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Dad's Army Page 26

by Graham McCann


  Cast: Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Nan Braunton (Cissy Godfrey), Olive Mercer (Mrs Yeatman), Sally Douglas (Blodwen), the Graham twins (Doris and Dora), Hugh Hastings (pianist) and Eleanor Smale (Mrs Prosser).

  Recorded

  30/10/1969

  First broadcast

  6/11/1969

  22. MENACE FROM THE DEEP

  The platoon is manning the machine gun post at the end of the pier for four consecutive nights. Jones has brought some sausages, Godfrey some mustard, Pike some cake, Frazer some fruit, Walker some whisky and Wilson some acid drops: a ‘gastronomic orgy’ is keenly anticipated. Mainwaring and Wilson disagree about which one of them should sleep in the solitary hammock (‘We shall take it in turns,’ Mainwaring concludes. ‘But I shall use it first’). Pike, however, loses both the boat and the food, and Frazer begins to hear the cries of ancient mariners. Worse is to come: a wandering sea mine threatens to blow the platoon up.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Stuart Sherwin (second ARP warden), Bill Treacher (1st sailor) and Larry Martyn (2nd sailor).

  Recorded

  7/11/1969

  First broadcast

  13/11/1969

  23. BRANDED

  Private Godfrey is revealed to have been a conscientious objector during the previous campaign. He is sent home in disgrace and ostracised by the rest of the platoon. During a subsequent exercise, however, the room fills with smoke, Mainwaring falls unconscious and one brave man saves him: ‘that damned conchie’, Godfrey.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Nan Braunton (Cissy Godfrey), Stuart Sherwin (2nd ARP warden) and Roger Avon (doctor).

  Recorded

  14/11/1969

  First broadcast

  20/11/1969

  24. MAN HUNT

  Private Walker introduces a tracking dog to the platoon. When a discarded parachute is discovered in the area, the new recruit is put to work in pursuit of the intruder.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Patrick Tull (suspect), Robert Aldous (German pilot), Robert Moore (large man), Leon Cortez (small man), Olive Mercer (fierce woman), Miranda Hampton (sexy woman) and Bran the dog (as himself).

  Recorded

  21/11/1969

  First broadcast

  27/11/1969

  25. NO SPRING FOR FRAZER

  When Mainwaring inspects the Lewis gun with which Frazer has been entrusted, he discovers that the butterfly spring is missing. After searching Frazer’s workshop it is surmised that the errant spring must have ended up inside the coffin of the recently deceased Horace Blewitt, brother of Sidney – in whose house he now lies in rest. How can it possibly be retrieved? Mainwaring has a plan.

  Cast: Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Harold Bennett (Mr Blewitt), Joan Cooper (Miss Baker) and Ronnie Brandon (Mr Drury).

  Recorded

  28/11/1969

  First broadcast

  4/12/1969

  26. SONS OF THE SEA

  ‘I have an idea,’ Mainwaring tells a worried-looking Wilson. ‘River patrols! Half a dozen determined men, armed to the teeth, with a boat. They could play havoc with the Nazis!’ What Mainwaring thinks is wise, and what actually is wise, are often, as Wilson well knows, two entirely different things, and the platoon soon finds itself lost in thick fog, drifting helplessly across the English Channel.

  Cast: Michael Bilton (Mr Maxwell), Ralph Ball (man on station), John Leeson (1st soldier) and Jonathan Holt (2nd soldier).

  Recorded

  5/12/1969

  First broadcast

  11/12/1969

  Series Four (BBC1, colour)

  27. THE BIG PARADE

  Spitfire Fund Week is coming up, and with it the prospect of a high-profile procession. Mainwaring hopes to head it with the Home Guard, Hodges with the ARP, the verger with his Sea Scouts. Mainwaring thinks he knows what will win that prime position for his platoon: a regimental mascot. Sponge volunteers one of his fiercest rams, and Walker comes up with a more expensive ‘customised’ model, but the burning question remains unresolved – who’s on first?

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Edward Sinclair (verger), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge) and Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox).

  Recorded

  17/7/1970

  First broadcast

  25/9/1970

  28. DON’T FORGET THE DIVER

  A major exercise takes place involving all of the Home Guard units, and the Walmington-on-Sea platoon has to plant a bomb in the windmill being occupied by their Eastgate rivals. Mainwaring’s men rely on a variety of disguises to reach the building unnoticed, but then it is up to Jones to secrete the bomb inside.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Geoffrey Lumsden (Capt. Square), Robert Raglan (Home Guard sergeant), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge), Don Estelle (2nd ARP warden) and Verne Morgan (landlord).

  Recorded

  24/7/1970

  First broadcast

  2/10/1970

  29. BOOTS, BOOTS, BOOTS

  The Walmington-on-Sea platoon receives instruction in the three Fs: fast, functional and fit feet. Mainwaring declares this a most excellent idea, and proceeds to march his men into an acute state of foot fatigue. When he then announces plans for a 20-mile route march, the exhausted platoon decides to teach him a lesson.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike) and Eric Chitty (Mr Sedgewick).

  Recorded

  31/7/1970

  First broadcast

  9/10/1970

  30. SERGEANT – SAVE MY BOY!

  Pike – stupid boy – is caught on some barbed wire in the middle of a mine field. It gets worse: the minefield is on the beach, the tide is starting to come in, and poor Pike cannot swim. With the Engineers slow to arrive, and the rest of the platoon unsure of how to progress, it is left to Private Godfrey, of all people, to come up with a solution.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike) and Michael Knowles (Engineer officer).

  Recorded

  27/6/1970

  First broadcast

  16/10/1970

  31. DON’T FENCE ME IN

  The men of Walmington-on-Sea have been sent over to guard the local Italian POW camp. Mainwaring, predictably, is most unimpressed by the prisoners’ patent lack of discipline, but Walker’s attitude towards them seems suspiciously simpatico. Could he possibly, Mainwaring wonders, be a ‘fifth columnist’?

  Cast: Edward Evans (General Monteverdi), John Ringham (Capt. Bailey) and Larry Martyn (Italian POW).

  Recorded

  10/7/1970

  First broadcast

  23/10/1970

  32. ABSENT FRIENDS

  Mainwaring – who has been delayed at another meeting – arrives at the church hall and is appalled by what Wilson has allowed the men to get up to in his absence: they have all gone down the pub to play against the ARP wardens at darts. Furious, he orders Wilson to bring all of them back immediately, but, as there are two free pints on offer to the victors of the match, the men are staying where they are. Mainwaring, as a consequence, finds himself short of help when reports come in of an armed IRA suspect at large in the area.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Edward Sinclair (verger), J. G. Devlin (Regan), Arthur English (policeman), Patrick Connor (Shamus), Verne Morgan (landlord) and Michael Lomax (2nd ARP warden).

  Recorded

  7/8/1970

  First broadcast

  30/10/1970

  33. PUT THAT LIGHT OUT

  Mainwaring sets up an observation post in the local lighthouse. Jones’ section is first on duty. By accident, the light is switched on – illuminating the entire town just as the sirens are signalling the imminent arrival of enemy bombers. Mainwaring must alert Jones to the problem – but the telephone is disconnect
ed.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Stuart Sherwin (2nd ARP warden), Gordon Peters (lighthouse keeper) and Avril Rogers (telephone operator).

  Recorded

  30/10/1970

  First broadcast

  6/11/1970

  34. THE TWO AND A HALF FEATHERS

  Jack Jones: butcher, soldier, war-bore – and coward? Some of his friends and neighbours are forced to think the unthinkable after the arrival in town of George ‘Nobby’ Clarke, a former comrade who claims that Jones abandoned him in the desert to die when they fought together under General Kitchener in the Sudan. Jones, however, has still to tell his side of the story.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), John Cater (Pte Clarke), Wendy Richard (Edith Parish), Queenie Watts (Edna), Gilda Perry (Doreen), Linda James (Betty), Parnell McGarry (Elizabeth) and John Ash (Raymond).

  Recorded

  6/11/1970

  First broadcast

  13/11/1970

  35. MUM’S ARMY

  Captain Mainwaring is recruiting Walmington women to join the fight against the common foe. The normally dour and aloof Captain, whose wife Elizabeth ‘hasn’t left the house since Munich’, appears to take an instant shine to one woman in particular: the fragrant Fiona Gray, a new arrival in town from London. Brief though their encounter has been, it is not long before rumours start to circulate about how there is more to this relationship than meets the eye.

  Cast: Carmen Silvera (Mrs Fiona Gray), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Wendy Richard (Edith Parish), Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox), Julian Burberry (Miss Ironside), Rosemary Faith (Ivy Samways), Melita Manger (waitress), David Gilchrist (serviceman), Eleanor Smale (Mrs Prosser), Deirdre Costello (buffet attendant) and Jack Le White (porter).

  Recorded

  13/11/1970

  First broadcast

  20/11/1970

  36. THE TEST

  The ARP wardens have challenged the Home Guard to a cricket match. ‘We’re walking out here as free men to play a friendly British game,’ Mainwaring assures Wilson. ‘That’s what we’re fighting for, you know.’ Hodges, however, has other ideas. He has a secret weapon in his team: the fiery cricket pro Ernie Egan. The wardens bat first and set an intimidating target of 152 for 4 declared. The run chase begins.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Don Estelle (Gerald), Harold Bennett (Mr Blewitt) and Freddie Trueman (Ernie Egan).

  Recorded

  20/11/1970

  First broadcast

  27/11/1970

  37. A. WILSON (MANAGER)?

  What a morning for Mainwaring: not only, he discovers, is Wilson about to be promoted by the Home Guard – his commission has come through – but he is also about to be promoted by the bank: he is set to be made manager of the Eastgate branch. This means that Mainwaring will have to make do with Pike as his chief clerk and Jones as his sergeant – unless, of course, Wilson’s fortunes change suddenly for the worse.

  Cast: Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Janet Davies (Mrs Pike), Blake Butler (Mr West), Robert Raglan (Capt. Pritchard), Arthur Brough (Mr Boyle), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge) and Hugh Hastings (Pte Hastings).

  Recorded

  27/11/1970

  First broadcast

  4/12/1970

  38. UNINVITED GUESTS

  Following the bombing of the ARP HQ, Hodges moves his wardens into the church hall alongside the Home Guard. Mainwaring, appalled by this development, protests to the vicar, Area HQ, the Civil Defence people and a fellow Rotarian, and eventually Hodges’ mob are ordered to leave, but not for another week.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Rose Hill (Mrs Cole) and Don Estelle (Gerald).

  Recorded

  4/12/1970

  First broadcast

  11/12/1970

  39. FALLEN IDOL

  Mainwaring has always epitomised the principle of military sobriety to his men, but, after Captain Square leads him astray one day in the officers’ mess, he ends up inebriated. Only something genuinely heroic now can restore his damaged reputation in the eyes of his men.

  Cast: Geoffrey Lumsden (Captain Square), Rex Garner (Capt. Ashley-Jones), Michael Knowles (Capt. Reed), Anthony Sagar (sgt major), Tom Mennard (mess orderly) and Robert Raglan (Capt. Pritchard).

  Recorded

  11/12/1970

  First broadcast

  18/12/1970

  Special Episode for Christmas (BBC1, colour)

  40. BATTLE OF THE GIANTS

  Captain Square provokes Captain Mainwaring into accepting the challenge of an initiative test between Walmington-on-Sea’s Home Guard and its Eastgate rivals, with Hodges, the vicar and the verger as judges. The contest, to begin with, goes well for Mainwaring’s platoon, but then Jones gets a bad attack of malaria, and defeat seems set to be snatched from the jaws of victory.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Geoffrey Lumsden (Capt. Square), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Robert Raglan (colonel), Charles Hill (sergeant), Colin Bean (Pte Sponge) and Rosemary Faith (barmaid).

  Recorded

  19/10/1971

  First broadcast

  27/12/1971

  Series Five (BBC1, colour)

  41. ASLEEP IN THE DEEP

  A bomb falls on the local pumping station where Walker and Godfrey have the misfortune to be on patrol. Efforts at freeing them result in the rest of the platoon – and Hodges – being trapped alongside them. When a pipe bursts and the room fills rapidly up with water, Frazer is moved to mouth his favourite words of comfort: ‘We’re doomed!’

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).

  Recorded

  26/5/1972

  First broadcast

  6/10/1972

  42. KEEP YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL

  The government has decided to call for an injection of youth into the Home Guard, along with the syphoning-off of the more elderly of its current members into the ARP. When an exchange of personnel is mooted, the platoon decides to take drastic action: some dye their hair, others enrich their skin, the sergeant dons an ‘abdominal corset’ and the captain a toupee. ‘It’s awful!’ laughs Wilson. ‘No, no, no: awfully good.’ ‘Watch it, Wilson’, mutters Mainwaring, ‘You might snap your girdle.’

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Derek Bond (minister), Robert Raglan (colonel), James Ottaway (1st MP) and Charles Morgan (2nd MP).

  Recorded

  9/6/1972

  First broadcast

  13/10/1972

  43. A SOLDIER’S FAREWELL

  Mainwaring is depressed: his men are falling far short of his expectations, his leadership is underappreciated, and now – following a rich cheese supper – his dreams are filled with Frenchmen.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Robert Gillespie (Charles Boyer), Joan Savage (Greta Garbo), Joy Allen (clippie) and Colin Bean (Pte Sponge).

  Recorded

  2/6/1972

  First broadcast

  20/10/1972

  44. GETTING THE BIRD

  Wilson is missing from the platoon. Frazer – ‘I’m not one for tittle-tattle or gossip of any kind’ – fears there has been some kind of ‘r-r-rift’, and Godfrey has spotted their sergeant with his arm around an attractive – and much younger – woman. Jones, meanwhile, is looking not so much for something ‘on the side’ as ‘off the ration’, and Walker thinks he can help …

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Pamela Cundell (Mrs Fox), Olive Mercer (Mrs Yeatman), Seretta Wilson (Wren) and Alvar Lidell (newsreader).

  Recorded

  19/5/1972

  First broadcast

  27/10/1972

  45. THE DESPERATE DRIVE OF CORPORAL JONES

  The platoon, during the course of a weekend exercise, occupies a deserted barn which tu
rns out to be the target for some 25-pounders. Back at HQ, Jones and Godfrey try phoning to stop the firing, but Godfrey has cut the telephone wire by mistake. There is only one solution: Jones will have to reach the barn before it is blown to bits.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Frank Williams (vicar), Edward Sinclair (verger), Robert Raglan (colonel), Larry Martyn (signals private) and James Taylor (artillery officer).

  Recorded

  16/6/1972

  First broadcast

  3/11/1972

  46. IF THE CAP FITS …

  Mainwaring is giving a slide show, and Frazer is far from happy. It is a fine summer’s evening, moans the Scot, and this pompous fool is wasting everyone’s time with his irrelevant lectures. One way to deal with a grumbler is to let him take over, so, for a few days, Mainwaring decides to swap roles with Frazer.

  Cast: Bill Pertwee (Chief Warden Hodges), Campbell Singer (Major General Menzies), Robert Raglan (colonel), Edward Sinclair (verger), Alex McAvoy (sergeant) and Dennis Blanch (2nd lieutenant).

  Recorded

  30/6/1972

  First broadcast

  10/11/1972

 

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