Ashley picked up the saddle and stared at her boss. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“You bet I’m serious! You don’t just waltz into a place like Sunset Hills and change everything. That’s not how it works.”
Belinda stepped back and surveyed Ashley.
Something about the look in her eyes seemed familiar to Ashley. Suddenly Ashley recognized the same mixture of anger and arrogance she’d seen in Jean-Claude Pierre the last time they saw each other. “But who will take care—”
“I’ll take care of the patients until Krista gets here.” Belinda narrowed her eyes. “You have five minutes to pack your things and leave.”
Ashley’s heart raced as she picked up the saddle and sawhorse and carried both items back to the car. Then she went inside again and gathered her files, the ones she’d made about the residents. She grabbed her purse and coat and found Irvel and Helen and Edith snoring peacefully in their recliners.
Was this really it? She was being forced to leave without even saying good-bye?
In the corner of the room she saw Belinda take up her position, watching her, making sure she did as she was told. Ashley didn’t care. There was something she had to do before she could go.
She walked up to Edith and hugged her, tucking her face alongside the old woman’s and stroking her wiry white hair. “Good-bye, Edith. May God watch over you.”
Then she did the same to Helen and finally, Irvel. “I don’t know how, Irvel, but someday I’ll see you again.” Tears burned a trail down either side of Ashley’s face. “You take care of Hank.”
When she was finished saying good-bye, she slipped on her coat and took one last look around the room. Then, without turning back, she headed to her car. The cold morning stung at her damp cheeks, and she wiped them with the sleeve of her coat. She glanced at the house once more, climbed into her car, and started the engine.
“God, help me.” Now that she’d prayed with Laura Jo, the words came more easily, as though they’d been there all along. Ashley leaned her head on the steering wheel for a moment. “What am I going to do?”
Irvel and Edith and Helen felt like family. How was she supposed to walk out on them now—just when they were starting to make progress? Who would make sure the mirror stayed covered for Edith? And who would encourage Sue to continue her friendship with Helen? Most of all, who would assure Irvel that Hank was coming back?
It was all so unfair.
The tears came harder as Ashley pulled away. It was just as well that Irvel and her friends were asleep. Her tears would have troubled the poor dears. And what would be the point of that?
After today, they wouldn’t remember her anyway.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The taxi couldn’t go fast enough.
Once Kari landed at La Guardia Airport, it was all she could do to bide her time until she could finally see Ryan. The trip was a surprise, something she’d been planning since the last time they spoke.
Kari had checked the Giants’ schedule. The team had a bye on December 2. She wasn’t sure how much Ryan would be tied up that weekend, but she knew he wasn’t leaving the city. He’d told her that much.
It was four-thirty Thursday afternoon, and Kari figured she’d arrive at Ryan’s apartment first, take him to dinner, and then find a hotel where she could spend the next few nights.
A quiet chuckle eased from her throat as she gazed out the taxi window at the busy streets. Her parents hadn’t believed her when she first brought up the idea.
“Just like that?” Her mother’s mouth had hung open. “You’re going to New York?”
“Right.” Kari had grinned, feeling more alive than she’d felt in weeks. “And I need you to watch Jessie.”
“Where”—Kari’s father swallowed hard—“where will you stay?”
“Dad!” Kari’s face had grown hot. “At a hotel. Of course.”
“Your father and I have decided nothing would surprise us at this point, dear.”
“Besides, I’m a grown woman. I can go to New York if I want to.”
“I know.” Her father had stepped closer and kissed her forehead. “Just be careful. It’s still . . .”
“Soon?”
“Right.” He moved back beside her mother and repeated, “Be careful.”
“Dad, I’ve lived in New York, remember? And I’ve known Ryan forever.” She looked at her mother. “In all my life, I’ve never acted on my feelings for him. Until now.”
Her mother looked alarmed. “What exactly are you planning?”
“A visit.” Kari spread her hands in front of her. “Nothing more. Just a way of letting him know he’s still in my heart.”
“He is, isn’t he?” Her father’s frown faded.
“Yes.” Kari’s voice had grown soft. “I think about him all the time.”
“Then go.” Her mother smiled, the concern gone from her expression. “If September eleventh taught us anything, it was that life is short. If you care about Ryan, tell him. And let God take it from there.”
The taxi was closer now, moving through the heart of the city. Kari peered out the window, mentally comparing what she saw with what she remembered from her modeling days. They passed barricaded streets and boarded-up windows. American flags flew in countless storefronts, along sides of buildings, and from nearly every car and cab in the area. Maybe it was her imagination, but she seemed to see a difference in the eyes of the people teeming along either side of the street. A depth of loss and camaraderie Kari hadn’t seen before.
The effect sent a chill down her spine and brought goose bumps to her arms and legs.
“How many more miles?” She leaned forward so the driver could hear her.
“Five or six.”
“Thanks.” It was then that she noticed two photographs taped to the driver’s dashboard. One was of a police officer, the other of a woman in a uniform of some kind. Both looked uncannily like the driver.
Kari hesitated but couldn’t help herself. She pointed at the pictures. “Are they family?”
“My son and my sister. Haven’t found either of ’em.”
“I’m . . . I’m sorry.” Kari felt her heart settle several inches deeper in her chest. Why had she asked, anyway? The tragedy that had happened here wasn’t merely a spectacle to be gazed at. It was real life, affecting real people—people like this cabdriver, who would never see his loved ones again.
The chill was gone. In its place a sobering reality surrounded her. She’d be more careful with her questions next time.
Her thoughts turned to Ryan once more, and she glanced at her hand. She’d taken her wedding ring off and placed it in a velvet box she kept in the bottom drawer of her bedroom dresser. It was time . . . and one day little Jessie might want it.
Kari glanced at the ticking meter. Five more miles. How would it feel to be with him again? The two of them had gone through so many seasons in life, so many highs and lows. Of course she needed to go to him now. She loved him, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. Maybe it was too early. But every time she prayed about the situation, she came away feeling the same. Now that the fog of Tim’s death was beginning to clear, now that she’d spent time healing, now that she’d studied and prayed and searched her heart . . . the truth was both simple and obvious.
Ryan Taylor was everything to her. And she needed to let him know.
The maze of streets seemed to go on forever, but finally the driver pulled up outside an apartment complex. A doorman stood guard at the front.
“This is it.” The driver nodded to the meter. “I prefer cash if you got it.”
Kari doled out the amount along with a healthy tip. “I hope they find them. Your son and your sister.”
The man nodded but said nothing. As Kari climbed out and grabbed her bag, she saw him wipe a tear. She stood next to her suitcase on the curb and watched the taxi pull away. Help him, God. Bring him peace, please.
There was no still small voice above the roar of
the city. But God had heard her—that was the important thing. And she’d learned something from the cabdriver: being in New York City was going to be harder than she’d thought.
She turned to the doorman. “I’m here to see a friend of mine.”
“His name?” The man’s posture was stiff, but there was compassion in his tone.
“Ryan Taylor.”
“Is he expecting you?”
“No.” Butterflies swarmed in Kari’s gut. “Can I go up anyway?”
The man showed a hint of a smile. “I need to ring him first.” He turned to a panel of buttons and picked up a telephone receiver. Kari couldn’t hear any part of the conversation.
After a few seconds, the man turned to her. “Go ahead.” He told her the apartment number and turned a key that opened a door to the lobby.
Kari wheeled her bag through the double doors and toward the bank of elevators. Suddenly she felt nervous, the same old doubts crowding back into her mind. What if he wasn’t glad to see her? What if his feelings for her had changed months ago, back when she had been so desperate to work things out with Tim? Maybe he would think her presumptuous for showing up unannounced.
No, that wasn’t possible. He’d asked her to come, after all. And now she was here.
The elevator rode smoothly to the twelfth floor. Her knees knocked as she made her way down the hallway to the appropriate apartment. For the briefest moment she thought about turning back. When it came to Ryan, she’d never done anything this crazy before.
She knocked on the door. It was too late to turn back now.
The door opened, and there he was. Ryan Taylor, his eyes wide, mouth open. Every one of Kari’s doubts dissipated like fog on a summer day. “Kari . . . I thought . . . when the doorman said a woman was . . . I mean, I figured it was a mistake. Where—how did you . . . ?”
“Ryan.” She let go of her bag and moved into his arms, savoring the feel of his body against hers, breathing in the reality of him. “I can’t believe I’m here.” Her voice fell to a whisper, choked by the joy of seeing him again, of being with him. “I couldn’t stay away another minute.”
He held her tight. “You came.” The words were drenched in longing, the same longing she’d heard so often in his voice when they’d spoken on the phone, even when she’d done everything in her power not to think of him. The moment he spoke the words, she knew.
He had not moved on with life. It was the sort of detail she couldn’t possibly have known without being here, seeing him in person, feeling his arms around her.
No matter that nearly seven months had passed since they’d been together or that the weekend would end soon enough. The feeling was the same as it had been the first time he held her. The same as it had always been, with one difference.
This time it was stronger.
* * *
Ryan couldn’t stop looking at her, glancing over his shoulder as they made their way through the city that evening and found a restaurant. She was really here! And what did it mean—the fact that she’d come? So far—other than the hug they’d shared when she first arrived—she’d given him no reason to think her visit was for anything other than because he’d invited her.
They were halfway through dinner when Kari pulled out a photo of Jessie. There was no question about it. The baby bore an uncanny resemblance to Kari.
“Wow.” Ryan’s mouth hung open for a minute. “She’s perfect.” He took the picture carefully, studying it. “I can’t believe how much she’s grown.”
Kari beamed. “I can’t believe I’m here. I haven’t been away from her for more than a few hours—until now.” She took the photo back from Ryan. “I miss her.”
“Me too.” His voice was low and thick, strained with emotion. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t seen little Jessie since she was born, had held her only during those first days of her life. The child had worked her way into his heart without his even knowing it. Ryan lifted his face to Kari. Their eyes met and held. “But I’ve missed you more.”
Ryan slid his hand across the table and linked fingers with her. He saw questions in her eyes, but nothing that told him to let go. She clasped her hand around his. “I had to come, Ryan. I . . . I couldn’t stay away.”
“It’s not the same as talking on the phone, is it?”
Ryan felt a rush he couldn’t explain, like a tidal wave of love and joy and happiness. Here, in this single moment, all was right with the world.
But how was he going to say good-bye in three days?
* * *
The visit was going faster than Kari wanted.
It was their second day together, and they were back at his apartment. Ryan sat on the sofa, his long legs stretched out in front of him. He’d poured two glasses of water and was waiting for her. The television was off.
It occurred to Kari that they needed to be careful. She was so glad to see him that until now she hadn’t thought about what it would mean to be alone with him. After all, the last several times they’d been together, the idea of anything happening between them had been unthinkable. First she’d been trying to save her marriage—and even then they’d barely resisted temptation. Then she’d been a grieving widow still recovering from the birth of her child.
But now . . . now she was none of those things.
She sat beside him and turned so she could see his face. Just looking at him made her feel alive again, whole, the way she hadn’t felt in longer than she could remember. Still, there were things she wasn’t sure of.
Neither of them had said anything about their feelings for each other—not since Ryan left for New York. That was understandable, considering the events of the past year.
But now, had enough time passed? Kari didn’t know. She was sure about only one thing: Now that she was here with Ryan, she didn’t ever want to leave him again.
She drew a slow breath. “I still can’t believe I’m here.”
He raised a single finger and traced it along her brow, his eyes never leaving hers. “Ever notice”—this time Ryan’s voice was utterly bare, all the polite pretense stripped away—“how shallow our phone calls are?” He paused, his eyes as deep as the ocean. “We talk about everything but us.”
“I was just thinking that.”
“So why do we do it?”
“What’s there to say?” Kari curled her feet up beside her. She was grateful this conversation wasn’t taking place over the phone. They couldn’t have talked about this without seeing each other’s eyes, reading each other’s feelings. “You live here; I’m there.”
Ryan sat back and breathed out slowly. “Forget about that for a minute. It’s been almost a year since Tim died, and you’ve never . . .” He stopped and let his head fall back against his beige leather sofa.
“Never what?”
He hung his head, and suddenly she wished she could make this easier on him. But even now, all they had was borrowed. In another day she’d go back to Bloomington, and they’d be no closer to the relationship they’d both always wanted.
She touched his shoulder. “Ryan?”
“I’m sorry.” He moaned and lifted his head. “Never mind.”
“No, come on. What were you going to say?”
“It’s just . . . I miss you all the time.” She could almost see him grasping for words. “Something about that makes me feel guilty. Like I shouldn’t even tell you.”
“Because Tim died, you mean?” Her tone was quiet, encouraging him to bare his heart—something he hadn’t done since their day on Lake Monroe more than a year ago.
“Maybe. I mean, it must be that.” He hesitated and locked eyes with her again. “You’re still getting over his loss, and here I am thinking about myself, my feelings for you.” His voice dropped a notch. “Kari, if you only knew.”
She rubbed his shoulder. “Would it help if I told you I’m at peace about Tim?”
“At peace?”
“Yes.” Kari leaned closer, her voice soft. “Tim wouldn’t have wanted m
e to spend the rest of my life in grief.”
“Why . . . ?” His eyes searched hers, and she saw a flame of hope ignite there. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I think I just figured it out myself. And then . . . well, I didn’t think it was fair.” Her voice was pinched, strained from the emotion choking her throat. “I didn’t want to presume anything.”
He looked away and laughed. Not a sarcastic laugh, but the kind that sang with relief. His eyes met hers again. “Are you serious?”
She nodded and felt a sheepish grin creep up the sides of her face. “Completely serious.”
“Kari girl.” He took her face in his hands and spoke straight to her soul. “Only God could have taken me to a place where my heart didn’t long for you and miss you every day, every hour.” Another, quieter laugh came from him. “Why do you think I call so often? Why do you think I asked you to come?”
Kari shrugged. Ryan’s hands felt wonderful on her face. They made it hard for her to concentrate. “Because you felt sorry for me?”
“Sorry for you?” Disbelief filled Ryan’s expression. “I would have called you every night, but I was trying to give you space. Give you time. Feel sorry for you?”
Kari felt as if she were floating. All these months she had wondered about Ryan, what his feelings were, and whether they would ever again share a night like this, a night in which they could be honest with each other. The way they’d been that night at Lake Monroe.
And now here they were.
Kari felt her smile fade. For another twenty-four hours, anyway. After that, then what?
He seemed to sense her questions. He skimmed his thumbs beneath her eyes and along her cheekbones. “Don’t worry about tomorrow, Kari. God will take care of that.” She covered his hands with her own and let her forehead fall against his. Ryan’s voice dropped to a whisper. “The important thing is that after tonight we never have to wonder how we feel about each other.”
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