I took the seat furthest from Chase. Kate sat next to Haley, and I sat next to her, while he took the chaise-lounge perpendicular to ours.
The Conjuring started playing. It was one of the scariest movies I've watched, so I moved and shifted a little to turn some lampshades on.
Lightning coincided with the scene when the little girl was banging her head repeatedly on the closet. It made the hair on my neck stand up.
I found it funny when I peeked on what Kate was doing, and she had the pillow squished on the side of her face nearly the entire time, and she would occasionally dare to slide it away a little so she could take a look.
"Kate, what are we playing this movie for if you're not going to watch it?" I nudged her elbow.
"I can hear what's happening. And I look."
* * *
We argued about flavors.
He started it.
After the movie, Kate suggested pizza. He was a fan of pineapples. I liked pineapples. I liked them on something like, say, pineapple pie, and not on something that ever touched cheese. Some things were sacred.
So it led to a little researching. I did a search for the pros and cons of Hawaiian pizza, spouting random facts to his face, while he pulled his own one out and did the same to my beloved barbecue flavor.
In the middle of my Hawaiian pizza fun fact, Kate had enough. She physically placed herself between us, and pushed. Then she shrieked with a tone that brook no argument, "Cut it out! We're having fucking classic."
We both groaned collectively and sulked while we waited for the order to arrive.
At first, it was just Haley that excused herself to go to the bathroom. Then slowly, one by one, Wes and Sierra made up some excuse about answering a call.
Realizing that it was only us left in the living room for a while, I asked, “Where is everyone?”
I heard the engine start and quickly got up, peering out the window.
Holy hell. They were going somewhere. Leaving us.
“They’re leaving…”
Chase pulled the curtains further aside, and we watched them as their car sped off.
I grabbed my phone and rang Wes.
“Where are you going?” I asked when he picked up, feigning calm.
There was a muffled conversation in the car, and I strained to listen, to no avail.
“Sherr, I’ve seen how you both have been the past week. You need to hash out whatever it is that’s going on.”
“Nothing’s going on!”
“Calm down.” He sounded amused.
Yes, this was so funny. I fought the urge to scream.
“You were fighting over pizza for twenty minutes. Pizza, Sherr. Isn’t that just fucking stupid?”
“Can you pass the phone to Haley, please?”
A laugh in the background, then Kate’s muffled voice.
“Sherr, it’s gonna be okay–”
The hell it was gonna be okay. They were out of their minds.
“Haley,” I said with deadly calm, keeping my voice even. “I’m going to raid your stash.” I hung up on her.
The stash was where she kept most of her chocolates, and other candy. She had a whole secret collection, and there were a lot of them.
She was either going rush back madly or she was still going on her merry way to who-knows-where, but at least she was going to do it while hating me.
A whistle. “That candy stash of hers?” Chase said from behind me.
Narrowing my eyes, I asked, “Were you in on this?”
“No,” he chuckled.
“This isn’t funny!”
“It’s very funny, and you know it. Come here,” he said.
I stubbornly crossed my arms, suspicious. “No.”
The doorbell rang, and I grabbed the box, as I munched on the pizza that I did not order.
“This will be fun,” Chase said, tapping on something on his phone.
“What’s–”
“I got them tracked.”
Well, wasn't that interesting. "How?"
I edged closer.
“This app,” he pointed out. “It lets you track your friends.”
I watched as the pin popped up in the map and felt a smile hit my face. The pin popped up in the map.
Bingo.
* * *
As he sped away to their location, I leaned my head on my palm against the window. I didn’t know what to say to him, if I could even talk to him. So I decided it was better for him to think I’m asleep.
“Sherr,” he said my name.
When I didn’t respond, he added, “I know you’re awake. You snore when you sleep.”
To hell with my cover.
I opened my eyes, glaring at him. “I do not!”
He grinned. “You do, they’re little noises. Not very elegant.”
“Excuse me? You’ve never told me that,” I said, a little offended. “If we’re busting each other’s faults, then you hog the covers when you sleep.”
“Yeah, and one time, you nearly pushed me off the bed.”
“Well, you– you kick my pillows down onto the floor!”
“Who fucking needs pillows on their feet?”
“I do! The weight makes it all warm and comfy. Plus, you’re really loud in the morning.”
He looked puzzled.
“You wake me up,” I clarified. “When you move around and stuff.”
“You never told me that.” He sounded thoughtful.
“I didn’t want you to think that it was a huge deal for me."
“That’s why you sleep in,” he said, struck by realization. “You should always say if something I’m doing bothers you. That’s what couples do. They talk.”
“Oh! Are we talking about the past now?” I retorted.
“Last night, I checked my phone before I slept,” I found myself saying. “You texted me. And I thought, how many times had I waited for you to say something back? Until I just stopped believing it would ever come.”
How many times did I want that so much, lying awake at night and waiting for him to text back or call? Waited until my heart became filled with the bitter pain of disappointment. Until I stopped checking completely.
He didn’t say anything.
"I don’t know what we are, and I don’t think you do either. We should just end it here, before it gets anywhere that puts us in a position that forces us to choose,” I said, each word like a shard of glass, pushing into my skin. “It’s better this way."
"The hell it is."
I remembered his rule. “Until this is over, we don't talk about the past, we don't say or do anything to ruin what we have. Wasn't that the deal?"
He swore. "That's why you're being like this?"
He treated it as if I had every control over what I felt, and it pushed me to keep going. I said in a small voice, “I can’t help it, Chase.”
I still had nightmares about it. About him, and that night. But I didn’t tell him that.
“The past doesn't interest me. Not anymore. Doesn't mean I want you to stay away."
"But you don't want to talk about it," I said, trying to seek confirmation if that was still what he wanted. I added, "For as long as I'm staying."
"Why can't you leave it alone?" he shot back, his voice raised. A look of pain crossed his face, and I hated myself for putting it there, for even bringing it up. The memory flashed back to me of the past, when he stood in front of me on one knee, and he offered me his world. It tugged at my heart. I turned my head and shifted away, looking out the window, unseeing, as if the distance would lessen its impact. And although his refusal to acknowledge the past hurt me more than it should, I kept my voice even and my expression blank.
And suddenly, I found I didn’t have it in me to argue. Because arguing meant caring, and caring meant putting your heart into it. I couldn’t do that to myself anymore. My greatest armor was my strength, and right now I needed every bit of it.
"I won't bring it up,” I said, my voice icy.
We sat in silence for a good five minutes, until we reached the destination.
“We’re here,” he announced, stopping by a pancake parlor.
They went out to have pancakes while they left me there with him? They better have intended to bring me some.
“Sherr–”
I needed to get out of this car, ASAP. With the calm and steadiness that I didn’t feel, I replied, “I’m okay.”
As I pushed the handle of the door down, he put a hand on my shoulders, stopping me. He waited until I looked up at him questioningly.
When my eyes met his, his blue eyes looked regretful.
“You have no idea what it does to me when you do that."
He dropped the words like a bomb, and I tried my best to steel myself from the meaning it implied. From him.
I averted my gaze.
“We need to go Chase."
"Don't do that, baby."
What do you want from me?
I wanted to yell. I wanted to cry, and I wanted to confront him. But I did none of those things. Because he couldn't have it both ways. He could have all of me, or he could have nothing. The past was dead to him, and so I had to be too.
I tugged my hand away, harder, until he let go.
Everything in me protested, but I made myself walk away.
* * *
I was so done.
I was fuming all the way back home, so mad that I couldn’t utter a word on the way, partly in fear that I would break down in front of them.
Wes went to crash with Chase, while I went back with Haley and Sierra.
And as they skipped back without a word looking like they fixed all the problems in the world, I lost it.
“Why do you keep on pushing us together?" I demanded.
They looked taken aback. Kate looked at me like the answer was obvious. "Because you both love each other."
I took a cookie she had, snapped it in half, and bit on a piece. “When you keep pushing things together by force, sometimes they break.”
“Oh,” Haley said, her earlier excitement plummeting. “I was hoping you two would work it out.”
“Not all things work out.”
Kate frowned. “Why are you fighting it so much? Can’t you see how he’s so into you, he doesn’t even notice anyone else when you’re in the same room?”
That couldn’t be right. He couldn’t have felt that way about me.
“Some things aren’t meant to be together.”
Kate snorted. “That’s a load of bullshit, and you know it.”
She turned the coffee-maker on.
This was so frustrating. They weren’t listening.
"Sometimes… Sometimes love isn't enough. You need to trust, and you need to let go, and you need to give it a chance to do any of those."
“So why won’t you?” Kate asked.
A humorless laugh escaped me. “Believe me, I tried.”
Kate looked even more perplexed. “I don’t understand. He wants you. You want him. Why is it so complicated?”
“I don’t know what that was all about, but… Want me to come over and kick his ass?” Sierra deadpanned. The funny thing was, I had a feeling if she said she would, she’d follow through.
At that moment, the anger diffused. They were only doing what they felt would help, and suddenly, I had the urge to hug them both. And so I did just that, putting my arms on both their shoulders. I nodded towards Haley, a little weary from today.
“I might take you up on that when I need it.”
* * *
Just before she was heading out, Sierra pulled me away to the side. “Say the word, and I’ll bail you out of dinner tomorrow.”
Celine’s dinner was tomorrow, and after everything, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. But I’d already given her my word. The offer was unexpected, but I knew in my heart that she meant it, and she would do it the moment I’d asked. I appreciated that quality a lot. Warmth filled me.
“Thank you,” I replied gratefully. “I think I’ll probably be okay, though. Chase can be mean, but hopefully not mean enough to drive me out of his place. Besides, his mom invited me. He probably won’t kick me out.”
She did a half-shrug.“Offer’s still there if you need it.”
* * *
This thing between us was complicated, and it was driving me crazy. As if it wasn’t already complicated enough. As if my heart hadn’t already been broken enough. I’d survived the last few years, but this, I had no idea how I was going to make it through this.
I checked my phone for the time. It read two o’clock.
This wasn’t going to work.
I shoved my covers aside, and jumped out of bed, deciding that sleep wasn’t going to come for me now. Not really thinking about it too much, I decided maybe my time was better spent doing something productive.
I padded off to the porch carrying my small spiral notebook and a pen, wanting some fresh air, and hoping for a spark of creativity. I opened up a folding chair and sat down.
And nearly screamed my head off.
“Chase? Don’t do that!”
He was walking up the porch, his hair ruffled, and his voice rough. “Hi,” he said, almost nonchalantly. He stopped, dropped down and sat on one of the steps, elbows on his knees.
Weary, I leaned back on the wall. “Why are you here, Chase?”
He lived maybe five minutes away, but seeing him here was the last thing I expected.
He shifted a little to look at me. Eyes blazing, he replied, “Couldn’t sleep.”
“You?” I raised a brow, unable to believe it. “Since when?”
“Since now.” He said, and then he shook his head. “Hell, since you came back.” There was an accusing edge to his voice, as if I’d done any of this on purpose.
Right.
“I can’t imagine you came all the way here to tell me that.”
He leaned back, looking me over, and I shivered at the intensity. I wasn’t exactly covering a lot of skin. I was wearing shorts, and I never expected a visitor.
“Me and Haley are practically neighbors. Hell, even if we weren’t, not like I give a damn. What are you really trying to say?”
I found I didn't know what to say. I didn't want him to know how it made me feel that he saw right through the words.
“It’s late,” I said quietly, as if he didn't already know it.
“Don’t pull away.”
But I had to. It was something I needed to do to protect myself.
He didn’t get to do that. He didn’t get to piece me together, and break me apart when he felt like it, and expect me to be okay with it.
I drew a weary breath, trying not to break down in front of him. "What do you want from me, Chase?"
“I just want to talk.”
I smiled, and though it didn't reach my eyes, with the way he looked at me, I knew he saw right through it.
His jaw clenched, looking pissed.
"Don't."
"W-what?"
"Don't pretend with me."
"I'm not—"
"You think I don’t notice, but I do. You pretend what people say don't affect you, and you smile, so fucking polite, like what they say doesn’t hurt you," he said. Still, after all this time, he could read me so well. “Drop the armor, Sherr.”
But then he would see. And it was already unnerving how he unraveled a part of me, the part I never wanted anyone to see.
"You see," I said softly.
“I’ve decided,” he announced. “Until you have to go back, maybe even after, not letting you go.”
What was that even supposed to mean?
I didn't understand him, and it was driving me crazy. I wanted him, I could at least admit that to myself. That was hard to deny, my response to him whenever he was around was irrepressible, and it was real, because the years apart hadn't changed that.
He leaned closer until I felt the whisper of his breath against mine. His lips touched mine. His tongue swept in, seeking, coaxi
ng. My lips parted further, and let him in, my tongue tangling with his. He sucked it, and I moaned against his lips.
Then he pulled back, and I was dazed. If he hadn’t been holding me, I probably couldn’t have stayed standing. It left me light-headed.
Then reality rushed back to me.
Shit.
The panic set in. "I don't think this is going to work."
He didn't waver. "Good thing I like a challenge. Night, Sherr.”
I closed the door and leaned back, trying to get my heart steady again.
We just kissed, and in that short moment, only the present existed.
Did that really happen?
I knocked my head over the door a few times.
I was officially going insane. I let him kiss me, I kissed him back… and hell, I liked it.
* * *
I slept in today.
I didn’t mean to do it, but somehow I shut off my alarm, a little irritable. My dreams were kind of muddled, but Chase definitely starred in them, and dreams that involved him involved the past, and those ones never really left me in a particularly good mood.
My room was upstairs, its windows directly overlooking their front yard. As I pulled the curtains back, I saw it, and I blinked. I rubbed my eyes a little for good measure… And my jaw dropped as I stared.
Okay. Holy crap. This is not real.
Pink and yellow lilies were scattered on the grass. It spelled my initials; SC. It was also starting to gather a small crowd.
I was floored. This sort of thing never happened to me.
Haley burst into the room, jumping excitedly. "Oh my God. You need to see this."
I didn't even have a chance to reply, not that she waited for me. I couldn't have known what to say if she had.
I followed her down the stairs in a hurry, a little dazed.
It appeared we weren't the only ones there. The neighbors came looking, and some who were passing by stopped over to take a few pictures.
"Ohh, I never knew you liked these flowers," Haley gasped, picking one up and smelling one. Paula followed, hands flying over her mouth, and her eyes filled with awe.
And for some absurd reason, I couldn't help the grin that crept on my face. "I don't. Just the opposite."
Baffled, one of the people in the midst of taking another photo declared, "You two have an unusual relationship."
Truce or Dare (Sweet Fortuity Book 1) Page 8