by Penny Jordan
Rafe clenched his even white teeth until she heard them grind—it wasn’t the most rational sound she’d ever heard.
‘Meaning any convenient body would have done as well as mine!’
‘Of course not!’ she responded indignantly. ‘I couldn’t possibly sleep with anyone else but you!’ she told him in a voice that throbbed with conviction.
Any male could be forgiven for looking slightly complacent when a woman made that sort of announcement—Tess suspected her candour was going to cost her dear this time.
Rafe visibly relaxed. If he didn’t actually preen himself, he came remarkably close. ‘Then that’s a good start.’
‘I meant that…’ Go on, Tess, what did you mean? ‘I’d have to stop sleeping with you before I…I…’ Until she’d actually put it into words, Tess hadn’t really given much thought to how hard the transition back to a less intimate relationship was going to be. The prospect was one of the most depressing scenarios she’d ever contemplated.
‘Move on to pastures new?’ he suggested delicately when her hoarse voice dried up completely. ‘I think on the whole that’s probably wise. It can be hell trying to keep too many balls up in the air at once.’
‘You’d know, I suppose,’ she choked.
‘I thought I’d already established that I’m strictly a monogamous sort of guy.’
Tess gave a soft moan of pure exasperation and tried to formulate a single sentence that would put paid for good to his flights of fancy. All she managed to come up with was rather weak and tremulous.
‘You know I can’t get married.’
He shook his head and ruthlessly pushed aside her objection. ‘I know you can’t have my children.’
It was true, but it hurt to hear him say it all the same. ‘It amounts to the same thing.’
‘Ben would be our family.’
There was something awfully seductive about his logic and his air of complete certainty.
‘Stop trying to hustle me, Farrar,’ she growled. ‘I know you want to thumb your nose at Edgar, but isn’t this going a bit far?’
Rafe didn’t deny her accusation, but then he wouldn’t because basically he was a decent, honest man. If he weren’t he would have been telling her the sort of things she wanted to hear—things such as he loved her—but he hadn’t.
‘It was only a little while ago you were going to marry someone else.’
‘That was entirely different.’
Of course it was; he’d loved her—still did. ‘Yes, I’m not already married.’
‘That really bothers you, doesn’t it?’
Tess bristled, resenting the implication her attitude was prudish. ‘Call me a freak—’
‘I wouldn’t do that—’
She loftily ignored his interruption, and found it harder to ignore the warmth in his eyes. The starch went out of her spine and she sighed.
‘Yes, as a matter of fact it does bother me. I happen to think that if you make vows you should stick by them. If you don’t…’
‘If you don’t, things like me happen.’ He met her confused look with a thin-lipped sardonic smile. ‘If it hadn’t been for marital infidelity I wouldn’t be here…but maybe you don’t think that would be a great loss?’ he teased. ‘I won’t cheat, if that’s what is bothering you, Tess, and I know ignorance is no defence in law, but I was sort of hoping you’d be a little more flexible? I honestly didn’t know Claudine was married when we met and when I did find out she swore to me her marriage was over in all but name.’
She’d sworn a lot of things that had turned out not to be true—things such as she wasn’t sleeping with her husband, she still loved Rafe, she just loved her husband as well, or, as it had turned out, more—and he’d believed them all because he’d wanted to believe them. He’d wanted to be needed, not just for his looks or his money, but needed for himself. It had finally got to the point where self-deception hadn’t worked any more.
‘And it wasn’t?’ Tess persisted masochistically. Nothing showed in his eyes but she had the impression a lot was going on behind that enigmatic façade.
‘She’s pregnant and it’s not mine. Does that answer your question?’
‘Are you sure?’ she blurted out without thinking.
‘My dear Tess, do you think I’d have had unprotected sex with you if there was the remotest possibility I could have passed anything to you?’ he asked her incredulously. ‘The baby is definitely not mine.’
‘Are you saying you’ve never not used…with anyone else…ever…?’ She’d been more articulate in her life but it seemed Rafe hadn’t had much problem following her.
‘A first for us both, angel.’
She drew a shaky sigh. ‘I suppose it was because you knew I couldn’t get pregnant.’
‘I wasn’t thinking of consequences at the time…were you?’
Tess’s stomach muscles spasmed. She tore her eyes from his dark intense gaze and fixed them on her hands, which lay white-knuckled and tightly intertwined in her lap. How could she forget that primal need to surrender, to be possessed, when she felt the same way, give or take the odd ache every time she looked at him? Hell, look nothing—every time she thought about him!
‘I met Claudine when her marriage was going through a rough patch,’ she heard him recall. ‘She admitted to me at the end that the only reason she slept with me originally was to pay her husband back for an indiscretion.’
Tess winced. ‘Not good for the ego, I grant you, but that’s a position a lot of men must fantasise about finding themselves in.’ Contemplating the shallow nature of the male of the species, she gave a cynical smile and flexed her stiff fingers to encourage the circulation to return. ‘Especially if the vengeful wife happens to be drop-dead gorgeous, of course.’
She wasn’t shocked when he didn’t jump in and explain that Claudine had been nothing to look at—since when did men make fools of themselves over a sweet nature?
‘It just so happens that I’m not one of them…or,’ Rafe conceded with a shrug, ‘not on this occasion, I wasn’t. Ironically, when she told the husband about me it seemed it revived his interest. I must have put the spark back in their sex life—quite a feather in my cap, don’t you think?’
Under the circumstances Tess wasn’t surprised that there was an air of suppressed violence about him. The husband’s interest had resulted in a baby, without which Rafe might be with Claudine at this very moment…?
‘Hard luck.’
Some of her feelings must have shown in her voice because he looked up, the bitter, distracted expression gradually fading from his face.
‘How did we come to be talking about that?’
‘Let’s see,’ she mused, pressing a finger to the tiny suggestion of a cleft in her rounded chin. ‘You asked me to marry you, then to clinch the deal you started pointing out the plus points of marital infidelity, and for good measure finished off going into painful details about your ill-fated love for the much-married and embarrassingly fertile Claudine.’
‘Hell, Tess, you make it sound—’
‘Boring?’
A thoughtful frown creased his forehead. ‘You don’t sound bored.’
He was too sharp for his own good—or hers!
‘I’m polite.’
He permitted himself a wry grin at this assertion. ‘I’ll let that one pass.’ His expression sobered. ‘You sound angry.’
‘Would it be so unreasonable if I was? You were mad when you caught me innocently kissing Ian. You don’t have to be in love with someone not to like the idea of them slobbering over someone else!’ she finished shrilly.
‘I didn’t say you were in love with me.’
Panic raced through her tense body. No, he didn’t, but if I don’t keep my stupid tongue still the whole world and his neighbour will know. It was too late now to retract her words—she’d just have to tough it out.
‘Of course you didn’t. You’re stupid and vain, but not that stupid and vain.’ She saw there was still shad
owy suspicion in his eyes and her bolshiness faded; it wasn’t getting her anywhere. When she managed to compose herself there was the unmistakable ring of authenticity to her words. ‘If you must know, the idea of you touching me while you’re thinking of…’ She broke off and covered her mouth with a trembling hand. ‘It makes me feel ill,’ she revealed in a tearful whisper.
Rafe swore and dropped down on his knees before her. There were some things which everyone but a totally insensitive fool would realise! One of them was that there were some things you could discuss openly with your best friend that you couldn’t discuss if she unexpectedly became your lover. Top of that list was other women.
Did this mean that the price of intimacy would be a loss of the closeness they’d always enjoyed? He’d no longer enjoy the freedom to say exactly what he felt around her? He hoped not.
‘Of course it does, angel, only I wouldn’t…I haven’t.’ He took her face between his hands and looked into her tear-filled eyes. The slight quiver of her soft pink lips drew his attention to the full passionate curve…actually his appetite never had run to sugary confections, and Tess was definitely more spice than sugar.
‘I honestly can’t think of anything or anyone but you when we’re in bed together.’
A man would have to be crazy to admit his mind wandered while he was making love to a woman, especially if that wandering took him in the direction of another woman. It struck Rafe forcibly at that moment that he didn’t need to seek refuge in prevarication—loving Tess had not left room for any intrusive thoughts. There had been nothing and nobody for him but Tess—his senses had been saturated with her. A flicker of confusion passed over his face before he continued.
‘I fell in love with Claudine…’ he heard the odd defensive note creep into his voice and his frown deepened ‘…but what did it get me? Nothing but a short stint in hell! I never,’ he told her in a voice that came straight from the heart, ‘want to feel like that again. No,’ he explained to her warmly,
‘what we have is much much better. We have incredible sex. Admittedly,’ he conceded realistically, ‘that might not last.’ Experiencing a sudden flashback of her slender, sweat-slick body arched beneath him, Rafe determined to do everything within his power to keep their passion alive.
Now there, Tess thought bitterly, was a prospect to keep a girl warm at nights.
‘But we’ll still be friends; we’ll always be friends. What could be a better basis for a lasting marriage? Sometimes the solution is so simple you don’t notice it.’
So long as he doesn’t have any more revelations! The longer he remained oblivious to things like the neon sign above her head saying, ‘I love you, you idiot’ in great big letters, the better!
Maybe he was having second thoughts. His enthusiasm sounded a bit forced to her—almost as forced as the smile she responded to his concern with.
‘It’s all right if you want to talk about Claudine,’ she lied bravely. ‘I was being silly.’
Her tolerant generosity seemed to go down like a lead balloon.
‘I don’t want to talk about her.’
Tess caught his hands as they fell from her face and gave them a comforting squeeze. ‘I understand.’
‘Lucky you.’
‘I can also understand why you want things to be simple after what you’ve just been through, but don’t you see if we get married things won’t be simple any more? The way things stand you…either of us can just walk away at any time.’
‘So you’re willing to lose Ben to the old man just because you want to keep your options open in case a better prospect in bed happens along!’ Rafe shook off her hands and she watched his own ball into fists.
Tess shook her head in disbelief. ‘Only you could turn this around so that I’m the selfish one.’
Rafe pressed his face into his hands before lifting his head and dragging them through his dark hair. ‘You’re right.’ His ready retraction did more to sap her resolve than all the moral blackmail in the world. ‘I’m sorry, Tess. It’s just I know what it’s like to be brought up in a house where you feel nobody wants you. Together we could make sure that Ben knew he was wanted every day of his life.’
His conviction was deeply compelling. Tess found herself reaching out to touch the side of his face. His jaw was velvet-rough under her fingertips.
‘That’s a truly lovely thing to say, Rafe.’
He looked embarrassed. ‘I mean it.’
‘I believe you, Rafe, it’s just…’ She felt too emotional to continue.
‘We can make it work. I know we can.’
‘For Ben’s sake?’ It would make all the difference if she didn’t already know the answer to that question.
His eyes slid from hers. ‘You know me, Tess, I’m not big on self-sacrifice.’
‘You’re not trying to pretend you want to marry me!’
His broad shoulders lifted as he captured her small hands in his. ‘Should I?’
She pursed her lips and grated her teeth in exasperation. ‘You’ve started to pick up a lot of nasty habits from the political types you interview. You’re getting as slippery as they are.’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’ He was the picture of injured innocence.
Tess snorted. ‘Don’t come the innocent with me, Rafe. I’m not saying another thing to you if you continue to respond to everything I ask you with a question.’
‘Was I that obvious?’
She nodded.
He shook his head. ‘I must be slipping. You’re really not going to say another word.’ Another nod. ‘You promise?’ Rafe gave a slow, wolfish grin. ‘In that case…’ The long, curling eyelashes lifted and Tess watched transfixed as the sizzling desire stirred smokily in his spectacular eyes.
From where he knelt their heads were almost level. A long, soundless sigh emerged from her slightly parted lips just before Rafe threw his rigid control to the winds and took full advantage of her self-imposed silence.
Tess melted into his embrace and with a tiny lost whimper wrapped her slim arms around his neck. Weakened by a flood of scalding desire, she shamelessly clung onto him. There was blind urgency in the long, hungry kiss which went on and on until Tess thought she’d simply melt.
When his lips left hers they didn’t go very far. His nose pressed against the side of hers, he stayed there breathing hard. Even the touch of his warm breath against her skin aroused her to the point of babbling delirium.
‘I love—’ she only stopped herself just in time ‘—the way you kiss.’
There was a slight uneven catch in his deep warm laugh. Her skin was moist where tiny pinpricks of moisture had exploded across the surface; she could feel that his skin was damp too. Without thinking of the consequences she dabbed her tongue against the salty sheen across his jaw. His splayed fingers were pressed against her back. They spasmed and for a moment the pressure was painful. The moment passed swiftly and the hand that continued to move up and down the length of her spine became almost soothing. It also effectively prevented her drawing back; as it happened the last thing on Tess’s mind was escape.
‘You’ve absolutely no idea how much I’ve been wanting to do that,’ he groaned, taking her chin in one hand and pressing another urgent kiss to her soft, inviting lips. ‘Last night…’ The muscles in his throat visibly worked as he swallowed hard. ‘Oh, God, Tess, it was…’ He gave a hoarse cry. This time his kiss was tender, lingering.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this…here.’ Tess made a token protest even though she was exactly where she wanted to be.
‘Doing what?’ he asked indulgently as he brushed back her fringe to reveal a shapely broad forehead. ‘Kissing?’
‘I’m leaning on you.’ She made it sound a shameful thing to be doing. Leaning seemed somehow more significant to her than kissing; it implied trust, dependence, reliance, vulnerability—things that Tess had no practice displaying.
What am I doing? The man hasn’t just offered me his soul, just a marriage of conven
ience, she reminded herself brutally. It was crazy and dangerous to lower her defences and respond like this.
Rafe seemed to understand instinctively what she was saying…I suppose it’s just as well one of us does! she thought.
‘That’s the idea, Tess, that’s what I’m here for. You don’t have to shoulder the responsibility alone any more.’
Oh, he’d like that, wouldn’t he, if she got all meek and compliant? Tess tried to ignite the dregs of her resentment and failed miserably.
‘You’ve told your grandfather we’re getting married, haven’t you?’
‘I knew I couldn’t pull the wool over your eyes.’
She dug her fingers deep in the thick hair that curled against his neck. ‘But you thought you’d try anyway. I suppose the theory is that this makes it even harder for me to say no.’
An irrepressible grin split his lean features. ‘I knew you wanted to say yes!’
Tess’s eyes widened. It wasn’t just his audacity and arrogance that drew an outraged gasp from her, it was his perception. Her fingers twisted tighter in his hair until he held up his hands in mock surrender.
‘You…you manipulative…’
‘You know me so well, angel.’ There was no laughter in his eyes as they ran over her face. ‘And I’d like you to get to know me even better. I want you to be able to forget where Tess ends and Rafe starts.’
The erotic rasp in his voice made her shiver as his hands moved to either side of her slender shoulders. The pressure he exerted drew her body upwards.
‘I wish you weren’t staying here tonight…It’s all right, I know you have to,’ he soothed as she opened her mouth to speak. At that moment a distant cry made her stiffen.
‘It’s Ben!’ she cried, pulling away from him. She pulled a shaking hand firmly across her tender lips and tried to compose herself. ‘I have to go.’ She stated the obvious for his benefit as she leapt urgently to her feet.
For a moment he stayed where he was, on his knees. It seemed strange to see Rafe of all people in the position of a supplicant. Rafe didn’t plead—he might go as far as to coax, cajole and generally confuse the issue, but not beg.