by Naima Simone
Part of her wanted to cross the room, gather him close and hold him. But she remained by the window, unable to force her feet to move and alleviate the guilt he wore like an albatross around his neck.
“How long do I have?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. Raising his head, he met her gaze without flinching. The sharp angles and lines of his face were harsher, grim and could have been carved from the mountains that surrounded them. “It could be hours or days. Bastien thinks the change will come soon given the intensity and frequency of your…episodes.”
She nodded, but inside she screamed like a banshee.
“Tamar, Evander admitted to me that his brother was innocent of the crimes I killed him for,” he said. “Evander was the rogue all along, but I mistakenly took out his twin.”
Shock rolled over her as he rose to his feet, closed the distance between them. Damn. She stared at him, horrified on his behalf. She wanted to reach out to him, sweep a hand over his cheek and whisper he wasn’t to blame. She desired nothing more than to burrow against him, siphon some of his warmth and strength even as she offered him solace in her arms. But he maintained the couple of inches that separated them, didn’t reach out to touch her. And she didn’t try to bridge the space either.
“That’s something I’ll have to carry as a burden on my conscience and soul for the rest of my life. And I won’t add your freedom to that burden. I won’t trap or imprison you in some gilded cage. But I want you to live.” He closed his eyes and a muscle flexed along his jaw. After a long, weighty pause, Nicolai lifted his lashes and his amethyst eyes peered into hers again. “Accept me, Tamar. Accept me and I’ll walk away from you when it’s over. I’ll let you go.”
God, how that sacrifice cut to the bone.
“How nice of you,” she said dully. Swallowing back the sob of despair and outrage lodged in her throat, she crossed her arms and turned back to the window.
Apparently there was an Option C she hadn’t considered. A choice that sucked worse than losing her identity or her life.
Surrendering her heart and soul to a male who bound himself to her out of responsibility, not love.
Nicolai was willing to bind himself to her for the rest of his life—however long that might be—all out of duty and guilt. Once more she would be an unwanted responsibility, an inconvenient liability. Kyle had turned vicious and mean when he’d realized he was saddled with her. She knew in her heart Nicolai would continue to protect and provide for her, and never hurt her.
But if she was going to sacrifice everything, she wanted to be his mate, not his chore.
She closed her eyes, sank her teeth into her bottom lip and willed the tears not to fall as long as he remained in the room.
* * * * *
Hours later, Tamar walked the same forest she and Nicolai had roamed a couple of days earlier. The sun had risen to its zenith and like that magical afternoon, the golden beams infiltrated the thick canopy of leaves and turned the woods into a quiet fairies’ glen. She shook her head, emitting a slight snort. Up until a few days ago, she would have considered that thought whimsical. Now she might have to search the trees for the mythical figures.
The difference a week makes.
She blew out a long, heavy sigh. When she’d left the cabin and headed into the woods, she’d sought peace and space to reflect on the early morning discussion between her and Nicolai.
Especially his oh-so-chivalrous offer to walk away from her.
From the start of this entire mess, she’d prepared herself for the day Nicolai would leave her life as quickly as he’d entered it.
But that had been before their dreams had kicked off a chain reaction of mating, bonding and irreversible transformation…before she’d become a candidate for Professor X’s school for mutants.
Nicolai’s proposition to let her go should have comforted her. Instead it had reached inside her and raked razor-sharp nails over a heart that already bled.
His offer hadn’t been made out of love—it had come from a sense of responsibility, guilt and duty.
That’s something I’ll have to carry as a burden on my conscience and soul for the rest of my life. And I won’t add your freedom to that burden. I won’t trap or imprison you in some gilded cage.
Just as he felt responsible for Evander’s brother’s death, he also accepted accountability for her predicament. So much, he was willing to step down from his role as Dimios and bind himself to her for the rest of his existence in an act of penance. Had he even considered that? If he mated her, he could no longer protect the people he loved.
Tamar drew to a stop, tilted her head back on her shoulders and wrapped her arms around herself.
It wasn’t enough. Her experience with Kyle had taught her that. Duty wasn’t enough. She wanted—needed—love.
She craved Nicolai’s love. And to quote the immortal words of Shakespeare, therein lies the rub.
She wanted him to love her for herself. Wanted him to need to save her because he couldn’t imagine existing without her. After everything she’d lived through—her father’s abandonment, her mother’s decades-long torch for a man who would never return, Kyle’s abuse and betrayal—the thought of happily ever after and eternal fidelity should’ve made her laugh then gag in disgust.
But she believed in fairy tales, hippogryphs, loup-garous and…she believed in love.
Did it make her selfish to want her prince to battle the dragon and rescue her for no other reason than love?
Yes.
Yes, it did.
Because if she denounced the mating, if she walked away from Nicolai and chose her fantasies of love over him, her death would be another burden for him to bear, another stain on his soul. Because she loved him with every fiber of her being, she couldn’t consign him to that hell.
She loosened her arms and they fell to her sides. Her body remained motionless even as she teetered on the edge of a great precipice.
On one side stretched the normal, steady, familiar life she had known and desired for three years.
On the other yawned a wide, obsidian chasm. In its unknown depths lay a future with Nicolai, scary, unfamiliar and uncertain.
Tamar inhaled. Closed her eyes. And stepped out into the abyss.
A sensation like the downy touch of wings enfolded her, keeping her afloat, keeping her safe. Nothing was guaranteed. Not tomorrow, not the life she’d yearned for. And the bottom line came down to this—she’d rather have a future where she woke up to Nicolai every morning, touched him, made love to him, than the ordinary, mapped-out existence she had always envisioned as the ideal.
Nicolai had proven over and over during the last few days that he placed her safety and protection above all else—even his life. He cared for her, definitely wanted her. Maybe one day, he would love her.
Damn it, she was willing to take a chance on him.
On them.
Love jimmied her heart open wide enough for hope to sneak in. With a smile, she wheeled around and headed back in the direction of the cabin.
Fuck Kyle. Fuck Fate. And fuck normal.
She’d convinced herself she’d fought these past three years for a safe, average existence when she’d been fighting to hide from what life had to offer. If she never risked trusting or loving another person, she wouldn’t end up in another horrible relationship. Fear had become her safety net…and her jailer.
Well damn it, she was instigating a prison break.
“This seems almost too easy. I’m a bit disappointed.”
The low melodious voice reached her seconds before she spotted him among the trees. Tall, lean and as gorgeous as he’d been that night outside the restaurant. And as evil.
Evander stepped from the cover of the trees, his malevolent form a profane blot on the golden, innocent forest. She wouldn’t have been surprised to see the grass shrivel and blacken under his feet as he moved closer.
Her heart kicked hard against the wall of her chest, a frantic, anxi
ous animal that smelled evil’s foul stench and fought to escape its presence.
“Evander,” she said, shocked and pleased her voice was steady instead of shaking like her insides.
He tilted his dark head to the side and a smile, beautiful and horrible, curved his sensual lips. “I see my reputation precedes me,” he drawled, gliding another foot closer. Tamar retreated and his onyx eyes glittered, appearing amused by her aversion. “Then again it’s not like this is the first time we’ve met, is it, Tamar? Even though I was regrettably sidetracked in our initial meeting. We didn’t get to spend nearly the amount of time I looked forward to having with you.”
Anger spiked through her at his casual reference to Resa’s murder. He had so little regard for the bright light he’d snuffed out with one pounce of his massive body. The bastard.
“A pity I can’t say the same. Personally, I was grateful for Nico’s timely interruption.”
His chuckle crawled over her skin like a thousand spiders. “Nico, is it?” Another disturbing laugh. “Oh this is going to be so sweet.” He inched closer. “Did you know he was so careless in his haste to get back to you last night he led me right to you? Your death will destroy him.” His voice dropped the smooth, urbane tone and in his growl she heard the creature that lay beneath the olive skin and beautiful features. “I’m going to enjoy killing you.”
Her nightmare played out before her in 3-D.
In the blink of an eye, the man disappeared and the terrifying gray-and-black beast that had killed Resa and terrorized her crouched on the leaf-strewn floor of the forest. The same cold black eyes gleamed above his curved beak, promising all kinds of agony before her death.
Her heart leaped to her throat and lodged there. She lifted a hand to her neck, her fingers fluttering uselessly as if she could somehow squeeze a breath out of the blocked passage. Get away. Move. The desperate thought penetrated her horror-induced paralysis. Her knees unlocked and she shuffled back a step.
At the small movement, his huge wings flapped wide, spanning the width of the path, their tips touching the trees that lined the trail.
Trapped.
Deep inside her, a curious stirring quickened. It awakened and, as if sensing the danger, lunged and snapped. Her breath exploded from her lungs and she locked her arms around her torso as her body bucked. Like a wild animal, she darted her gaze back and forth, searching for a possible escape route.
The trees. If she made it to the trees, his hippogryph wouldn’t be able to maneuver among the dense forest. He would be forced to change back into a man. While that most likely wouldn’t save her, it gave her a fighting chance.
Survival instinct kicked in and she bolted for the thicket on her left.
She’d barely run three steps before Evander materialized in front of her, cutting off her path. The hippogryph stared down at her, motionless, as if goading her to make another move.
She took up the dare.
Wheeling around, she darted for the opposite side, but just as her sneakered toe hit the edge of the woods he reappeared, his bulk blocking her escape.
Her chest rose and fell on rapid, panicked pants as she back-pedaled several steps. Evander didn’t follow but remained still, watching her.
Son of a bitch. He’s toying with me.
He was playing with her before he would kill her and leave her body for Nicolai to find.
Fury. Hot. Consuming. Blinding.
It ignited in the soles of her feet, crackled up her calves, thighs and torso until she was ablaze in its blistering heat. The fire raced over her skin, uncontrolled, razing everything in its path, leaving her a living ball of flames.
Agony replaced rage, punched the breath from her body. She dropped to her hands and knees.
“Stop!” she screamed, but the word emerged from her throat as a piercing, shrill cry that filled the woods and reached toward the sky. Her head fell back on her shoulders and another scream ripped from her soul—a scream that wasn’t faintly human.
Inside her head, bone snapped. Electricity sizzled and popped under and over her skin. She shrieked at the excruciating stretching and reshaping of muscle and tendon.
She writhed under the pain that hijacked her body, held it hostage in a merciless vise. Screams ricocheted in her head, her cries for Nicolai and help bouncing against the walls of her mind like an endless reel of agony.
She exploded. Imploded.
On a swirling ball of light and heat, she died.
And was reborn.
Shuddering, Tamar rose to feet that weren’t feet.
Talons. Yellow and dagger-sharp. White, feathered legs.
Shit. She stumbled back and yelped, but a high-pitched caw reverberated in the air. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught the tip of a russet-and-cream-colored wing.
Her wing.
She’d done it. She’d completed the transformation.
Joy—wild and fierce—flooded her, strengthened her.
A hippogryph.
Testing her limbs, she stamped the ground with a hind leg and the earth beneath hummed from the impact. Power. Magic. It surrounded her, infused her. The creature that had been awakening and emerging inside her for weeks had burst from its sleep and merged with Tamar, transforming her into a being of intellect as well as unimaginable strength.
“No!” The enraged cry barraged her brain just as an earsplitting screech pierced the air. Evander glared at her, his eyes black coals of fire. His massive bulk seemed to vibrate with fury. He reared up on his hindquarters, his hooves tapping out a macabre dance as his fully extended wings shook and his head with its feathered crest twisted from side to side.
His rage sparked hers like a match to kindling. Her hippogryph took charge, transmitting messages to her body, instructing it how to move, maneuver, strike. Bowing her head, she mimicked the aggressive stance Evander had assumed—head lowered, forelegs bunched, spine arched, wings folded.
If he’d believed she would turn tail and run, he’d picked the wrong fucking hippogryph.
When he charged forward, she met him halfway.
His wide chest slammed into her as he tried to use his enormous mass to crush her to the ground. Tamar stumbled but held her position. And pushed back.
Pain hissed down her side as claws raked her but the tear of Evander’s flesh under her own talons offset her injury.
With a violent heave, Evander shoved away from her. Blood streamed from his shoulder, above his right wing. Satisfaction surged even as she took stock of the deep wound that scored her breast.
She was hurt…but so was he.
* * * * *
Nicolai circled the sky, his gaze scanning the yard, the trees and the gorge.
Where is she, damn it?
As he tightened his search to the forest that lined the cabin, her scream rang in his head, deafening him to everything but the agony that had infused his name. He’d been on the back porch waiting for her to return from her walk when the initial cry had drilled into his brain. He’d bounded off the deck, shifted midair and shot into the sky. Only minutes had passed, but they stretched like eons. Endless eons where she could be hurt…or worse.
Panic and fear swelled and pitched in his gut. He was crazed with it. Not again, not again. The litany spooled in his head. He couldn’t do this again. Couldn’t lose Tamar. He wouldn’t survive it.
Where the fuck is she?
He skimmed the dense branches, the leaves grazing his undercarriage. She couldn’t have gotten far into the woods. Not if she followed the same—
A flash of black among the green and gold leaves snagged his attention.
Out of place. Didn’t belong.
Nicolai dove, heedless of the thick foliage that scratched and nicked his body. Branches snapped under his weight as he plunged toward the forest floor. As soon as he crashed through the tree line, he saw him.
Evander.
Facing off against a smaller gold-and-white hippogryph. Its brown-and-cream spotted feathers flared then f
olded, the darker tips glancing her gold hindquarters and white tail. The battle stance it assumed only emphasized its delicate beauty.
Recognition rammed into him.
Tamar.
The hippogryph was Tamar, his mate. His warrior. His soul.
Fierce pride and joy exploded inside him, followed by a fury that fisted him in its consuming need to protect and kill.
His rage, too huge to contain, burst from him in a shattering, brutal cry.
He slammed to the ground beside Tamar. The scent of her blood reached him and with a cursory glance he took in the crimson splattering over her white feathers.
“You die today,” Nicolai promised Evander as dark rage billowed through him.
“Maybe,” the rogue growled. “But not before I take your bitch with me.”
Nicolai lunged at the same time Evander feigned to the left and shot forward, aiming for Tamar.
“Fuck!” Nicolai shouted, throwing his body to the side in an effort to shield her. Evander’s chuckle poured into his head as Nicolai registered the rogue’s intention a second too late.
But Evander’s talons ripped through empty space. His laughter became a furious howl as his prey disappeared in a blur of gold-and-white feathers. Nicolai’s gaze shot upward.
Flying. Tamar’s heavy wings flapped against the air, holding her body several feet above them.
Love, pride and hate replaced the blood flowing to his muscles, the breath in his lungs, the power in his body. He plowed into Evander’s side, the hollow snap of bone reverberating against his chest. A hot rush of blood coated his claw. The rogue’s wrath and pain poured out of him in a shrill scream. Evander bucked hard under Nicolai’s bulk but the Dimios held on. The traitor wouldn’t evade him again. Today, he would come to an end.
As if sensing his death, Evander gave a desperate heave, nearly dislodging Nicolai. But then the rogue slammed to the forest floor. Yellow talons dug into his wing blades, a dark-brown beak struck the back of his neck.
Tamar pinned Evander to the ground, her tawny gaze meeting Nicolai over Evander’s head. “Together,” her voice whispered along their link.