by Shae Black
It’s ironic that our rolls have been reversed, and actually I’m worrying for 3 now, the two of his current personalities and myself. Beautiful Italian countryside speeds past as I stare out my window, I see it with my eyes but the scenic picturesqueness doesn’t register with my brain. And then it starts…I have no idea where we are, I’ve never traveled these roads before but out of nowhere that feeling begins inside of me, the thread that ties us together pulls at me the closer in proximity that we become.
There is a full on buzzing happening inside of me when we pull in the driveway of a rather drab run down cottage, my God this is where it all began. The insane torture and neglect of twin children left in the hands of their mentally ill mother by a father in severe denial of her condition and his children's abuse. A wave of nausea hits me and I take a painful step from the car, my feet sting but my neck is beginning to really hurt. I remind myself though that injures always feel worse before they improve so I try to ignore it and press on.
Elena reaches for my hand with a familiarity that we’ve not shared until now but I see she senses the difficulty of the moment. Marcus did try to kill me today after all. I wonder if she thinks as I do that he blacked out when he attacked me. Maybe this isn’t far from normal behavior for her brother, he did used to be known as The Beast. I don’t care what anyone thinks, I realize as I grab onto her hand anxious and grateful for the comfort of her warm fingers wrapped around mine. The wind whips up blowing Elena’s ponytail into my face as we crunch along the gravel path to the front door.
The door is purple…just like his front door in Seattle. Good God this is a fucked up family, how could he possible want to be reminded of this place? Stepping into the living room I’m instantly warmed by a blast of heat, well at least they have more than a fire place heating this house. A clock ticks loudly on the wall but other than that the house is still and silent until I nearly jump out of my skin when an unexpected fur ball nudges the back of my calf meowing loudly.
“Oh!” I say in my barely there voice, more like a loud sudden whisper now. I’ve truly lost the ability to speak and that concerns me.
“Murray, leave her alone, you scared Imani. She’s our guest now be nice.” Elena scolds as I lean over to scratch my new friend on the head, having a veterinarian as a father has made me a natural animal lover. The silky black kitty purrs like a loud motorbike and continues to nudge for more attention. “Sorry Imani, I’ll take him for you, he’ll drive you mad begging for attention now that he knows you like him.” I shake my head no and mouth the words “It’s ok” to her and she lets Murray be.
Dr. Bava moves to take Elena’s coat and then mine, hanging them in a closet automatically as if he’s done it a thousand times, maybe he has. I hold up my hands to the two of them palms up shrugging with a little look left to right attempting to say “So…where is he?” “This way.” Elena says but first she pauses and turns to me “You’re sure about this? I can stay with you and so will Enrique if you really want to do this.” I nod yes and we continue, her clicking and me clomping in my rubber boots down a short dull hallway to a door on the end.
The house smells of fresh linen and is neat and tidy but an air of doom and gloom hangs in the air. Maybe it’s because I know this is a place of deep pain for two people I care about. She reaches into the pocket of her jeans and flashes one more look at me, again I nod yes and she unlocks the door, he’s been locked in from the outside. Taking a tentative step inside, without even looking around she points to the opposite wall of the room to another closed door. “In the closet.” She says in a barely audible voice and I’m stunned.
I narrow my eyes in confusion but in my mind I’m thinking “What the fuck?” I look at the door and back to her. Then I remember him telling me when he was little his mother would lock both of them in the closet to pray to unknown gods and starve them. Fucking hell I hate this. I’m drawn to the door though nothing can keep us apart. We share two halves of the same heart. No sound comes from behind the door as I place my hand on the dingy brass knob and pause.
Am I ready for this? To see him? Am I prepared to deal with whoever lies behind this door? The answer is a resounding yes and I slowly open the old creaky wooden door. The closet is tiny Marcus fills the space completely. He's unmoving, kneeling back on his haunches, eyes closed and holding the crucifix that always hangs from his neck. This is the man I saw in the airplane when I thought I was dreaming. All the physical pain in my body evaporates at the sight of him and soul gripping emotional pain takes its place. My breath huffs out and I tilt my head back and look at the ceiling…I can’t see this, I don’t want to see this, but for him I have to.
Huge hot tears spring from my eyes when I return my gaze to him, they stream down my cheeks and splatter on the floor next to Marcus. Still as stone he doesn’t even acknowledge the door opening or the light flooding into the tiny closet. I kneel and reach for him, lightly, cautiously touching his arm. I’m still afraid of who it is exactly that I’m dealing with right now but the atmosphere in the room feels like my Marcus, the air is charged with pain and sorrow, not evil and hatred.
He turns his face to me opening his glassy eyes; confusion, recognition and shock overwhelm him. I count one beat of my heart, two, and three before he speaks. “Why are you here? Stay away from me Imani…why, why did you come?” he says shaking his head back and forth, despondence twisting his beautiful face. I answer as simply as I possibly can without words, by laying my palm on my heart and then reaching slowly to do the same on his. Message relayed.
His head falls, chin to his chest and the pain on his face twists further. I’m sure this is not the dangerous Marcus now so I scoot into the closet and wrap my arms around his shoulders, burying my face into his neck. I cry, and he cries but he makes no attempt to return the embrace. “We can not be together now Imani, I won’t risk hurting you. Please, please say you will go home. I don’t know how we can do it, I can hardly take a breath without you but I will not risk hurting you again. I don’t remember, I don’t remember, baby I don’t…” I shush him and weave my fingers through his hair pulling it back to look him straight in those ultra-bright green eyes that are so dim and desolate today.
I can’t talk but my eyes speak volumes, he can’t hold back any longer. His arms circle my waist and pull me against his chest. He squeezes me so tight my lungs are wrung of air. Clinging to each other in his childhood jail cell we try to solve a seemingly unsolvable problem. One thing is absolutely as clear as glass to me now, we need help, and fast.
Chapter 9
“Can you talk?” he whispers into my neck and while nuzzled into his, I shake my head to answer no. His arms tighten around me again and every muscle in his body pulls taught. With me in his arms he rises as if he hadn’t been kneeling for hours and carries me out of the closet into the bedroom. My legs were stiff and numb after squatting in the tub all afternoon; I don’t know how he does it. Marcus had a lot of practice kneeling for hours, a childhood full to be exact. We cross the room to a small full sized bed where he pulls back the duvet with the hand that had been around my back.
Laying me gently on the bed he kneels once more on the floor next to me and rests his head on my chest. “I’ve not kneeled once since my mother died, not even before God during mass. But since I’ve met you Imani it seems I belong on my knees, I don’t deserve you. I’m a terrible man. I’ve done things that would make you physically ill. Look at you, I nearly killed you today, even if I don’t remember doing it. You’re in danger baby and I can’t stand by and allow this to happen again.”
I take his head in my hands and lift his face to mine giving him my best “Hell No” look but he’s not having it. I wiggle and take the tiny notepad from my back pocket while he moves away from me. No pen, damn…I make a writing motion over the paper and he understands what I need. Turning to the tiny bedside table and opening a drawer he passes me a pencil.
I came for you, I’m not leaving, ever. I need a test at the hospital, CT s
can, sound familiar? I show him the paper. “You do? Imani God are you ok? Why didn’t you let them take you to the hospital? I’m getting Elena.” He begins to stand to walk away but I catch his sleeve and pull his attention back to me. No, I don’t want it. I write. “Well I don’t care, you’re having it, let’s go.” He reaches for me and I scoot away. I write again, preparing myself to use his own manipulation tactics against him. I won’t go unless you go too; I want a million opinions on having that tumor removed. He reaches across the bed and removes the notebook from my hands without reading it, fuck that’s not how this was supposed to go, he needs to read it! He lays it face down on the table and moves to the end of the bed.
I watch pissed but curious as he begins removing my borrowed boots, pausing when he sees the bandages that are protecting my bleeding feet he turns his head away and closes his eyes sighing before placing the boots together neatly on the floor. He easily tugs me to the center of the bed and begins removing my jeans. What the hell is he doing? We are both in severe need of medical attention and he’s thinking of sex? I scowl at him but he’s not deterred, a little surprised by my lack of undergarments though I can tell.
When I’m naked he covers me and starts removing his own clothes. As insane as this all is I can’t move, a spell has been cast and neither of us is in control. A bubble of security surrounds us, protecting us from the shit storm of our lives. His eyes never leave mine as he removes all of his clothes, they are so full of pain and love it’s hard to know which one is greater.
Sliding between the sheets with ease and grace as I’ve recently learned is his norm. With every movement he makes he gathers me into his arms my back to his front, tangling his legs with mine. The heat from his body seeps into every pore of my skin and nothing in the universe matters. Marcus reaches for my still damp braid of hair that’s fallen between my breasts and slides the rubber band off the end. Working his hand to free my hair from the braid he spreads it out over my shoulder.
“You’re my angel sent straight from heaven to save me you know.” he says while he pushes closer against my back and purposely breaths me in. “At first I thought a merciful God must be attempting to save my soul with this last ditch effort, pulling out all the stops with you baby. But then I realized the irony of it all, I’m being punished not blessed…for every single horrible thing I’ve done in my life this is how I will pay. I’ve been given the greatest gift any human can be given, a soul mate, an epic pure love…you. But with a sick twisted glitch, this tumor is the very thing that helped bring us together and it will be the thing that separates us, one way or another in the end.
I squirm to get free and communicate with him, but he holds me closer, tighter. “I want to feel you one last time, memorize the way you smell of sweet cotton candy.” He inhales deeply. The way your hair feels sliding through my fingers. The curves of your body.” His hand trails down my arm and snakes over my hip to my belly stopping just below my navel. I’m caught between panic and desire, frozen in his arms I allow his torment to continue. His warm breath at my hairline on the back of my neck and then his kiss. “The sweet taste of your skin on my lips.”
I shudder as he traces my spine with his tongue to the small of my back and his hand roams up to my breast tracing my nipple my body liquefies beneath him, my head spins as it does when I’m with Marcus and I feel faint. But I hold on…I want to enjoy this moment, soak it up because something tells me it will be the last time we are together alone like this for a while. I tuck my chin to my chest causing my hair to cover my face as Marcus peppers my entire body with soft warm kisses until he reaches my feet when he rolls me to my back.
“How did this happen?” He says in such a deep voice I hardly recognize it, he’s upset and I can’t answer him. I place my hand over my throat to remind him we can’t talk about this and he bows his head. This isn’t happening, I’m not wasting this precious time we have together watching him suffer with guilt about what can’t be undone. I sit up and take his hands from my feet and pull him over me feeling his thick hard cock pressed against my tummy. A familiar electric jolt brings my battered body back to life.
Straddling me he props up on his elbows and smoothes my hair back off of my face, tucking both sides behind my ears and feathers his thumbs over my forehead, cheeks and finally my eyelids and I feel what he wants. I close my eyes and his lips meet mine. So much love can be relayed through a kiss and I feel it flowing between us now, his masterful tongue caressing mine, kisses inside of kisses he gives me everything, all of him, he is mine and I am his. “Keep your eyes closed.” he whispers pulling away and I mourn the loss of his mouth on mine instantly but I can’t protest with a moan or a whimper so I obey and wait.
My heart is pounding as he laces his fingers with mine and takes his kisses on a journey away from my mouth, down my neck pausing for only a moment to show attention to each breast, tracing my nipples with his tongue and softly biting I arch my back into him. He continues down my belly…I’m so lost in this dreamy world I’ve forgotten my period and I tense when he reaches ground zero. “Relax, I know. This is for you baby…all for you.”
I don’t even get a chance to open my eyes before his hands release mine and he slides them under my ass pulling my hips to his face he ignites a fire there I can’t imagine living without. He worships my clit with his tongue, circling and sucking, I dig my nails into his thighs while my body absorbs every ounce of pleasure and my orgasm builds. I feel my voice trying to call out but it’s only a whisper when the explosion hits and I come so hard over and over my body pulses for him, arches into him releasing all the tension that has been building for weeks.
I turn it all over to him in the most intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced. Legs draped over his shoulders he continues to hold me while I recover and open my eyes, sated and melting I allow myself to fully relax and look at this man that clearly adores me. His trademark subtle smirk tugs at one corner of his mouth and I know he’s ok…for now anyway…we’re both ok.
Chapter 10
No words are spoken, although I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. Marcus silently and gently, dresses me. He stops after he has my jeans buttoned to search my eyes for something, forgiveness maybe, devotion, love? I gaze back trying like hell to give him what he wants, I do love him, I’m wholeheartedly devoted and forgiveness isn’t necessary, my Marcus hasn’t done anything wrong.
Finally when he slides the clunky boots on my feet making a disgusted face I smile at him, he’s hating these rubber polka dot boots, he’s my sexy shoe man. “These are hideous you know?” he says while crouching between my legs. Sitting on the edge of the bed hands on my knees, I’m ready to go but first I point to the pad of paper on the night table so I can respond to him and he reaches for it, scanning my message from earlier that he ignored.
“Imani…I’ll go with you if that’s what it takes for you to be examined, but there is no sense in me speaking to anyone about my condition, the tumor is inoperable. You know it is.” Grabbing the notepad and pencil I write. So you’re giving up? You won’t fight for your life? For me? I shove it into his chest. He reads it and runs his fingers through his dark hair with frustration. “I’m not giving up Imani, go with me and I’ll prove it to you. I promise. I’ve never lied to you have I?”
Well, no, not that I know of anyway. How is he going to prove it to me? Damn he knows I have an incurable curious streak. I nod yes and he repeats the gesture while taking my hand to help me to my feet but I’m not on them for long. He sweeps me behind the knees and cradles me heading for the door. I’d tell him it wasn’t necessary to carry me if I could but the note pad is conveniently in his pocket now. His way of controlling the conversation, yep that’s my man, possessive, controlling and stubborn. But I love him, every insane, irritating, frustrating trait balances out perfectly with the way he cares for me, his never-ending generosity and yea he’s pretty easy on the eyes.
I make an effort to humph but no sound comes out just the puff of air from m
y nose and he looks down at me.” What? Something funny?” I roll my eyes, I can’t answer him but yea he’s funny all right, but not “Haha.” funny, more like “Wow I can’t believe this guy funny.” “Hmmm.” he squints his eyes looking more intensely at me. “This no talking thing is going to be challenging.” He says and I roll my eyes again but harder this time and he chuckles as we enter the living room where Elena and Dr. Bava are lounging by the fireplace drinking wine together on the couch.
Yea these two are an item, the chemistry between them is obvious now that I’m not so focused on my problems. Elena looks incredibly relieved when she catches sight of us. “Oh thank God, I thought you two would never come out of there.” she says with mock irritation, she’s happy her brother is out of that room full of bad history and I know it. “We need to go.” Right to the point, not much for small talk, no wonder he doesn’t have any friends. “Oh, ok so to the hospital?” She asks and scrambles to her feet with Dr. Bava close behind.
No answer from Marcus he’s a man of few words today but he is heard loud and clear just the same. His actions say it all. Standing me up for a moment he gathers our coats from the closet and helps me on with mine and scoops me back up heading out the front door with his sister and the good doctor scurrying to keep up. Marcus’s on a mission and nothing’s stopping him now.
I feel like a child the way he tends to me, buckling my seat belt and arranging me in the back seat next to him but what the hell can I do? My sassy smart mouth has been effectively silenced and it’s making me a little crazy. The ride to the hospital is much longer than the one between Aunt Angelica’s house and Marcus and Elena’s home. Marcus sits quietly, fingers laced with mine on the seat between us. He has his elbow propped against the window with his head resting on the back of his hand, deep in thought. I leave him be and let my own thoughts roam.