by Debra Doxer
“It was in the paper?” I asked.
She nodded. “Your poor mom. She was so lucky. What’s she going to do without her kitchen though?”
“My dad promised to take her out to dinner every night,” I replied, raising a skeptical eyebrow.
“Hmm,” Kristen murmured, tapping a finger against her cheek, “are you sure your mom didn’t have something to do with this?”
I grinned at her just as the waitress came to take our orders. I got the cheeseburger we both always ordered here, but Kristen surprised me by asking for a salad instead. “I’m dieting,” she explained.
“It’s working,” I replied, leering at her.
“Stop it,” she chided, kicking me lightly.
I reached for her hand resting on the table. “I mean it. You look beautiful.”
She tightened her grip on my hand, her eyes intent on mine as though she were trying to determine my sincerity. She had every right to be suspicious. I’d completely ignored her for nearly a year and a half. What she didn’t know was that she was like a lifeline to me tonight and depending on what happened, I could lose her just as quickly as I’d found her again.
The waitress interrupted us, returning with our sodas. Kristen reclaimed her hand and kept them both busy unwrapping her straw and then sipping her drink. “Remember how I told you that I’d applied to other schools for next year?” she asked, her attention shifting from her glass to me again.
“Yeah.”
“Well, one of them is yours.” She watched me now, waiting for my reaction.
I could tell by her expression that she was afraid I wouldn’t like that. Maybe a year ago, I wouldn’t have. As her news sunk in, I realized that I did like the thought of having Kristen at school with me. I liked it a lot. “That’s great,” I told her.
She raised her eyebrows in response.
“Really. That would be great if it worked out. Do you think you’d like living in the city?”
“I think so,” she said, seeming uncertain. “I mean, it makes me a little nervous, I guess. But it could kind of be an adventure.”
She’d obviously had this in the works since before I turned up for Christmas break. “Why that school?” I asked, not wanting to put her on the spot, but also hoping she’d done it for herself and not just because of me.
“They have a really good elementary education program.”
“You want to be a teacher?” I asked, realizing that I hadn’t known that. I hadn’t known what she wanted to do with her life.
She nodded.
“I could see that,” I said. And I could. She was one of the most gentle and caring people I knew. “You’d be a great teacher.”
“You really think so?”
“Absolutely.”
“Thanks, Danny,” she said, smiling shyly at me.
Our meals came, and as we ate I told her more about school, and she told me what she’d been doing this past year. I knew I still had hours left before my meeting later, but I continued to covertly glance at my watch and maintain a morbid countdown.
I convinced Kristen to linger at the diner with me long after our food had been eaten and the plates had been cleared away. Finally, it was after midnight when she told me that she had to be up early for work. I paid the bill and drove her back to her car in the mall parking lot. Since the mall had closed hours ago, we were the only ones there.
Standing by the door to her car, I looked down at her expectant, upturned face and I kissed her. I lost myself in that kiss, and I didn’t want to let her go. When the kiss finally ended, Kristen stepped away from me looking stunned. I smiled at her, taking her keys from her hand, unlocking her car and opening the door for her. I watched as she silently slid inside and drove away.
twenty
I had just short of an hour and a half before I had to pick up Seth. There was no question of going home before the meeting. Hopefully, my parents were sound asleep by now and wouldn’t notice what time I got in tonight. Without any destination in mind, I left the mall and drove aimlessly through town. The roads were nearly deserted, and it almost felt as though I were alone in the world. The company of the radio would have been nice but my father had never bothered to replace the one that was stolen.
When I saw the familiar McDonald’s arches up ahead, I was glad to have a viable destination. It was open twenty-four hours, and I suddenly wanted to get off the eerie dark road and be inside somewhere bright and populated, even if the only people there were the employees. I got yet another cup of coffee, I’d lost count of how many I’d had today, and sat down inside the restaurant. To my surprise, I wasn’t the only one there. A ruckus group of teenagers occupied one of the corner tables, laughing loudly and constantly getting up for soda refills. I mostly nursed my coffee and allowed the noise around me to overwhelm the noise within me. I sat there letting the coffee cool in the cup until it was finally time to go.
Even though this was my second night in a row without sleep, the combination of caffeine and nerves kept the fatigue away, and I felt fully alert as I pulled up to Seth’s house and watched him walk toward the car.
“Hey man,” he breathed at me as he sat down heavily and pulled the car door closed. The fresh night air that blew in with him couldn’t mask the odor that clung to him.
“Are you a full blown alcoholic now?” I asked, first feeling outraged at him and then feeling angry at myself for being surprised.
“Don’t start. You’re not my mother,” he replied as he leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.
“Are you even up to doing this?”
“I don’t have much choice, do I?”
I stared at him, debating the wisdom of telling him to stay home while I went to meet Eddie.
“Just drive, Dan,” he said, opening his eyes and turning to me.
Shaking my head, I put the car in reverse and I did as he said.
Much like the rest of South Seaport’s businesses at two-thirty in the morning, the Southside Tavern, whose red neon sign was now dark, was quiet and empty. I didn’t park in the lot. Instead, I drove a few yards past it and took a right onto a section of road that dead-ended at a chain link fence. This was where we parked when we went to the sea cliff. The silver Honda that Eddie had been driving yesterday was already there. I pulled in behind it, my headlights shining into the Honda and revealing that he was not in it.
“You ready to do this?” Seth said inanely beside me.
I glared at him and got out of the car. The sharp wind coming off the ocean immediately assaulted me. My winter hat and heavy wool coat were no match for the frozen air tonight.
“We’re going to turn into blocks of ice in about two minutes,” Seth called to me as he walked toward the fence. His hands were buried in the pockets of his parka, and he’d sunk his head down into the collar of his coat.
I watched him as he walked along the fence pushing at it with his shoulder until he’d found the place where it had been cut years ago. He grinned at me, proud of himself, as he pulled the piece of fencing back and slipped through.
“I can’t believe they still haven’t fixed that,” he mused from the other side.
I followed him, pulling the cold metal back and stepping through, the hardened snow crunching beneath my boots.
Although mostly clouds still filled the sky, they had thinned out since the afternoon, and I could see the outline of the moon behind them. The filtered silver light was all that illuminated the snow covered cliff edge ahead of us. As we walked closer, I could hear the waves pounding onto the beach below. There were several sets of tracks leading to and from the edge making me think that foolish kids still came here.
Ahead of me, Seth stopped and peered down. “Hey,” he called.
I heard a reply of “Hey” from below as I caught up with him. Before reaching the edge, I looked out at the ocean. Because there was so little light, it appeared only as a dark, moving mass with intermittent white caps marching forward toward the beach. My eye
s were watering from the wind when I looked down and saw Eddie peering up at us from the ridge below. He had on the same wool hat and coat I’d seen him in yesterday. After acknowledging us, he went back to what he had apparently been doing as he waited, trying to light a cigarette.
The icy snow on the ground made it more difficult to lower ourselves down the six feet or so that separated the main ledge from the secondary ridge below it. Following Seth’s example, I dug away at some snow with my hands, then I crouched down and pushed off, landing hard on my feet just in time to see Seth hit the ground awkwardly beside me and fall forward onto his knees with a grunt.
The secondary ridge was only about seven feet long at its widest point, tapering off on each side where it met the cliff. There was far less snow on the ridge, probably because the cliff side shielded it from the elements. Even the wind felt less harsh. As Seth righted himself and Eddie moved closer to the shelter of the cliffside in another attempt to light his cigarette, I took in my surroundings. Both the light and my mood were too dark to appreciate the view, but the feeling of standing there suspended over the churning ocean was as incredible as I’d remembered.
I turned just as Eddie cursed and flung another burnt out match onto the ground. I stared down at the match and then up at him. He was watching me, and I knew he understood the association I was making.
“Nothing much has changed,” Seth commented, kicking an empty can by his foot.
“This cliff has probably been here for thousands of years,” Eddie said. “What did you expect to change?”
“I figured they’d at least fix the fence.”
Eddie shrugged. “Wouldn’t matter if they did. Kids would still find a way down here.” He leaned his back against the rough rock of the cliff side and took in the both of us standing in front of him. Our breaths were ephemeral clouds between us, and we were all obviously freezing.
“So, how are you two doing?” Eddie asked.
I barked out a laugh and then replied, “Just great.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Seth told me we were all in agreement now. You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”
Seth spoke before I could. “No. He hasn’t changed his mind.”
Eddie’s eyes never left mine. I clenched my jaw, holding back what I really wanted to say, and shook my head in response, affirming that I hadn’t changed my mind even though we all knew that my mind had been made up for me.
“Good,” Eddie nodded at us. He took a deep breath before he addressed us again. “I got us a lawyer.”
Seth and I glanced at each other with shared surprise.
Eddie smiled at our reactions. “We can’t go in there without a lawyer.”
“Where did you find a lawyer?” Seth asked.
“Friend of a friend,” he shrugged. “We have a ten o’clock appointment with him tomorrow morning at his office. We’ll get our stories straight tonight and be ready to tell him tomorrow.”
In my peripheral vision, I could see Seth nodding in response. I stared stonily at Eddie as he continued.
“The retainer fee is ten grand. He said he needs that up front before he officially takes us on as clients, but we have some time to get it. He doesn’t need that tomorrow.”
“We?” I asked.
“Well, you, actually,” he replied. “You and Seth. If you two split it, that’s only five grand each.”
“You want us to pay for your lawyer?” Seth asked incredulously.
“I obviously don’t have any funds,” he said as though that were abundantly clear to everyone.
“Neither do I,” Seth exclaimed.
“Your dad does.”
“He’s not going to give me five thousand dollars.”
“Actually,” I interjected, “he needs to give you the whole ten since I don’t have any funds either.”
“What about your school money?” Eddie challenged.
“I don’t have five thousand dollars for you,” I clarified to him, realizing how delusional I’d been to think that I could make any kind of a deal with Eddie. I had more than five thousand dollars ready to pay for next semester but there was no way I would turn it over to him. It was just a retainer he’d said. How much more would he be demanding if this did not go away after the police heard our complete fabrication of what happened that night?
“This is disappointing,” Eddie sighed dramatically, shaking his head. “I know you two can get the money.”
“Why can’t we go in there without a lawyer?” Seth asked.
“Because everyone has already made up their minds about me. If we walk in there without a lawyer, the police will probably lock me up without even listening to me. The lawyer is not negotiable.”
“What about a cheaper lawyer?” Seth pressed, unable to hide the growing panic that tinged his voice.
“This guy is good. I’m not looking in the phone book for some cheapo lawyer. I need someone who’s going to get me my life back.”
“I’m telling you, “Seth pleaded, “I cannot get you that money. I can’t.”
Eddie turned to me.
“Me neither,” I stated, ready to go home now that I’d realized any involvement with Eddie was only going to dig me deeper. I moved to the cliffside where Eddie was standing, my eye on the foothold that would take me back up. It seemed I continually walked away from heated discussions with Seth and Eddie. But this would be the last time. I’d finally learned my lesson.
“Where are you going?” he demanded, grabbing my arm.
I faced him, feeling his fingers digging into me through my coat. “This is pointless. We can’t get you the money.”
“Yes, you can,” he insisted, roughly pushing me away from the cliffside.
“You’re being unreasonable,” Seth pleaded from behind me.
I rubbed my arm where his hand had been. He was obviously not going to just let me walk away this time.
“You’re right,” he said to me. “This is pointless because I know you both have access to that money. You just don’t want to get it for me.” He turned to Seth. “Do I have to persuade you? Do we really need to go over this again?”
Seth pressed his lips together and looked out at the ocean. I realized that this was probably about the video again.
Eddie turned back to me. “I know that you know what’s at stake here.”
I glared at him. “What is at stake?” I asked. I wanted to hear the threat out loud. I could see that he was reluctant to put words to it. That would be admitting what he’d already done. But he didn’t respond verbally. Instead, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the book of matches. He played with the cardboard flap while he stared back at me.
I could feel the blood pounding in my head as I eyed those matches in his hand. I nodded at him as I approached him again. He would do it. I knew he would. He would kill more people if he had to. Eddie watched me when I came up beside him again, a smirk playing on his lips as he mistook my nodding for acquiescence. I faced him, seeing his smug expression. Then I could hear myself yelling. His eyes widened in surprise when I bent low and rammed my shoulder into his stomach. I began pushing him, my feet digging into the dirt as I powered forward. Eddie was too shocked at first to attempt any resistance, and he stumbled back several steps before awareness kicked in and he began to fight, digging down with his heels, trying to push me off him. But I had the momentum, and I wasn’t stopping. From behind me, I heard Seth yell just as Eddie’s weight suddenly fell away. I could feel my legs being anchored to the ground as my arms and shoulders shot out over the edge. I went down, my stomach hitting the dirt with a thump, as I watched his descent below me, his arms and legs flailing, his mouth open in a scream that was quickly diminishing the further away he fell. Finally, his body crashed against the rocks, and he rolled away, swallowed up by the black ocean.
twenty one
Seth dragged me back. I sat up and saw his face hovering before mine, his eyes wide with shock. Then he crawled beside me, moving on his belly to
ward the edge, and looked down.
“He hit the rocks and went into the water,” I explained, knowing that Seth wouldn’t find him down there.
He turned and blinked at me. I didn’t move. I just sat there and listened to the sound of my own harsh breathing. I’m not sure how long we stayed there until Seth finally stood and said, “Come on.”
I managed to raise myself onto shaky legs and climb up after him. Silently, we walked back to the car. The Honda was parked there, and it would remain there now. We both eyed it with the same thought as we got into the Buick.
It took three tries before I could get the key into the ignition. Once we were moving, neither of us spoke as I drove Seth back to his house. It was now three-thirty in the morning, and we were alone on the road. Within minutes, I was pulling into Seth’s driveway. When I picked him up just over an hour ago, I couldn’t have imagined how our outing would end.
“He’s dead,” Seth said from the passenger seat once I’d stopped the car. His voice startled me after the silence we’d both maintained.
“He must be,” I replied, my own voice sounding rough and detached.
We sat quietly again. I was anxious for Seth to get out of the car. “Then it’s over,” he stated flatly. He still hadn’t moved, and I knew he was staring at me. Finally, I reluctantly pulled my eyes away from his front yard and I faced him. His expression appeared calm, but his stormy eyes reflected my own emotions, which I was struggling to maintain control over, until I could be alone. As he continued to focus on me, I could read the utter disbelief of what had happened, of what I had done tonight, in his gaze.
I opened my mouth to say something, although I had no idea what, when he abruptly broke eye contact and turned away. “Goodnight,” he said to the darkness outside the window.
“Night,” I replied, but he hadn’t waited for my response. He’d pushed open the door and stepped out, moving quickly now toward his house.
As I drove home, I knew I couldn’t let myself think about it yet. I needed to get to the house first. Parking in the driveway, I shut off the engine and checked the windows for any sign that my parents were still awake. There was none. My mother had left the light on outside the front door, but the rest of the house was dark. Quietly, I let myself in. I didn’t bother shedding my coat as I turned the outside light off, locked the front door and crept upstairs in the darkness.