by Levine, Nina
I take a seat and look up in time to see Ashton scowl. “Jack, don’t—”
Jack cuts him off. “Don’t what, Ashton? Tell her how fucked up I am?”
The air is thick with tension between these two. I decide to cut straight through it. Turning to Jack, I ask, “Is he right to think that?”
Jack stares at me. “To think I would kill myself?”
I nod. “Yes, that.” My heart beats faster at the topic of conversation. This hits a little too close to home.
He continues to stare at me and I wonder if perhaps I have misread him. Maybe he doesn’t prefer upfront and honest after all. However, when a grin fills his face, I relax. Glancing up at his friend, he says, “I fucking love her, Ashton.” And then to me—“I would never end my life, Lorelei. That’s a coward’s way out.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “But you’ll find other ways to fuck with it.”
Jack rubs the back of his neck, clearly bothered by that statement. Leaning forward, he says, “You just say it like it is, don’t you, sweetheart?”
I swallow hard. “Not usually, Jack. Usually I have more manners than this, but let’s just say this is a topic close to my heart, and I don’t like to see people going through what you’re going through.”
“How do you know what I’m going through?”
I’m not sure exactly what illness he has, but it’s clear his mental health is suffering. “I can see the signs. I lived with them for most of my life,” I admit softly. This isn’t something I tend to discuss very often.
He cocks his head. “A parent?”
I nod. “My mother and my grandmother were both bipolar. Mum didn’t look after herself, whereas my grandmother did. A car accident ended up taking my mother’s life, but that was after two failed suicide attempts.”
Ashton, who has sat next to me, places his hand on my leg as I speak, and I’m thankful for his touch. It calms me, and my heart rate slows.
Jack leans back and blows out a long breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry to hear that. How old were you when she died?”
“Eight. My grandmother raised me after that and gave me the stable life I’d never known. Mum had always been all over the place, going from one guy to another and one job to the next. I think she was always trying to find a way to make herself feel better. She wasn’t a bad mother; she just wasn’t there emotionally for me.”
Jack’s eyes glaze over; he seems lost in his thoughts. “Sometimes it’s just about making yourself feel something. Anything. Because some days, when stuff happens to you that you know you should feel, all you have is this nothingness. There’s just this fucking dark void, a blank space. And all you want is anything but that.” He stands and gives me one last glance before looking at Ashton. “I’m gonna check out your gym.”
Ashton nods. “Let me know if you need anything.”
We watch him leave and I can’t help but think how scruffy he looks in his worn dark jeans, faded grey T-shirt, and day-old stubble. Turning to Ashton, I say, “Is he seeing someone about this?”
“Yes, I found him a new psych today and he saw her this afternoon. He seemed to get on with her and they’ve scheduled appointments for the rest of the week.”
“Thank goodness. He doesn’t look great. I mean, compared to yesterday he seems to have gone downhill overnight.”
He leans forward and claims my mouth in a long, deep kiss. A kiss that causes me to struggle for air when he ends it. “Your face is better today,” he murmurs, his eyes searching my face.
I touch the skin there. The pain is gone, as is the redness. “Yes, thank God.”
Leaning back against the sofa, he says, “I don’t want to talk about Jack tonight.” I hear the exhaustion in his voice and even though I hardly know him, I sense how much this is affecting him.
Shifting sideways on the sofa, I place a hand on his chest. “Tell me about your day instead.” When he’d called me earlier to cancel our dinner and ask me to come over instead, I’d heard the conflict in his voice. It was pretty clear the last thing he wanted to do was change our plans, but seeing Jack now, I’m glad he did.
His eyes find mine and I see surprise there. “It was the kind of day I’d rather forget. Tell me about yours.”
“What was that surprise in your eyes just then?”
He spreads his arms across the back of the sofa and my eyes are drawn to his chest. Ashton is still dressed in what I presume he wore to work today: a black suit with white dress shirt. His jacket is open and his tie is loosened around his neck. Suits are my downfall and when he casually spreads his arms wide, his powerful body on full display, excitement flares deep inside me.
He’s mine.
Well, not really, but we’ve a hot date for tomorrow so I’m claiming him for the moment.
He answers my question while I drool over his suit. “You asked me how my day was. It’s been a long time since a woman has asked me that—since one cared enough to enquire.”
I want to ask him how any woman he was with could not care enough about him to ask that, but it feels too soon for such a personal question. Besides, I’m not sure I want to hear about his past relationships just yet. I like to think of myself as a woman who doesn’t experience jealousy, but the thought of him with someone else causes weird feelings I’d rather not think about at the moment.
When I hesitate to say anything, he moves his hand and places it on my knee. “What are you thinking?”
Because I don’t want to tell him what I’m thinking, I push up off the sofa and straddle him. Surprise flares in his eyes again. He wasn’t expecting this and I love that I’ve done the unexpected.
I slide my hands over his chest and bend my face to his. “I was thinking how I don’t want to wait until tomorrow for your cock.” My words make me feel bolder than I really am. I love sex as much as any woman, but I’m not really an initiator. And on top of that, I’m not experienced with dirty talk. What I just said wouldn’t be dirty talk for many, but for me it is. I hope I don’t look as flushed as I feel.
His eyes hold mine. He cups my ass with one hand while his other arm remains spread out across the sofa. “I don’t believe you.”
I blink and try to sit back a little so our faces aren’t as close. That wasn’t what I thought he’d say and it confuses me that he didn’t take the lead and run with it. He doesn’t let me shift back, though. His hand remains firm on my ass, keeping me close. “You don’t believe I can’t wait until tomorrow?” I practically stammer my words out. I’m feeling stupid for even attempting to talk dirty to him.
“No, I don’t believe that’s what you were thinking.”
I push against his chest in an attempt to move off his lap. This has gone from bad to worse because I really don’t want to admit the truth. When he refuses to allow me to move, I say, “Ashton, let me off.”
He holds me tight. “Tell me what you were really thinking.”
Heat flushes my skin again and I push even harder against him. The vein in his temple pulses as both his arms circle me. He then stands, taking me with him. My arms and legs instinctively wrap around him even though all I can think about is how much I want to escape his hold.
His eyes flash with determination. “I’m not letting you go until you tell me what I want to know, Lorelei. So start talking, baby.”
I suck in a breath at both his use of that word and the command he wields. But I meet his gaze and dig my heels in. “Put me down first.”
His brows rise. “You’re going to challenge me?”
As determined as he is, I hold my ground. “I’ll tell you what you want after you put me down.”
“No. You’ll tell me now.”
“God, you’re infuriating, Ashton. Put me down.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Why are you all flustered? Did I say something to cause that?” His position isn’t as hard-line as it was a moment ago, but his tone is still demanding.
I sigh and all my fight leaves me. “If you really must know, I was feeling w
eird about discussing your past relationships, and then I tried sexy talk with you, and it’s just not something I’m good at, and then it all went to shit from there. Now, can you please put me down?” Warmth fills my cheeks yet again. I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t said yes to tonight.
He finally sets me down but right when I think I’m escaping his clutches, he sits on the sofa and pulls me onto his lap again. “Let’s go over all that.”
“Let’s not,” I mutter as I hold his arms to steady myself.
His lips twitch as amusement flickers in his eyes. “First, let’s set something straight—I need more sexy talk from this mouth.” He runs his fingers across my lips before brushing his lips over them. “Understood?”
My fingers dig into his biceps as I nod. “Yes.” God, yes.
“Do you want to discuss my previous relationships?”
“No, not really…. No.” I stop talking because really it’s the only thing I should be doing right about now. The words coming out of my mouth sound confused even to me.
His eyes search mine. “I’ve had two relationships in my life that lasted more than a couple of months. The first one was for a year and the second one lasted four years. That one ended about twelve months ago. I’m won’t lie, I’ve dated a lot of women in between.” I love his honesty and his willingness to share that information with me.
“It wasn’t that I necessarily wanted to know all that, Ashton. I was just wondering how any woman you’d been with wouldn’t want to know how your day was. But I didn’t want to ask that because it felt too soon to bring up a discussion on your women. And—” My mouth snaps shut before I admit what I was about to and I pray he lets it go. Of course, he doesn’t.
“And what?”
“God, why do you have to be so demanding?”
“Because I want to know everything going on in that beautiful mind of yours. You can tell me anything, Lorelei. There’s no judgement here.”
I still at his words. “How do you do that?” I ask quietly.
“What?”
“Get inside my head like that.”
“You blushed repeatedly. It was a guess. Getting inside your head is something I’m still trying to do because believe me, you’re one of the only women I’ve ever met whose head I can’t seem to get in.” And there he goes again—impressing me with his honesty.
My body relaxes and I loop my arms around his neck before my mouth finds his. His lips part and my tongue sweeps over his as I shift closer to him. He deepens the kiss and runs his hands down my back to settle under my ass.
I could kiss Ashton for hours.
I could get lost in him.
And I’m sure I would except for the fact someone knocks on his front door.
“Fuck,” he mutters when he ends the kiss. He lifts me with him when he stands, and deposits me on the floor. “Don’t move. I’m getting rid of whoever it is and you’re going to practice your sexy talk.”
My eyes remain glued to the wide expanse of his back as he walks away. I sigh. That suit.
When I can no longer see him, I take a seat on the sofa and attempt to get my thoughts and emotions under control. Tonight has not gone the way I thought it would. Not even close. But I feel like in all my awkwardness we made some headway. Ashton managed to put me at ease, which is something not many men achieve. I might be a hopeless romantic and always searching for my soul mate, but I guard my heart ferociously, essentially closing a part of it off. The part that allows me to be completely vulnerable with a man. I’m pretty sure Ashton is going to attempt to demolish that wall.
He returns to the living room with Alessandra in tow. Her eyes widen when she sees me. Smacking her brother’s arm, she says, “I knew you had a woman. And thank fuck she’s a good one this time.” She pauses before adding, “Now, get me a drink, Ashton. Lorelei and I have a lot to catch up on.”
I can’t help it; I burst out laughing. Ashton’s sister is a breath of fresh air in life. I have no idea why she’s here, but I do know that tonight’s about to get really interesting.
16
Ashton
As I watch Lorelei with Alessandra, it strikes me how little I know about her. And just how much I want to know about her. I might know all the superficial things that Jessica dug up, but not the important stuff. Things I’ve never really cared to know about a woman before.
What inspires her to strive for her dreams?
What wakes her up in the middle of the night in a sweat?
What is her greatest regret in life?
Who she gave her heart to the first time?
“Ashton, did you hear what I just said?” Alessandra asks, drawing me from my thoughts.
I drink the rest of the Scotch sitting in front of me and give them my full attention. “No.”
“I said I want you and Lorelei to come for dinner this week.” She looks at me expectantly and I know I have no hope of avoiding this. Alessandra has never taken it upon herself to become involved in my relationships; she clearly wants to with this one. And stubbornness runs in our family.
“Next week,” I fire back. I want Lorelei to myself this week.
Alessandra’s mouth spreads out in amusement. “Oh, you didn’t hear the part where she said yes already? To this week.”
I place my hand on Lorelei’s leg. “I’m sure you two will have a nice dinner, but I can’t do it this week.”
Lorelei’s hand lands on mine. “Next week is good.”
Alessandra smiles as she takes that in before holding her empty wine glass out to me. “Next week it is. I’ll have another drink, Ashton.”
“You’ve already had two, Aly.”
She stares at me. “Your point?”
“Are you planning on staying here the night?”
She shrugs. “I might.”
“Does Malcolm know?” It wouldn’t be the first time she’s spent the night after an argument with her husband, but I’m not in the habit of encouraging it.
Her shoulders tense before she lets out a frustrated breath. “He’s the one who suggested it.”
“Jesus,” I mutter. Usually she’s the one who calls time out. “What happened?”
She moves off the sofa and begins pacing. “He’s being an asshole, Ashton. This isn’t all my fault.” I have to give her credit; she’s self-aware enough to understand her contribution to their arguments. Most of the time.
I don’t reply, but simply wait for her to continue.
She finally stops pacing. “He’s always at work. Always. Nights, early mornings, weekends. And when he is home, he spends most of his time arguing with me. I can’t take it anymore.”
There’s something off here. “None of this is unusual. What’s really going on?”
Her eyes are everywhere but on me and her posture isn’t as confident as usual. I take in the dark circles under her eyes that I missed noticing earlier. She bites her lip and when she speaks, her voice lacks the certainty it usually holds. “He’s got a new assistant…”
I stand and move to her, placing my hands on her shoulders. “Aly, Malcolm adores you.”
Her eyes find mine and I see so much doubt there that it hits me in the gut. This is not my sister. Where the fuck has she gone? “He used to adore me. I feel like we’re strangers half the time these days. We’re both so damn busy with work and the kids.” She glances down for a moment before looking back up at me. Her voice cracks on her next words. “What if I’ve fucked it all up?”
I don’t let her go. “How would you have fucked it all up?”
“I’m not who he married. And I don’t think he likes the person I’ve become.”
Lorelei clears her throat behind us. “Do you want me to go, Alessandra? So you two can talk this through.”
Alessandra shakes her head. “No. We don’t need to talk about this. I just need to get a good night’s sleep and—”
I cut her off as I let her go. “No, what you need to do is talk this out. You’re not going anywhere until we do that.”
Her shoulders sag. “God, I should never have opened my mouth.” She eyes Lorelei. “I don’t want you to go, but I understand if you don’t feel comfortable staying.”
“I’ll make tea.” Lorelei makes her offer as I turn to face her.
“Thanks,” I murmur. She’s never been to my home before, but she leaves us without any further questions. Her take-charge attitude impresses me and I spend a moment watching her go, before turning back to Alessandra. “Are you seriously worried about his new assistant?”
She hesitates for a moment. “I trust him, Ashton, but at the same time, I’m not sure how strong we are anymore.”
I nod at the sofa and once she takes a seat, I sit on the coffee table in front of her. Resting my elbows on my legs, I lean forward and speak the only truth I know. “Aly, you’ve been married to Malcolm for nearly a decade, and you’ve been with him for longer than that. If anyone knows how difficult you can be, besides me, it’s him. But that man loves you more than I’ve ever seen a man love a woman, and I hardly think he’d throw what you two have away for a quick fuck with an assistant.”
Her eyes are wide as she takes that in. “Yes, but yo—”
I shake my head. “I wasn’t finished.” She closes her mouth and sits back a little, waiting for me to go on. “For a smart, accomplished woman, you have insecurities a mile wide. It’s time you sorted through them and started to believe in yourself where Malcolm is concerned. He’s going to grow tired of always having to prop you up.”
She swallows hard and I’m certain tears aren’t far away, but she manages to blink them away. “He doesn’t always prop me up.”
“Yes. He does. And you know it.”
“God,” she mutters, standing. “You are such a bastard. I came here for your support and you say this shit to me.”
I watch her as she reaches for her bag, and I stand as she takes a few steps in the direction of the hallway. “Aly, you know it’s true.”