Taking Chances

by Taylor, Janelle

  She wanted to tell him he was too sensitive and defensive in that area, but thought better of reprimanding him. “Thanks. I see you already know my tastes well.” she teased to vanquish his tension.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Two sweeteners. You’re very observant and thoughtful. Thanks for setting the alarm so I would stay on schedule.”

  He mellowed. “I hated to creep out of bed and leave you this morning, but duty called. You’re a sexy sight to wake up to, Kirstin.”

  “Thanks, but I’ve seen me in the morning; I look a wreck.”

  “But you make a beautiful and tempting wreck, woman.”

  Kirstin smiled. This kind of relationship was wonderful and romantic and very good for her self-esteem. Katie and her friends were right: nothing was better than good practice with a good man.

  “How was your level this morning?” he asked after fetching himself coffee and sitting down near her.

  “Fine.”

  “Your voice and expression don’t agree with that claim. What gives? I am your doctor, too.”

  With reluctance, she told him about her earlier bout. But she didn’t mention not having enough carbohydrates at dinner, another error.

  He scowled. “You can’t be careless, woman; it’s dangerous.”

  “I was distracted last night, remember?”

  Her playful smile and quip failed to calm him. “No excuses. You can’t afford to be distracted from your health, not even by me.”

  “Please don’t fuss at me and spoil our day with a lecture.”

  “I have to scold you when you’re wrong or you’ll have complications.”

  His personal and professional concern softened her irritation. “I know, and I promise I’ll be more careful.”

  Scared of a problem taking her from him before they could get closer, he reminded, “You told me that days ago.”

  “Days ago I didn’t have a handsome and sexy doctor stealing my attention. I’m surprised you didn’t stop in the middle of our… evening and kick me out of bed to check my blood and get me some glucose tablets.”

  Christopher heard the edge to her tone and realized he was being too stern with her because of his fears. “You’re right; it was partly my fault. We’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. Right?”

  “Right” Kirstin -returned to eating. Mighty bossy this morning, Doc. Think I’m under your spell now so you can order me about like David did? I don’t want another owner. Next time around, I want a partner. Share with me; don’t try to rule me. I don’t need a man to protect and take care of me: I can do that myself. I want you to provide only what I can’t get elsewhere: a special bond, and great sex.

  Christopher wished he hadn’t jumped down her throat. “There was a message on the answering machine. The barbecue is postponed until next Saturday: Okay?”

  “Fine.” She didn’t look up because she wanted to make her point. She was tempted to tell him what she’d been thinking but didn’t want to sound foolish and presumptuous this soon in their relationship. Too, he was right in some areas, and his worry was genuine and touching.

  “You will be here, won’t you?”

  “Unless my reservation has been canceled this morning.”

  “You have one until May fourth and I’ll hold you to it. Deal?”

  “Deal. So what’s on today’s agenda now?”

  “We’ll still go to the movie with John and Maria if that’s okay with you.”

  “Sounds like fun. I like John. I look forward to meeting his wife. I— “

  The phone interrupted their talk. It was for her. “Hi, honey. I was going to call you in a few minutes. How’s the work going?”

  After Katie answered that question, she asked, “How are you doing, Mom? I’ve been worried.”

  “Don’t worry, honey, I’m. fine, no problems. Doctor Harrison is taking excellent care of me.” She glanced at Christopher and smiled.

  “It sounds as if you’re having a super time.”

  “Yes, I am. I’ll be staying a while longer. There’s a lot to see in this area and Christopher has been kind enough to become my tour guide.”

  “Yeah, team. Has the doctor made any passes yet?”

  Kirstin hesitated before replying, “Yes, and I’m glad.”

  “I hope that means romance is in the air?”

  “Possibly. It’s too soon to tell how I’ll respond to the new treatment. Doctor Harrison is an expert in this field. I trust him to do what’s best; so far, he has. Thanks to his skills, I’ll be leaving here in much better condition than I arrived in; that should make you happy.”

  Katie laughed. “Can’t talk, right?”

  “That’s right, honey.” She put her back to Christopher to muffle her words. “Have you spoken with Steve again? Is he still angry at me? I haven’t called but I’ve sent cards and some small gifts to him and Louise and the kids along the way.”

  “Don’t you dare call him until you finish your vacation and reach San Diego. Besides, they’re leaving this morning for the cruise. May be gone already. He did what he should have done in the beginning; hired a professional sitter to tend those brats.”

  “Katie, don’t say that.”

  “Oh, Mom, it’s true; they’re wild, and you know it. If Steve and Louise don’t start disciplining them soon, they’ll be uncontrollable and nobody will want to be around them. You never let us get away with such behavior.”

  “Parenting has changed. Times have changed.”

  “And look what’s happened to families. When I have kids, I’m raising them just like you did us. If I don’t, whip me. Steve better get his act together and his head straight or he’ll be in big trouble.”

  Kirstin lowered her voice. “He misses your father, Katie.”

  “Why? Dad was hardly around. And when he was, he might as well have not been. You raised us, not him. Steve’s an ungrateful and selfish ass.”

  “Katie, please don’t feel that way.”

  “I’ve accepted it, Mom, so has Sandi. It’s time Steve realizes Dad wasn’t the greatest father alive, like he tries to make him out. I loved him, but he thought only about himself. He left you in terrible shape.”

  “Maybe that wasn’t his fault.”

  “Yes, Mom, it was, and you know it’s true.”

  “I suppose so.”

  “I know so. I told Steve he needs to see a therapist.”

  “I wish he would. We’ll talk about this when I get there, all right?”

  “You forget about work, Steve, and Dad, and just have a good time.”

  “I will. Thanks, Katie. I’ll call you next week.”

  “I love you, Mom, and I miss you. Please take care of yourself.”

  “I promise, and I love you, too. Bye.”

  Kirstin hung up the receiver and leaned against the counter for a moment, her thoughts worried.

  “Problems?” Christopher asked as his hands cupped her shoulders.

  Kirstin turned and rested her head against his chest, in need of his comfort. She explained the new misunderstanding with her son. “I don’t know what to do about him. I love him so much and I hate to see him hurting himself this way. He’s so bitter about his father. What he won’t admit is how badly David ignored him. He doesn’t want to remember I was the one with him most of the time, not David. He’s painted this golden image in his head and can’t see the truth. Sometimes he sounds as if he blames me for the way David was and even for his death. It’s as if he can’t bear to see me getting along so well without his father, as if I’m being selfish and traitorous not grieving over David for the rest of my life. Steve thinks I should dedicate myself to him and his children. He knows my work is necessary and important to me, but that doesn’t matter to him. He’s been so bossy since David died; he’s becoming like his father was. I hate to see that happen, but I don’t know how to stop it.”

  “You can’t, Kirstin, only Steve can do that. Maybe he’ll come to his senses. Katie’s right: you did the best thing. If
you don’t put down your foot, it’ll get worse for both of you. He’s a grown man; it’s time he realizes you’re more than his mother and you have needs other than your children and grandchildren. Stick tó your guns.”

  “That sounds simple and logical, but living it isn’t. Deep inside, I knew I was going to head right to his home after I visited Carlsbad and White Sands. Highway 25 near there goes straight from Las Cruces to Denver. I was going to tell Steve everything and try to make peace with him. I want to see him and my grandchildren; I love them and I miss them. I was only stalling a visit because I hated to have another fight. Why do I feel guilty for doing the right thing?”

  His fingers lifted her chin and cupped it. “Because you’re a kind and gentle person and you hate to hurt or disappoint anyone, especially those close to you. Steve’s bitter over what he never had with his father; that’s understandable. It’s bad enough to lose a father to death or divorce when you’re young, but it must be worse to have one at home who’s never there for you. David’s accident made death a bold reality to Steve; he’s probably scared of losing you, too.” I understand that feeling. “You are a good mother, Kirstin; your girls turned out fine, and Steve isn’t really bad.”

  “But I want my son to be happy, to be free of the past.” She rested her head on his broad chest again and snuggled into his embrace.

  “Christopher’s hands stroked her back and his cheek nuzzled the top of her head. “That’s up to him, Kirstin. You must accept that reality and not let it worry you so much that it affects your health. I don’t think you should tell Steve about your diabetes yet. If he’s so afraid of losing you, that could make him even more possessive and demanding. You said he had a recent medical checkup, so you know his health is good. I’d wait a while, give him more time to get his thoughts straight.”

  Kirstin leaned back and her gaze met his tender one. She savored his compassion, strength, and intelligence. He wasn’t the slightest bit annoyed at her troubles. “You’re right on both points so I’ll follow your good advice. I thought the truth would help him be more understanding, but I suppose it could make things worse.”

  “Maybe he’ll take Katie’s advice and get professional help. She has a good head on her shoulders. I know you’re proud of her.”

  “I am.” She lowered her gaze. “There’s another problem: I’m worried about Steve’s children. He’s spoiling them terribly; he’s afraid of pushing them away from him and being a bad father. They mind me better than they do him, but they’re still a handful. They’re so used to having their way that they throw terrible temper tantrums if they don’t get it. It’s so draining for me. I’m scared of getting distracted or passing out and them getting hurt.”

  “That’s possible. You should be extra careful when you keep them. Plus, kids that age get all kinds of infections and childhood diseases that could be harmful to a diabetic. You should stay clear of them, or anyone who’s ill. Don’t kiss or even shake hands with people who have colds; they’re loaded with germs that will spread to you.”

  “But if Steve doesn’t know the real reason, he’ll stay angry at me.”

  “From the way it sounds, Kirstin, if he didn’t have that charge against you, he’d find another one. Give him time to wake up and change. Besides, you have yourself to think about—your health, even your survival. This new episode tells us we don’t have you balanced yet.”

  Christopher knew he shouldn’t deceive her, but he wanted her dependent upon him so she’d stay around longer. If she got too worried about her son, she might be tempted to leave. He needed time to test this attraction to her, and hers to him. She was changing him, and he wanted to be changed. She gave him a new zest for life. She stirred his deepest passions and sated them with bliss. He hadn’t felt this important, happy, and needed in years.

  Then, there was Kirstin herself. She needed time to get to know him. He was positive now she wouldn’t fall prey to a whirlwind romance and another impulsive marriage. They needed to explore their new feelings for each other. If she left now, he might never see her again. If he told her such things this early, she could panic and flee. He was being secretive and manipulative, as David had been in other areas and for other reasons. He had asked Joe Bob to go slow on her car repairs. He knew the diabetic bout this morning was a normal one. But he had to use those opportunities to keep her with him.

  “I want you to monitor yourself closely, Kirstin, and I want to see your record daily. We’ll work together to get you in perfect control,” he told her. The mild deceptions had a nasty taste to him but he was desperate to have something special.

  Kirstin sensed his game and hoped she read the real meaning for it: he wanted time to explore their relationship. “You’re the doctor, Christopher;. I’ll follow your advice. Besides, how often does one have such a delightful recovery from an accident?”

  “You just like having a man wait on you hand and foot like a doting slave, Kirstin Lowrey. You’d probably be content to have problems for three weeks to get it,” he ventured with a playful grin.

  She laughed. “Frankly, Doctor Harrison, it isn’t half bad. Of course, if it were Doctor Cooper here instead of you, I would be trying harder to recover sooner. But you, you make a splendid nursemaid … What time is it?”

  “What difference does it make? You promised you aren’t going anywhere soon. I’m a captivating doctor, remember? But it’s past time for my breakfast; I’m starved.”

  “It’s strange, Christopher, but I have no concept of time when I’m with you. To be so distracted is bad for my schedule.”

  “Yep,” he agreed with a cheerful smile. “It also has to do with being in another time zone; your body clock hasn’t adjusted to ours yet. Is your watch on the correct time?” He glanced at her wrist and frowned. “Where is it? How can you keep up with your treatment without it?”

  She sighed in exasperation. “In my room, tyrant. I wasn’t going to put it on until after I did the dishes. You have clocks everywhere.”

  “But a watch makes you more conscious of time.”

  “I can take care of myself, Doc.”

  “Like you did last—Sorry, I wasn’t going to mention that again.”

  “I should be delighted you’re so concerned about me, but your constant reminders are annoying. Every mistake teaches me a lesson.”

  “I just don’t want you learning one lesson too many, a bad one.”

  “I know and I’m grateful. End of subject, okay?”

  He nodded and kissed the tip of her nose, then released her to start his breakfast. “You finished or did yours get cold?”

  “Finished, and I had everything on my diet. I’ll have coffee with you.”

  As he ate and she sipped, he told her more about some of the people who lived near him and ranching life in general. She listened with interest. She and David had never sat around chatting and having fun, just enjoying each other’s company. Christopher was a complicated and yet a simple person to be with. He could relax and be himself as her husband had never been able to do.

  Kirstin worried that her impulsive behavior might be her undoing. After all, she had accepted the research position at Medico and they were paying for her move to San Diego. She had a responsibility to them, to herself. An exciting career awaited her. It was a chance to grow, to become her own person. She also had rented an apartment and her possessions were there. Her feelings and attachment to Christopher had happened too suddenly to be strong enough to compel her to change her life for him, and he might not feel the same way about her. She had been caught at a weak physical and emotional moment. Unless she moved slowly and carefully and put distance between them at least for a while, she wouldn’t know how deep her feelings really were. If anything was meant to happen between them, time would tell. For now, Kirstin, just have fun as Katie and Elaine suggested.

  After breakfast, Kirstin and Christopher did the dishes, then went to the den to watch more of the Master’s Golf Tournament. They sat on the sofa and she leaned ag
ainst his side with his arm around her shoulder.

  At one point, his lips captured Kirstin’s and caused her head to spin. He shifted her body to lie half across his lap and continued to kiss her, which more than suited her. It was as if their lips and bodies were made for each other’s. His fingers tangled in her tawny tresses while hers stroked his sable hair. As his mouth drifted over her cheek, hers grazed his jawline. Her gaze touched on the smattering of silver at his temples which reminded her they were both nearing fifty. It didn’t matter how old they were, she concluded, passions and desires were ageless, and theirs were strong and alive.

  He wondered if she felt his arousal against her hip. The peak of the breast in his cupped hand told her she was sexually affected by him, too. Was she open to a Saturday morning romp in bed? Had David always made love to her in the dark? How could any sane and sighted man not adore this woman and do anything to make her happy? Do. anything to win and to keep her? From things she had murmured last night, probably without awareness, he knew she had not previously experienced the kind of lovemaking they had shared. The things I could teach you and give to you, woman, if you’d let me … “You’re so beautiful and sexy, Kirstin. I’m lucky you were dropped in my lap.”

  As he nuzzled her neck, she wondered if he noticed how her nipples begged for his hand to continue stroking them, how they craved for his lips to also visit them. How could they and all of her not respond to his touch, especially when he was caressing her in that seductive way with his eyes. He truly made her feel beautiful and sexy, and she hoped he believed what he said. If only she knew how to give him the same pleasures he had given to her. She had read and heard about them but she feared she’d be awkward and clumsy. She felt his hardness on her hip and knew he wanted her. Should she encourage him? Was he waiting for her to give him a signal to make love in broad daylight? To hop into bed when a visitor or emergency patient could arrive at any moment? Would she seem wanton to submit again so soon? “I was the lucky one, Christopher, to end up with such a handsome and sexy man.”