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eISBN: 9781477897355
Dear readers,
Helpful product reviews written by Amazon customers are the heart of Amazon.com, and we treasure the customers who work hard to write them. Occasionally customer creativity goes off the charts in the best possible way. Enjoy this collection of some of the funniest, top-voted reviews written by your fellow Amazon.com customers.
We’d like to thank all the customers who told us about their favorite funny review discoveries. Many of them are included here.
Sincerely,
Product Reviews by Page
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Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve T
Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant
Luke Skywalker Ceremonial Jacket
Zenith Tourbillon Men’s Automatic Watch
UFO-02 Detector
Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China
Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
Wolf Urine Lure
The Daddle by Cashel
A Million Random Digits
Playmobil Security Check Point
Willie Gillis: Package from Home
AMSCAN Face Paint
Inflatable Toast
Human Hamster Ball
Fresh Whole Rabbit
Looking For—Best of David Hasselhoff
Spock & Captain Kirk Salt and Pepper Shaker Set
Green Eyes Cat Face T-Shirt
Yodeling Pickle
Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages
Sharp Provolone Piccante Cheese (Whole Wheel)
Steering-Wheel-Attachable Work Surface Tray
How to Avoid Huge Ships
American Flag Pants by Best Form
Avery Economy Binder with 1-Inch Round Ring
BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen
Pin Tie Tack Angel Moroni
Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon
Uranium Ore
Horse Head Mask
Microwave Cooking for One
Canned Unicorn Meat
Classic Grey Sevruga Caviar
Knitting with Dog Hair
Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable
3M Performance Plus Nuclear Duct Tape
Deer Rear with Bottle Opener
Relaxman Relaxation Capsule
Zenith Tourbillon Titanium Chronograph Watch
What Does This Say?
Maisto Fresh Metal Tailwinds
Inflatable Unicorn Horn for Cats
Magical Unicorn Mask
Elegante Fixed-Frame Screen
Ghirardelli Chocolate, 10-Pound Package
Mizuno Women’s Wave Rider 16 Running Shoe
CatGenie—Self-Washing, Self-Flushing Cat Box
Diamond 2-m (6.56-ft) Braided HDMI Cable
Fury Martial Arts Folding Grappling Hook
Vacuum Cleaner White Noise
Cat Evacuation Kit
Ultratelephoto Zoom Lens for Canon
Montegrappa 18k-Gold Rollerball Pen
The Secret
Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag
Natural Water-Based Lubricant—55 Gallons
Pet Tornado
Mechanical Bidet Toilet Seat Attachment
The Story about Ping
simplehuman Rectangular Step Trash Can
Pussycat Dolls Workout
Original Rubber Duck—Royal Duck
Ultra-Fine Fan Filter with Magnet Cooling
12” Plush Red Christmas Stocking
Blackhawk Dynamic Entry UK MOE Kit
Horn—Stadium
Microwave for One
Pigeon Mask
Squirrel Underpants
Huge House and Cars Poster Print
Multicolor Ocean Wave Light Projector
Honeywell Ademco 944WH-M Magnet
Lined Cat Muzzle
Kraft Dehydrated Marshmallows, 40-lb. Case
Never Worn Rolex Submariner Mens Watch
Schrodinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker
Yeti Abominable Snowman Adult T-Shirt
Cat DJ Scratching Deck
Victorinox Swiss Army SwissChamp XAVT
Scarecrow Motion-Activated Sprinkler
Drinkwel—The Multivitamin for People Who Drink
3-Carat Diamond Pacifier
Hulk Rules
Richard Simmons—Disco Sweat
Prancercise
240 Samsung 85-Inch Smart LED UHDTV
Snickers “Slice N’ Share,” 16 oz.
The Facial Hair Handbook
iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad
Clubman Pinaud After Shave Lotion
Omas Limited-Edition Fountain Pen with Diamonds
Black Side Zipper Canvas Duffle Bags
Corn Dog Lip Balm
Undies for Two
Opti-Flex QC300, 12” × 12”
Nike Air Foamposite One
Boyfriend Pillow™
Crafting with Cat Hair
Kazaam
Mustache Pacifier
Rasta Imposta Taco
My Little Pony Basic Rainbow Dash
Squirrel Mask
Butter Spreader Stick
Zubaz Zebra Pants
Strawberry Slicer
Grow Taller Pills
Appendix
Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0047E0EII
3.7 out of 5 stars
Name: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
ASIN: B0047E0EII
Price: $3.48
Slice an entire banana with one quick motion. Kids love slicing their own bananas. Safer than a knife. Made from dishwasher-safe material.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
49,139 of 49,702 people found the following review helpful
No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!
By SW3K, March 3, 2011
For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempting to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity toward thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I’ll call it South Side Story. Banana Slicer…thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.
3,326 of 3,675 people found the following review helpful
Such a time saver
By lloydravn, September 24, 2012
No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, Banana Slicer!
8,496 of 8,837 p
eople found the following review helpful
Angle is wrong
By J. Anderson, August 1, 2012
I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slicer is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way.
1,409 of 1,499 people found the following review helpful
To the Research and Development Department
By K. Johnsrude, December 19, 2012
Before I invest 2 bucks in this bit of ingenuity, please tell me: What went wrong with models #1 through #570?
3,952 of 4,396 people found the following review helpful
571 Banana Slicer saved my life
By Angela Hamel, July 31, 2012
When a burglar came to my house I was tempted to reach for the butcher knife in the kitchen, but instead I grabbed the 571 Banana Slicer. I told the burglar, “I’m gonna slice your nanner,” and he ran in a terrible fright. Thank you 571 Banana Slicer for saving my home and possibly my life.
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Customer Questions & Answers
Does the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer have additional uses around the house?
I gave mine a twist, and it’s wonderful for teaching the children about DNA.
toubabdoc answered on December 8, 2012
I tried using the slicer as an ornament as suggested, but unfortunately it didn’t stay on the tree long. Kids just HAD to use it!
Minds blown.
The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve T
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002HJ377A
4.5 out of 5 stars
Name: The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve T
ASIN: B002HJ377A
Price: $5.33–$34.65
The Mountain company uses only inks and dyes to bring you an incredibly durable and comfortable garment. Hand-dyed shirt featuring a stunning screen print of three wolves howling at a moon on a preshrunk, 100%-cotton T, dyed and printed by The Mountain.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8,730 of 8,844 people found the following review helpful
Howl at the Heavens
By George Takei, April 24, 2013
This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn’t walk through the aisles at Walmart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course without people pointing and saying, “Hey, you’re that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren’t you?” Even if I wore sunglasses, I’d still get mistaken for Yoko Ono. But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve T, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, “Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He’s sooooooo dreamy.” Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is.
9,424 of 9,636 people found the following review helpful
Great complement for my skin art
By overlook1977, May 19, 2009
Unfortunately, I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.
3,121 of 3,346 people found the following review helpful
Why can’t Amazon have more stars? 5 ain’t enough!
By T. Guymon “SonOfSpam”, May 6, 2009
So I’m looking for threads that say, “Hey baby…I’m real boss!” when I stumble upon this epic creation. The wolves spoke to me in a language all their own; it was like German, Mongol, and Bitchin all mixed together. I mean, one wolf howlin at the moon is major…but three??? I ordered next-day air (if only there was same day!), and, of course, a size smaller than usual to ensure the closeness of the wolves to my chest hair. When the package arrived, I tore it open, and I SWEAR angels sang. I think it was “Freebird.” I immediately removed my “No Fat Chicks” shirt and replaced it with this finery. Lemme tell you: AW YEAH. I’ll spare the details of my conquests since I started wearing this shirt; suffice it to say, I’m swimming in a sea of babes the likes of which are usually found on those K-tel infomercials. I’m also more confident at work and expect to be promoted to cashier soon. I owe everything to this shirt (I should say “shirts,” since I now own 23 of them).
The Three Wolf shirt possesses transformational powers.
@cdporter00, the People’s Champ, says, “Not even the supermoon hovering over our nation’s capital can stop the power of the Three Wolf Moon!”
Capturing and harvesting the power.
One of the wolves that came to life out of my shirt and attacked my aunt when she dared to laugh at the mystical powers of the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt.
Howlin’ good Christmas in Texas. We can already tell that 2012 is going to bring some changes in this family. The day after Christmas we had a 6-year-old sprouting serious chest hair, and one of these kids just appeared out of thin air. Thanks, Three Wolf shirt, and thanks, Amazon.
I could never do carny tricks…until I got this shirt.
It scared the flames to self-extinguishment.
THIS WAS OUR CHRISTMAS CARD THIS YEAR!
Three Wolf Moon USMC edition (Marine Green) Bravo Company 1st Combat Engineer Battalion. (This image was supplied to us by Sergeant Nick Heier, USMC.)
Sword of Infinite Wisdom not included.
See how the bears MUST avert their eyes from the awesome shirts!
Capture the Magic.
The Three Wolf Moon shirt’s power is obvious. This video is living proof that you will get women and fly. Most importantly, my son was born without bones, and when I put this shirt on him he grew bones. Don’t ask me how it happened, but the magic is there. I wish I could hug the designers of this shirt and thank them for everything they have done for my family.
Geeks turning into studs by the power of the shirt.
It does cover my girthy frame while attracting the ladies.
Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001DZTJRQ
3.7 out of 5 stars
Name: Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant
ASIN: B001DZTJRQ
Price: $1,305.44
This giant Swiss Army knife from Wenger is designed with an incredible 87 implements that perform 141 functions, making it the only tool you’ll need to get any job done. Whether in your pack or on display, the Giant Knife is sure to be a conversation starter. Packaged in a black plastic box.
2.5-inch, 60%-serrated locking blade
Nail file
Nail cleaner
Corkscrew
Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
Removable screwdriver bit adapter
2.5-inch blade for Official World Scout Knife
Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
Removable screwdriver bit holder
Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
Flathead screwdriver bit, 0.5 mm × 3.5 mm
Flathead screwdriver bit, 0.6 mm × 4.0 mm
Flathead screwdriver bit, 1.0 mm × 6.5 mm
Magnetized, recessed bit holder
Double-cut wood saw with ruler
Chain rivet setter
Removable 5-mm Allen wrench
Screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
Removable tool for adjusting spokes
10-mm hexagonal key for nuts
Removable 4-mm, curved Allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
Patented locking screwdriver
Universal wrench
2.4-inch springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design
1.65-inch clip-point utility blade
Phillips head screwdriver
2.5-inch clip-point blade
Club face cleaner
2.4-inch round-tip blade
Cap lifter
Can opener
Shoe spike wrench
Divot repair tool
4-mm Allen wrench
2.5-inch
blade
Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
Cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges
12/20-gauge choke tube tool
Watch-case-back opening tool
Snap shackle
Mineral crystal magnifier
Compass
Straight edge / ruler (in./cm)
Telescopic pointer
Fish scaler
Hook disgorger
Line guide
Shortix laboratory key
Micro tool holder
Micro tool adapter
Micro scraper, straight
Micro scraper, curved
Laser pointer with 300-foot range
Metal file
Metal saw
Flashlight
1.5-mm Phillips head screwdriver
1.2-mm screwdriver
.8-mm screwdriver
Fine fork for watch spring bars
Reamer
1.2-mm pin punch
.8-mm pin punch
Round needle file
Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
Removable tool holder
Special self-centering screwdriver for gunsights
Flat Phillips head screwdriver
Chisel-point reamer
Small ruler
Extension tool
Spring-loaded, locking, flat-nose needle-nose pliers
Removable screwdriver bit holder
Tire tread gauge
Fiber-optic tool holder
Cap lifter
Wire stripper
Reamer
Awl
Toothpick
Tweezers
Key ring
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1,799 of 1,917 people found the following review helpful
Found this…
By MechYeti, January 22, 2011
…stuck into a stone, while on vacation. I’m impressed with it generally. Unfortunately, it turns out that removing it made me the new king of Switzerland, which is a lot of responsibility.
Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews Page 1