Taking Chances

by Taylor, Janelle

  Christopher urged himself to be cautious. It was too. soon to make demands on her about giving up her career to move here. Would she if he asked her? Would she turn and walk away from her life in San Diego to marry him, a country doctor living in the middle of nowhere? He was afraid to find out. Now that he had found a woman who was perfect for him, what would he do if she didn’t feel the same? If he spoke too soon, she might panic and leave. She hadn’t even hinted at love or wanting a prolonged relationship. Let her go to California and fulfill any feelings of responsibility and loyalty to Medico and herself. Let her’ miss you and see what a wonderful life she could have here with you. Once she’s there and craving you, confess your love and propose; by then, maybe she’ll be ready and eager to take a chance with you. But before she leaves, show her what you have to offer in exchange for her challenging life. Show her the good things about this area and these people. Let her see how much fun it is to work together. Captivate her subconscious; then, let it work on her conscious mind after her departure.

  By five o’clock in the morning, they were asleep in each other’s arms, each plotting how to win the other without revealing too much too soon, and without giving up what each presently possessed.

  When Kirstin finally awoke, it was almost noon. The house was quiet, and Christopher was gone. Lying on his pillow was a glucose tube for a quick fix if necessary. Her gaze roamed his tidy bedroom. He’d put away their rumpled clothing and straightened up as she slept. She smiled as she approved of his cleanliness and thoughtfulness. After years of picking up after David, it was wonderful to meet a man who not only did his share of chores but sometimes did hers. Christopher often went out of his way to do extra things to help her or please her, and even seemed to enjoy doing them. But would he and his behavior alter later? Would he take her for granted, forget she was a woman and attempt to make her his shadow? Men could be so kind and generous, during the wooing stage, then become old-fashioned husbands as soon as the vows were exchanged.

  Kirstin went into the guest room to shower and scrub her tawny hair. She dried off and removed the baggies that covered her bandages. She checked her wrist and ankle to find both looked better. She gelled and scrunchcurled her hair, using a diffusor and fingers to arrange it as her beautician had instructed. After she applied the light makeup as the cosmetologist had taught her, she looked into the mirror a final time. Not bad for a forty-five-yearold. God, woman, you’re hearing fifty! Over half of your life is gone. How much time do you have left to fulfill your dreams?

  Kirstin put aside those dreary thoughts and gathered her dirty clothes to wash this afternoon. After breakfast, she made the bed and straightened the house. The crutches were a nuisance, but they kept weight and stress off her ankle. Her laundry and chores completed, she started wondering what was keeping Christopher away so long.’ It was almost three o’clock. He could have left a note or phoned her by now.

  She called Elaine and they chatted a few minutes, her friend teasing her about her exciting situation. For some inexplicable’ reason, “Kirstin didn’t tell her about the new injuries or how far the relationship had gone.

  Kirstin wondered what the future would bring. She knew she could be happy in San Diego with her daughter nearby. She would be free and independent.

  If she married the good doctor, what would her life be like here? What would she do all day? Housework and ranch chores. Christopher had his medical practice and the ranch to occupy him. Did she want to labor by his side in all kinds of weather? What would his patients say if she became his assistant and was underfoot all the time? Cooking and cleaning for hours every day for the rest of her life certainly weren’t for her. She would become restless and dissatisfied; she would make both of them miserable. Life wasn’t an endless romantic fling. Would Christopher be enough? Was love enough to fulfill her, especially now that she had tasted the alternatives? Too, there were their children to consider. And what if he wanted more kids? She was too old for babies and all they entailed. And, when they were grown, other duties were added when the grandchildren arrived.

  She had been a wife and mother. One whose existence had been a full-time devotion to others’ needs and schedules. But what about her needs and desires? If only Christopher lived in San Diego. If only he was still a surgeon in a large city that also contained research facilities. If only he didn’t live in the middle of nowhere. Would a man like Christopher love a woman enough to move to a large city? If he did, would he be just as misplaced as she would be here? Was it fair to ask?

  Kirstin walked to the sink and gazed out the window over it. There was little to do here, except make love and take care of herself and Christopher. To shop or eat out would require a lengthy drive into Clovis or Portales or Roswell. If she surrendered to her strong emotions and pursued Christopher, she could entrap herself.

  She looked outside. No one was in sight, not even any animals. The solitude sent pangs of loneliness into her heart. Could she live like this? Christopher was almost fifty; he was accustomed to freedom. If she tagged along every day, he would feel confined. She shook her head in sadness. There were no easy answers for them. Perhaps in time …

  Aren’t you jumping the gun a bit, Kirstin? she asked herself. Here you are thinking about marriage and sacrifices when he hasn’t even mentioned love! Idiot! He’s a carefree bachelor, has a bad experience under his belt. What makes you think he would even be interested in marrying you?

  Annoyed with herself, she picked up the crutches and went outside to the swing. She flopped down and propped the wooden arms against the seat. Soon she became tense and bored and left the noisy swing to hobble around and give the place a twice-over. The house on the large ranch was a spacious and lovely one. The yard, with a nice but small pool, was half landscaped and half natural, growing wilder as it moved outward. The other structures. were neat. Everything appeared to be in good condition. She was irrationally annoyed by the perfection that surrounded her, as nothing appeared to need a woman’s touch. If he’d wanted changes inside the house, he would have made them by now, and he’d probably balk at her wanting to do so.

  Her gaze roved the vast deserty terrain. The ranch was secluded, with neighbors at a far distance. How would she make friends? Could she ever feel at home here? To the north, she noted dark clouds lowering themselves on the horizon. A storm was brewing. It was muggy and oppressive; perspiration formed on her face and trickled a path between her breasts. Where was Christopher, she mused again, and what was keeping him? His vehicle was in the driveway and his Appaloosa was standing near the fence. Perhaps Frank had fetched him in the truck to assist with a chore.

  Kirstin hobbled to the corral to watch the horses. She decided to check out the barn. There, too, everything was clean and in top shape. Why not? He had plenty of time and energy! What else was there to do? How could he live such a lonely life? He was a doctor, a damn good one. No, an excellent one! He could easily set up a practice anywhere. Why did he hide out here salving his wounds?

  Kirstin’s fingers trailed over the saddles, gear, and tools. Their scents assailed her.. She smelled hay, leather, polish, sweet feed, horse sweat on their blankets and pads, soil, oil and gas, dust, and a few foreign odors she didn’t recognize. Even the aged wood of the barn had its own peculiar fragrance.

  She stiffened and jumped as thunder boomed loud and ominous over the barn; the noise lessened as its echoes moved farther and farther away. Another span of rolling thunder rent the still air and even vibrated the enclosure. It was time to return to the house. As she reached the doorway, a torrent of water started. It was as if a flood gate had been opened wide. The violent thunderstorm lashed rain into the opening. Dazzling streaks of lightning danced around the barn; some seemed to strike the earth. With her injured ankle and crutches, she would be sopping wet within two feet. Nor did she want to .get zapped by the lightning streaks that were clawing the air. It was best to wait out the storm there.

  Kirstin put aside the crutches and shoved the doors t
ogether. With the dark clouds and heavy rains outside, the barn was shrouded in dimness. The doors rattled as brisk winds pushed and tugged at them. One flew open before she was a few feet away, allowing rain to pour inside and soak the dirt floor in seconds. She dropped the crutches and closed it, making sure it was secured. Mud attacked and glued itself to the treads of her tennis shoes; she knew it was useless to try to remove it until it dried. The incident reminded her of the many times her children, especially her son, had done the same. Oh, Steve, how will you feel if I marry again?

  Kirstin couldn’t torment herself with what might be. She was missing her snack, so she withdrew two glucose tablets from her pocket and chewed them. She noticed the apples on the ‘ grain crib which Christopher intended to feed his horses. She ate one as she sat on the saddle blanket she’d spread on a pile of straw. She rubbed her underarms where the crutches had chafed the flesh. She waited and tried to relax. The interior smells became stronger as dampness sneaked through the cracks. Pungent odors from areas where horses had been stabled soon grew noticeable with the absence of a fresh air flow.

  The storm increased its furor. The barn door flew open again. Kirstin heard the noise and gritted her teeth in annoyance. Before she could rise, Christopher slammed it and stalked forward. He halted, standing with his feet apart. His jaw was clenched, his clothes and hair soaked. He mopped the water from his face.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he asked.

  His face was lined with anger and his body taut with it. “Excuse me?” she murmured, bewildered.

  “I’ve been calling you for hours. I was crazy with worry when you didn’t answer the phone. I looked everywhere in the house for you. I was afraid you’d gone riding’ alone and had been caught in this storm.”

  “I was walking around and got trapped in here. I was waiting for the rain to let up. I wouldn’t borrow a horse without permission. Where have you been all day? You could have left me a note.”

  “I didn’t think about it; I’m not used to answering to anyone. I tried to phone lots of times. My errands took longer than I expected. I figured you’d sleep late and I’d probably return before you were awake. Joe Bob came by for me so I picked up your car. I almost got a speeding ticket hurrying home. Damnit, woman, you scared the life out of me!”

  “Why? I’m not a baby. I can take care of myself.”

  “I can see that. Next time, answer the damn phone, will you?”

  Did you get my car so I can leave? “Would you please stop yelling and settle down? I told you, I was waiting here until the rain stopped because I didn’t want to get drenched. Do you mind?” she asked in a tone as snippy as his.

  He sighed and dropped down beside her. “I’m sorry, Kirstin. I should have known you’d be all right. I was just so worried about you. I was afraid you’d had another accident or attack. Do you have your pills with you? Did you eat before you got trapped in here?”

  “Yes, to both. I had two tablets at four. See, I have my watch on. I even stole one of your horse’s apples. Old, but good.” He didn’t smile.

  “You shouldn’t eat anything without washing it first. Germs.”

  To shut him up, she white-lied. “I held it in the rain.”

  “You need soap to remove any chemicals and germs.”

  That time, she told part of the truth. “I washed them before I put them in the fruit basket, remember? That’s a habit of mine. It was only a little dusty, and that rinsed off. Drop all the talk about my diet and health, will you?”

  Christopher realized she sounded as unsettled as he felt. He had panicked when he couldn’t locate her. He should have realized she was too level-headed to go riding alone. And too considerate to go with Frank without leaving a note. He propped his arms on his knees and cupped his jaw. He’d made a mountain out of a molehill, and annoyed her royally in the process!

  Kirstin studied his profile. He had been worried, really worried … She warmed. “You’re drowned, Christopher.” She caressed his wet back and toyed with his wet hair. “I’m sorry I panicked you for nothing. You won’t have to put up with me much longer. Thanks for getting my car. When this foul weather clears, we’ll get you dried off and fed.”

  He glanced at her and scowled. Ready to desert me now? “I’m not a baby, either. Don’t go mothering me, woman.”

  “But you could catch a chill. But then I could doctor you for a change.”

  Christopher’s eyes locked with hers. “You don’t need another excuse to hang around, do you?”

  She returned his smile. “Do I?”

  “Nope. I guess that run-in with Thompson’s daughter put me in a foul mood. Sorry. I just wish she’d leave me alone. Carla’s a persistent woman when she wants something and she has her sights set on me. I can’t seem to get it through her thick skull I’m not interested and never will be. I suppose I should explain to you. I dated her a few times, but I haven’t seen her in months. She still calls, sends invitations, and drops by on occasion.”

  “I noticed the little trinket she gave you.”

  “What trinket?”

  “The doctor’s statue in’ the den. I saw it while I was dusting.”

  “Oh, that. She had a flat tire once and I was the unfortunate one who happened along to fix it for her. She made a big deal out of it. She left that toy with Helen while I was doing chores one day. I should have returned it or tossed it in the trash, but it’s expensive and I’m not rude. I figured she’d get the point when I failed to acknowledge it.”

  “Did she?”

  “You took a call from her. Do you think she’s moved to greener pastures?”

  “No.” And who can blame her?

  “Let’s go inside. We have groceries to put away.”

  Kirstin noticed the silence and realized the storm had ceased. She reached for her crutches and struggled to get up. Oddly, he didn’t pick her up and whisk her inside the house or even assist her. He stood and started walking away. She glared at his back. Taking her for granted already? Or only distracted? At least she knew about Carla now.

  He propped the doors aside. He headed for the house, thinking she might resent his assistance after she’d claimed she could take care of herself. She’d also gotten miffed with his reminders about her health. Sometimes that independent streak annoyed and frustrated him. She had broken free of her past and she was liking that freedom too much to suit him.

  Kirstin followed him, her own mood suffering. Why did men have to behave so ridiculously when they didn’t get their own way or problems arose! Why did they have to resent a woman for being strong and standing on her own two feet?

  The sky had cleared to a cobalt shade, leaving almost no trace there had been a violent thunderstorm. Water dripped from the buildings, bushes, and vegetation, absorbed into the thirsty earth. At the porch, Kirstin sat down and removed her shoes to prevent tracking dirt into the house.

  Christopher halted to shuck his boots, observing her from the corner of his eye. He opened the screen door and they went inside together. Sacks of groceries were on the table and counter. Kirstin began to unload then: fresh milk, bread, fruit, and vegetables.

  “You sit and rest that ankle while I put them away.”

  She didn’t argue. She sipped the sugar-free cola he handed her.

  As he worked, Christopher explained his absence. “I looked at some fine horseflesh today and a feisty bull for breeding. If I decide to buy them, I’m to close the deal tomorrow. First, I want Frank to check them over; he knows more about stock than I do.” He glanced over his shoulder as he told her, “I had lunch with John; he sent a hello.”

  “You had a busy day after an exhausting night.”

  He chatted on. “I did a little banking business, stopped at the hospital to check on two patients, and picked up a few other things I was out of.”

  “You should have awakened me to write Joe Bob a check for my car.”

  “I paid him, so don’t worry.”

  “I’ll get my purse and write you a
check.”

  “Don’t bother, Kirstin. Let it be my treat.”

  “I can’t do that, Christopher. You’re already furnishing room and board, medical treatment, and entertainment.”

  “That women’s lib streak is showing again. Have to pay your own way even when you’re somebody’s guest?”

  “Car repairs are a different matter. That’s my expense, not yours.”

  “Get settled into your new home and send me the check later.. You could have some unexpected bills awaiting you there. No rush to pay me.”

  “I insist. But I will wait until I” reach San Diego, if you don’t mind. That way, I can transfer funds from my savings to checking account without lowering my balance too much and having to pay a monthly fee.”

  “That’s fine. I got you some postcards to send your family. They’re in that little bag on the table. Is the barbecue Saturday still OK?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “After what I told you about Carla.”

  “You said you needed me to discourage her. I’m still game. It’s the least I can do to repay you. And I don’t want her pestering you again after I’m gone.”

  Christopher realized his earlier rudeness to her. It wasn’t her fault that she hadn’t answered the phone, or that he had been frantic with concern, or that she had gotten trapped in the barn by the storm … or that she would be leaving in two weeks. Maybe sooner because of his assinine behavior. This wasn’t the way to persuade her to stay! Damn, he was stupid sometimes!

  Twelve

  “It’s time for you to eat, Kirstin.”

  “Let’s wait a while. I’m not hungry.” Not for food.