by K. A. Linde
She wrenched open the door to the bathroom and rushed out. She slammed the door shut behind her, and it was loud enough that she was sure Ramsey and Parker would hear it. All she wanted to do was turn back around and keep running down the beach like she had wanted to from the beginning. If she had done that, then she would have avoided this moment. Maybe it wasn’t for the best in the long run, but right now, it sounded like a better idea than being anywhere near them.
Her feet stilled in the middle of the hallway, and she took a breath. Chyna had always said that she ran feet first in the opposite direction of her problems. Maybe she was overreacting. It took a lot of willpower to get her to stop and consider that maybe she had just walked into a bad conversation. Maybe he was over Parker. Maybe she was wrong.
Just as she turned around and started to walk back down the hallway to face Ramsey and Parker, the door popped open, and Ramsey hurried out of the room. He came up short when he saw that Lexi was walking toward him and not away.
“Lexi,” he said. He looked guilty.
Was he wondering how much she had heard? Was he deciding how to twist this? Would he lie? Was he going to try to cover it up?
God, she hated herself for thinking it.
Lexi just stared at him. She couldn’t open her mouth. She didn’t trust what would come out of it.
“I didn’t know you were back from your run,” he said hesitantly. “Were you in the bathroom?”
Without saying a word, she let him stand there. He shifted from one foot to the other. Man, way to look guilty.
“Do you want to talk?” he finally asked.
“With Parker still in our room?” she asked, her eyes accusing him.
“So…you were in the bathroom.”
Duh! She just wanted to yell at him, but she couldn’t let loose her anger. It had been a slow buildup from the very beginning. If she let loose now, then she couldn’t guarantee that Ramsey would get a word in edgewise…or if they would end up together in the end. It was better to remain silent and wait.
“I think we should talk.”
Lexi just gritted her teeth further. Her hands were in fists at her sides. She felt foolish for putting all of this stock into their relationship and then seeing the seams unravel in the course of one afternoon.
“Are you going to say anything?” he asked.
“Are you sure you want me to say anything?” she managed to get out.
“Yes. Yes, of course, I do. I don’t, uh…I don’t know what you heard, but it’s not whatever you’re thinking.”
Lexi arched an eyebrow. Oh really?
Parker appeared in the doorway. Her face was so pallid in that moment that her freckles stood out in sharp contrast. She looked shaken and maybe even a little bit scared but definitely a little bit guilty. It was clear she hadn’t wanted Lexi to hear anything that she had said.
Well, he probably shouldn’t have said things that he didn’t want anyone else to hear!
“Lexi, I’m sorry,” Parker whispered. “I didn’t know you were standing there.”
Hold it together. Lexi took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“You should go back in there,” she said, snapping her fingers and pointing toward the bedroom.
“Lexi, I—”
“Now.”
Parker’s eyes narrowed, but Ramsey put his hand on her shoulder, and Parker held back whatever retort was on the tip of her tongue.
“Fine,” she said, turning and walking back into the room.
“It’s not her fault. It’s mine, so be angry with me.”
“Oh, I am,” Lexi said.
He ran his hand back through his hair, just like she had expected him to do when she had been listening in on their conversation. He was flustered. She was sure he was about to start rambling to try to get his thoughts together. She used to think that was cute, but if he did it right now, she was going to shut that shit down.
“We were just talking about work, and then the conversation took a turn for the worse. It doesn’t mean anything. I don’t want you to overreact or think it’s more than it is. It’s just Parker. We’ve known each other for a long time, so sometimes, we end up talking about things that—”
“Please stop talking,” she said, holding her hand up. “I really don’t need to hear it.”
“Lexi, come on.”
“You said you weren’t over it!” she yelled.
That stopped him. He just stared at her with his palms up. There wasn’t anything he could do because he couldn’t take it back.
“So, don’t come to me and say that you were just talking about something…that it doesn’t mean anything. If it didn’t mean anything, then you would be over it. You would just be friends…coworkers. You wouldn’t be having a hushed conversation in our fucking bedroom.”
“We weren’t having a hushed conversation in the bedroom. Christ, that’s not what this was, Lexi,” he said, walking toward her.
She took a step back. “The door was closed. You were talking about your relationship with Parker. She brought up marriage and told you not to forget that. Have you so easily forgotten that, Ramsey? She did just tell you not to.”
“That was years ago! I’m nowhere close to marrying Parker.”
“Lord, let’s hope not,” she said with a sarcastic drawl.
“Stop acting like this!” he bellowed. “There’s nothing going on with me and Parker.”
“Then, why aren’t you over it?” she asked, not even raising her voice. “Go ahead and try to explain it to me. I’ve explained Jack for what feels like a hundred times. So, try to explain Parker to me. Explain why you still find yourself in situations like this. Explain why I’m standing here a couple of weeks away from our three-year anniversary, having to deal with the same shit that we were dealing with two years ago. I don’t deserve this. I was able to fix things with Jack. Why the fuck can’t you fix this?”
Ramsey glanced back toward the bedroom, and his brow furrowed. “Let’s go somewhere to talk about this. We don’t have to do this standing here.”
“What? You can’t talk about this in front of Parker?” Lexi demanded. “You can’t explain your relationship around her?”
Ramsey seemed to deliberate but didn’t find an out. She certainly wasn’t going to give him one.
“You already know the story, Lexi. The fact that you’re blundering forward with this is just insane. Are you that insecure about our relationship?”
Lexi’s mouth popped open. Had he just said that? Was he trying to blame her?
“You’re going to blame me?” she gasped. “You were the one in there, talking to your ex-girlfriend about how you’re not over her! We broke up two years ago because you couldn’t seem to tell me the truth about your relationship. First, you never dated someone, never loved someone. Then, there was a girlfriend…who looks like me. Then, you were madly in love and going to get married but were quite tragically ripped apart. And, somehow, you think it’s my fault that I’m confused about what’s going on? You think I deserve to get the blame for this bullshit? I told you how I felt about Parker last year, and you said there was nothing you could do about it. Well, I’m starting to wonder if maybe you just didn’t want to do anything about it!”
She shook her head. She had said her peace and now, she needed to get away from there to think about what she was going to do.
Lexi turned to walk away, and Ramsey took a few steps toward her.
“Just leave me be,” she said.
But he moved forward and grabbed her arm. “You’re not leaving.”
“I need to get away from here. I need to think. I can’t be near you,” she said, tugging on her arm.
“No. You have the wrong idea.”
“Ramsey Bridges, stop it! Stop trying to dig your way out of this hole. I’m so sick of it,” she said, smacking his chest and trying to pull away.
Ramsey released her, and she stumbled a few steps.
“You drive me crazy when you’re angry. C
an’t you see reason?”
“You drive me crazy when you lie! Can’t you just tell me the truth?”
“Fuck, Parker!” he cried and then froze.
Lexi’s mouth dropped open. Had he just called her Parker? Oh, fuck no!
“Lexi. I meant, Lexi,” he corrected quickly.
Lexi shook her head in horror. “I’m leaving.”
“Lexi, please…”
But she didn’t hear what he said next because she turned on her heel and bolted from the hallway. She was still dressed in her running gear, and she needed to be anywhere but there in that moment.
He had called her Parker! Oh God, she couldn’t breathe. It infuriated her! She thought she might combust.
Her hands were shaking, and her heart was thudding loudly. Who was she kidding? Her entire body was shaking, trembling, practically convulsing. She didn’t know if it was from embarrassment or anger. Maybe it was a little of both. All she knew was that she wanted to just run. She wanted to get far away, hit that point of exhaustion, that point where she wouldn’t feel anything anymore.
She pushed open the door to the deck, and Jack glanced up at her from his book. When he saw her distraught look, he put his book down on the table and stood.
“Are you okay?” he asked, concern coming through every syllable. “What happened?”
Lexi just shook her head and jogged past him, down the steps, and back into the sand. She heard the door crash open behind her and heard her name being yelled out, but she didn’t slow down, and she certainly didn’t stop. She couldn’t go back there and face Ramsey right now. She needed a chance to clear her head first.
She looked over her shoulder once, just to make sure he wasn’t following her. She saw Jack had his finger in Ramsey’s chest, and then he was yanking on a shirt. Lexi turned back around to see where she was going. She didn’t know how far she was going to run, but she would go until her legs stopped moving.
A second later, she heard feet pounding in the sand behind her. Great. She was going to have to tell Ramsey to leave her alone—again. Couldn’t he see that she just needed to be alone? He could only do more damage by following her.
But when she turned back around, she didn’t see Ramsey at all. It was Jack chasing after her. Despite everything, a small smile touched the edges of her mouth. Wasn’t it just perfectly ironic to have Jack chasing her?
Jack was much taller than her, so she knew that he would catch up soon enough, but he didn’t try calling out to her or asking her to slow down. He just made headway, and when he caught up to her, he matched her pace and jogged alongside her. He didn’t say anything. He just let her run away from her problems…away from everything.
Everything but him.
Her breathing was jagged, coming out in uneven gasps and pants. Her side had a stitch in it that stabbed her with every breath. Her hair was matted, and her body was coated in a layer of sweat and sand that had only gotten worse with her second run. Her feet and legs were starting to feel heavy, and she knew she was slowing. She wasn’t going to be able to keep up this pace for much longer. She was feeling a bit woozy, probably with dehydration, but it had the added benefit of clearing her mind.
Jack was breathing heavily next to her, but he didn’t look as out of it as she did. This must not be a hard pace for him, and he hadn’t just come from a run in any case.
Lexi stumbled and fell onto her bare knees in the sand. Her hands landed roughly down to catch herself, and she groaned as her legs finally stilled. Her whole body was humming alive with the adrenaline coursing through her. Her chest heaved as she stared down at the wet sand, and her vision dipped and blurred. She slammed her hands down again and again on the sand, wanting to make a difference in the shape of the world, but her hands just pushed the sand out of the way, not really changing it at all. It was just an act of displacement…not change…never change.
“Hey. Hey. Hey,” Jack said, sinking into the sand next to her and grabbing her hands.
She fought against him, but he held her tight, keeping her from continuing her assault.
“Lex,” he whispered, “it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” she said through tears that she hadn’t even known were spilling down her cheeks.
“It’ll be okay,” he said, pulling her in close to him.
She resisted him. “Stop. I’m disgusting.”
“I don’t care.”
“I’m covered in sand and sweat.”
“You’re still beautiful, and you still need me. So, I’m not going to stop,” he said, drawing her into him and cradling her against his chest.
“You’re not allowed to think I’m beautiful,” she said through her tears.
“Shh…” He stroked her back softly. “I’ll never stop thinking that.”
“Don’t be nice to me. I want to be angry.” Tears were falling so hard now that she could only speak through the hiccups.
“Then, be angry. I’m not going to stop you.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Not even on my worst day, and I’m far from that, Lex.”
“Did you sleep with those girls?” she asked.
Jack stiffened. “What girls?”
“Your secretary…the attendant at your old apartment…other people…”
“No,” he said softly. “No, I didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” The question had been eating at her, and in her delirious state, she wanted to think about anything but what she had left behind at the beach house.
“I didn’t say anything because…no one would have believed me. It’s like how I tend not to discuss politics because people argue with me, and I’m not going to change their mind…but that doesn’t mean I don’t disagree with them.”
“It was stupid.”
“Very. I’ve done a lot of really stupid things, but I don’t think you’re trying to punch a hole through the sand because of me.”
Lexi sagged in his arms at the reminder of why she had run miles away from the beach house. Ramsey had called her Parker. Even if it was just in anger, he had still called her by the name of his ex-girlfriend…the one they were arguing about in the first place. How could he be that stupid? And was he really still that hung up on her?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jack asked.
“No. Not really.”
“Do you want to just walk then?”
“Okay,” she mumbled, shifting away from Jack.
He stood up first and then offered her his hand. She let him haul her up off the ground. Her legs were still shaky, and she grabbed on to his arm to keep herself steady.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere. Not back,” she admitted.
“Me either.”
Jack nodded his head toward the direction they had been running in. They set off across the mostly deserted beach. Lexi hadn’t wondered at the time if anyone had seen them together in the sand, but she thought about it now. She wondered who had been witness to her meltdown. Granted, it didn’t really matter because the only person who would remember it was Jack.
In the distance, they could see a large public pier, and with a knowing glance between them, they headed toward it. When they finally reached it, the sun was already falling on the horizon. They wouldn’t be able to stay long, or they would never get back in time before nightfall.
Lexi walked out to the end of the pier, leaned her elbows on the railing, and stared out across the ocean. Jack followed, and they stood there, watching the waves rise and fall.
“I never thought I’d be with you on a pier again,” Lexi said.
“The first time was pretty memorable,” he said with a smirk.
“And we’re both still with other people while we’re here.”
Jack just shrugged, keeping his eyes forward. “Ramsey didn’t tell me what happened. Are you going to?”
“He called me Parker,” she spat out
.
Jack hissed between his teeth. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“How the hell did that happen? Ramsey doesn’t seem the type to confuse you two. I mean, y’all are so different. I don’t even think you look that much alike.”
Lexi laughed. “Yes, we do. I thought we were twins when I first met her.”
“I guess,” Jack said with a shrug. “You don’t look or act enough alike for me to ever confuse you…ever.”
“Well…he was in the bedroom, talking to Parker.”
Jack’s eyebrows rose at that. “In your bedroom?”
“Yep. They were talking about why they had broken up. She reminded him that they were going to get married, and she wanted him to just believe her, but Ramsey said he couldn’t…and that he wasn’t over it. We got into it, and I guess he got mad and mixed us up.”
“Damn…sounds like us,” he mused.
Lexi laughed. “Maybe three or four years ago.”
“So,” Jack said, turning his back to the ocean and leaning back to look at Lexi, “what are you going to do? You want to be with him? You think Parker is going to try to interfere?”
It felt so strange in that moment, to be having this conversation with Jack, especially on a pier. So often in the past, he had been the source of this contention, and now, he was there for her exactly when she needed him—and he kept being there when she needed him.
Things had changed. He wasn’t looking at her with that lust in his eyes. In fact, she hadn’t seen it in so long. He was trying to be there for her as the friend she deserved. He wanted her to be happy. It made her happy…and also terribly sad, which was even more confusing. She wanted Jack as a friend. It was something they had never really been able to achieve before. But having him as her friend…meant he wasn’t anything more.
She knew it was a dumb thought. She was pissed at Ramsey for calling her Parker, and then she was standing here, being sad about Jack. But the only reason she was thinking about it was because of this situation with Ramsey. It made her want to be the same idiot teenager she had been for a long time. She wanted to lash out the only way she knew how.
And it would be so easy.