My brain fuzzes with the sensation, trying to find a climax in the wave. “More.”
“How about this?” He laps up the whiskey, flicking his tongue over my clit, through my labia, and along the insides of my thighs. It feels so good, and yet it makes me shake with need. My breasts are swollen and aching, my pussy throbbing. I am outside my body, and I need him in. It is pure erotic torture, and I want it to go on, and I want it to end.
“Do you need me?” he whispers.
“Yes.”
“Do you want me?”
“God, Jack. Yes. Yes, I want you. Now. Don’t make me wait anymore.”
“You’re ready.” He pushes his fingers in as deep as they can go and uses his other hand to spread me wide. “Now, hold on.” He puts his tongue to my clit, and I am lost in a blaze of white-hot heat. He strokes and sucks, pushing his fingers in and drawing them out. He presses his teeth to my sensitive nub and adds a third finger, filling me, until I can’t tell pleasure from pain. I writhe on the table, so close to orgasm and yet not close enough.
“Please.”
“I like it when you beg.” He rips off my blindfold. “Watch yourself come. See how everyone sees you. See how beautiful you are.” I blink to clear my vision. He has changed the lights and the Plexiglas is a mirror, showing me flushed and sweaty, my lips swollen and my lids heavy with lust.
“Beautiful.” He sucks my clit between his teeth, and the ache in my pussy swells and bursts, consuming me in a tidal wave of stars. My back arches, my head thuds against the table. Jack presses one hand over my hips, holding me down as he continues to pound his fingers inside me. My orgasm rolls and rolls, never stopping, never slowing, and I cry out his name as all my tension and emotion leave me in a rush.
“Jack!”
* * *
RAMPAGE
My name on her lips does me in.
I shove down my clothes and sheath myself, my cock so hard and tight even the slide of latex is a painful pleasure. Penny is languid on the table, beautiful in her release. I undo her restraints, drop my knee to the blanket-clad table, and move over her. “Are you ready for me, beautiful girl?”
“Yes.” She wraps her arms around my neck, presses her lips to mine. Her kiss is sweet, her lips warm and soft, trusting and giving. Our eyes meet, linger, and I lose myself in the deep blue sea. I rock against her, teasing her clit hard again. When I feel her tremble, I slide in, gritting my teeth to hold myself back. She is so hot, so tight, so wet, and her body molds to mine. She is perfect for me. Perfectly made. A perfect fit. A perfect match.
Her pussy quivers, and I thrust in and out, inch by inch, each time a little deeper but not deep enough, each time a little harder but not hard enough.
“Jack,” she whispers. “Please, Jack. Please.”
Her skin flushes, and her breaths come in short pants. I pick up the pace, hammering into her as I sweep my thumb over her clit. Her pussy tightens around me like a velvet glove, and she climaxes, her little nails digging into my shoulders, her heels digging into my ass, her voice raw and rough, groaning in my ear. I thrust one more time. Pleasure shoots down my spine and erupts through my cock in long, hot jerks.
I collapse over Penny, drop my head to her chest. For the first time, I don’t feel the familiar bite of self-loathing. I have never felt such pleasure without pain. Although that need is still part of me, for Penny, I can push it away.
“Thank you.” She strokes her hand down my back, her breath warm against my cheek.
“For what?”
“For showing me this side of you. I didn’t think you could have sex without some element of pain.”
“Neither did I,” I say honestly. “I would be a happy man if I could make love to you like this every day.” I roll to my back and gather her in my arms, cradling her soft body against me.
Penny pulls back and studies me, worry creasing her brow. “Happy, but not fulfilled.”
“Happy is enough for me,” I assure her. “Pain is a craving. Not a need. And from what you just told me, I think you’ve had enough pain in your life.”
Far from being reassured, Penny’s frown deepens, and she pushes herself to sit. “If you don’t feed the craving, it becomes a need. I know that better than anyone.”
I’m not sure where she’s going with this. I am willing to change for her, to do what I promised Avery I would do, to suppress the part of me that destroyed my life for a chance at normal with her. “What are you saying?”
She twists her hair around her finger, and her face softens. “I’m saying I enjoyed making love, but I also enjoyed what we did in the alley and what we did at the club and when you used your belt. You don’t have to give that up for me.”
Emotion wells up in my throat, bittersweet. Penny could never give me what I get at Club Sin. She needs pain for emotional release, but she doesn’t enjoy it the way the masochists at the club do; she couldn’t tolerate the level of pain that gives me a total emotional release. And I couldn’t hurt her that way.
“Means a lot to me, your saying that.” I stroke a finger along the curve of her jaw. “But I don’t think you really understand what goes on during a hard session at the club—the level of pain involved—and I don’t want you to. I want you, just the way you are, doing things the way we do them. That means exclusive, darlin’. I’m not the kind of man who shares.”
I’m also not the kind of man who can find true release without pain.
But for Penny, I’m willing to try.
19
You were very angry
PENNY
Monday morning, after staying up half the night fretting over Jack’s decision to give up the club for me, I make the mistake of trying to sneak past Ray.
“Stop right there,” he barks from behind his newspaper. “I see you, Pen. We got things to discuss.”
“Amanda’s in court this morning.” I keep walking, looking straight ahead. “I have to get her stuff ready.”
“She just called to say the hearing has been postponed, so we got lots of time to talk.” He folds his newspaper and swings his legs off the couch. “Friday. Things were happening in this office that made me concerned.”
“Well, since they aren’t your concern, you don’t need to be concerned. Is the coffee ready?”
“Don’t try to change the subject,” he growls. “All I care about is making sure you’re being treated right, and the way you looked when Jack walked out of your office on Friday made me think that’s not the case.”
I head over to the coffeepot and pour a cup, trying to figure out how to get Ray to back down. Even if I tell him to stuff it, he’s not going to let this one go. “You know Jack. He’s a good guy.”
“You never really know anybody, Pen.” He picks up his cup and sighs. “I love Sia, but I won’t even pretend to know what goes on in that head of hers sometimes. Why does leaving the toilet seat up mean I don’t care? Is it such a hardship to put it down? And she does act like her mother sometimes. Doesn’t mean I don’t love her. I’m just pointing out a similarity of behavior.”
Now he’s making me worried all over again. How well do I know Jack? I never considered that his needs would go beyond our previous rough encounters. But it makes sense. A little spanking and a couple of wallops with a belt don’t even come close to what he did with that woman on the St. Andrew’s Cross the first time I saw him at Club Sin. I can get the same release with him as I do with my blade, but I can’t do the same for him.
Or can I?
“Ray?”
He stops mid-rant and lifts an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“I’m seeing him.”
Ray rolls his eyes. “Yeah. I got that when you told me you fucked on your desk.”
“You were supposed to think I was lying.”
“Pen, you can’t lie for shit. You’re like Pinocchio except your eyes g
et big instead of your nose. You got a good heart and a good soul and not an ounce of deceit in your body.”
If only he knew. And now I feel guilty for deceiving him about being deceitful. The whole thing makes my head spin. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Maybe it won’t last. He has issues. I have issues…”
Ray snorts a laugh. “That’s called a relationship.”
“I don’t know if this is a relationship, to be honest.” I sit beside Ray on the big blue couch. With the rest of the office decorated in cream and sage, the couch doesn’t fit in with Amanda’s decor. But it’s like that with everything at her firm. Her new, relaxed look is tainted with dark blue, monograms, and big-city style. Even her logo is pure corporate conservative, like she just can’t totally let go of her past. Someday I’m going to show her the designs I drew for her office, a fresh new look that would attract the kind of clients she really wants.
“Does a relationship mean you get crazy jealous when you think of him with someone else?” I ask Ray, the most possessive and protective man I know. “Or that you’ll do the thing that frightens you the most so you can be the one who gives him what he needs?” I have no idea why I’m asking Ray for advice, but Cora is wrapped up in Blade Saw and Amanda is a good friend of Jack’s.
Ray folds his hands behind his head and leans back on the couch. “Pretty much.”
“That’s it? Pretty much?”
Ray frowns. “You asked a question. I gave you an answer. What else do you want?”
“I don’t know…” I open my hands and shrug. “Maybe a bit more detail, real-life examples, some discussion…”
“That’s what girls do,” Ray says. “You want to talk it to death and overthink things, you talk to a girl. You want an answer, you come to me.”
“So, you don’t think I’m stupid for planning to do something that scares me, basically to keep him away from other women?”
“I almost killed a man for touching Sia, so I’m the wrong person to ask.” He yawns and stretches like he just told me what he ate for dinner last night and not that he almost committed a homicide.
“Okay then. That’s good.” I pick up my cup and take a sip of rapidly cooling coffee. “So, next time he needs something, I’ll make sure he comes to me. It makes sense because we’re…you know…a couple… I think.” And because I need to keep him away from the club, although now I don’t know if I’m doing it for me or for him.
Ray snorts a laugh. “Oh, you’re a couple, all right. Word has gone around Redemption that you’re off-limits. Anyone touches you and…” He slams his fist into his palm. “Boom. They’re dead.”
“You’re beginning to scare me, Ray.”
“Just beginning?”
My phone buzzes and I paw through the junk in my purse, trying to find it. “Okay. You always scared me. But you got a bit more scary after you and Sia got together.”
“Love makes you crazy. That’s all I can say.”
I find the phone and frown when the screen shows an unknown caller. But the voice, when I answer, is well known to me.
“Babe? It’s Adam.”
* * *
RAMPAGE
Monday afternoon, after wasting a morning in meetings, I try to lose myself in training as I prepare for a charity fundraiser match tomorrow. There are lots of fighters in the lower levels of the professional circuit, and it takes a combination of skill and profile to rise to the top.
I start with skipping rope, followed by shadowboxing drills, speed work, sparring, Muay Thai clinching, and circuit training. I spend an hour on weights and take a break for lunch, pounding back as much protein as my body can handle. Then I’m back in the gym with Andy for new techniques, drills, and sparring. By six o’clock I have pushed myself until my muscles are burning, but the knot of tension I have been fighting for the last three weeks is still there.
Before I met Penny, I would have been tempted to call Sylvia or a willing masochist to help me work off the tension with a good, hard session at the club. But I made a promise to Pen, and when I think about going to the club, it is Penny I imagine in my playroom. Penny I want on my cross. Penny I want in my arms after the scene is done. Penny who so sweetly offered herself to me even though she has no idea what a bastard I can be.
After a quick shower between training sessions, I change into my gi and slam my locker closed just as my phone starts to ring. My hand wavers. Renegade is teaching an advanced class tonight, and I need to work on my ground game. Still, since most of my friends are at the gym or know I’m here, there aren’t many people who would call at this time. Curious, I pull open the locker and catch Damien’s name on the screen on the last ring.
“Damien. What’s up?”
“Gerry, that fucking bastard, has got a bunch of contractors here. They say they’ve got a work order to come inside, but they won’t let me see it. Under the lease, Gerry’s allowed in for emergency repairs, but I haven’t reported any problems. I called my attorney, but he’s out of town. His law firm is trying to find someone else to take a look at the file, but I’m not convinced they’ll be able to stop these guys. You got some time to come down and play muscle for me?”
“I’m on my way.”
Fuck. What kind of game is Amanda playing? This kind of crap is crossing the line. Is Penny part of this? Is that why she didn’t want me to go to the club? Because she knew about this plan?
Fuming, I throw on one of my MEFC T-shirts and a pair of jeans and drive down to Club Sin. Damien is standing at the front door, munching on an apple fritter. A couple of guys in safety vests and hard hats lean against their work vans drinking designer coffee across the street. It’s a standoff, San Francisco style.
“Thanks for coming.” Damien claps me on the back. “The junior lawyer called a few minutes ago. This is fucking bullshit. Gerry can’t get me out legally, so now he’s playing games.”
“What’s the work order for?”
“Not sure.”
I glance across the road. One of the construction guys is wearing a T-shirt with the name of a rival MMA promotion splashed across the front. Now that I have a bit of star power, maybe I should use it.
“I’ve got an idea.” I make my way across the street and nod at the guy in the MMA shirt. He’s a short dude, crew cut, not much in the way of muscle. “What’s going on?”
He gives me a wary look. “Just waiting for our boss. We got a work order to go into that building, but the owner won’t let us in.” He looks at my T-shirt and nods. “You into MMA?”
“I fight for MEFC.”
“No way.” His face changes from indifferent to interested, and he studies my face. “Fuck. You’re Rampage! Holy shit.” He calls his buddies over, and ten minutes later I’m signing stuff for them—lunch bags, hats, T-shirts, and one guy’s boot. I pose for a few pictures while we talk about my last fight. In between, I find out that Gerry plans to demolish the building in a few weeks, and their work order is to measure things up, knock a few holes in the walls, and report on the stability for the demolition experts.
“I called for muscle. Not the fucking Friendly Giant,” Damien mutters when I rejoin him at the door. He holds up his phone. “I’m on the phone with the junior lawyer. She’s looking at the lease right now to see if Gerry has a right of entry.”
“Tell her the work order is for a site survey for an upcoming demolition in a few weeks.”
Damien’s face turns three shades of red. “Fucking hell. It will take me months to find a new place and get it outfitted for all the equipment. That’s why I negotiated such a long notice provision in the lease. He’ll put me out of business.” He repeats my information to the lawyer. After a few minutes he nods and ends the call.
“He has no right to come in on that basis. Thank fuck you found out what the work order was for. The lawyer says it was an underhanded way of trying to get around the lease p
rovisions. Gerry’s lawyer should be disbarred for pulling this crap.”
“Yeah. It’s not right.” I twist my lips to the side. I’ve known Amanda a long time, and I can’t believe she would condone something like this. She’s always been strictly above board. One of the most ethical lawyers I know.
I hear the screech of tires, and Penny’s little Mustang zips around the corner at full tilt. She pulls up to the curb in a loading zone and runs down the street toward me, her heels clacking on the pavement, her floaty skirt flying indecently high in the breeze, her breasts bouncing beneath her light blouse. “Jack!”
One of the workers across the street wolf-whistles. Another makes a lewd comment. My head snaps to the side, and I am a hairbreadth from pounding on my new friends when she throws herself into my arms. “Don’t go in.”
“What are you doing here?” I hold her by the shoulders, still uncertain about her role in this mess.
She brushes her hair back from her face, takes a deep breath. “I needed to talk to you, so I went down to the gym. Andy said you told him you had an emergency in the SoMa District. I texted, but you didn’t answer, and I was worried you might be coming to the club, so I thought I’d just check.”
I feel a tightness in my chest, and I study her flushed face. “Is that really why you’re here, or did you know about this?” I gesture to the workers across the street. “Did you come to make sure Amanda’s plan went smoothly?”
“What?” She stares at me, her brow creasing in a frown. “I don’t know what’s going on. I came because of you.”
“You don’t know about Gerry trying to get into the building on false pretenses?”
There is no feigning the shock in her face, but even if she isn’t here because of Gerry, I can’t believe she would leave work just because she was afraid I would come to the club without her. Avery couldn’t look at me after I told her about my kink. How could I have found a woman who not only accepts me for who I am but wants to share my darkness, too?
She makes a quick call, and returns a few minutes later. “Amanda is calling Gerry now to tell him to send the contractors away.” She sucks in her lips, hesitates. “She’s pretty annoyed.”
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