by Lauren Runow
Lieutenant Stine and everyone in the room agree before Thompson leaves to pick up Alex. I, on the other hand, have to sit, dying inside, while hiding it from the world around me.
My door swings open and shuts before I have the chance to question what is going on. The phone is up to my ear but when sparkling blue eyes reach mine, I quickly end my phone call and stand up.
Before I can make it around my desk, strong hands grip my cheeks as soft lips crash with mine, hungry for anything they can get.
“Alex,” I breathlessly say when he pulls back to examine my eyes.
“God, I’m sorry, so sorry, Jenelle. I promised I would protect you and it killed me to see you in the police station. I never wanted to put you in that situation.”
“Alex, I know. I know you didn’t mean for that to happen. It wasn’t your fault.”
He wraps me in his embrace. “I was so scared you were going to get in trouble.”
“I was more worried about you. What happened? Why did they keep you?”
“That’s not important. As long as you’re okay, that’s all I care about.”
“Alex…” I place my hand on his shoulders, pulling back to look him in the eyes. “It is important. I don’t want you getting in trouble. I need you—”
A swift knock cuts off my words before my door swings open. Without a thought, Alex grabs some pencils and papers off my desk, knocking it to the floor and leaning down to pick it up.
“I’m sorry that happened, Captain. I can be so clumsy,” Alex says as he picks up the items and sets them back where they came from.
Fear grabs my chest and holds on tightly as I turn around, sitting back in my chair and turning toward my computer so I don’t have to look at Lieutenant Stine’s face.
“That’s okay, Riley. I’m glad we had that talk. Remember what I said. This is your last warning. Don’t make us do something none of us want to do.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Alex says as he salutes me quickly and walks out the door, leaving Lieutenant Stine standing in question.
Before he can make sense of it all, I ask, “Is there something I can help you with?”
“No. Just wanted to make sure you knew Airman Riley was back, but I see you’ve already spoken to him.”
“Yes, we’ve spoken. He’s aware of how I feel. Thank you for bringing him back.”
He nods in response, leaving my office and closing the door behind him.
A deep sigh releases from my chest as my head falls down on my desk in relief he hadn’t walked in earlier.
8
What we kept calling our non-existent relationship changed after that night. Though we haven’t set any parameters or said we were officially dating, we’ve been spending every night together.
Yeah, he’s either been at my house or me at his every night, and yes, I sleep in his shirt but it’s comfy, that’s the only reason why.
At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
That’s why I’m a little worried about how things are going tonight. He’s not doing anything glaringly different but I notice the subtle things. He’s holding my hand any chance he can, or when I was making dinner, our eyes would meet and the look he would give me would bring most girls to their knees.
It’s a look I’ve dreamed about getting for years. That one that says you’re the one, with the twinkle in their eye and the slight smile that forms on their lips. I’ve seen it in movies and read about it in books, but never have I witnessed it myself, until now.
After I close the dishwasher, his hand intertwines with mine, and when I look up to his eyes, I see it again.
Tingles start at my chest and radiate out until I feel a cold sweat cover my body. I don’t know what’s going on. Do I like this? Is this fear? Is this love? Am I scared? Am I happy?
All I know is I’ve never felt this way and my head is more clogged than rush-hour traffic.
When his lips brush over mine, I feel my chest tighten even more and my stomach flip around. Proving that something is definitely going on.
He leans back, and I take a deep, cleansing breath which makes him chuckle under his breath as he walks away with his chest held high. The swagger in his walk is like he’s the king of the prairie about to claim his lioness.
He can tell I’m affected but I think he’s misunderstanding what it means. Shit, I don’t even know what it means.
His grip on my hand pulls me to my room where he sits on the bed and pulls me between his legs.
I wipe the sweat coating my palms on my shorts before running my fingers through his hair.
The slight moan he gives does nothing to my nerves, just intensifies the situation and now my heart is beating wildly.
His hands wrap around my waist and start to pull up my shirt where his lips replace the soft feeling of the fabric. Chills race down my spine, and I shiver slightly which garners another slight chuckle from Alex.
My head falls back as I take a deep breath, slightly pursing my lips together, letting it out as slowly as possible, trying to calm my nerves so I can figure out what these feelings going through me are.
Once his hands reach inside my shorts, rubbing my favorite spot, the nerves turn into ripples of pleasure and I give myself over to him.
I’m losing all control but I like it. I want him to dominate me and take everything inside my head away. I just want to be a woman who has no thoughts, no questions, no concerns, and just feels and loves what is happening to me.
Alex wraps his hands tighter around my waist, hugging me briefly before slowly lowering my shorts down the length of my legs, trailing kisses every inch he can.
My shirt and bra are next, and once I stand completely naked in front of him, his lips wrap around my nipple while he mumbles three words under his breath I can’t quite make out.
Slowly picking me up, he places me on the bed and removes his own clothing while I lie still as a board, waiting for him to help these feelings move through me so I can figure out what they mean.
His lips meet mine in a kiss full of desire, passion and, dare I say, love?
Without releasing his lips from mine, he reaches down with one hand, positioning himself at my entrance, and slowly pushes himself inside.
A moan I’ve never heard releases from my lips. It’s deep, it’s emotional, it’s raw. My eyes glisten from the emotions running through my body when Alex’s voice lifts me from my trance.
“Jenelle, look at me,” he whispers as he brushes my hair away from my face and slows down his thrusts so he’s leisurely moving in and out of me, driving me close to the edge already.
I open my eyes to see him staring back at me. His eyes crinkle at the side, like a thought just came to him and his lips tilt up to a smile.
“I want this, Jenelle. I want us. Let’s tell people. Let’s not hide this anymore. I see you in my future. I see us getting married some day.”
I close my eyes, pretending it’s more from the pleasure ripping through me instead of the shock that just filled me to my core.
Did he just say tell people? Did he really just mention marriage? Has he lost his mind? We aren’t even a real couple. Are we?
“Jenelle, open your eyes. Did you hear me? I want to be with you. Only you.”
His movements stop, and I know he’s waiting for my response. I’ve been so confused as to what’s going on between us already, and now this, especially right now.
Having no clue what I’m going to respond with, stupid me says the first thing that comes to my mouth, “You’re already married.”
After it comes out of my mouth, I instantly regret it and open my eyes to see the rejection flashing through his mind. But did I reject him? I didn’t really say no… But I guess I didn’t say yes, either... I need more time to take in his words.
How did we go from not wanting to even see someone to talking about marriage?
In a streak of lightning, the sweet Alex that’s been shining through all night is gone and my sex freak is back, flipping me over so I’m lying on
my stomach before he spreads me wide and pounds into me with punishing thrusts that feel so good yet terribly wrong.
I know it’s different now. I can tell in how he’s touching me. Normally, his hands pull me in tight, caressing me like I’m a mirage, constantly making sure I’m real, but not now. His grip is tight, his grunts firm, and his only care is getting me off so he can get off too.
Literally.
So I give him what he wants. I fake my orgasm for the first time, purposely clenching my pussy tight as I scream out, praying he doesn’t notice.
Three seconds later, his thrusts take flight, pounding harder and harder until he slams his release inside then pulls out without even relishing in the after wave.
Thankfully, my face is buried in the pillow, and I keep it there, not wanting to face what I think is to come. Not because I don’t like him because I do. The thought of it ending right now makes my chest a little tighter than I want to admit, but this is all too fast. I need to think a little more.
When I feel his warm body lean over and kiss my shoulder, relief fills my chest but it’s short lived.
“I got to head home. Thanks for tonight.”
I turn to him, seeing him for the first time and noticing instantly the change in his stature.
“Don’t leave,” I whisper as I reach for him.
“Sorry, plans tonight. I have to head out.”
Liar.
I take a deep breath before moving to get out of bed, worry and pain filling every part of me. “I’ll walk you out,” I state, trying to prolong his leaving so I can think straight.
He stops me. “It’s okay. I’ll let myself out. Bye, Jenelle.”
The way he said bye before kissing my forehead left my stomach turning but I do nothing to stop him. I said goodbye and watched him walk out of my room with a devastated gut feeling, wondering what all just went wrong.
9
Alex walked out of my house four days ago, and I haven’t heard from him since. I texted him a few times over the weekend with simple things just testing the water between us, but he never responded. Now I’m sitting in my Monday meeting, listening to the weekend briefing. My heart races when First Sergeant Thompson mentions Airman Riley is up to no good again, and he’s recommending we move forward with his dishonorable discharge.
“Wait.” I jump to stop him at the surprise of hearing his name then have to backtrack so I don’t come off too obvious to everyone in the meeting. “I mean, um, I thought he was doing better? What exactly did he do this time?”
“He was. For a few months, he was great and I don’t know what happened, but he’s back to his old ways. He showed up smelling of alcohol on Friday, I couldn't prove it so I put him on cleaning detail to keep him off the flight line.”
I have to close my eyes as pain rips through my chest like someone just gripped my heart in an effort to stop it from beating completely. He left my house Thursday night so that pretty much put a nail in the coffin that I caused this.
To my dismay, he continues, “Then he didn’t show up at all for his weekend duty. After calling his house multiple times on Saturday, I drove there on Sunday and found him passed out with a bottle of Jack Daniels next to him. I had to get his landlord to open the door after I saw him lying on the floor when I peeked through the window.”
Please, someone, tell the person stomping on my heart to stop. I can’t take it anymore.
Yet I sit here, having to fake it, show no emotion while I silently die inside. I’m finally able to whisper out, “Is he okay?”
A few others in the room suspiciously look my way. I keep my eyes on First Sergeant Thompson, waiting for him to say something to make this weight that’s keeping me from breathing go away.
“Yes, ma’am, I was able to wake him up and get him off the floor. He was a wreck, though, so needless to say, he didn’t come into work.”
“Has he shown up yet today?” I ask.
“Yes, he arrived on time today, and, from what I can tell, he’s not drunk, but doesn’t look much better than how I left him on Sunday.”
We finish our meeting, everyone agreeing to move forward with his discharge, and once I’m back to my office, I put out a request to have Airman Riley see me in my office.
He never arrives.
Not only does this get my blood boiling on the military side of things, but it breaks my heart on the personal side, too.
After work, I drive to his house, not paying attention to the fact I’m still wearing my uniform. After seeing his truck, a light film of sweat coats my palms as nerves start to take over.
After knocking a few times he answers wrapped in a towel with no shirt on and still dripping wet from the shower.
“Oh, hey,” he says nonchalantly before opening the door wider to allow me to come in.
“Oh, hey? Really, Alex? What the hell?”
“What’s up your ass?” He turns and stands in front of me, running his fingers through his wet hair.
“What’s up my ass? What happened to you? Why haven’t you returned my phone calls or texts messages? And what happened with you at work? You knew I would find out.”
“Oh, yeah, because you’re my boss. How could I forget? Whatever. I got drunk, had a good time. I needed to blow off some steam, and that’s what works for me.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I don’t know. I’m not obligated to call you. Remember, we’re just fucking. So is that why you’re here?” He drops his towel to reveal he has nothing underneath. “That’s all you want, right? Just a good fuck. A secret fuck. Then let’s go. You know I’m game.”
“Alex, stop,” I demand, pushing him back.
“Stop what? This is what you want, right?”
“You know it’s more than that.”
“No. Actually I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?”
“You know our work won’t allow this. What’s happening between us. I could get in a lot of trouble. I wish it was different, but it’s not.”
Alex’s fists squeeze tightly together as he takes a deep breath and bites out, “Fuck our jobs.”
“I can’t do that, Alex. This job is my life. I'm an Officer. If I get kicked out, my life is over.”
“So what, I’m just your toy then?”
Tears start to fill my eyes, “I’m sorry, Alex, I’m truly sorry. Maybe this was all just a mistake.”
I try to push my way past him but he holds me close just as tears roll down my cheek and onto his bare chest.
“No, Jenelle. You can’t say that. We’re not a mistake. I’m not a mistake. I just want to be the man you can’t live without, why does our job have to matter in that?”
I choke back a sob. “It’s not fair. I know. I don’t want to lose you but there’s more. Alex, they’re discharging you from the military.”
He pulls me off his chest and holds me at arms length. “What?”
“Yes, Alex, they’re moving forward with a dishonorable discharge. After you were arrested they said if you stepped out of line one more time than you were out. There was nothing I could do.”
“No! They can’t do that!”
“Yes, Alex, they can. And they are.”
Tears fall freely as I watch panic take over his face. Shaking his head, he stomps back to his room. “No! They can’t do this.” He’s back in a minute, fully dressed. “I’ll go talk to them.”
And just like that. He’s gone and I lose all control in the middle of his apartment.
Alone.
10
The military started his discharge immediately and their first work of order was to move him back to base and keep him under their watchful eye. He’s sent me a few text messages but we haven’t had any time to talk alone.
I’ve learned from my debriefings that he’s moving back to the Chicago area where he’s originally from and will be fully discharged by early next week.
Until then, he’s on cleaning duty and has also been tasked with building a fence on the back of
the base. They’re working him like a dog every second of the day as his punishment until his time in the military is over.
That’s why I’m completely surprised when I see him standing at my door.
“Alex…” I say breathlessly.
Our lips meet instantly when he wraps me in his arms, lifting me slightly. For a second, my arms fall limp to the side as I completely give myself to him. Before long, a surge of lightning runs through my body and I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer.
I knew I missed him, I knew I had something for him but in this moment I know it’s love that I feel. There’s no more fear. No more questions. For the first time since he walked out of my house weeks ago I feel whole again.
His arms slip down my body, and effortlessly, he picks me up, walking straight to my room and placing me down on the bed before covering me with all of him.
Fingers travel down my arm until they’re entangled with mine. They grip me tightly before traveling up and placing one hand above my head. He reaches down for my other arm to do the same until both hands are secured up high.
Once I’m in a position he wants, he starts unbuttoning my pajama top, pulling it open and resting his soft lips directly over my nipple.
There’s no rush, there’s no harsh sucking, he’s taking his time. Fully living in the moment and cherishing my body like he never has before.
Sliding down, feeling every inch of bare skin, he removes the rest of my clothing before reaching over his head and pulling his own shirt off.
I don’t dare move from the position he’s put me in, I just stare, hoping to God this isn’t a dream.
Within seconds, his lips reach mine again as his body thrusts inside me, pushing a deep, God-releasing moan from my lips.
I’ve missed this.
I’ve needed this.
I’ve needed him.
His motions are slow and methodical as he wipes my hair from my face, looking directly into my eyes.
“Don’t forget me, okay?” he whispers.
I shake my head slightly before our lips meet again and don’t leave one another’s until we’re both screaming in pleasure and giving one another everything we have to give.