Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews
Page 19
1,372 of 1,450 people found the following review helpful
Don’t cha wish you saved your $8?
By M. Cruz “Impulse Buyer Extraordinaire”, January 10, 2010
It’s Monday, January 4th. First day back at work. All day long I am mentally psyching myself up to work out because, let’s face it, if I loved working out I wouldn’t resort to buying a Pussycat Dolls (PCD) Workout DVD at 1:38 in the morning on Amazon.com. I would be asleep and wake up to take a nice walk. But, no. I hate exercise but love dancing.
It’s 5 p.m. I drive home, change into workout clothes, take the dog outside, and I put the DVD in. The cheesy music starts, and they show close-ups of the PCD girls, and they’re all sex-ified. Lovely. This DVD is made for 14-year-old boys.
I am kind of standing there waiting for the darn intro to finish. Robin Antin is apparently the “creator” (or pimp—your call) of the PCD group, and she’s going on and on about how great this video is. If you do it daily, you’ll look like them in no time! During this intro all I can think about is 1 thing: This was probably a waste of $8. But, I am still optimistic, and I even have a water bottle nearby because clearly to look like them, you gotta work out HARD. Sweat, get sore, be outta breath.
The first part of the workout (a term they use loosely—you’ll see why) is set to their popular song “Don’t Cha.” It starts off, and Robin is the one giving the instructions, and it’s easy. If you can walk forward 3 steps and place your hand on your hips on step 4, you’ve got 1/4 of the darn routine down. If you can do so while trying to act sexy, you’ve got another 1/4 of it down. I’m doing it, and I keep thinking to myself that I am not remotely sweaty. Not even out of breath. I look at my dog and he’s doing the routine because it’s that easy. At this point I also realize that none of the girls look familiar, and this is because it’s the PCD from the burlesque show and not PCD the um “singing” group (wink, wink). But this doesn’t bother me any, because they all look the same to me. Nicole, the lead “singer,” does come out during the 3rd routine to the song “Buttons” if that matters to you or your husband.
It takes about 15 minutes for Robin to teach you the routine, and during these 15 minutes she also mentions a bajillion times that once you do this DVD you’ll really start to see results and get better at the dances. Really? Seriously? If you did this DVD every day you’d be BORED TO TEARS like another reviewer said.
Finally, it’s time for you to perform the routine from start to finish. How long is the routine? Oh, roughly 30 seconds long. I’ll even summarize it for you:
What to do now? The girls on the DVD are practicing their pole moves, I guess I’ll do that. Oh wait, here we go AGAIN. Walk 3 steps, place hands on hips on 4. Shake your hips while doing so. Leave lips slightly open to look sexy. Do a casual wave of the arm while “hot like me” is playing. I think you get the point. You do the “routine” about 5+ times during the song, and in between each set you just freestyle some stripper moves hoping your husband/boyfriend/child doesn’t walk into the door to see you swinging your hair around while you’re in sweatpants.
Not being too impressed with the first routine, I did decide to move on to the next routine. Maybe they get progressively harder, I thought to myself. Up next, burlesque. More stripper moves. Robin starts off the segment by telling you to get a boa or a men’s tie. I don’t have a boa, and my hubby does have a lot of ties, but they’re zipper ties. Not gonna work. I finally found a suitable replacement…a pashmina. The beautiful, magenta pashmina given to me by a friend/coworker for Christmas. It is gorgeous. The burlesque routine starts off and you hold the boa/pashmina over your head and move your hips from side to side. Then, you turn to the right and rub the pashmina over your chest and lift your leg up and rub it on your leg, too. Alright. You’re supposed to do all that in like 3 seconds. FAST. They look all hot doing it, and I almost broke the coffee table trying to do it fast and getting my foot caught in the pashmina.
And this next move nearly caused a HUGE problem. You take the boa (or my pashmina, which is considerably larger/heavier than a boa) and you swing it to the left and right. It basically slaps down onto the floor and you snap it back up and repeat on the opposite side. I did this forgetting that there is an obstacle to all this. It’s called a ceiling fan. The noise and movement my ceiling fan made when I whipped my pashmina up into it nearly made me shart myself.
But after I consoled my dog, I went back to the routine. I decided to just not do the whipping/swinging of the pashmina, and I’d be good, right? Negative. After you rub the boa against your girls, your legs, whip it left and right without killing yourself or your animals, you’re supposed to turn to the left, slap the boa onto the floor so that it GOES BETWEEN YOUR LEGS and you grab it with one hand behind/near your butt so you can like rub it between your crotch and look all silly and sexy. I watched the PCD do this, and I looked at my pashmina, and I want to say I called it quits. But I didn’t. I tried it once. JUST ONCE. Okay, twice. And I couldn’t grab it behind my butt fast enough because I am like, ya know, FAT. And my butt is FAT, too. And so are my arms. Ugh. I whipped my pashmina onto the floor so that it went between my legs and it was just e[…] No way I was going to rub my pashmina into my nether regions like I am trying to hump it or something. IT IS A PASHMINA.
The third routine is set to their song “Buttons,” but the only button I pushed was stop on the DVD player. I have tried a ton of workout DVDs, and I have to say this was the most awful one. It’s not hard, you could cause bodily harm to humans/animals, and it’s a waste of $8. Well, more if you don’t have a boa and have to buy one. Bottom line: Don’t buy it. Bottom line #2: Don’t look at me funny when you see me wear my magenta pashmina.
112 of 117 people found the following review helpful
Unleash your inner Pussycat Doll
By K. Harrell “Enjoying the Journey”, December 21, 2009
So, this workout was fun and sexy, so I gave it three stars; however, there were many drawbacks that prevent this from being a truly awesome workout. I’ll tell you some details of the workout and then explain what I saw as deficiencies.
Pussycat Dolls (PCD) Workout DVD is led by Robin Antin, the creator of the group. She is joined by Christina from the group Girlicious and 3 ladies from her burlesque show in Vegas. Nicole Scherzinger only shows up in the performance section of the “Buttons” routine.
All of the participants look fabulous, and if their physiques don’t inspire you to exercise, nothing will. They are trying a bit too hard to be sexy, but what do you expect from PCD? The workout is split into 3 different 30-second dance routines: “Don’t Cha,” “Burlesque,” and “Buttons.”
Robin takes about 10-15 minutes to teach you each routine, and then there are 3-4 minute performances of each routine. During the performance sections, you perform the short routines multiple times with some freestyle dancing in between. Robin is used to teaching seasoned dancers, and it shows—she does not break down moves that other instructors would. However, she performs each move multiple times so that you should have no problem learning it. The dances are not taken strictly from the PCD routines but are modified so that most people would be able to pick them up quickly.
A word of warning: this routine may not be appropriate to perform around children (i.e., this is the only workout my boyfriend can’t wait for me to do). The women are very scantily clad, and you will
frequently be asked to grind it, pop it, and slap your booty—among other maneuvers.
The only equipment required to perform the routine is a feathered boa, scarf, or necktie for the “Burlesque” section. Cons: The routines are very short at 30 seconds each and not so difficult that you couldn’t learn them on the first try. This means that you could easily grow bored with this workout. Also it is annoying that Robin frequently repeats, “You should do this workout every day,” (if you did you would be bored to tears) and, “We do this move in PCD all the time,” (marketing, much?).
Most importantly, if you are anything but a very beginner at exercise, the DVD will be too easy for you. I think that Robin should make the routines longer so that you get a better workout and stop trying to ride the PCD train for everything it’s worth.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Good buy—but realize what you’re getting into
By Julesh007, May 15, 2011
OK, for those who said there were half-naked girls and butt slapping, you’re right. But what do you expect? If you have ever seen the PCD girls or listened to their music, then you should have thought through the purchase more. Honestly, I think it’s a good workout. However, I do skip the burlesque workout because boas kinda freak me out and make me uncomfortable. Yeah, it’s kind embarrassing if you do this video in front of someone, but otherwise loosen up! It’s fun and made me feel more confident. I just did it yesterday, both the “Buttons” and “Don’t Cha” workouts, and my legs are killing me! In a good way.
Original Rubber Duck—Royal Duck
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00156R8OE
3.3 out of 5 stars
Name: RICH FROG Original Rubber Duck—Royal Duck
ASIN: B00156R8OE
Price: $7.50
There’s only one original! We are proud to be the maker of this rubber duck. Made from natural latex, which is naturally phthalate and BPA free. Hand painted using natural dye paints.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown
By Melissa Hunter-Kilmer, June 2, 2013
Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude, And in the calmest and most stillest night, With all appliances and means to boot, Deny it to a king? Then happy low, lie down! Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Henry IV, Part 2, Act 3, Scene 1, 26-31. Intended as a manipulative for high school English classes, this so-called rubber ducky illustrates Henry IV’s exasperation at his inability to get more than a few Zs. However, as another reviewer has noted, this rubber ducky will not float in a manner befitting an anatid. It is possible that STEM classes can rectify this shortcoming. The only way that the product can even begin to justify its enormous price is as an educational tool for both English and STEM classes. On the other hand, used only as a tool in English classes, the lack of floating verisimilitude might still pass. It is a rare English class that furnishes tubs of water in which to float rubber ducks, after all.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Just what I always wanted: a rubber duck with a crown!
By Miriam A. Kilmer “Joyce Kilmer’s grand daughter and F. C. Frieseke’s”, May 31, 2013
You only have to pay about a thousand dollars extra to get the rubber crown on your rubber duck! I say go for it!
4 of 7 people found the following review helpful
King ducky can’t swim
By Alexa’s mom “Alley”, August 25, 2008
Our duck can’t swim. We believe his crown is too heavy and makes him drown. But seriously, I only bought this product because it was advertised as phthalate and BPA free, but I mean come on, swimming is a basic skill every rubber ducky should have! Since our ducky can’t swim, we sing to our baby girl about the ducky at bath time. The song goes something like this: “My name is king ducky, king ducky and my crown is too heavy, too heavy so I can not swim, can not swim. I come from Spanish union labor and I was pretty expensive but I still can’t swim, still can’t swim…”
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
For a duck, it’s a good choice
By Patricia, September 8, 2008
I spend a lot of time looking at rubber ducks; it’s my job. I’m a rubber ducky retail buyer. I own this duck. I’ve handled this duck dozens of times, and I have to say that, for a duck, it’s a good, safe choice. Young children like to put ducks in their mouths. Duck butts go straight in, without a second thought. If you are concerned about BPA, then this duck and his little gang of friends are a more natural choice. He doesn’t float upright, it isn’t advertised as such and, in fact, most rubber ducks on the market don’t float upright; they float on their sides. In order to float, they need a weighted bottom. That’s just the way it is.
Ultra-Fine Fan Filter with Magnet Cooling
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ARB5E8U
4.7 out of 5 stars
Name: SilverStone Tek 120-mm, Ultra-Fine Fan Filter with Magnet Cooling FF123B (Black)
ASIN: B00ARB5E8U
Price: $9.25
Dust can be a computer system’s worst enemy, as it has the potential to lower cooling performance or cause damage when left overly accumulated. But most fan filters are a hassle to install, so SilverStone created an easy-to-use FF123 fan filter. The FF123 has embedded magnets in its frame so it can be effortlessly attached to any steel chassis without tools. So for those looking for dust reduction for component longevity with increased cooling efficiency, the FF123 is an excellent buy.
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29 of 35 people found the following review helpful
Enlightened Me
By Yousef Khan, July 1, 2013
This may seem like a regular fan filter, but it is much more.
The time was 6:03 p.m. on a Saturday morning. It was a warm, sunny day. The room temperature was 76 degrees, and the air was crisp. I opened the Amazon package that lay before me. Inside it was the Holy Grail—a 120-mm SilverStone Tek fan filter.
I was filled with inexplicable joy. I rushed to my computer to install it. Much to my surprise, it was magnetic! It quickly snapped on. I did not even need to use the screw holes. My week was made.
Quickly, I turned my computer on. The fan spun up and started sucking air through the filter. I stared at the filter and envisioned my future. No longer would I find bugs in my heatsink. I would finally be able to live in peace.
It wasn’t long before the filter started talking to me. It had promised me a life of euphoria and enjoyment, so I did what it told me to. Rather violent it was, but in the end, it was worth it.
I had finally completed my last task. Few people survived and thus the filter deemed I was worthy of the ultimate reward. I felt an extremely powerful energy envelop me. I feel a transformation begin within me.
I feel my consciousness shatter into millions of pieces. I am hit by a wave of unconditional love, euphoria, and emotions that a human mind cannot comprehend.
No longer am I human. I am one with the universe.
I am filter.
12” Plush Red Christmas Stocking
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001L11PQ0
2.9 out of 5 stars
Name: 12” Plush Red Christmas Stocking with White Fur Trim
ASIN: B001L11PQ0
Price: $5.20
These plush Christmas stockings are great for decorating and personalizing. A must-have for the Christmas holidays. Size 12½” × 6½”.
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4 of 7 people found the following review helpful
If the Stockin’s a-Rockin’, Don’t Come a-Knockin’
By Zolton “Veni. Vidi. Reviewi.”, December 6, 2011
I’m not a big Christmas guy. If I find myself sitting on the knee of some fat bearded guy at the mall, telling hi
m what I wish for most and whether I’ve been a naughty boy, then I’ve got a whole world of problems I really don’t want to think about. Still, ’tis the season. So at my wife’s insistence, I’m making an effort to find the “Christmas spirit” this year. Whereby “find,” of course I mean “buy.” Finally, my wife convinced me we should hang Christmas stockings, just like old times. We’d each tell the other little trinkets and treats we wanted and sneak them into the other’s stocking. I only wanted one thing. So I bought this extra-large and sturdy number, to make sure it would hold up. And sure enough, after I’d dropped candies and gumdrops and mini tubes of toothpaste into my wife’s stocking, I checked mine for the goods—one oversized bottle of cheap tequila, to get me through the holidays. Sure enough, there it was. I don’t know if this counts as “Christmas spirit,” but with any luck I’ll be smiling wide until New Year’s. Feliz Navidad!
Blackhawk Dynamic Entry UK MOE Kit
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000S5GZDS
5.0 out of 5 stars
Name: Blackhawk Dynamic Entry UK MOE Kit 03603—UK MOE Kit, Blk