Using the edit tool, I cut them out and saved them to a separate file, thinking it was a virus. I continued my reading until I reached the end. The lines of text had worked like a time bomb that prevented the Robo Chef from initialising. Leaning back in my chair, I realised I’d been sitting there for hours. The lights had dimmed to imitate the night. My bed looked tempting, so I crawled in.
I was drowsy and tired, but the words Thorn had hurled at me kept rising out of the darkness. I couldn’t ignore them. He was right. I didn’t like being played with.
Did he feel that way when I tried to play up to him? Was Slick hurt because my flirting wasn’t serious? Or was it more that Slick might fall for me and I’d never be interested and he’d end up with a broken heart. There was that, I supposed. I tried to put myself in his position and detected a smidgen of guilt. That had been low, really.
I thought about Thorn some more and realised that his play was to show me how it felt. He knew I fancied him and wanted to give me a taste of the hurt I’d inflicted. I understood a bit better now. I wasn’t good at empathy — it didn’t come naturally. There was something missing in me, something to do with how I was reared.
Thorn though, his hide was tough. There was no way I’d made a dent. I wouldn’t have hurt him at all with my flirt. But he’d hurt me, and that made me think long and hard about my behaviour and his. His comparison of me to Rae was awful. What did he know anyhow? He’d only met her briefly, or so I assumed. Maybe he’d helped her out. Why else would he imply I was shallow and Rae was deep?
My thoughts and emotions were in such a tangle and I was getting nowhere. I needed to sleep. Sitting up, I drank a cup of valerian tea, hoping it was enough to put me out.
Eventually I started to drift off. A smile lit my face. I pictured me working the Robo Chef in front of those two and the smug look on my face. I slept for a while and then woke up out of a troubling dream with a start. The valerian tea had worn off. I closed my eyes but Thorn’s words kept going around my head. I tried to ignore them and put them out of my mind. My hands fisted and my jaw clenched. I was really riled. Then, breathing through it, forcing myself to relax, the tension in my body eased. When the anger gave way I considered Thorn’s words, especially about being gutless. I knew that wasn’t true. I had nerve. Hell, I broke into buildings and cracked security systems for money. That meant I wasn’t gutless, didn’t it? That was because I did it for money, for me, my inner voice said.
I didn’t stick up for other people, did I? I didn’t even stick up for Rae when she copped slack from others — like that horrible karate teacher. I could have stood up to him, but chose not to. Why was that?
Out of the darkness, the thought came slashing out at me. No one was close to my heart, except maybe my mother and possibly after a year, Rae. Was that what he could see? My lack of emotional commitment? Memories of Thorn’s voice mingled with visions of him snarling at me, deriding me and of him kissing me. I had emotions for sure, but they were walled up pretty tight.
But I had good reason. Reason enough to never, ever acknowledge why. The reason was buried so deep I didn’t think I could unearth it.
***
Dark circles ringed my eyes the next morning. I timed my entrance to the mess for when they’d both be there. What was the point of a triumph if there were no witnesses? I strolled past them.
Slick smiled at me. ‘There’s porridge on the burner. Or a prepak if you like.’
‘Thank you, Slick. I think I’ll try this.’
I powered on the Robo Chef.
‘We told you it isn’t working.’
The lights flashed on the console. The ready light blinked green.
‘I know you did.’ I selected something from the menu — eggs benedict and a soy café latte. The machine whirred as it assembled the ingredients, rehydrated them, combined and cooked them. In two minutes the Robo Chef chimed and I took out my meal.
Thorn was out of his chair, half ready to pounce at me and half astounded. He shut his gaping mouth. ‘How?’
Slick ran up to the Robo Chef and keyed in an item. A short ping later I heard him open the door. I sipped my café latte, enjoying the aroma of my eggs.
Thorn slammed his hand down in front of me, making my plate jump. ‘I asked you how?’
I’d slipped a portion of food into my mouth so I had to chew then swallow. ‘I accessed the Robo Chef’s program and analysed the code. I found some alien text in the program, maybe a virus, maybe a time bomb. I removed it and it works again.’
He shook his head. ‘You accessed the ship’s systems?’
I nodded.
‘You gained access and then edited the Robo Chef program?’
I took another bite, closing my eyes in exultation and nodded.
Slick brought two hot dogs to the table. He glanced at Thorn and offered one. Thorn refused with a swipe of his hand. He was distracted and angry.
‘What’s wrong?’ I said around a sip of café latte. ‘I thought you’d be pleased.’
‘You accessed ship’s systems without my authority? You bypassed the security systems, delved into crucial operating systems while the ship was in flight?’
‘It was meant to be a surprise. I couldn’t ask you for access.’
He turned towards me, looked down at my plate and at Slick chowing down on his second dog. ‘A surprise? You could say that. We’re lucky we’re not dead. What gave you the right?’
I frowned. How did this get to be a bad thing? ‘I knew what I was doing.’
Thorn’s complexion had turned dark red and the cords of his neck flexed.
‘You knew what you were doing? I don’t care. You don’t do that, don’t you understand? You don’t do shit like that without authority, without supervision.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break the rules. I thought I was helping.’
He leaned closer, hand on the table, mouth poised to speak and then stopped. Backing up, he bounded out of the mess and went to his quarters.
I turned to Slick in mute appeal.
He swallowed a big bit of bun and sauce spurted over his hands. ‘You’re quite smart for a moneyed-up harpy.’
‘Thanks.’ I fake smiled. He continued to eat with abandon. ‘Do you know it’s quite rude to call other people names?’
‘Sorry,’ he said and licked sauce off his hands.
‘It’s also disgusting to speak with your mouth full.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Yeah, well. I’ve been wanting to say I’m sorry for…you know…flirting with you in your cabin. It was wrong of me. I hope you will forgive me.’
Slick wiped his hands on a napkin and smiled. ‘Thank you. You just earned me a fiver.’
‘A fiver?’
‘Thorn bet me you’d never apologise for anything.’ Without excusing himself, he stood up and went back to the Robo Chef. The smell of hamburger with the lot filled the mess.
I couldn’t believe this. I’d done something remarkable and neither of them remarked on it. After tossing my plate in the recycler, I headed back to my quarters.
I was disappointed. I’d been hoping for something more. Something like triumph with humble pie on the side. Theirs, not mine. I may not have Rae’s guts, but I had something better. I had brains. That Thorn thought me less than her really smarted.
***
A few hours later, the buzzer to my stateroom went off.
‘Come in.’
I looked up from where I sat. Thorn filled the doorway. I’d been playing a game on my handheld. I’d finished a book and hadn’t decided what to do next.
He cleared his throat. ‘May I come in?’
‘Sure. Take a seat.’
All that was available was the bed. He glanced at it and stood.
‘I want to thank you for fixing the Robo Chef. I’m sorry I got angry. I overreacted. It’s a bit unnerving when someone you never would have imagined could, breaks into sensitive ship’s systems. I should have kept better security. You ac
ted in ignorance.’
I stood up, anger flaring. ‘There was nothing ignorant in what I did. Your ship’s security is about five upgrades behind standard. It was easy to break into.’
Raking his fingers through his hair, he sighed loudly. ‘Probably. Look, you’re right, I haven’t had the spare credit to upgrade things.’
‘Captain, I didn’t go anywhere near critical ship systems. I’m not stupid. The Robo Chef’s program is in a subordinate system quite separate from the rest. I only had to pass through the top layer of security to get at it. To hack the drive or navigation would take a lot more work and knowledge of security keys, which I don’t have. There was no danger that I could even accidentally do anything to endanger the ship.’
He studied me. ‘You really know your stuff. I’m amazed they teach this in school.’
‘I didn’t learn it at school.’ I puffed out a breath. ‘I taught myself, with the assistance of the web.’
Nodding, he rolled his shoulders and sat on the edge of the bed. He rested his head in his hands.
‘What is it? What’s wrong?’
He looked up at me and wiped his hand across his face. ‘I thought the Robo Chef shorted in that attack. How could you have fixed it?’
‘Like I said, I removed some foreign coding. I’m not a programmer per se, but I like code. I like its logic and there was something weird in it. Virus maybe, but it looked like text.’
‘Text?’
‘Yes, three lines of text.’
‘You mean like words or a message?’
I cocked my head. ‘Yes, maybe. I didn’t look.’
‘Show me.’
I’d quarantined the file in my handheld, so I passed it over. His olive complexion turned a shade of green.
‘What is it?’
He shook his head, his mouth dropping open. ‘It’s a message.’
‘Really? Who from?’
‘From my father.’
I sat down next to him. He was shaken and I was careful not to touch him.
‘Something happened to your father?’ I asked softly.
‘Yes. I’m sorry.’ He straightened up. ‘Can I have this?’
I nodded. He took out his handheld and transferred the file.
‘I’ll talk to you later.’ He rose from the bed and so did I, putting my hand on his forearm to stop him leaving.
When he looked at my hand and then my face, I said, ‘Tell me what happened.’ He avoided looking at me and made to move away. ‘Please.’
Thorn stopped by the hatch and gazed at the ceiling. ‘Okay.’
He sat back down and I moved to my chair, giving him space. He wrung his hands and his eyes travelled around the room. Fixing the Robo Chef had upset him. I was worried about what he had to say.
‘I’m sorry. I never meant—’
‘No. It’s okay. I’m just thrown…I never expected—’
I hadn’t seen Captain Thorn disconcerted before. ‘What?’
‘To find a message from him, one that makes me think he’s alive.’
I was tempted to launch in and ask questions, but I took a breath and let him speak. This was important.
‘I was on the ship when they attacked.’
‘Who?’
‘Pirates. I’m pretty certain it was pirates. He hid me in the hold when he saw them coming. The ship was shot up quite badly. I still remember the sound, still dream of it occasionally. Lucky my father had launched a distress beacon or I’d never have been found. I’d be dead meat floating in space. When it was over, I crawled out of my hiding space and found nothing but blood and a few smears of flesh. He was gone. Dead, I thought.’
My heart was thumping. Thorn was getting to me. I could almost see him as a boy, hidden and then alone. I could empathise with his loss. What was happening to me?
‘What does the message tell you?’ I asked softly.
‘Rendezvous gone bad. Sorry, son.’
I frowned at the implication. His father had set up a meeting with pirates? Or was it someone else? ‘Why do you think he’s alive?’
‘I always thought the pirates attacked us randomly. It never occurred to me that he was there to meet them.’
‘He could have been meeting someone else and they intruded.’
He shrugged. ‘Possible, but not likely. It was way off the main shipping routes. Space is huge. It’s hard to bump into someone randomly.’
‘Do you think he went with the pirates willingly?’
‘Yes, maybe. I just don’t know. Even 10 years ago, a small independent was an easy target for pirates. I knew he’d been pressured and kept refusing their overtures. I thought they killed him in the end. Now…I think he gave in and decided to go with them.’
Thorn was still struggling with what the message meant. He avoided eye contact and kept his hands clenched. I was tempted to reach out and smooth the crinkles from his forehead, but didn’t. If his father wasn’t dead then that meant he’d abandoned Thorn and that his father was in league with pirates. I could see how that might be disturbing.
He stood up. ‘Look, thanks for listening. I’ve got to head to the bridge. We’ll be coming up on those coordinates any time now.’
‘Thanks for sharing.’
‘No problem. You know, you could do something with this skill of yours. You have a chance to stop being who you are and make yourself anew.’
Anger stirred. ‘What’s wrong with who I am?’
‘Look, I’m not trying to pick a fight. It’s just, you know, you’re so much the rich girl, the spoiled brat, but you can be whoever you want to be. You’re not bound to follow that crap your whole life. Toss it and believe in yourself. Find out who you really are.’
I was gobsmacked. ‘I’m Rayessa Gayens.’
‘I know that, but who is Rayessa Gayens?’
He left, leaving me to digest his helpful suggestion. How did he know? How could he read me? I was playing a part. I didn’t know anything else...did I?’
I stared at the closed door. I hadn’t warned him there were most likely pirates involved with my mother’s kidnapping.
With a sigh, I picked up my handheld and then tossed it on the bed. That conversation had floored me. I had sympathy for Thorn, an alien emotion but I liked it and he’d said the most amazing thing. I could be who I wanted to be, not who I was meant to be. How profound was that?
I sunk onto the bed and started ruminating. If I wasn’t Rayessa Gayens, who would I be? I was smart. I could be useful if I chose to be.
I was developing emotions and empathy. How did that happen? Was it a sudden thing, or had it been coming on for some time? Certainly seeing Rae struggle had pricked my conscience on one or two occasions. Sometimes I even liked her. At school I kept everyone at a distance, and until Mother had forced me to share with Rae, I’d been alone in the dorm. With boys, I’d only dangled, mostly to annoy my mother. I’d liked them and lusted after them, but only for short spurts of time.
With a sigh, I punched my pillow. This ship was the first time I’d been in close quarters with anyone except my mother and Rae for more than a week. I don’t count security or staff because they kept their distance.
I sat up again suddenly. I could be who I wanted to be.
I thought about the list of chores, where my name had been crossed off. I remembered how sad I was when Thorn did that. I didn’t blame him. I got up and went to the mess. I pulled down the list and examined my chores. I could do those. I put a tick next to my name and went off to the hold. I’d check that everything was stored appropriately and then move on to check the EVA suits were charged and the oxygen was full, then I’d move on to cleaning the air vents.
***
The air vents took a lot longer than I anticipated and were a lot harder than I’d ever imagined. I was covered in grime. I detected a presence behind me and turned.
‘Oh hi, I’m nearly done.’
Thorn folded his arms and nodded. ‘So I see.’
I wiped the last of the muck
off the vent I was working on and leaned over to slot it back into place. ‘Is there something wrong?’
‘No, no. We were having a meal and came looking for you. Slick noticed the ticks. I’ve been following your trail. Most impressive.’
The last vent slid into place. ‘They were easy chores.’ I didn’t know where to look. Thorn’s eyes were shadowed, but I knew he was studying me.
‘Yet I appreciate the effort,’
‘Well, thanks. I appreciate your patience and your advice.’
His eyebrows lowered. ‘Really?’
I didn’t like how incredulous he sounded.
I went to move past him but he stopped me, putting his hand on his elbow. ‘No. Don’t go yet.’
‘I’ve got to get cleaned up. I’m covered in…’ I glanced back at the vent and screwed up my nose.
‘You have some muck on the tip of your nose.’ He reached up to wipe it off.
My eyes widened, yet I didn’t pull back.
Slick’s voice came over the intercom. ‘Where are you guys? I’m starving.’
Thorn rolled his eyes. ‘Come on. Get cleaned up and I’ll meet you in the mess. Slick has something special planned.’
He let go of my arm and stepped back. I swallowed. ‘Yes, well, I’ll just go then.’
While heading back to my quarters, I had the distinct impression that I’d just had a moment with Thorn. We’d connected in a way I hadn’t ever experienced before — kind of awkward and raw. The way he looked at me when he wiped the grime off my nose was intimate, like a kiss. Hesitant and honest. I was being me and, I guessed, Thorn was being Thorn.
Chapter Seven
So Close
A day or so later, the intercom buzzed. ‘Miss Gayen’s. We are coming up to the coordinates. I thought you might like to be on the bridge.’
I didn’t answer straight away.
‘Essa?’
Flat on my back, the ceiling came into view. I blinked a few times. I’d been dreaming about selflessness, doing for others and enjoying it. God, what a nightmare!
Thorn’s voice intruded again. ‘Last call for Essa Gayens. This party is going to start without you.’
Rae and Essa’s Space Adventure Page 5