by Lauren Runow
“Is that what you called it when I made you cum so hard you couldn’t see straight?”
Bolts of electricity run between my thighs just from his voice, and I have to hold my breath to stop myself from reaching out for him.
Suddenly my vocabulary completely disappears. No words come out of my mouth. No protest, no go away, nothing. I stand there, holding my breath, praying I don’t have to fight him and he’ll back off on his own.
He doesn’t.
No, he gets so close I feel his breath run down my neck. He’s not physically caressing my skin with his hands but every inch of his body is touching mine, and when he thrusts his hardening cock against me, my insides ache to feel him again.
“You can’t fight it,” he whispers in my ear.
I turn my head away from him.
“See, if you could, you’d push me away right now. You wouldn’t have allowed me to walk behind your desk if I was only your subordinate.”
I take a deep breath in, holding it again, willing myself to push him away, but everything in me is fighting the rational person screaming in my brain.
“Don't worry, I couldn’t push you away if I tried, either.”
His hands reach up to my face and his lips are on mine before I can even release the breath I’ve been holding.
I melt under his touch, bringing my arms up around his neck, pulling him closer as I wrap one leg around him so I can tame this desperate feeling growing deep inside.
It’s not until I hear footsteps outside my door that my brain finally kicks in and I push him away. “Please, no. We can’t do this. I could get in a lot of trouble.”
“Isn’t that part of the fun?” He smirks, holding out his hands to the side.
“Alex, you have to go.”
“Fine, I’ll leave, but I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. You and I are just beginning our, what did you call it, fuck buddy—” he winks “—time together.”
I stand there silent, unable to say anything in response. It’s not until he’s out the door do I fall back into my chair, hitting myself because I never even spoke to him about staying out of trouble.
Great superior I am.
5
Alex has kept himself out of trouble, and aside from seeing him on the flight line, our paths haven’t crossed. I wish I could say that makes me happy, but, truthfully, it’s been one hell of a week.
Besides having to dodge phone calls from Travis — I’m not ready to talk to him yet — anytime someone knocks on my office door my heart races out of control. Everywhere I go, I catch myself looking around in an effort to find him. I swear I’m driving myself crazy thinking every guy I see is him.
The logical voice in my head is saying I have to keep to myself, forget about him, and move on. But every other fiber of my being is craving to be with him.
My mind wanders to the first time he touched me, the first time he kissed me, and the way it felt when he thrust inside me. The memory of his hard cock inside me makes me clench my thighs and throw my head back against my desk chair.
I want it but not like someone needs air. No, I want it like a little girl in an American Girl doll store whose mom won’t buy her the biggest, most extravagant doll and she’s about to throw herself on the floor in a massive fit.
That’s me right now.
But I can’t explain why. I don’t love him. Hell, I don’t even know him. But something about him makes me want more—more fun, more dancing, more being myself with no worries in the world.
That’s what I want.
The entire package, and I didn’t realize how bad until he showed me a glimpse of what my life could be.
Now it’s Friday, and I’ve never wanted to say fuck it to everything so bad and walk away from my entire life. But I can’t. I promised my upcoming years to the Air Force, and I’m stuck.
I need to forget about Alex, about what freedom felt like, and stay focused on my goals to make the best of my career. I can retire at thirty-eight, after doing twenty years in the military. Then I can live my life and be able to afford to do as I wish.
When I walk to my car, I notice Alex’s truck parked next to mine. Instantly my chest aches, my heartbeat accelerates and my insides clench in anticipation.
His windows are tinted, and I can’t see anything inside due to the setting sun reflecting a glare until I get closer. That’s when I see his hat pulled low as he sits in his front seat with his head resting against the back.
For a second I think he’s asleep until I hear his window roll down but he doesn't move or make any notion he’s trying to get my attention.
Instead he says, “I’ll pick you up at eight, be ready,” then starts the truck and pulls out of the spot before I have a chance to say anything in response.
As he pulls away, he glances in my direction. Flashing the sexiest grin I’ve ever seen, he leaves me stunned and shaking from excitement of what’s coming tonight.
I know I need to call him and cancel, but no part of me will.
Having no clue where he was taking me made it next to impossible to pick out my outfit. I thought I should be cute, not too sexy or flirty, but not seem like I was trying too hard.
I wish I could call Layla and ask her opinion, but then I’d have to explain who I’m going out with and where we’re going. Since I don’t want to do either, I’m totally on my own.
After a while, I decide he’s trying to bring out the real me so I go for an outfit that’s exactly that. Don’t get me wrong, I like to dress in a sexy outfit now and then, but it’s not who I truly am.
I’m a jeans-wearing girl with a white tank-top, my hair either lying straight or pulled up in a ponytail with simple makeup, and my black and pink Chucks. That’s when I feel my best so that’s what I go with.
There’s a knock on my door at eight, and when I open it a smiling Alex greets me.
“Perfect outfit. Make sure you grab a hair tie, just in case you get hot.”
A smirk covers my face as I flash my wrist donning an elastic hair band, ready to pull my hair up whenever I see fit. “Already thought of it. Where are you taking me?”
He starts to walk away, saying, “Dancing, of course, but only a club this time, no rave. Let’s go.”
I quickly grab my purse and keys to lock the door behind me. When I turn around, Alex is there, only inches away, pressing me back into my door. His lips find mine in an unexpected flash of heat but as quickly as it arrived, it’s over and we’re walking to his truck for another night of what’s becoming my favorite pastime.
Our secret affair continues for a few weeks, and the deeper we go, the more I love my double life.
At work we pass each other on the flight line or at the chow hall. The look he gives me sends chills places no one wants to feel at work, but God how I adore every second.
The excitement of our relationship has brought a renewed sense of happiness to my life, and I no longer wear a plastic smile—it’s genuine.
For the first time, I feel like I’m living my life for me. I don’t have to answer to any man about what I want to do or where I’m going, but yet I have a guy I can call anytime that I don’t have to tell anyone about.
And I like it.
I like the freedom, I like the energy he supplies, and the thrill of knowing it’s so wrong, yet so right.
I’m riding high from him stopping by my office to steal a kiss before he goes home when my phone rings, ripping away my euphoria and replacing it with blind rage.
“Captain Mazerolle,” I answer without looking at the caller ID, not hiding the smile stretching across my face from my tone. Big mistake.
“What’s this I hear about a guy at your apartment a few times last week?” Travis bites out over the phone.
I’ve been avoiding his phone calls and emails, enjoying my new life and not wanting to deal with him yet. Funny how that’s the first thing he brings up. Boy, does he have it coming to him.
Without any hesitation, I fight back. “Why do
n’t we talk about Sarah first? I had the pleasure of meeting her a few weeks ago.”
“Don’t believe a word she says.”
“Oh, really, so you haven’t been fucking her? And she’s not pregnant?”
“It’s not my kid,” he grits out.
“Funny how you deny that before you deny the fact that you are fucking her. Whatever, Travis. I’m done. Call someone who cares because it’s not me.”
Before I can hang up the phone, I hear him plead, “But, Jenelle, we can get through this. Just talk to me.”
I laugh harshly. “You can run through other girls but you and I are through. Have fun, Daddy.”
I hang up, completely frazzled by the conversation. How dare he? I can’t believe I put up with him for as long as I did.
My head drops back against my chair as I focus on my breathing and calm my nerves. I close my eyes and to my surprise, visions of Alex pop into my head. The blood pumping through my veins calms, but my heart starts to beat for another reason.
Taking a deep breath, I smile, wanting to scream out my relief that it’s over. I’m done with Travis for good.
A friend of his lives in my complex so knowing I’ve been seen by someone with Alex brings up another concern.
Travis has a month left in his deployment, but when he gets back, I won’t be able to hide our relationship anymore. Travis will know who Alex is, and I don’t put it past him to make it a big deal, just to prove that him doing the same thing was okay.
Because that’s what I’m doing.
Alex may be older than Sarah, but he’s still an Airman First Class and I am still his boss.
Sadness of having to end things with Alex flood my mind. I push away the thought, ignoring the truth and pushing my lies back under the rug where they belong for now.
It’s only Wednesday night, and even though we’ve only hung out on the weekends, I’m feeling a little feisty after that call. Thoughts of having to end this soon have lit a fire that only he can tend to so I send him a text. Not really asking for permission.
Are you home?
Yup
Sweet. I’ll be there in 10.
His response of a monkey covering his eyes reminds me of why I’m having so much fun with him. He’s carefree, daring and open for anything. I can be myself and ask for what I want knowing I don’t have to be afraid of what he might think or say.
I’m at his house in less than ten minutes, and when I arrive he’s waiting by the door with a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Well, well, well… How can I help you tonight?” he taunts.
“You can help me by getting naked and meeting me in your bedroom.” I walk into his house and drop my purse on the couch.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says with authority as he salutes me.
Squinting my eyes, I turn to him, glaring my disapproval. When I see him with one hand unbuttoning his pants and the other still in salute, I break out in a hard laugh.
I like his idea and start stripping off my clothes, dropping them one at a time as I walk through his apartment.
By the time I’m in his bedroom, I kick my panties off and climb on his bed with my ass up in the air, waiting for him to walk through the door.
“Damn girl, that makes me hard just looking at you, offering yourself to me like that.”
He walks up, sticking his face between my legs, tracing soft licks up and down my slit, bringing deep moans to the surface.
“Give me your cock,” I say, reaching through my legs for what I really want.
He obliges and within seconds I'm holding and rubbing the tip of him against me. I tremble slightly as we slide it in and out just a bit, wanting more.
Pulling back briefly, he slips on a condom and without abandon, slams inside me, giving me exactly what I need.
Screams of pleasure fly past my lips as my head falls down on the bed.
“Yeah, is that what you wanted? To be fucked like the bad girl you are? You like this little secret, don't you?”
I’m having a Jerry Maguire moment, and I’m tempted to scream out Never Stop Fucking Me, but I don’t. Not because I don’t want to but because I can’t form the words.
Him slamming into me from behind with his balls slapping my clit leaves me panting. I have to fight every urge in my body not to cum because I want him to fuck me longer.
I don’t want this to stop, and just when I think I can’t take it any longer, he flips me over. After he pulls my legs up over his shoulders, he pauses before sinking back in.
My body involuntarily shuffles toward him, trying to find his cock that he’s pulled away from me. I need it back inside me now before I explode from its absence.
His slight chuckle takes me out of the cloud I was floating high on, and when I open my eyes, I see the sexiest grin I’ve ever seen.
“Please, Alex, why’d you stop?”
“Because it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Your body needs me so bad I could see it searching instinctively. Remember that. Remember it’s my cock that makes your body react like this.”
With that statement, he claims me once again. After three thrusts, he slams hard inside, holding himself there. He moves only slightly until my body starts to quiver, and an orgasm rolls through me with a mind of its own.
Screams of disbelief and amazement release from my lips. I completely lose my breath and am left with only a panting need for air, water and more of him.
His release follows right after and we lie in each other’s arms, totally sated.
Kisses cover my shoulder, moving up my neck until reaching my lips. Instantly, we’re lost in each other, thanking one another for the relief and pleasure we were just rewarded.
When he pulls away, he whispers, “Now that was a good idea. I’m going to go get a drink, can I get you something?”
I laugh, responding, “It’s okay, I’ll be right out.”
He leaves his bedroom, still naked, and I take my time, curling up and enjoying my high for just a few more minutes.
Once I gather my clothes from his hallway and slip them back on, I walk out to the kitchen to see him sitting in his boxers drinking a beer.
“Let me have a sip,” I say, reaching for it.
“You sure are demanding tonight. First sex, now beer. Woman, what’s next?”
I laugh while stealing it, anyway. After I finish it off, I set it down and look around the room, not quite sure what to do now.
His laughter makes me look his direction.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to stay and act like you want to hang out.”
“Well, I mean…” I pause not sure what to say. I don’t really want to stay but it feels weird coming here, having sex with him, and leaving right after.
“I told you. It's all good. Thanks for a good fuck.”
See, this, right here. He gets me and, more importantly, makes me feel like what I’m feeling is okay.
My lips tilt up in a smile before I lean in to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks. I needed that. I’ll see you around?”
“Yup. See ya,” he says nonchalantly but then surprises me by grabbing the back of my neck, pulling me in for a goodnight kiss before letting me go to walk to the door alone.
6
Weeks start to blur together and our weekend flings turn into more weekday fun though only at his house or at far away clubs so we don’t get caught.
There’s no talk of us or what’s going on, just sex, dancing in other towns, sex, and more sex. It’s the best non-relationship I’ve ever had, and, of course, I go fuck it up without even realizing it.
He lies on his stomach and I trace my fingers over his naked back covered in tattoos that are more like a collage of stories than random designs. I can’t help myself when I ask, “What’s the meaning of your tattoo?”
Immediately, he flips over, hopping out of bed, and grabs a shirt to cover his ink before trying to walk out of the room without saying a word.
“Who
a, what the hell?” I ask, sitting straight while pulling the sheet up. Suddenly very aware that I’m naked in his bed and he just stormed off with no explanation.
He grabs the doorframe and with his back to me he grits out, “We said from the get-go, nothing personal.”
“Well, excuse me. Sorry to ask a simple question to the man I’m fucking.”
I throw my legs off the bed, hastily grabbing my clothes, pulling them on in a hurry to leave.
A deep sigh rumbles through the room, and when I look up, he’s standing in the doorway, blocking my exit but not saying a word.
“Jenelle, I told you. I didn’t want this to go there because believe me, you don’t want to know about me. Sex. That’s all this is.”
I can tell he’s treading lightly. His eyes cast down to the ground and his voice is almost a whisper. The way his shoulders lean forward it almost seems like he’s guarding his own feelings more than mine.
But it’s too late. I won’t put up with someone treating me like that. We may just be fuck buddies but neither of us can deny this might be turning into something more. We both know it’s happening so maybe we should just end it now.
“I asked you a simple question. You can’t expect me to not want to know anything about you. I’m your commanding officer. The rules changed when you walked into my office a couple of months ago, or did you forget? No matter how causal this is, I think I have the right to want to know something about someone I’m risking everything for. Now, please, excuse me.”
I try to leave, but he won’t budge, and even though I could move him with the slightest of touches, I don’t want to. He’s blocking me but intentionally testing my boundaries at the same time.
He wants to see how far I’ll go, and damn it, I can’t bring myself to push him out of the way because I don’t want to.
I’ve done it. I’ve started to care for him. I want to know more about him, but I didn’t see it coming until it slapped me across the face.
Both our bodies stand at attention, not willing to move but not willing to give into one another either. We’ve come to a crossroad and neither one of us is willing to move yet both of us are scared to walk away.