“Is this your idea of a proposal, Danger?” I whispered.
“I’m getting there,” he smiled. “With all that said, I wouldn’t change a thing. I meant it in Monterrey when I said I couldn’t breathe without you. I can’t, Cereza. You’re my air, and I need air to exist. I need you to exist. So, what do you say? Will you marry me?”
In that moment, I thought of Nash. “There’s no one to walk me down the aisle or give me away.”
“Eden, no one needs to give you away. When I walked into that bar, you became mine. Your heart, your eyes, your smile—they combined to give everything to me, and we’ve belonged to each other ever since.”
“I don’t belong to anyone, Val.” Touching his face softly, I reached in his waistband and pulled his own gun on him. Smiling, he never flinched before pulling another one from inside his ankle holster. Raising an eyebrow, I glanced between our weapons. “This is supremely fucked up, Danger.”
“I agree. But you have no idea how turned on I am right now.”
“You’re such a pig.”
“Ah, but this is the hallmark of how we operate, Cereza. We fight hard and fuck harder. Isn’t that the key to a lasting relationship?”
“We’re some seriously fucked up individuals.”
“You still haven’t said yes.” Thinking over his words, the night he walked into Caliente popped into my mind. “What are you thinking, Eden? You have a strange look on your face.”
“That night at Caliente. It was the worst night of my life and also the best.” My mouth twitched as I mulled over the words I’d just uttered. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to reconcile the whole dichotomy of it. I’m not the same person I was when you sat down on that barstool. I’ve done things I never thought I’d do, but I don’t feel remorse. What does that make me?”
“Answer me and I’ll tell you.”
“Tell me first,” I demanded, shaking my head defiantly.
“Eden, I was destined to run my father’s empire. I’d be here with or without you. I’ve never needed anyone. I’ve never wanted anyone because a soul was easier not to have. Stoning my conscience and heart made it simpler to rationalize this life, but you’ve become as vital to me as my legacy. There’s no distinguishable factor between them anymore. One can’t exist without the other. I’d be a broken man.”
“Val—”
“Listen to me, Lachey. Most of the world doesn’t see what we see and that’s all right for them. But the moment I saw you, Cereza, there was a fire in your eyes that matched your hair—a hunger for the power you lacked. Power that’d been continually taken from you. I offer you power and more. I never want you weak. I’ve seen what happens to weak women who aren’t informed and aware.” Holding up the ring, he grasped my hand. “Being my wife means being my partner. Not just in stupid meaningless vows people say every day, but in the true sense of our world. The world that’s now yours. My equal. My love. My salvation.”
“What about your precious heirs? Don’t you need a true bloodline to run an empire?”
“I need you, Eden. The rest we’ll figure out along the way. Stop putting everything in a box.”
“Yes.”
* * *
I married Valentin Carrera thirty days later on the grounds of our heavily-guarded estate. There was no fanfare or extensive guest list befitting the head of one of the most powerful drug cartels in the world. Just like us, it was private and discreet, with only Mateo and Val’s secretary Janine standing by our side.
After an impressive full cartel gun salute, he slung me over his shoulder, dismissed everyone with a wave of his hand, and threw me onto our bed. His hands trailed my sleek, white dress up the length of my legs, and he paused at the apex of my thighs as his hands brushed against my white elastic thigh holster. He lifted a sleek eyebrow as he traced his fingers over the metal fastened within its confines.
“Is this your old, new, or borrowed?”
I winked. “It was a wedding gift from Mateo.”
“Remind me to kick his ass later.”
I ran my hands through his thick, midnight black hair. He’d slicked it back for the ceremony, but I loved it when it was wild and dangerous—just like him. “Be nice. You know as well as I do, anything could’ve happened today. You’re telling me you weren’t armed?” His lip twitched in a half smile. “That’s what I thought. Mateo just wanted me to have protection too.”
Val’s hand tightened around my thigh. “Speaking of which, now that we’re married, there will be no more birth control, Eden. What happens, happens. I want to feel every inch of you with nothing separating us.”
Releasing the garters from my elastic thigh holster, Val slid it down my leg and tossed it and my gun to the floor. I groaned impatiently as he chased his fingers back up the length of my leg with his lips. The minute he passed my knee, I meant to moan something enticing and dirty.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t what came out.
“About that heir thing…” He froze, with his mouth on my inner thigh. Glancing up through thick eyelashes, he waited for me to continue. Swallowing the lump growing in my throat by the minute, I took a deep breath and smiled. “Well, with Nash being gone, and neither of us having any family left, I decided to listen to you and stop putting everything in a box.”
“Oh?” He smiled.
“Except for one thing. I left this in there.”
Digging under the pillow, I handed him the rectangular box and held my breath. It rattled as he shook it and I smiled nervously. “So, how would you feel about a daughter running the empire someday?” The horrified look blanketing his face first scared me, then irritated the hell out of me. Narrowing my eyes, I peered at him through tiny slits. “Really?”
Full chested laughter overtook him as he rolled over and took me with him. “If she’s anything like you, she’ll run more than this empire. She’ll run the world.”
Holding my head between his hands he kissed me long and hard, glancing from the box to my face. “Really?”
“Really.”
“We’re going to fuck this up, Cereza.”
“Probably,” I agreed. Frowning, I ran a hand down his chest. “I don’t think I’ve ever really thanked you.”
“For what?”
“For kidnapping me. You most likely saved my life, and I repaid you by stabbing you with a fork. It’s a wonder you didn’t kill me yourself.”
“The night’s still young.”
“We’re bringing a kid into this, Danger. Are we doing the right thing here?” Panic seized me at the thought of our child enduring the life Val grew up with.
Eyeing me closely, Val brushed a piece of hair from my face. “Do you regret being here, Eden?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Not a moment.”
“Then neither will he or she. Family isn’t what’s around you. It’s what surrounds you. My mother showed me that every day of her life. I think you’d agree—so did your brother.”
“I miss him, Val.”
“And you always will, baby. Just like I’ll always miss my mother and the person my sister used to be. Maybe someday she’ll remember where she came from, maybe not. What’s important is we don’t stop living just because they did.”
Pulling his face down to mine, I dusted my lips across his. “How’d you get so smart?”
“Someone once told me I was an emotional black hole. I may’ve done some light Googling.”
* * *
In the middle of the night, I watched my husband sleep. No one would ever accuse Valentin Carrera of sleeping peacefully, but in the sanctuary of our bedroom, we let down our guards and let trust rule the night.
Wrapping the blanket around my shoulders, I realized that I barely thought of my old life anymore. Although we both lost our entire families and still mourned our slain loved ones, the ache they left would’ve eventually destroyed us. Ironically, the catastrophic events that their deaths set in motion created a love we found in each other, easing the ache and filling a void
neither of us knew existed.
Some people were raised to see only two sides of a world—good or evil. You either stood on the side of righteous or damnation. I discovered life wasn’t predictable and people weren’t necessarily all pure or all malicious. Perceptions changed when cultures and survival were on the line.
Val said we fought hard and fucked harder. I supposed that was true. My emotions ran at heated fluctuations when we were near each other. He angered me and loved me like no one ever had or ever would.
My father’s favorite quote referred to the fine line between love and hate. He’d tell me not to confuse or blur it. I should recognize the difference and turn my back on the latter.
I disagree.
Val Carrera taught me that life didn’t necessarily run in clear shades of black and white. Gray areas clouded a side of people they had no idea existed—a side capable of unspeakable acts when thrust into darkness. In those gray areas, love and passion ran volatile in two people whose paths were never meant to cross.
Hearts.
Hatred.
Blood.
In this life we’d chosen to live, the blurred line between love and hate was sometimes stained red.
FADED GRAY LINES
I never meant to start a war.
Then I fell for the boy my mother warned me about.
A lowlife. A criminal.
To me, he was just Matty. To the world, he was Mateo Cortes, a soulless killer for the Carrera Cartel.
We were the virgin and the villain. The debutante and the devil. He swore we'd end in ruin. I swore love would conquer all.
I was wrong.
Running saved my life, but now a costly mistake has put it back on the line. Forced out of hiding, I'm given minutes to decide my fate: inmate or informer. The DEA plans to bring down the Carreras by infiltrating their ranks.
I'm the pawn. Mateo is the target.
Four years ago, I started a war. Now I'm back to end it, and this time I won't run from the dark.
My devil will come for me.
And God help anyone who gets in his way.
For Crystal
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
~Robert Frost
Playlist
Cora Kenborn is an emerging author of sports-themed westerns. This is Cora’s fourth book.
Prologue
Leighton
Eight words determined my fate.
“We really have to stop meeting like this.”
I tilted my head as she slid in beside me. I didn’t dare risk looking directly at her, so I settled on her shoes—hell-fire red with a skinny heel at least six inches high. Stilettos in church seemed a little over the top, but judging from her posture, she wasn’t seeking anyone’s approval.
“Shhh,” I whispered, placing a finger over my lips.
“Of course.” She gave a casual laugh as if our conversation wasn’t about to get us both struck down.
In front of me, scattered heads bowed like dominos in prayer. Dipping my chin, I watched them under the protective brim of my blue hat. Such a bold fashion statement wasn’t my usual style, but I couldn’t risk being recognized. The gossip train traveled faster than the speed of light amongst Houston’s tightly woven circles. Phones would buzz before I turned the ignition on my car.
The guilty were always the first to announce someone else's sins. Every one of them spent the last four years turning a blind eye. Now, it was too late for forgiveness.
Instinct made me pull away, forcing a much-needed distance between us. The space lifted the pressure on my chest, and I took a breath for the first time since she sat down. Unfortunately, one was all I got as she pulled out a black clutch and placed it next to me.
“Are you sure about this?” I whispered.
“Why would I lie?”
“The same reason everyone does. Greed. Money. Power.”
She gave a slight nod. “All good reasons, but this is a hard limit for the most corrupt of hearts.”
“Well, I suppose morality does grow in the most barren of fields.”
“Watch it.” Her casual tone thickened. “Stone throwing isn’t the smartest move for a woman who’s already broken two of the ten commandments.”
Five, but who’s counting.
“Nice hat.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Thanks.”
“Who are you trying to hide from—them or yourself?”
The hairs prickled on the back of my neck. She intended to prove a point, and it worked.
“Don’t forget your purse when you leave.” Her full lips parted, flashing a brilliant smile that had kissed both the devil and an angel. “I’m out of this now. It’s all on you. I’m washing my hands.”
I swallowed hard. “I’ve changed my mind. I can’t do this.”
Out of patience, she grabbed my arm. “You can’t puddle jump morality, Leighton. You’re either all in or all out. Ever heard of an eye for an eye?”
“Ever heard of eternal damnation?”
Her wink was deadlier than her smile. “Signed that contract a long time ago.”
She left before I could say another word. It was just as well. Carrying on a conversation while trying not to vomit wasn’t the easiest task. I’d learned long ago that truth and justification made deadly lovers.
Hugging the clutch to my chest, I stood with its imprint burning into my skin. Every step I took felt like my feet were encased in concrete, and just as my fingers touched the brass handle on the wooden door, I paused. A heavy weight settled on my shoulders, as if God, Himself tried one last time to hold me back, warning me that once outside, His protection would be lost to my own twisted need for revenge.
An eye for an eye.
As soon as the thought filled my head, the pressure released, and my feet moved on their own. Once the doors closed behind me, my heart beat again for the first time since stepping inside the sanctuary. At that moment, I knew the darkness had claimed me.
Destiny was an intriguing concept. I’d always condemned the acts of those around me, standing on the side of the righteous and winged. However, maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe the ones I loved suffered because I’d refused to look in the mirror and accept the truth.
I’d spent my life running from monsters when I was one of them all along.
Chapter One
Leighton
San Marcos, Texas
Hamsters running in a caged wheel that went nowhere.
After sitting on a concrete bench for two hours, that’s what the flurry of activity in front of me resembled. Day after day, the students of Texas State University zigzagged across the quad without a care in the world.
Same routine. Same mundane worries.
My dad used to come home from work with tales of the precinct’s revolving door of hamsters—stupid criminals getting caught committing the same crimes. Watching the parade of uselessness, I realized criminals and ignorant college students only had a few degrees of separation.
Eventually, time got away from me, or maybe I subconsciously put off the inevitable. Regardless, before I knew it, darkness had blanketed the sky, comforting me like an old friend. Most women would be afraid to sit alone outside with nothing but thoughts as a shield, but I wasn’t most women.
Tipping my head back, I stared up at the night, my mind wandering back to a time where I believed in wishing on stars. I didn’t try to fight thoughts of Matty this time. It was useless. The more I tried to give my heart to Luis, the more it ached for the man who destroyed it. Especially on nights like this. The dark had always been our secret. It shielded us from worlds neither of us belonged in.
Knocked out of my private thoughts, I gasped as a middle-aged man stood over me in a wrinkled gray suit that had seen better days. “Can I help you?”
The wind blew his mass of salt and pepper hair as he ran his finger across the dimple in his chin. “It’s not safe for a young woman to be out at
night all alone.”
“Security poles are everywhere.” I waved behind me. “I think I’m safe.”
“Are you sure about that?”
His remark caught me off guard, and something about him unnerved me. “You’re right,” I said, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind my ear while sliding to the opposite end of the bench. Standing, I stepped backward and slung my worn backpack over my shoulder. “I’m late. People are expecting me.”
He grabbed my elbow, his breath smelling of stale cigarettes and coffee. “I’d be careful if I were you.”
Warnings weren’t made to be ignored, so I ran hard and fast until I’d slammed the car door.
* * *
It was close to nine-thirty when I finally found a parking spot nestled between two huge overflowing garbage dumpsters.
God, I hated coming here. Not that I lived in the most affluent neighborhood, but the one Luis lived in usually headlined the six o’clock news. I’d contemplated doing this at my place but decided coming to him was the better option. I still had to stop by my grandparents’ house, and I was unsure of his reaction. An easy exit strategy worked in my favor.
My lukewarm feelings weren’t the only reason for my decision to end our lackluster relationship. The situation between Luis and me had gone from bad to worse. Not that either of us were ever truly invested, but he’d changed in the last few weeks. Both his recent talent for disappearing and the strange late-night phone calls were enough for me to walk away.
Carrera Cartel: The Collection Page 29