Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews
Page 22
2 of 6 people found the following review helpful
The answer for your question
By Savebone Music “Sasha”, July 26, 2013
Finally, the Schrodinger’s Cat Executive Decision Maker will take away any responsibility I may have in my life! Darling, shall we have another kid? Darling, may I light this peculiar candle looking like a dynamite stick? Dear box, may I ease my mother-in-law down the stairs with a gentle push? Should I get out of bed today? These and more life-changing questions are easily answered with this wonder box! The most wonderful thing: if you receive a wrong answer, there is someone you can blame! Just pick up the box and toss it out of the window! When the cops ask, “Why did you throw the box on your nosy neighbor?” you can tell them the box told you to do it!
208 of 215 people found the following review helpful
This ain’t magic
By Joe Tonigh, July 26, 2013
The Magic 8 Ball runs on magic? That’s just silly. Now, this product runs on quantum superposition. That’s science!
34 of 37 people found the following review helpful
I’m sorry to give a negative review
By Lynda Seehusen “Ranchmom1”, July 26, 2013
I was very disappointed in this product. After giving me the “dying” response 9 times, it stopped working. I believe there should be some type of warning on the product that it only has 9 lives.
14 of 18 people found the following review helpful
Am I a bad person…
By Euroranger, July 26, 2013
…for wanting to click both the Yes and No buttons for the previous reviews? It seems like the very act of reviewing this product requires this product.
* * *
Customer Questions & Answers
I am assuming no actual cats are being killed, or not in this box, but I think they should say so in their ad?
Every decision requires the sacrifice of one cat. That is the price one must pay for being indecisive.
BRG answered on July 26, 2013
Yeti Abominable Snowman Adult T-Shirt
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0037TMB08
4.9 out of 5 stars
Name: The Mountain Yeti Abominable Snowman Adult T-Shirt
ASIN: B0037TMB08
Price: $17.00–$34.65
The Mountain is the leader of apparel that has some wild and crazy animals prominently displayed on its shirts. After just one wash, you will not know where the print ends and the shirt begins. The unique printing process actually pulls the dye color out of the shirt and leaves the ink color behind, essentially dyeing the cotton with the ink. The Mountain Classic T-shirt features an oversized, relaxed fit, with reinforced double stitching on all seams. After dyeing it is washed and dried, so it arrives to you comfortable, preshrunk, and ready to wear. This heavyweight, 100%-cotton T will last you years and years.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
81 of 86 people found the following review helpful
Strength Infused with Cotton
By David J. Knowles, May 12, 2010
I am almost embarrassed to admit the lack of reviews regarding this particular piece of lost lore. This protective article of clothing is much more than meets the eye. Simple pixels from your computer screen couldn’t possibly capture the majestic and unbridled power of this cloak. There are *actual* yeti hairs inscribed into each fiber of cotton. Upon first donning this garment, all former vestiges of humanity are lost. I was immediately transformed into a towering ogrillon figure, 12 feet at least, and began my rampage. I hold no memories from this torrential act; however, the next day’s paper gave insight to the destruction I, no doubt, wreaked. The obituary section actually took up the entire contents of the paper, the Statesmen labeling this the worst case of killing-spree homicide the world has seen yet. This is a definite must-buy, considering the raw power of this more-than-celestial article. Purchase this shirt today, and release the debilitating, dragging bonds of society. Let go of your humanity, and embrace the yeti.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
LEGENDARY—The name, the myth, the man!
By S. Nguyen “S.H.N.”, December 26, 2012
I recently bought this to wear to a gangster-themed Christmas party. That’s right; I represented the YETIs. This shirt was even more gangster than the oversized Dickies shorts, knee-high tube socks, bandanna, and Raiders slippers, which completed my outfit. This made the party, and the halo power of the shirt also enabled me to blow all karaoke competition out of the water. I was absolutely rocking it. I highly recommend this shirt, particularly for Christmas parties. The reason, obviously besides the time of year, is that showing up to a Christmas party with this shirt is like a gift in itself. Everyone will be mesmerized. You will rock. BUT BE WARNED: THERE MAY BE SOME CASUALTIES AS A RESULT OF THE RAW RAGE THAT ACCOMPANIES THIS SHIRT!!! MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AN OUTLET FOR IT, I.E., KARAOKE, LEST YOU RUN OVER GRANDMA IN AN UNCONTROLLABLE RAMPAGE!
24 of 26 people found the following review helpful
Legendary
By Garden Roots, March 5, 2011
It was 9:30 a.m. when the doorbell rang and I found the box that contained this (for lack of a better word) shirt. All the glory and majesty radiating from the garment immediately made my life 1,000% better. As I lifted the shirt from the box with more care and respect than I would give to a newborn baby, I suddenly felt a surge of what can only be described as unicorn powers flow through my body. Since owning this shirt I am now able to withstand extremely cold temperatures, and my strength has grown similar to that of a full-grown silverback mountain gorilla!!!
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Ghost of the Himalayas
By Matthew A. Bird, August 16, 2010
I’m sure you already bought this as soon as you saw the raw epicness that is Yeti shirt. At this point you are probably feeling a strange fear as the realization that a mysterious and awesome, possibly uncontrollable power will be arriving at your home soon. To prepare you, here are some facts regarding the Mountain Yeti Abominable Snowman T-Shirt that you may find useful:
*Yeti Shirt eats a Three Wolf Moon Shirt and 3 Dale Earnhardt Jr. NASCAR Shirts daily.
*Yeti Shirt gives you +7 strength and +12 magical resistance.
*I wear Yeti Shirt to church every Sunday.
*The picture on Yeti Shirt is not an artist rendition. It is an actual photo taken by a libertarian.
*Yeti Shirt is afraid of fire and angry villagers.
*Yeti Shirt must be kept below 30 degrees or it will shed and emit a strong musty odor.
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful
It can’t be true…Or can it?
By Ken, February 10, 2012
I read the warnings, but I went forward like a Sherpa up the steep Himalayas. I refused to turn back and placed my order. Eagerly I waited the arrival, so eagerly I took vacation time from work to camp outside the front of my house. I sat in my tent with a bucket and some beef jerky. My wife and children were sad and missed me as they looked out our bay window wondering when I might return from my journey. Alas 2 days passed, thank the heavens for Amazon.com Prime. Behold the package arrived. I stank of feces and sweat mixed with jerky, but I did not care. I ripped off my filthy Gap shirt which I burned promptly and placed the Yeti on myself. Immediately I felt the power of the Yeti envelope me, I let out a primal yelp. I feared I was about to go on a rampage, but I did not. Instead I turned and saw my family, they ran to me and held me and screamed for joy. My wife embraced me knowing I was now the man she had always wished I was, and though I smelt like a donkey in the summer heat she kissed me like never before. That was 3 months ago, I have yet to take the Yeti shirt off. The power is too great. I am no longer a mere accountant, I am a Yeti Accountant. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
It’s All So Clear Now
By J. Murray, March 22, 2011
&nb
sp; I am 32 years old and a proud new owner of the Yeti. I was really upset at the lack of reviews on this shirt, but nevertheless, purchased one posthaste as I am not sure if I’d lay my eyes on a more pristine picture of the Yeti. After calling Amazon and asking if I could pay $100 for same-day delivery or if I just could travel to the plant and pick it up myself (you can’t), I decided to overnight the shirt. Around 2 p.m. the following afternoon, my mom woke me up (I knew right then this was serious) and rushed me downstairs. There was already an eerie glow emanating from the box. I opened up the box, and that’s the last thing I remember. This is my one request from my lawyer: to write a review and warn you all. The reason why there are no Yeti shirt reviews are because the owners of this shirt are all incarcerated or dead. I’m now told I went on a killing spree that started with my own mother. Now I haven’t seen The View in over a week, which is comparable to being waterboarded. So think twice before you tackle the Yeti; think twice.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
This shirt is beautiful!
By Gibsonaxeplayer, on April 29, 2012
No exaggeration what so ever here; I’m not kidding when I say I wore this shirt to the mall and in one hour’s time I was paid 4 wonderful compliments by total strangers. I was so excited by this, that I shared the story with all the awesome people at the FDP (Fender Discussion Page).
I have never been so excited about a dang T-shirt ever.
This shirt has changed my life. Okay, ‘now’ I’m exaggerating.
Buy this shirt!
P.S. Thank you for making this shirt in 3xl as I’m a bit of a yeti myself.
Cat DJ Scratching Deck
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006YR6EK8
4.0 out of 5 stars
Name: Cat DJ Scratching Deck (by Suck UK)
ASIN: B006YR6EK8
Price: $27.20
Never let it be said Suck UK don’t dabble in science. In the name of completely misunderstanding Schrödinger’s work, we introduce our newest cat/box combination, the scratch deck. Cats scratch furniture to mark their territory, to exercise their muscles, and for sheer pleasure. All similar reasons youths mix music, and if we are to cross over both those cultures we’d rather get cats mixing music than teenage boys bringing bedraggled birds back to your doorstep. The deck comes flat packed and folds together into a simple structure with poseable tone arm and a top which spins as your cat paws at it, meaning you can sit and giggle in a “look, the cat is doing human things” way rather than watch in horror as she shreds your favourite couch into tiny pieces.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
DJ kitty
By David Pachter, June 17, 2013
My cats are always battling the sucka DJ dogs in the club. They get crazy styles and climb all over the deck, 4-claw scratches rolling around on the plate. They act high on catnip. I mean, as the club owner, I may have put some catnip on the platter to sweeten the deal, but these cats need to learn their limits. Item arrived as described and super fast.
Extra Inputs?
By DJ Catnip, June 25, 2013
So I was tearing it down at Ibiza last night with Cuddles (my DJ superstar). Cuddles was really get into it, paw-pumping and all. It was really great, and he was dropping the bass like you wouldn’t believe. The only problem is that there is no input for multiple units. Cuddles really likes to beat juggle, and he is disappointed that this is pretty proprietary.
5 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Suck UK Cat Scratcher Sucked
By M. Broderick, December 24, 2012
Great in theory, but my cat didn’t want to be a DJ. She gave a hipster, “Meh,” meow and wandered away. This was after I carefully put together the chintzy thing and wondered how it would hold up to her usual vigorous scratching sessions. Hopefully it’ll hold up enough to get to the shelves of the thrift shop where someone can spend a dollar trying to impress their cat.
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
DJ Spooks
By Retto, September 13, 2012
Spooky the cat is now DJ Spooks thanks to his new turntable. He loves it! Easy to assemble and a great product!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
My cats suck at DJing
By Some Angry Chick on the Beltway, September 15, 2013
I received this as a birthday gift from my boyfriend, and I’m not sure if—as a crazy cat lady—I should be impressed that I still manage to have a boyfriend or offended that he buys things for my cats on MY birthday as if they don’t get all the attention the other 364 days a year. As other reviewers mentioned, it’s kind of flimsy. I found putting duct tape in the inside corners kept it together better. As a seasoned cat lady, I’m pretty much used to my cats conspiring to find a way to destroy anything, whether something intended for them or not. I didn’t have high hopes for this scratching deck, but almost a year later, I have to say it’s a miracle the stupid thing is still in use in my house. I’m talking double digits here, people, and if this thing can withstand such abuse from an army of cats, chances are it will last in your place (assuming you have a more reasonable number than I do).
The good: Cats are attracted to it, they use it, and it’s great for getting some awesome cat photos.
The bad: It’s basically an overpriced piece of cardboard with cute logos on it, and GOD FORBID the furry jerks knock the “record” off and bang the wooden peg that keeps it attached to the base around ALL FREAKING NIGHT AT 4 IN THE MORNING because cats are jerks and that’s what they are going to do.
Also, it goes without saying, your cat probably has lame taste in music, so while the concept of your cat DJing is cute in theory, be grateful this thing is really just a novelty and not an actual way for your furry friend to kill it on the 1s and 2s.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
DJ scratching station
By Ela Zych, September 24, 2013
My cat fell instantly in love with it.
Many of his instagram friends asked us where we got it:)
Awesome product.
Once our cat destroys it, we will purchase it again.
186 of 218 people found the following review helpful
Fantastic Product
By Tom Williams, April 27, 2012
There is only one word that properly describes this product: pawsome. My three-year-old kitten, Chairman Meow, was absolutely blown away by the Suck UK Cat Scratch. He was so excited he continuously purred whilst spinning some “phat” beats and threw up several hairballs—resulting in a trip to the vet. A few days and $1300 in bills later, Chairman Meow was back up at his Cat Scratch once again trying to make his name in the DJing world. He changed his name to DJ Paws n Claws and has been traveling extensively in Europe, performing gigs, and he now has a house in Amsterdam.
Pros: DJ Paws n Claws is now a rising artist in the European house music scene and regularly sends me checks in the mail. I can now live a life of leisure sipping on Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl. oz., and I have upgraded from my trailer to a modest houseboat.
Cons: DJ Paws n Claws has been pretty uppity lately; he’s taken to smoking cigarettes and is hanging out with a “Dead Mouse.” His newfound attitude has found its way to my new shag carpet, as he thinks that he’s above the litter box and can take a huge dump wherever he likes.
DJ Ivy rocking the house.
Ultimate decision: Go ahead and get it. Even though my cat now takes dumps on the carpet due to the Suck UK Cat Scratch, I am living the life that I deserve. My new girlfriend, Linda, isn’t missing any of her incisors like my previous girlfriend Crystale.
Victorinox Swiss Army SwissChamp XAVT
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000QGF986
4.5 out of 5 stars
Name: Victorinox Swiss Army SwissChamp XAVT
ASIN: B000QGF986
Price: $369.99
In 1897, when
Karl Elsener created the Victorinox Original Swiss Army Knife, he could never have guessed that it would become a worldwide icon for function and durability and the symbol for Swiss ingenuity. This unique ingenuity—which has inspired all of Victorinox’s Swiss Army products—comes from a dedication to listening, hearing, and evolving designs to reflect the multifaceted lives and values of our consumers. The SwissChamp pocketknife is the ultimate in functionality and utility. Incredible that this product features 80 functions and can actually fit into a pocket. The SwissChamp can do it.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Great but expensive!
By katsmeow422, July 10, 2013
This is a fantastic tool. I challenge anyone to think of a feature they might possibly need on the go that doesn’t come with this knife. Swiss Army knives have earned their stellar reputation with fine products like this one. The only drawback is the price. Not the price of the knife; heck, I’d pay twice that for this incredible tool. What blew my budget all to heck was the sidecar I needed to purchase in order to carry the knife around. Dang thing ripped through the pockets of my favorite jeans and my second-favorite khakis (wasn’t going to try my first-favorite khakis after the jeans incident). I was mighty disappointed until I got the idea to use a wagon, but those things are geared toward kids, so I kept looking. I passed by a motorcycle shop, and that’s when it hit me. If you’re not prepared to shell out serious dough for a sweet, leopard-print (custom paint job!) sidecar to carry your awesome Swiss Army knife, then this might not be the purchase for you. But if you do decide to go for it, the sidecar thing is really handy. Trust me, you’ll thank me later. (Although it gets a little tiresome having to correct people when they call it your “fancy wagon.”)
14 of 17 people found the following review helpful
Hilariously oversized