by Oliver Queen
Aunt Elise tapped the cane once more, loudly and with barely controlled impatience at her nephew's lack of a reply. "Phillip Farnsworth! Are you listening to me?"
"It is impossible not to hear you yelling and thumping that cane of yours." Phillip replied, wincing at the escalating headache. "Keep it down will you?"
Elise glared at him and harrumphed. "I thought you were different from your father, but perhaps I was wrong. You are just as cold hearted as he was..."
Phillip swore and rose abruptly. "I am nothing like my father!" he snarled, jaw clenched in fury. "How dare you suggest that I take after that murdering bastard?"
Elise returned his glare, not in the least bit intimidated by Phillip's outburst. "Then act differently you idiot. I have only met her once, but even a fool could see how much she cared for you. And I am willing to bet my fortune you care for her too, but this damned stubborn nature would not let you even admit it to yourself until it is too late. Just like your father!"
"Penny does not care for me in the slightest." He retorted. "You must have been mistaken."
Without warning, Phillip felt his aunt's cane descend painfully on his head. "What the devil?" he yelled, rubbing at the throbbing spot, glaring at Elise. "Have you descended to assault now?"
Elise glared at him and brandished the cane once more. "I am trying to knock some sense in that thick head of yours Phillip Edward Farnsworth. Good god! No wonder Jane Rosebury risked her reputation and ran off with her young man. I always said your father was a fool for betrothing you to that girl. Penelope Inglewood loves you, that much is evident. Open your eyes lad and save her before she makes a terrible mistake."
"She will be happier married to him, I have nothing to offer her other than pain and misery. Besides, she is not in love with me. She said so herself." Phillip said and resumed his seat, reaching for his glass of brandy and staring into the amber depths. He sighed as his mind conjured up an image of the smile on Penny's face as she accepted the doctor's proposal. He grimaced and gulped down the liquid in one gulp, feeling a satisfying burn down his throat. His aunt was wrong, Penny did not love him, she had said so to the doctor.
"Perhaps if you allowed yourself to love her in return, pain and misery can be a thing of the past." Elise settled in a chair close by and gave her nephew a pleading look. "Phillip, have you ever considered that the real reason she denied loving you was because you had never given her cause to believe her affections may be reciprocated? Every woman wants to know the man she is in love with loves her too, Penny is no exception."
He scowled at the fireplace. "I told her I..." he let his words trail off. He couldn't very well tell his aunt he had confessed his lust to Penny or that he had almost taken her virtue in a carriage of all places. Good god! He groaned inwardly, could he really sit back and allow Penny slip from his fingers? Ever since that night in the garden, he had not had a moment free from thoughts of her...those eyes and the warm passionate woman she was capable of being.
Phillip forced himself to admit Penny was the only woman with whom he had been able to have more than a single conversation without becoming unbearably bored. She challenged him as no other woman and certainly very few men had ever done, and she kissed like an angel. For the first time, Phillip allowed himself to entertain the notion that Penny could find some measure of happiness with him...he wanted her, body and soul...and he was a fool to have let her slip away...bloody hell...he needed Penelope Inglewood. But it was already too late. She had pledged herself to another man
"I am a blithering idiot." he murmured in defeat, slumping back against the chair. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair, grimacing at how sticky and unkempt his usually pristine hair had become. "I have lost her. I have lost the only woman I..." He swallowed back a sudden lump in his throat, loss and guilt sweeping through him in waves.
Aunt Elise sighed in relief and leaned forward to pat his hand fondly. "My dear boy, all is not lost yet. Not until she says her vows."
Phillip stared at his aunt in confusion and she gave him a knowing wink. Suddenly he understood and bolted to his feet. He bent to place a quick kiss on her soft cheeks and ran from the room, calling out for the butler.
Five minutes later, mounted on his fastest horse, Phillip rode hell bent towards Millcote, the setting sun casting an eerie glow over horse and rider.
Penny sat in her room and stared at the bare walls and wardrobe, her possessions now neatly packed away in the two huge trunks waiting in the corner. The single candle cast long shadows over the floor and walls, banishing the predawn darkness. In a few hours, Alasdair would arrive in his sister's carriage to convey them to Scotland, and to her new life. The thought that she would be leaving behind all she held dear hit Penny and she shut her eyes against the grief that welled up within her. She bit her lip hard, determined not to give in to the crushing agony. This was her life and she had chosen this path, a path she intended to follow regardless of whatever pain it might bring.
Thankfully, she would not have to worry about her father as he had announced this morning that he would be embarking on yet another expedition as soon as she was married, he was going to India leaving the house to Edward and Jane.
"All's well that ends well." she whispered, the sound echoing in the empty room. Penny took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She would learn to love Alasdair, her marriage would be a happy one, comfortable...so different than what she would have had with Phillip...
"Stop this at once Penelope!" she admonished herself sharply. She would not allow thoughts of Phillip to cloud her existence for one second longer, today was the start of her new life and by heaven, she would put him firmly away.
A tentative knock sounded on the door and when it opened, Edward peered in, giving Penny a wide smile. "Hullo sis. Are you ready?" he came into the room and sat beside her on the bare mattress, reaching out to clasp her left hand in his own. "Alasdair should be here shortly."
Penny returned the smile and squeezed his hand. "I am all packed and ready to go." she said, nodding towards the trunks. "Is Papa awake?"
"Yes, he is in his study, I heard him moving about when I woke up." Edward replied, turning to look directly at his sister. "Thank you Penny, for everything."
Penny laughed and leaned over to playfully ruffle his fair hair. "Whatever for Eddie?"
He grinned and swatted her hand away. "For being mother, sister and even father to Lucy and I. Even when we least deserve it, you have sacrificed so much for us time and time again. I am glad you finally have found happiness of your own. I love you Penny and I will miss you terribly."
Penny felt her eyes fill with tears and she impulsively threw her arms around her brother. "Oh Eddie, I love you too. I will miss you so much."
The two siblings held each other for a few more moments, then Edward pulled away and sighed.
"May I ask a question?" Edward said, running a hand through his hair. Without waiting for her reply, he continued. "What happened with Lord Farnsworth? I assumed he would go through with the duel but he has said nothing of it to you?"
At the mention of Phillipp's name, pain filled her heart.
Was this how it would be? She wondered in silence, would every mention of his name cause her heart to constrict in this unbearable pain? How could she possibly live if that was so?
Penny sighed and shut her eyes to stem the tears threatening to fall. She must put this utter ridiculous behind her and focus on forming a future with her betrothed.
Outwardly, she shrugged. "I have no idea Eddie." She replied softly. "I assume he has grown tired of threatening our lives and has found other means of amusement. He has certainly said nothing to me."
She could hear his audible sigh of relief. "I do hope he has forgotten..." He mused, rising to walk over to the window, staring out at the dark night beyond.
"I hope so too." Penny replied. Just as he has forgotten me.
"Do you hear that?" Edward leaned on the window sill and peered out, his brow wrinkling
in a puzzled frown.
Penny looked at him askance. "What is it? "
Edward shook his head and leaned out the window. "I hear hoof beats, like someone is coming."
Her heart skipped a beat. Had Alasdair already come? She rose to join him at the window and sure enough she could hear a horse neighing in the distance though it was too dark to make out anything. "Is it Mr. Lachlan?"
"I don't think so...it sounds as if there is only one horse, not a carriage. Who in their right mind would be riding at this hour?"
"A mad man most likely." Penny replied, still squinting into the darkness. She could now barely make out a lone rider galloping toward the cottage at a furious pace. "It is suicide to be riding that fast in the dark...the poor horse might break a leg or fall in a ditch."
Edward turned and hurried out the room, Penny following close behind, both overcome with curiosity. At the landing, they encountered a sleepy Jane looking about in confusion. "What is going on?" she demanded, "Is Mr. Lachlan here already?"
"I'm not certain it's him." Edward replied, sliding an arm around his wife's waist and leading her down stairs. "It appears we have an unknown visitor."
Penny had already reached the front door and emerged out onto the porch just as the rider pulled up the courtyard, his identity obscured by the great cloak he wore but Penny's heart had already begun to hammer as her brain registered the familiar profile.
"Phillip?" She whispered in shock, standing transfixed as he dismounted and came towards her, pushing back the hood of his coat to reveal his thick dark hair and unshaven jaw with bloodshot eyes. He looked like hell as he stood close to her and Penny felt the blood drain from her face as she stared at the face of the man she loved.
He came to stand before her, his eyes roving all over her. "Penny."
"W-what are you doing here?"
He pulled off his gloves and twisted them between his fingers nervously. Phillip was nervous? Penny wondered, staring at the motion of his hands.
"I wish to have a word with you...in private." his eyes slid from hers to rest on her family standing quietly by the doorway, astonished looks on each face. "Please. It is imperative I speak with you Penny."
"I have nothing to say to you." Penny replied, raising her chin at him in defiance. "Whatever you have to say you can..."
"I love you."
The quiet words fell like a bomb into the little gathering. Behind her, Penny heard Jane gasp, the sound mirroring Penny's feelings completely. She stared at Phillip, her mouth gaping open in shock. "What?" she gasped.
Phillip took a step closer, blue eyes wide in sincere earnestness. "I love you Penny." he repeated. "I-I have been a fool to not realize just how much you have come to mean to me and my idiocy has caused you so much pain...I cannot bear to be without you...so I declare that I love you Penelope Inglewood and I want you, need you like the very air I breathe. You have bewitched me body and soul, more than ever before. I offer you my life, my love, my soul if you will have me." His voice trailed off, leaving a deafening silence as the overwhelmed audience slowly looked to Penny waiting for her reaction.
Penny felt as though a leaf would knock her over as she heard Phillipp's words. She reached out to grip the wooden rail that ran along the porch for support, joy and doubt at war within her. He loved her! But why was he telling her now? When she had pledged herself to another, when she had given up on Phillip, he chose to declare his love, making her even more miserable than ever.
"P-please say something...?" Phillip prompted, his demeanor stiff with the anxiety that plagued through him as he intently watched the play of emotions on his beloved's face. Her face had drained of color and she held on to the rails as though for dear life. Then as he watched, her eyes filled and tears ran down her cheeks, the sight breaking him, rendering him helpless with the desire to take her in his arms and offer comfort. But he restrained himself, unsure if Penny would accept his comfort.
Finally, amidst the flood of tears that streamed down her cheeks, Penny cried out. "Why are you doing this Phillip?" her eyes leveled an accusing stare at him, even as she trembled from head to toe with the force of her emotions. "Why must you torment me so? Whatever have I done to deserve this misery?"
He stared at her, stunned by her outburst. "I assure you I had no intentions of causing you further misery. I came here to make things right with you..."
"No!" she cut him off with a violent shake of her head. "You come here, on the very morning I am to leave with my betrothed and tell me you have feelings for me. For three months I have suffered your insults, your arrogance, I have borne everything because even then I was fool enough to hope you would change, but thank god I finally saw the error in placing any sort of trust in you. Now you tell me you love me? Why?"
Phillip felt her words sear through him like a lance, each syllable piercing his soul as a thousand wounds. "I admit my actions in the past have been less than stellar, but I give you my word, I will spend every moment of the rest of my life making atonement to you. I beg your forgiveness Penny, please."
Penny let go of the rail and wrapped her arms around herself, physically shielding her heart from him. "Tis too late Phillip, I have given my word to Alasdair and I will marry him. Please leave...please?"
As she watched, he seemed to crumble before her, his eyes went bleak and shoulders slumped in defeat. She turned away, clamping a hand over her mouth to stifle the heartbreaking sobs and fled inside the house, pushing past her stunned family, up the stairs and shut herself in her room.
The next few hours passed in a painful blur for Penny. Her mind felt numb, unable to feel or process any thoughts or emotion. She was aware of Jane coming into the room to speak to her, but she paid no attention. Thankfully, they left her alone until Alasdair arrived. Penny felt as though she were separated from her body, watching it perform as she spoke with Alasdair, stood smiling while her trunks were loaded into the waiting carriage. She was vaguely aware of her father embracing her, and then stunned when he murmured quietly for her ears alone.
"Do what is best for your heart." Sir Inglewood whispered into his daughter's ear, noting how she held herself stiff. His daughter was still in shock, he observed sadly.
Penny nodded and drew away. "I am doing what is best." she cast a glance at Alasdair, deep in conversation with Edward and she smiled. "My life is with Alasdair, and he will make a wonderful husband and hopefully, a good father."
Sir Inglewood sighed and pressed a kiss on her cheek. "I trust your decision daughter. Farewell."
"Farewell Papa." she stepped away and climbed into the carriage, settling sedately close to the window. A minute later Alasdair joined her, taking the opposite seat.
He glanced at her, noting how oddly expressionless her face was. "Are you all right my dear?" he asked, brow furrowing in concern. The carriage set off, it's well padded springs shielding them from the uneven road.
"I am fine." Penny replied, leaning forward to peer out the window at her family. They were still standing where she had left them, watching the carriage depart and for the first time since Phillipp's declaration, the wall of numbness that had surrounded her thoughts burst and she gasped at the emotional overload that overwhelmed her senses. Oh dear god! She sank back against the cushion and shut her eyes, her mind instantly replaying the scene with Phillip. He loved her! Phillip loved her!
Her heart yearned for him, yearned to be with the man she loved and she allowed herself to admit that she wanted to be with him. Was it worth taking the risk with him?
"Of course it is!" she cried out, startling Alasdair who had been watching her in puzzlement. A brilliant smile lit her face and she beamed at the man seated next to her. "Of course it is." Loving Phillip Farnsworth was worth it if he loved her in return.
"Penny?" Alasdair looked worried now. He laid a hand on her lap, his gray eyes troubled. "What is it?"
She sobered as she stared at the man to whom she had promised herself to and felt her excitement abate. How could she b
reak Alasdair's heart? She wondered. He was a pleasant man, but suddenly, Penny realized she would never be completely happy with him. He deserved a woman who loved him completely, not someone who was in love with another man. Not her. Oh god! What was she to do?
She had to tell him, he did not deserve to be deceived for much longer. "Alasdair...there's something I need...I mean..I have to...I can't..." her words trailed off as she lost her nerve and she looked down at her hands. Dear god, she could not break his heart thus.
He looked at her for several moments then sighed in defeat. "You love him." it was a statement, not a question. He turned away to stare out the window and Penny could see a muscle working in his jaw.
"I am so sorry." she whispered, guilt weighing her down. "I should never have..."
He shook his head sadly. "I suppose I am partly to blame, I had watched the both of you and any fool could see the connection, but I chose to ignore it and hope." He turned back to face her, taking her left hand and pressing a fond kiss upon it. "Thank you for telling me."
Tears filled her eyes at the gesture and she impulsively hugged him. "Thank you for understanding. Thank you so much."
He pulled away and rapped his knuckles on the roof. "I hope Farnsworth know what a jewel he has in you." he grumbled. "You make certain to tell him so or by god, I will call him out if he hurts you again."
Penny laughed, relief crashing through her. "I will tell him."
The carriage halted and he leaned out to shout instructions to the driver. "Take us to Newbridge at once!"
Penny's eyes shone at the words. He was going to drop her off at Phillip's country home. She prayed that Phillip had not immediately set out for London and was at Newbridge instead. "You are truly an angel Alasdair."
He merely grunted good naturedly and turned to stare out the window. The rest of the short journey was spent in silence until the carriage turned into the magnificent Newbridge driveway and halted close to the doors.