Sela laughed. “And?”
“Every girl had a crush on him.” Duh. “Then he got a scholarship to play college ball and—”
“Yeah, I heard,” Sela said. “A shoulder injury kept him from going pro.”
“That’s when I started noticing changes in him. He’d come home for Christmas or summer vacations, and it seemed like he was in a bad place. He didn’t laugh anymore. Hell, he barely smiled. He was drinking a lot more. Sometimes I’d come in and find him at the kitchen table with empty beer bottles all around him.”
Sela perched on the corner of a stool as she set down her knife. “His dream was snatched away. That would be a tough pill for anyone to swallow.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t explain his behavior now. He’s still behaving like a jerk, and he’s making more money now than he ever would have as a football player.”
“It’s not always about the money,” Sela said. “Sometimes it’s about the camaraderie that comes from being a part of a team, working toward a common goal. It gives you a sense of purpose that may have been missing before.”
Carly thought back to the self-assured captain who used to inspire his team at the weekly pep rally. If football had been a religion at their school, Brett had definitely been the minister. “No question, he loved football. But look at the life he’s living now, the success he’s had. How can he not be grateful for that?”
“I think he is grateful, but that doesn’t mean a part of him doesn’t wonder what might have been. One of Brett’s best friends got to live out his dream.”
Carly didn’t know a lot about the sport, but she knew Dylan had been a force to be reckoned with on the football field. He’d even earned a place in the Hall of Fame after a knee injury cut short his career as a quarterback. Many said he was one of the best to ever play the game. “You think he’s jealous of Dylan?” That would certainly explain the rivalry she’d witnessed the past few times she’d seen them together.
“I think he might be envious that Dylan had a shot at the dream, but I don’t think he begrudges Dylan his success. One thing I know about Brett is he’s a supportive friend.”
“Until he’s not anymore.” Carly hadn’t intended to say that aloud, but now that she had, she knew Sela would demand an explanation.
Sela’s eyes softened. “He hurt you. He let you down.” An awkward silence passed as the tension in the room grew thick. “I know what that’s like. Jax hurt me too. He’s let me down.”
“How did you get past it?” Carly didn’t know the details of their relationship, only that they were happily married and devoted to each other now.
“I took it one day at a time. He was determined to earn my trust back, and I still loved him enough to let him try.”
Carly took a sip of her wine, praying Sela wouldn’t voice the obvious next question.
“Do you still love Brett enough to let him try?”
So much for wishful thinking. Carly laughed and realized it may have been the most brittle, hollow sound she’d ever heard. “Brett and I were never a couple. You and Jaxon were. That’s the difference.”
“You’re not answering my question.”
There was a very good reason for that. Fear. “You’re assuming he would want to try. How do you know he even cares?”
“I talked to him.”
Carly’s head snapped up. “You did? When?”
“He passed by my jewelry store around lunchtime yesterday. He popped in to say hi. I could tell he was really down, so I asked him what was bothering him.”
“What did he say?” Stop torturing yourself! Who cares what he said?
“He said he’d really messed things up with you, that he’d said and done things he couldn’t take back and wasn’t sure how to make things right.” Sela laughed. “Naturally, I suggested an expensive piece of jewelry, but he didn’t think you’d go for that.”
Carly knew Sela was trying to make light of the situation, but it wasn’t working. “Sometimes you just have to cut people out of your life. When they continue to disappoint you and let you down and you keep waiting for them to change—”
“I understand,” Sela whispered, covering Carly’s hand with her own. “Believe me, I do.”
Drawing a deep breath, Carly said, “That’s why I cut my own mother out of my life.”
“You did?”
“I had to.” Carly recalled her conversations with Sophie leading up to that breakthrough. “She was holding me back. I kept hoping she would change, suddenly become the loving, supportive mother I’d always wanted. But she didn’t, and I had to face that she would never be that person. It was a toxic relationship. She always loved me conditionally and needed me only when her own life was going to hell.”
“So you cut all ties.” Sela nodded. “I can understand why you felt you had no other choice. That was a very brave thing to do. She’s your only family?”
“Yes.” Facing the world alone was still difficult, but it got easier every day. Carly was getting stronger too. That’s why she couldn’t let the situation with Brett derail her. She’d worked too hard to build her inner strength.
“That’s the reason you’ve built up this wall—to protect yourself.”
“I don’t know that I’d call it a wall exactly.” She hated that term. Too many ex-boyfriends had accused her of having impenetrable emotional walls, claiming that was the reason she couldn’t have a healthy relationship. As far as she was concerned, they had just been looking for an easy out. “I’d like to think that I’m protecting myself. If I don’t, who will?”
“You’re close with Brett’s sister and family, right?”
“They’ve become a surrogate family to me.” Carly took a sip of her wine to ease the burn in her throat when she thought of Sophie. She missed her, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to make amends.
Sela smiled. “Then you’re not alone. I’m glad. No one should have to go through life alone. Everyone needs a support system to help them shoulder the burden when it gets too heavy.”
Jaxon walked into the kitchen and kissed his wife on the cheek before he grinned at Carly. “Sorry to interrupt, ladies. I just wanted to grab the wine. Sparkling water for you, hon?”
Sela’s eyes lit up as they shared a private smile. “I’d better, just in case.” Sela waited until her husband walked out of the room before she said, “Since you’ve been the one spilling all the secrets tonight, I should let you in on one of my own. Jax and I are trying to get pregnant.”
Pregnant. The word echoed through Carly’s head as she remembered her initial appointment at the sperm bank. They’d made it sound so easy, assuring her she was a perfect candidate. But seeing Sela and Jaxon so excited about getting pregnant as a couple made Carly wonder if Brett was right. Maybe she needed more time to consider her options. Not that she’d tell him that.
“Hey, are you okay?” Sela asked, frowning.
Carly shook her head as if that would draw her out of her thoughts. “I’m sorry, Sela. That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you guys. I have no doubt you’ll be amazing parents.”
“I hope so.” Sela laughed. “Jaxon’s more nervous about it than I am. He thinks he’s ill-equipped to be a dad since he didn’t have the best childhood, but I promised him we’ll figure it out along the way, together.”
Together. Carly knew that, being a single parent, she would miss having someone to help her through the tough times. “Funny, I think my crappy childhood will make me a better mom. If my mother taught me one thing, it’s what not to do.”
“You want to have kids then?”
“Sooner rather than later,” Carly mumbled.
Sela couldn’t hide her curiosity. “I get the feeling there’s a story there. Care to share?”
“I’m thinking about…” She cleared her throat, recalling what Brett had said. If she got pregnant, people would be curious. She had to get comfortable explaining it. “Artificial insemination.” She expected a startled gasp or at least a look of shock f
rom Sela, but her expression remained neutral. She was either non-judgmental or really good at masking her feelings. “You’re not shocked?”
Sela laughed. “Why would I be? You’re not the first woman to do it.”
“Well, I haven’t actually done anything yet. I’m just thinking about it, you know, weighing my options.” A week ago, there hadn’t been a doubt in Carly’s mind that it was the right course for her. But Brett had to stumble back into her life and remind her of a time she’d wished for a family with him. Damn him.
“What other options are you considering?” Sela’s lips twisted up in a wry smile. “Last I heard, there weren’t all that many ways to get pregnant.”
Carly blushed. “I want a baby, there’s no doubt about that, but—”
“But you’re wondering if you’re jumping the gun, so to speak?”
“Something like that.” Carly sighed, dragging a hand through her hair. “I have a few friends with kids, and I don’t know… being with their children, playing with them, holding them, and rocking them to sleep…” She felt that familiar crack in her chest as longing moved in. “I want that.”
“I totally get that. I feel the same way.”
“Then you don’t think I’m crazy?” Carly didn’t know why it was so important to hear Sela’s opinion.
“Of course you’re not crazy. From what I can tell, you’re a smart, together woman. You’ve got a great business, earn a good living, and have your own home. If this is what you want, why wait?”
“Brett thinks I’m crazy.” She couldn’t believe his opinion still carried so much weight. No matter how much she tried to distance herself from him, she couldn’t move far enough.
“Who cares what he thinks?” Sela laughed. “Seriously. Who the hell cares what he thinks? I love Brett like a brother, but he clearly had his chance with you and blew it. That means he doesn’t get to weigh in on your decisions. This is your life, not his. So do what feels right to you.”
Carly slid off her stool and rounded the island to pull Sela into a brief hug. “Thanks, I really needed to hear that.”
Chapter Seven
Brett was sitting at the bar, drowning his sorrows like a loser, when Zach claimed the stool beside him. Brett didn’t feel like talking, but he couldn’t very well ignore his friend and partner. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
“I was about to ask you the same question.” Zach turned to survey the crowd. It was busy for a weeknight, but that wasn’t surprising given the number of games on the large screen TVs. “What are you doing here all by yourself?”
“Well, you and Matt both have wives to go home to, and Jaxon invited Dylan and Carly to his place for dinner.” Brett downed a mouthful of scotch to wash away the bitterness. “Guess that makes me the odd man out, huh?”
Zach eyed the highball glass in Brett’s hand. “Ah, so that’s why you’re here getting loaded. It all makes sense now.”
“Excuse me?” Brett held his glass up when the bartender passed by, indicating he was ready for another.
“Dylan and Carly.”
Brett scowled as the bartender replenished his drink, then he closed his hand around the cool crystal. “I don’t want to talk about it, so just back the hell off.”
Zach held up his hands, chuckling. “Hey, I’m just tryin’ to be a good friend. Don’t take my head off.”
“Oh, yeah?” Brett cast a sidelong glance at his friend. “If you wanna be a friend, help me convince Dylan this is a bad idea. He and Carly don’t belong together. You know that.”
“Actually, I don’t.” Zach waited for the bartender to deliver his usual longneck before he checked his messages and set his phone on the bar. “Carly could be good for him. It doesn’t look like this thing with Sabrina will pan out, and I think it’s time for him to move on.”
“Fine,” Brett said through clenched teeth. “Let him move on. But not with Carly.”
“Why not Carly?” Zach regarded him carefully. “She’s smart, successful, and in case you’re too blind to notice, smokin’ hot.”
Brett glared at him. “You’re married. You have no business—”
Zach chuckled. “Relax. I’m just stating the obvious. Carly’s a rocket.”
“Get the hell out of my face.” Hearing Zach refer to Carly as a rocket reminded him what it had felt like when she went off in his arms, and that was the last thing Brett wanted to think about, especially since she was out with his best friend.
“Man, what the hell?” Zach frowned. “Why are you so bitter? You had your chance with Carly. You didn’t take it. That’s on you.”
Zach was right, but the last thing Brett needed was to hear it. “I didn’t ask for your opinion. Get lost.” Only a solid friendship could withstand the crap he’d often asked his partners to endure, but he wasn’t naïve enough to believe they’d put up with it forever. Like Carly, his friends and family would eventually shut him out. Then he’d be left with no one. He hung his head. “I’m sorry. None of this is your fault. I have no right to take it out on you.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Zach said, grasping Brett’s shoulder. “That’s what friends are for.”
“How did I let this happen?” He raked a hand through his hair as he stared into his glass. “How did my life get so messed up?”
Zach chuckled. “I think you’re exaggerating. You have a successful business, good friends, and a family who loves you. That’s a hell of a lot more than most people have, so quit whining.”
Brett’s mouth turned up at one corner. “You’re right. My life isn’t a mess, but it’s not perfect either.”
“Who has a perfect life?” Zach tipped back his beer. “I have a great wife, great kids, a career I love, a successful business, great friends, and a solid family. Most people would say my life is perfect.”
“But it’s not?” Brett never would have expected that from Zach. Ever since Rennie had come back into his life, he’d never seemed happier.
“I love baseball, but I hate being away from Rennie and the kids so much. Tyler’s growing up. Before I know it, he’ll be off to college.” Zach sighed. “I missed so much of his life. I don’t want to miss any more.”
“What are you saying? You’re thinking about retiring?” Brett was astonished. Zach wasn’t exactly in his prime, but he still had a lot of years of professional pitching left.
“I can’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind.”
“Don’t be too quick to make that call,” Brett said, thinking he would give anything for the career Zach had enjoyed in professional sports. When he had been an all-star, he was the big man on campus until one hit had ended it all. “You’ll never get these days back. Once you’re off the mound, people won’t even recognize your face anymore.”
Zach scoffed. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong. I love my fans, and I’m grateful I’ve had this opportunity, but I won’t miss the fame.”
“Really?” Dylan said he didn’t miss the fame at all too. He still got recognized sometimes, but he claimed it was nice to be able to go to the grocery store without being mobbed.
“It’s nice in the beginning when you’re young and single,” Zach said, grinning. “It’s your first brush with celebrity. You’ve got the big, fat contract and the fancy sports car, and you feel like you’ve got the world by the tail.”
Brett compared his own life to the one Zach described and realized it wasn’t all that different. He was recognized for his success with High Rollers instead of on the field, but maybe that was a good thing. People didn’t see him as a washed-up athlete. They saw him as a successful businessman, and he would always have that.
“But it doesn’t take long before the novelty wears off,” Zach continued. “I’m really just a small-town guy with a decent arm. I’ve seen too many guys let the fame go to their heads. It changed them. Money started slipping through their fingers like water. They cheated on the women who’d always supported them. They got too big, too important for their families and friend
s. And you know what they had at the end of their careers?”
“Nothing,” Brett whispered, thinking about the similarities between his life and the ones Zach described. He suspected his friend was trying to send him a message: get his shit together or wind up another washed-up has-been with a huge chip on his shoulder and an empty life.
“You got it, man.”
Brett’s cell phone rang, and his parents’ number flashed across his screen. Days ago, he would have let it go to voicemail and promised himself he’d call them back, which he never would have. Not because he didn’t want to but because something else always took precedence over his family.
“Gimme me a sec,” he said to Zach. “I gotta take this.”
“No problem.” Zach slid off the stool. “I gotta grab something out of the office anyhow.”
“Hello,” Brett said, plugging one ear so he could hear over the noise in the bar.
“Oh,” his mother said, sounding disappointed. “I got you at a bad time, didn’t I? I’m sorry. Should I call you back another time, when you’re not so busy?”
He felt a pang of guilt for making the woman who’d raised him feel like an inconvenience. Carly was right. He had to start making amends. “No, it’s not a problem, Mama. It’s good to hear your voice. What’s new?”
She paused, obviously taken aback. “Not much. You know us. We’re busy with our charity work, the church. We’re planning to take a cruise this winter.”
“Good for you. You deserve it.” He wondered how he could have been raised by two such giving people and turned out to be a self-absorbed jerk who would rather wallow in self-pity than count his blessings.
“I’m calling about Thanksgiving dinner this weekend, sugar. I know how busy you are, but I was hoping—”
“I’ll be there,” he said. That might be a chance to prove to Carly and his parents that he was trying to make positive changes in his life. “Just tell me when.”
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