Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews
Page 7
279 of 283 people found the following review helpful
Is it normal?
By Flam, May 2, 2013
The Yodeling Pickle in my house appears to be possessed. Whenever I put it away in the kitchen cupboard it mysteriously appears in the top drawer of my wife’s bedside table.
325 of 358 people found the following review helpful
Much better than Nickleback
By Dean Clean, February 21, 2010
After hearing the music of Nickelback and being highly disappointed, I began a quest to find something better. This item fits the bill perfectly. The Yodeling Pickle shows much more talent, creativity, and potential than Nickelback ever has, or will, show. SALUTE THE PICKLE!
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Customer Questions & Answers
Does this thing work?
Works great. I agree that it’s super sensitive. I like to leave it in my wife’s purse so that when she’s in a store and goes fishing for her money it starts going off. We’ve had it for a little more than a year, and it never gets old.
Westcoastsailor answered on January 14, 2013
Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000SSV8AA
4.4 out of 5 stars
Name: Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages
ASIN: B000SSV8AA
Price: $6.06
Ouch! That smarts! Treat your minor cuts, scrapes, and scratches with the incredible healing power of meat. And if a fancy bandage isn’t enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE PRIZE? Each set comes in a 3¾-inch-tall metal pocket tin and contains a small trinket to help make even the ouchiest owies feel all better in no time. The 3-by-1-inch Bacon Strips are cut to look like small slabs of bacon. Fifteen per tin.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
381 of 385 people found the following review helpful
May Result in Cannibalism
By CoolHand, March 5, 2012
These bacon bandages are so realistic that they may cause secondary injuries. I applied a bacon bandage to a moderate cut on my left thumb and within 2 hours, 4 people attempted to bite me. These bites required more bacon bandages, which, in turn, were responsible for more bites. The amount of bites per bandage applied rose exponentially to the point where I may die from blood loss. I am in desperate need of some liver-and-onion bandages as these would be appealing only to geriatrics who would be easily fought off.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Great on my boo-boo
By Armando Kiyama “Mondo Photo”, July 21, 2013
Neighborhood cats keep following me when I wear these; maybe they shouldn’t smell like bacon. These are the other white Band-Aid.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
It don’t get no better than this
By Sir George Martini “Verbalosity”, March 10, 2013
I’ve used bacon for bandages for years because of its medicinal qualities. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it came as an adhesive bandage. Now I don’t have to worry about removing grease stains from my clothing.
3,988 of 4,026 people found the following review helpful
Bacon the most of it
By George Takei, July 21, 2013
Looking to add a little sizzle to your next flesh wound? Tired of the same boaring bandages? Not to pork fun at an injury, but nothing strips the pain away like meating friends out dressed like this. “That’s sow wrong, George!” they squeal. But fat chance they let such a pig idea go. In fact, they often rip it off quickly—after giving me the cold shoulder. Perhaps it’s time to climb out of this filthy pig pun. I can’t help it: I ham what I ham.
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Customer Questions & Answers
Got any that look like scar tissue or open wounds?
A Halloween best seller?
Show off my ouchee?
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Healing powers of bacon
Sharp Provolone Piccante Cheese (Whole Wheel)
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0029XZAUQ
3.1 out of 5 stars
Name: Sharp Provolone Piccante Cheese (Whole Wheel), Approximately 60 lb.
ASIN: B0029XZAUQ
Price: $849.53
Description: CHEESE
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
28 of 31 people found the following review helpful
My plan is complete!
By Simeon Lees, January 13, 2013
I purchased this as the last part that I needed for my organic motherboard, which I’m using to power my time machine. First impressions: the packaging is great and probably justifies the cost in itself. It is indeed sharp, and I cut my finger while slotting it into place in the motherboard. I turned it on, and I have to say it works a treat; started spinning and powered the time machine with conviction unmatched by cheaper brands. One niggle is that after about 20 minutes of continuous use, it starts to overheat and becomes sticky and gives off quite a pungent smell which is especially overpowering in small rooms.
116 of 126 people found the following review helpful
Stay classy
By Ron Burgundy, January 5, 2013
My dog Baxter ate the whole wheel of cheese before I could get to it. I’m not mad though. It was kind of amazing. I’ll buy another one next paycheck.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Close to perfect
By Andrew, February 20, 2013
But for the number of cracker boxes required to enjoy, this would have been a five-star review. Thank god for The Dollar Store!
126 of 135 people found the following review helpful
Competition disaster (oval)
By Russell Simpson, January 10, 2013
I am still recovering from this weekend when I was the laughingstock of the entire Mariposa County Cheese Rolling ‘Rollapalooza.’ I purchased this cheese “WHEEL” as a last minute replacement for my trusty 75-lb Pecorino Wheel which got defaced by local youths. Still, I was looking forward to chasing a lighter “WHEEL” down the hill—this would give me more dynamic control over the direction of the roll. On the morning of the competition, imagine my distress when, dressed proudly in my regional colours and nearly-new cleats, I unwrapped the package to what turns out to be an OVAL-SHAPED cheese. This is NOT A WHEEL. Repeat: NOT A WHEEL. It is OVAL. Needless to say, you can imagine the rest (which was broadcast live on local TV AND one internet channel—note: the comments below the video are disgusting and defamatory). So why the two stars? As I bundled downhill behind the bouncing OVAL, arch-rivals roaring past in mirth, some chunks dislodged and the cheese itself was creamy and ripe. This is not a competition cheese. AVOID. If anyone wants it, I abandoned it in rage at the bottom of Greeley Hill, Mariposa County on Sunday afternoon (from the 49 North, take the 132 East). It should still be okay.
29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
Use caution—this cheese is very sharp!
By Dr. John M. Hoyt, January 17, 2013
I was cut very badly while attempting to enjoy this cheese. I advise that you extreme caution due to the sharp nature. Keep a first aid kit on hand while using this product. It was very good quality, though.
Steering-Wheel-Attachable Work Surface Tray
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004H38YZY
4.0 out of 5 stars
Name: AutoExec Wheelmate Steering-Wheel-Attachable Work Surface Tray
ASIN: B00E1D1GY6
Price: $25.39
Being comfortable is one of the biggest challenges when on the road. Specifically designed with safety in mind, the AutoExec Wheelmate fits when the steering wheel is completely upside down. This allows you to make your steering wheel one of the most ergonomic work spaces available. The Wheelmate can fit multiple different applications from holding your tablet
and Bluetooth keyboard to simply being used as an eating surface. The lightweight construction makes it easy to carry in a bag or stow away when not in use.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5,400 of 5,609 people found the following review helpful
These worked great in the cockpit for our transcontinental flights!
By Linky’s Dad, November 4, 2009
My copilot and I both used these during our “daily grind” transcontinental flights from San Diego to Minneapolis. We had to modify them a bit to fit snug against the instrument panels (when we bought them we didn’t realize the planes we fly don’t have steering wheels!), but in the end it did the job. With our laptops firmly in place we were able to focus our attention on what really mattered, participating in raids with our WoW clan. During our last flight we were so immersed in trying to take down Eranikus that we overshot Minneapolis by a full hour and a half before some annoying flight attendant interrupted us, babbling something about “FAA and F-16 fighters.” We’ll definitely use this product again at our next gig, whatever and whenever that happens to be…Highly recommended!
51 of 53 people found the following review helpful
A request to the inventors!
By lts, September 13, 2010
I really like this thing, but I have one small request for consideration of the inventors…is it possible to have one made out of granite, maybe with a personalized inscription on the bottom as well as name and date of birth? I really like to get double use out of my purchases, and since this thing is going to kill me, I would like if it could double as my tombstone.
Follow-up: Actually, could you leave the name blank? It killed my wife and kids; I’m fine. Wow, this thing is useful. Once I wrestled it from the mangled wreckage I was easily able to walk the 13 yards and reattach it to my steering wheel, making contacting my family’s life insurance agent, and then writing this review, a breeze…thanks, Steering Wheel Desktop, you rock :D
707 of 742 people found the following review helpful
I love to e-mail the highway patrol
By Min Byong Chang “MBC”, November 3, 2009
Adding this desk to my car’s steering wheel has been baby-Jesus awesome. I love e-mailing the highway patrol while I drive to let them know the tag numbers of cell-phone-using drivers. Lordy!
111 of 118 people found the following review helpful
Hate this thing
By Anthony Tommasi, October 27, 2009
I hate this thing. I’ve been using it for a while, but the other day I had to make an illegal U-turn and it knocked me out when it slapped me across the face. I just ended up giving it to my sister.
How to Avoid Huge Ships
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0870334336
3.7 out of 5 stars
Name: How to Avoid Huge Ships
ASIN: 870334336
Price: $141.94
Description: (not available)
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1,933 of 1,973 people found the following review helpful
A Parent’s Review
By Noel D. Hill, February 20, 2011
As the father of two teenagers, I found this book invaluable. I’m sure other parents here can empathize when I say I shudder at the thought of the increasing presence of huge ships in the lives my children. I certainly remember the strain I caused so long ago for my own parents when I began experimenting with huge ships. The long intercontinental voyages that kept my mom and dad up all night with worry. Don’t even get me started on the international protocols when transporting perishable cargo. To think, I was even younger than my kids are now! Huge ships are everywhere, and it doesn’t help that the TV and movies make huge ships seem glamorous and cool. This book helped me really approach the subject of huge ships with my kids in an honest and nonjudgmental way. Because of the insights this book provided, I can sleep a little better and cope with the reality that I can’t always be there to protect my kids from huge ships, especially as they become adults. I’m confident that my teens, when confronted by a huge ship, are much better prepared to make wiser decisions than I did. At the very least, my children certainly know that they can always come to me if they have any concerns or questions or just need my support when it comes to the topic of huge ships.
2,023 of 2,174 people found the following review helpful
Caution: Check the title before purchase
By Graham Thomas, April 7, 2010
I live near a park and frequently walk around the local area. Given the amount of dog mess that is on the pavements, I thought this book would be the ideal read to stop me from having to scrape my shoes on the grass before going home. It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realized it said How to Avoid Huge SHIPS. A simple error that means I am still treading on massive examples of canine excrement. Having said that, I read the book anyway, and I’m pleased to say I’m not even having near misses with huge ships anymore. No sir, they ain’t getting anywhere near me!
807 of 861 people found the following review helpful
Wake Up, Haters
By Madeleine B., December 13, 2010
I’m a little annoyed with the sarcastic “reviewers” of this book. You all seem to think it’s funny that some people would honestly like some expert advice on ways to avoid huge ships. What, you’ve never been traveling at a very, very slow speed straight toward something really, really big that you could see for miles and miles away, and wished you’d known what steps you could take to avoid crashing into it? Well, all I can say is, “Congratulations! What’s it like to be so perfect?” You haters just keep on enjoying your huge-ship-collision-free little fantasies. I for one am going to buy this book and learn something, because I live in the real world, where huge ships and the dangers they present to people like me are actually a serious issue.
My interpretation of what I imagine could be an actual diagram in How to Avoid Huge Ships.
The person in the sailboat has obviously not had the benefit of this book. I keep a copy just to drop on such “navigators” as they pass under the bridge wing looking up with astonished expressions on their faces. Attaching a heavy shackle makes even more of an impression.
American Flag Pants by Best Form
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004VMQPFM
4.5 out of 5 stars
Name: F500 American Flag Pants by Best Form
ASIN: B004VMQPFM
Price: $29.95–$33.95
Best Form makes American Flag Pants from 100% cotton, unlike other manufacturers who use a cheaper blend fabric for their workout pants. These Flag Pants are cut with a roomy thigh area and sharply tapered ankle cuffs, which make them great for gym pants and for casual wear as well. There are two side pockets and a 2-inch-wide elastic waistband. The US Stars and Stripes pants are our most popular patriotic clothing item. Best Form has a huge inventory of hot-selling flag pants available for immediate shipment to anywhere in the world. These are popular MMA pants for the mixed martial arts enthusiasts. Be sure to check out our store for the new F600 Flag Shorts. XXL—Add $4. Both American Flag Pants and Shorts are made in the USA.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
24 of 27 people found the following review helpful
They make me feel like a wild stallion
By Windy Skye, July 3, 2013
I always wear these sweet pants when I’m out for my morning Prancercise. I love the way the material flows gently in the breeze as I’m prancing like a wild stallion in the wind.
1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Perfect for delivering a roundhouse kick to the face
By Zachary J. Rodman “zackeeus”, September 24, 2013
Like the title of my review states, and others have noted, these pants are perfect for delivering an appropriately timed roundhouse kick to the face. To whose face? That’s really up to you. But I strongly recommend that you avoid kicking any
of the following in the face: on-duty police officers, Marines, Russel Crowe, robots, large predators (no sense of humor), anyone else wearing “F500 American Flag Pants.” So then, to whose noggin SHOULD you deliver a precision roundhouse kick? Again, that’s up to your personal preferences, but here are some ideas to get you started: commies, bank robbers, Rush Limbaugh, Philadelphia Eagles fans, anyone smaller and/or weaker than you. *Enjoy!* Disclaimer: This is a joke. Please do NOT do this. By reading this, you agree that I am not responsible for your moronic actions.
20 of 25 people found the following review helpful
Best Pants Ever
By Robbiez, June 2, 2013
As a Marine helicopter pilot, I often get bored with wearing a flight suit to work. It doesn’t allow me the freedom to roundhouse kick-start the rotor head with the authority that these pants do. I wear them to work every day, and our squadron’s flight hours have gone up 600%.
302 of 317 people found the following review helpful
Patriotism Like a Boss
By sms12206baw, February 29, 2012
I bought these pants for working out. They match my “Big Johnson” shirts so well. I can sense the burning jealousy in others’ very souls as I enter the Zumba class. I like to pair these pants with my white high-top Reebok sneakers. I feel like a walking Lee Greenwood song in these bad boys. I recommend these to anyone who needs something comfortable to wear while on house arrest or headed to a tractor pull. Check them out, folks. You won’t be sorry. I finally got to second base with my cousin because he liked these so much.