by L A Cotton
In fact, I wanted to burn.
I wanted to throw myself right into the flames.
“I can feel you, Sunshine.” His voice lingered at the edge of my desire-induced delirium. “You’re close.”
I nodded, soft moan after soft moan spilling from my lips. Cameron did something with his fingers, something deeper, more intense, and my world exploded into tiny white stars. And there, on Cameron’s counter, drowning in pleasure, trying to catch my breath, I realized he wasn’t only dangerous on the field.
Cameron Chase was dangerous for my heart.
Cameron
Hailee’s body melted against me, her breathing rapid and her skin flushed. Fuck, she looked good on my bathroom counter in nothing but my jersey. I’d never let a girl wear my number before, but I had a strange desire to make sure she never took it off. Shit, Chase, get a grip.
“I... Cameron,” she breathed, fighting a smile. “I can’t feel my legs.”
Untangling myself from her body, I backed up, giving her some space. She was all over me and I wanted nothing more than to bring my fingers to my lips and suck them clean, but Hailee was panicking. I saw it written all over her face.
“You okay?” I asked, not caring I had a raging hard on that was impossible to hide in my tight boxers.
“I... that was...”
I braced myself for her smart-assed reply, but instead she caught me completely off-guard.
“Amazing,” she sighed dreamily.
“Yeah?” Sounding far too pleased with myself, I cringed.
But it was her.
Hailee made some of the other shit disappear. The constant pressure. The worry over Mom. About picking a college. And although I enjoyed nothing more than the push and pull between us, I also just enjoyed her.
The quiet moments.
Being around Hailee was like a breath of fresh air, and I already craved another hit.
“I’ll let you get cleaned up.” My lip curved in a smirk. I couldn’t help it. Knowing I’d made her come apart did things to me. Serious things.
Things I hadn’t anticipated.
“Okay.” She gave me a small smile and I left the bathroom.
If we didn’t materialize soon, Xander would come looking. He had questions about my friend. Heaps of questions and I knew I couldn’t trust him to keep quiet in front of Mom and Dad, so when I’d delivered him to the kitchen, I’d given them a brief explanation as to why I had Jason’s step-sister in my bedroom on a Saturday morning.
Of course, they probably didn’t expect me to have my fingers deep inside her and my tongue down her throat.
When Hailee reappeared, she was dressed, if you called wearing my jersey over the top of her dress, dressed. “I, hmm, is this okay?” Her eyes lowered the floor. “I didn’t want to leave the house in just my dress.”
“It’s cool, you can borrow it, I have plenty more.” Hailee sucked in a harsh breath and I backtracked. “I didn’t mean... that came out wrong.”
“It’s okay.” She moved to sit on my bed. “So...”
“Listen Hailee, I—”
Xander’s screams pierced the air and my body tensed. “Shit.” My heart lurched into my throat. “I need to go. Stay here, I’ll be right back.”
“O-okay.”
I left my room and ran downstairs, taking two steps at a time. “Mama, Mama.” Xander screamed and as I rounded the kitchen my world imploded. Mom was on the floor, pancake batter splattered up the cupboards, streaked across the tiles, and her blouse.
“Dad,” I yelled, rushing to her side. “Mom, Mom, can you hear me?” I gently shook her shoulders. She was out cold, but I saw the gentle rise and fall of her chest. She was breathing.
Thank fuck, she was breathing.
Rolling her onto her side, I glanced back at Xander. “Hey, Buddy, where’d Dad go?”
“The tore o get srup.”
“He left to get syrup?”
Xander nodded, his eyes wide and brimming with tears. “Mama kay?”
“Mom’s going to be fine, buddy. Just fine.” But as I said the words my stomach plummeted. Mom wasn’t fine.
Not even a little bit.
“Oh God.” At the sound of Hailee’s voice, I sucked in sharply. “Is she okay?”
“Ailee,” Xander shrieked.
“Hi, buddy.” She went to him, stroking his hair.
“I know this is probably a lot to ask.” I met her concerned gaze. “But can you get him out of his chair and take him into the other room?”
“Of course. Should we call 911?” Her eyes motioned to Mom’s lifeless body.
“I don’t—”
“Cameron?” Dad entered the back door. “What happened?” He dropped the bag of groceries on the counter, stuff spilling everywhere, and rushed over to me.
“I don’t know, I heard Xander screaming and found her like this.”
Dad ushered me out of the way and checked Mom over. “Karen, darling, can you hear me?” His fingers gently traced her face and she began to stir, and relief like I’d never known before slammed into me.
“C- Clarke? What happened?” Mom tried to sit up but crumpled back to the floor. Dad slipped his arm under her neck cradling her head in his lap. “You passed out, sweetheart.”
“I- I did?” Tears collected in the corner of Mom’s eyes and I was vaguely aware of Hailee’s gaze burning into the back of my head. “Is Xander—”
“Xander’s fine, Mom,” I reassured her, sliding my eyes to Hailee. She gave me a small nod, my brother clinging onto her like a spider monkey.
“Why don’t you and Hailee take him into the den while I call Doctor Kravis?”
“Are you sure—”
“Cameron, now, Son.” Dad glanced down at Mom and I realized he wanted to protect Mom’s privacy and dignity.
“Sure, if you need me, just shout.” I went over to Hailee and Xander. “Come on, let’s show Hailee your toys.”
The second we stepped into the den, Xander wriggled out of Hailee’s arms and plopped to the floor. “Ome on, Ailee. You ike Aze?”
“Aze?” she mouthed at me.
“Blaze and the monster machines.”
“I, uh, I don’t know that one.”
I smiled, watching as Xander grabbed her hand and pulled her further into the room. And it occurred to me I wasn’t the only one smitten with Hailee Raine. She listened patiently as Xan got her up to speed on all things Blaze. When he was absorbed in the game, Hailee crept away, coming over to me. “Is your Mom going to be okay?” she asked.
Moving to the couch, I waited for her to join me. “Honestly,” I confessed. “I don’t know.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“She has postpartum depression and anxiety.”
Hailee’s brow crinkled and I knew what she was thinking. “But I’m not sure that’s all there is to it,” I admitted. “Dad said she’s getting some tests.”
“What tests?”
“I’m not sure.” I buried my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my palms, letting out a shaky breath. I’d seen Mom lose it more times than I could count; I’d seen her in puddles of tears, sobbing about something as trivial as burning the dinner. I’d watched her unable to get out of bed for days on end, complaining she was too exhausted. But I’d never seen her unresponsive like that before.
“Hey.” Hailee’s fingers brushed my arm, coaxing me to meet her steady gaze. “If you need to talk, I’m here.”
I stared at her, lost for words. She’d offered to be there for me, just like that. No judgement. No questions or ulterior motive.
It was more than I deserved and yet, I wanted to take it. I wanted to pour my heart out to this girl.
“Cameron?” Dad’s head appeared around the door. “Can I borrow you for a second?” His eyes went to the girl beside me. “I’m sorry, how rude of me. I’m Cameron’s dad, Clarke. You’re Jason’s sister, Hailee, right?”
“Yes, Sir, it’s nice to meet you.”
“I wish it was
under better circumstances. My son said you got into a little bind last night and he helped you out?”
“He did,” her voice was quiet.
“Well I’m glad you’re okay. Cameron?” His gaze flitted back to mine, and I got up, following him into the hall.
“Is she okay?”
“Doctor Kravis wants us to go straight to Rixon General. Katie is coming by to pick up Xander—”
“Dad, I can watch—”
“You should get Hailee home and then go over to the Bennets’, okay?” He gripped my shoulder, squeezing gently. “I’ll call you as soon as we know anything.”
“Okay.” I ran a hand down my face. “I’ll get Xander’s bag packed.”
He nodded. “She’s going to be okay, Son.” Dad gave a little sigh and walked off down the hall. I went back into the den to find Hailee on the floor playing racing cars with Xander. I watched them from the doorjamb, a tightness in my chest. She was smiling, letting my little brother run his red car over her legs.
As if she felt me watching, Hailee’s eyes lifted to mine and she smiled. “Hi,” she mouthed.
“Hey.” I stalked toward them. “Guess what, buddy? Katie’s coming to pick you up.”
“Atie, I ove her.” He gave a little clap and began clearing up the pile of cars. Hailee helped and in no time, there was no evidence of their game.
I scooped Xander up and threw him over my shoulder, toddler-laughter filling the room, easing some of the pain I’d felt at seeing Mom like that. “Are you okay to wait for Katie to come and collect him and then I’ll drive you home?”
“Okay.” Her expression slipped, but I didn’t have time or energy to try to decipher it.
The drive to Hailee’s house was quiet. I was lost in my thoughts; worrying about Mom, feeling guilty over Xander being with Katie instead of his family. Instead of me. And something had changed with Hailee. It wasn’t so much what she said but everything she wasn’t saying.
Hell, who was I kidding? She probably already regretted letting me kiss her, touching her the way I had. She’d softened at my house. Let her guard down. But now we were in my truck, going to her house, and it was like last night, this morning, had all been a dream. A beautiful nightmare where you wake up and realize the amazing memories aren’t memories at all, but an alternate reality your mind created to taunt you.
My fingers tightened around the steering wheel as my emotions crashed over me like a tsunami.
“Cameron?” Hailee’s voice grounded me, and I glanced over at her.
“Yeah?”
The blare of my cell phone cut through the tension and I glanced down at the console to see Jase’s name flashing across the screen.
“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath. Hailee must have noticed his name too because she angled her body toward the window, watching Rixon roll by.
Everything was going to shit, and I couldn’t seem to find a way to smooth it over. I’d wanted us to talk. To figure out what this morning meant to her. To us. But there was no time now.
Hailee’s house came into view and I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized Jason’s car wasn’t in the driveway. “He must be at Asher’s already,” I said.
“I guess.”
I pulled up alongside Mr. Ford’s truck and looked at Hailee. She was no longer looking out of the window, but she wasn’t looking at me either.
“Hailee—”
“Cameron—”
We both chuckled, her eyes twinkling at me. “You go,” she said.
Where did I begin? There was so much I wanted to say. But I couldn’t seem to sort through my jumbled thoughts, so I said the first thing that came to mind. “You know we can’t tell Jason about this.”
Hurt flashed in her eyes. “Right, of course.” Hailee grabbed the door handle and went to climb out.
“Wait, shit… that came out wrong. I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”
“It’s fine.” She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I know it didn’t mean anything. It was just us working out our differences, right?” Her gaze finally slid to mine. She was pissed. And she had every right to be. But I couldn’t think straight.
“Hailee, that’s not—”
“I hope your mom is okay, I really do. Bye, Cameron,” she said before shouldering the door and escaping from my truck. Frustration swelled in my chest. She was running. She could pretend it was my fault, but my fuck up was only an excuse—the out she was looking for to run from me. Again.
“This isn’t over, Hailee,” I said, locking my eyes on hers as she glanced back at me, daring her to deny it. Her lips parted as if she was going to say something. Say something, I silently begged.
But at the last second, she shook her head a little and walked away from me.
Hailee
After Cameron gave me a ride home, I spent the day holed up in my bedroom, working on the art project for Seniors Night. I’d managed to find enough photographs of the senior players in action from the storage room, to use. There were nine of them in total. Which meant nine individual paintings. Mr. Jalin was right; it was going to mean some serious hours in the studio, but I welcomed it.
After this morning at Cameron’s house, I needed a distraction. Something to occupy my mind so I didn’t spend every waking minute replaying the way he’d kissed me, the way my body had come to life at his touch. My skin began to tingle, my stomach clenching as I let the memories wash over me. Frustrated at myself, I shook away the intrusive thoughts and focused on the task at hand.
Drawing had always been a way for me to relax, to switch off from life and lose myself in nothing but the swoosh of a brush against a fresh canvas, or the scratch of a finely sharpened pencil against a crisp page in my sketch pad. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t loved to draw. As a child, I was always doodling and coloring in and getting mom to carve shapes into potatoes so I could make crazy paintings. But when we’d moved in with Jason and his dad, it became much more to me than just a hobby. It was a way to express myself; to work out my frustrations.
And it was mine.
I didn’t need a team behind me cheering me on, or an audience chanting my name. In some ways, art was as far away from sport as you could get, and the irony wasn’t lost on me.
But I didn’t only love it, I was good at it.
As I stared down at the sketch of Cameron, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d captured his strength and physique to perfection. Without realizing, my fingers began to ghost over his face, covered by his helmet. Waking up in his bed this morning had been a shock, but it hadn’t been as awkward as I’d expected.
As it should have been.
In fact, there had been moments when it didn’t feel weird at all.
“Hailee, can you come down here please?” Mom’s voice cut through my thoughts and I let out a heavy sigh.
“I’m busy,” I yelled, adding more shading around Cameron’s helmet
“It’s important.”
Relenting, I closed the sketch pad and went downstairs. “Yes?” I dragged myself into the kitchen.
“Attitude, young lady.” Mom gave me a playful smile.
“Sorry, I was working.” I pulled out a stool and plopped down on it. “The art thing Mr. Jalin and Coach Hasson asked me to do.”
“Oh yes,” Kent said. “How is that going?”
“Okay, I guess. It’s not exactly my thing.”
“It’s football, Hailee, it isn’t the devil’s work.”
“Kent,” Mom said quietly.
He shook out his newspaper, offering me an apologetic smile.
“You wanted something?” I tried to change the subject, not wanting to get into all the reasons I loathed football.
“Me and Kent have been talking, and since you came to the game with us and Coach Hasson’s dinner afterward,”—she grabbed a white envelope off the table—“Kent pulled a few strings and well, happy early birthday, baby.”
I plucked the envelope from her, excitement dancing in my stomach as I tore into i
t and pulled out the contents. “You got me the tickets,” I shrieked.
“We did.”
“Thank you,” I beamed, leaping down off the stool and throwing my arms around her. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.” Mom hugged me back, laughing softly. “But—”
“No buts, Mom.” Untangling myself from her, I pouted. “I’m eighteen.”
“You’re still seventeen for another two-and-a-half weeks, Hailee. And New York is a three-and-a-half-hour journey which is…” her voice trailed off as she glanced over at Kent.
“What your mom is trying to say is that we’d feel much better about you going all the way to New York… if Jason goes with you.”
My stomach dropped. “No.”
“Hailee, be reasonable,” Mom chided. “We got four tickets for the exhibition. We thought you could take Flick, and Jason could ask Asher or Cameron.”
“You honestly think they’ll want to hang out at an arts exhibition with me for my birthday?”
This day couldn’t get any worse. First, Cameron ruined what had been one of the best moments of my life, and now my mom and step-dad wanted me to play happy families with Jason—on my eighteenth birthday no less.
“I’d rather not go,” I said, folding my arms over my chest.
“Go where?” Jason breezed into the room and I silently groaned.
“We got Hailee tickets for an exhibition she wants to see at The Met Museum in New York,” Mom said, and he did a double-take.
“You’re letting her go to New York? Alone?”
I bristled, my teeth grinding together.
“Well, no. Felicity would be going with her, and we hoped…” Mom looked to Kent again and he finally put his newspaper down. “We’d like you and one of the guys to accompany them.”
“When is it?”
I don’t know who was more surprised: me, Mom, or Kent. “What?” Jason added as we all stared at him. “I can’t miss a game, but if it’s a bye week, it should be okay.”
“It’s October nineteenth,” Mom said.
“It’s a bye.”
“That settles it then,” she said. “Isn’t that great news, Hailee?”