening, she risked Dominic’s wrath, possibly even dismissal. If she followed her inclination and refused to have anything to do with him, she knew Timothy would not hesitate to make her past known to everyone.
* * *
She tried to get on with her work, doggedly listing details of each book in her ledger, but Dominic’s uncompromising words kept coming back to her. He would not tolerate a scandal. Perhaps she should not go to the ball, but then Dominic would know she was avoiding Timothy Lerryn and draw his own conclusions. Even worse, Timothy might decide he had nothing to lose by exposing her. At length she admitted defeat, put down her pen and dropped her head in her hands. Whatever happened she was ruined.
Eventually the heat roused her from her reverie and she went to open the window, looking down at the gardens shimmering in the summer heat, while beyond the park she could see the ragged outline of the moor, bare but majestic above the trees. She stared about her, trying to memorise every detail. It might be the last time she ever enjoyed this view. She had been a fool to think the past could be so easily left behind.
A party of riders crossed the park, cantering towards the house. Dominic was easily recognisable on his grey mare and she spotted Sally Hensley beside him, tall and elegant in the saddle. The rest of the party were the relatives and friends invited to stay for the summer ball and she knew none of them. Zelah had begged Sally to wait until this evening’s dinner to introduce her, not wanting the other guests to see her in her role as librarian. Now her caution seemed laughable. If she did not dance to Tim Lerryn’s tune, then they would soon know her as something far worse and how embarrassing that would be for Dominic, when he discovered she had deceived him.
Yesterday Dominic had asked her to cry friends with him. What sort of friend was it that kept secrets? She squared her shoulders. What was it her father had always said? Tell the truth and shame the devil. If Dominic was to learn the truth about her, then she would tell him herself.
She ran down the stairs and made her way to the great hall, where the riding party was milling around, chattering and laughing. As she hoped, no one spared a second glance for the dowdy little figure in her grey gown and linen apron hovering in the doorway of the yellow salon, but she managed to catch Dominic’s eye. With a word here, a smile there, he left his guests and made his way across the hall. It occurred to her that he looked very much at home amongst his friends. He was no longer the surly recluse she h
ad first met. Surely she could take some credit for that? The thought gave her courage as he approached, even though his eyes were as hard and cold as the stone on the moor.
‘If I might beg a word with you, Major?’
He did not disappoint her. With a slight nod he led her to his study.
‘Well?’ He closed the door, shutting out the laughing, chattering crowd. ‘I perceive it must be important for you to come down from your eyrie to seek me out.’
‘It is.’ She dared not stop to think of the consequences now.
‘Then will you not sit down?’
He gestured to the armchair beside the empty fireplace and once she was seated he pulled up a chair to face her. She would have preferred him to keep his distance, to stand over her, looking down in judgement like some omnipotent deity.
‘You said this morning that you would not countenance a scandal.’ She looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. ‘Before I sit at your table for dinner tonight there is something you should know about me.’ She stopped. How would he react? Would he have her escorted from the house immediately? ‘I wanted to tell you about myself, before you heard it from anyone else.’
He sat back in his chair. ‘Then tell me.’ His expression was cold, his tone indifferent. Her courage faltered. He said brusquely, ‘Go on.’
Zelah’s hands were clasped so tightly her knuckles went white. There was no going back now.
‘There was a man, in Cardinham. He called himself a gentleman. He was handsome and so very, very charming. I suppose I was flattered by his attentions.’ She screwed up her courage to continue. ‘When he said he would marry me I believed him. I allowed him to...to bed me. It happened only once, but that was enough to get me with child.’
‘And then I suppose he disowned you.’
His dispassionate tone made it easier for her to continue.
‘Yes. My parents were deeply hurt, but they refused to abandon me, even though I would not tell them who the father was. I thought it best that everyone should think it was a stranger, a traveller from the annual fair that passed through our town each summer. I wanted no repercussions. It was my mistake and I would suffer the consequences. I was sent away to live with an aunt until my confinement.’
She stopped. She felt physically sick, but there would be no relief until she had finished her story.
‘The baby was stillborn—a just punishment for my wickedness, I suppose. After a period of recuperation I returned to Cardinham. Everyone was told I had gone away for my health, but you know what villages are, I doubt if anyone really believed that. There were sly glances, whispers. No possibility of finding work with any local family.’ She risked a quick glance at him. He had not moved, his face remained inscrutable. ‘Reginald met Maria while she was on a visit to Bath two years ago and married her immediately. He knows my...unfortunate history, but he is very good and agreed to my coming to live with them for a short while. I hoped I would be able to make a new life for myself. I thought I could be respectable.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I am respectable. That is why, when you kissed me yesterday, I could not let it go on.’
The silence that followed was unnerving. She dared not look up again, but threaded her handkerchief through her fingers, over and over.
‘And why are you telling me this now? Ah, but you said, did you not, someone else is likely to tell me?’
‘Yes.’
‘Mr Lerryn.’
‘Yes.’
‘He was your lover.’
She flinched. ‘How did you know?’
‘From what you told me this morning, and what I observed yesterday. He has threatened to expose you, I suppose?’
She flushed. He made it sound so sordid. ‘Yes.’
He rose and paced the room once, twice. Zelah remained in her seat, her head bowed. He said abruptly, ‘Do you still love him?’
‘No. I doubt if I ever did. It was a foolish infatuation. I was very young and he was very...experienced.’
‘What does he want for his silence?’
‘My...co-operation.’
His angry snort told her he knew just what that would involve.
‘Damnation, if I had known I would not have invited him to come here this evening.’
She raised her head. ‘Why did you invite him?’
He scowled. ‘Your sister wants you to marry, and I, too, consider it would be the best thing for you,’ he said bluntly. ‘I thought...Lerryn seemed to be keen to fix his interest with you. I did not know yesterday that he was married!’
Zelah stared at him. ‘So you thought to promote his suit?’
‘And why not? He is a squire’s son.’
A cold hand wrapped itself around her heart. She jumped to her feet. ‘Oh, why is everyone so keen to marry me off?’
‘Because it would be a better future for you than a governess. Good God, there is no knowing what might befall you. Believe me, I know this world. There are many men, outwardly respectable, who would not hesitate to seduce a servant. If you marry a man of means you will have the protection of his name, servants, a carriage. A family.’
‘No.’ She shook her head, tears starting to her eyes.
He caught her arms. ‘So you have been hurt once and lost a baby, but that need not be the end. There are other men than Lerryn. Good men.’ His grip tightened.
She closed her eyes, but the tears squeezed out and made hot tracks down her cheeks. She heard him sigh. He put one arm about her shoulders, holding her to him while he pulled a clean white handkerchief from his pocket.
‘You should not be anyone’s drudge, Zelah.’ He wiped her cheeks gently. ‘You should be respected, loved.’
He put his fingers under her chin and forced her to look up at him. His grey eyes were no longer hard rock, but something hotter, darker. Her head was thrown back against his arm, he had only to lower his head and their lips would meet. Her heart was beating such a heavy tattoo she thought he must hear it. Her breasts had tightened and ached for his touch. She placed her hand on his chest and felt the powerful thud of his own heart against her palm. With sudden, startling clarity she knew she wanted him to kiss her, more than anything in the world.
‘No.’ The heat faded from his eyes. Gently he released her.
Unable to speak, she watched him walk away from her, his shoulders straight, his back rigidly upright as he continued. ‘You need not fear Lerryn. I will not turn him away tonight, that would give rise to the type of gossip we are trying to avoid, but I will make sure he does not trouble you. Now, I have detained you long enough. It wants but a few hours to dinner, so I suggest you finish your work. I have given orders that the library is to be opened to my guests tonight, so perhaps you will make sure it is looking its best before you go off to change your gown.’
He turned back, smiling, urbane, his face shuttered. She was dismissed.
Chapter Twelve
Zelah made her way back to the library. She kept her head up as she passed through the salon where an army of servants were fitting fresh candles to the chandeliers and polishing the mirrors. The carpet had already been rolled away and the floor cleared for dancing. The double doors to the library would be thrown open once the ball commenced, but now she closed them, preferring to be alone with her thoughts. Not that they were very coherent. Dominic would protect her from Timothy Lerryn’s threats, she was sure, but he had made it plain that he had no interest in her. She had known that all along, of course. He liked her, he respected her work and he was anxious for her happiness, which he thought would be best achieved by marriage. To someone else. In all likelihood he was right, but this foolish heart of hers had decided otherwise, and Zelah knew that if she could not have Dominic Coale she would have no one.
‘Well, you had your plans, you were determined to earn your own living.’ She spoke aloud as she walked around the empty library. ‘You should be happy. Nothing has changed.’
But in her heart Zelah knew that nothing could ever be the same again.
A burst of laughter from the salon reminded her of the servants next door. She hurried off to the tower room, where she made a few last entries into the ledger and began gathering together the books to be returned to the library. She was soon joined by a harassed-looking Hannah bearing a tray.
‘Mrs Graddon thought you might like some lemonade, miss, seeing as how she has made plenty for this evening.’ She wiped her hand across her brow. ‘My, ’tis hot, miss. I’ve opened the windows in the library, to let in some air.’
‘Thank you, this is very welcome.’ Zelah took the lemonade and sipped it. ‘This must be a great upheaval for you, after living so quietly.’
‘Aye, it’s all at sixes and sevens. We have hired more girls from the village, though, the master insisting that Mrs Graddon should have all the help she needs, as well as the grand French chef who is come down from Lunnon to take over the kitchen. But ’tis good to see the master taking his rightful place,’ Hannah continued. ‘And I hear that Master Nicky is coming to stay and his little brother, too, so I hopes I might be allowed to wait on them, dear little mites.’
She bustled away, leaving Zelah feeling slightly more cheerful. There was a definite buzz of excitement around Rooks Tower. The old house had come alive with so many people in residence.
Zelah took her empty glass back to the kitchens and begged a piece of lemon to clean the ink from her fingers. Once she had done that she checked the clock. There was a good hour yet before she needed to disappear and transform herself from employee to house guest and there were still a dozen or more books in the tower room that needed to be returned to the library. She ran to fetch them. She found it was still possible to lose herself in her work, matching up books, wondering if Ehret’s botanical prints should be placed beside the works of philosophy and science rather than with the book entitled Modern Voyages and Travels. As she straightened the volumes of Vitruvius Britannicus she remembered the paper she had found and wondered if it would prove useful to the villagers in fighting Sir Oswald Evanshaw’s claims.
Sir Oswald would be at the ball that evening. Zelah had been present when Sally and Dominic had discussed it. Zelah remembered how flattered she had been when Dominic asked her what she thought. She had agreed with Sally that it would be impolitic to exclude him.
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