by Alisa Mullen
We lay there, together joined. I kissed her swollen lips softly and my fingers found some of her scars and I delicately touched them with all the love I could push out my fingers. She remained relaxed. She had come to trust me seeing her bare. She had completely given herself over to me.
I was so God damn honored that she had finally let me in that I wanted to bust out crying like a sappy chick. What had she called me one day when I had pointed out a pretty flower? Oh yeah, I was turning into a pussy.
I buried my face into the pillow next to her head as I stayed on top of her for long minutes so that I could bring myself back down to reality. Where had we just gone together? Would it always be like that with her? Would I ever experience that feeling again? What if I didn’t? Could I still be happy? I would always want to feel this way but if someone told me that I only would experience it once and it was only right now then yeah – I wouldn’t think twice about becoming a hermit again and telling life to go fuck itself. I needed this feeling right now. I needed her. I needed us.
I slipped out and off of her as I threw my arm over my eyes. I couldn’t look at her. I was so God damn angry that she wasn’t staying. I was so God damn angry that she couldn’t be mine. Mine for now, I thought.
I tried to muster up a grin and looked sideways to find her just staring at me in a spaced out way. I caught her eyes and grinned again.
“I have never felt anything like that before, Sean. It was magnificent,” she said as I saw one tear fall down her cheek. “You really did fall in love with me, didn’t you?”
I nodded once. “Yes, baby. I fell hard.”
“Me, too,” she whispered. I grabbed her and pulled her into my arms. We fell back asleep listening to each other breathe. She listened to my long pulls for fresh air that wasn’t clouded with impending doom as I listened to her softly cry herself to sleep against my bare chest.
Hours later, I woke up to find myself in bed and alone. Immediately, I heard Aoife talking animatedly. Gaelic again. I stretched my neck to listen for her tone of voice. She sounded upbeat. Happy. I lay my head back on the pillow and smiled up to the ceiling. I had given her that happy mood. Together we negated that evil man of a father she was probably talking to. I hoped she had thought that, too, before she picked up the phone.
I got up and walked my ass to the shower. I hated to wash off the love we had made but I was absolutely disgusting. Besides, it was nearing late afternoon and we were having dinner with the Sawyers. I stopped short before turning the nozzle and looked up into the mirror.
“You just referred to her as a Sawyer,” I said out loud to the mirror. The mirror answered me with raised eyebrows and a pleased smirk. It was growth. I was okay and I would be okay. I couldn’t go back now. I knew that now I was out of love with Lizzie, it would be against nature to fall back in to it. That didn’t hurt to comprehend. It just was what it was.
Was that all it took to get over someone? Find someone else? Was it that easy? No, it couldn’t be. I had almost proposed to Haley. I had the fucking ring and everything. I had hopes for Melissa and Jennifer, too. But every time I had sex with them, I felt sort of guilty afterwards. I wanted it to be Lizzie beneath me.
Saying her married name didn’t hurt because my feelings for another person has far surpassed how I ever felt about Lizzie. Aoife was – she was the one that ruined me for every other woman that would come into my life after our summer was only a memory.
I climbed in the searing hot shower and exhaled. My chest hurt from all the confusion. My brain was foggy and my priorities were out of whack. I was thinking about The Ink Shop and maybe calling in when I felt her move up behind me.
In all of my wildest fantasies, I never ever would have thought that she would get in the shower with me. My breath was stuck in my throat and I stilled. Her hands started to rub against my ass and I was too afraid to turn around and see her scars. What if my expression wasn’t the right one? What if what I remembered in my mind wasn’t an accurate portrayal of what she looked like standing up in a shower?
I fucking hated myself in that moment. It was Aoife, scars or not. She was so fucking brave for getting in with me. I turned around and without even looking down at her chest and stomach - I cupped her face and kissed her solidly on the lips. I felt her smile against mine.
“You’re happy,” I stated.
“Yes, I am happy,” she said. “I had a good chat with my – well, with my family. It wasn’t as bloody awful as last night.”
The positive energy was just bouncing off of her that when I did pull back and looked at her – I didn’t feel my smile change at all. I took in her body and she didn’t shy away under my gaze. She stood tall and just kept rubbing my body – to stay in contact. I knew what she was feeling. If I had it my way, we would always be touching one another in some way.
We spent so much time cleaning one another that we got out long after the water had gone to cold and we both had water wrinkled hands. I wrapped a towel around my waist and she had just thrown her hair up into a towel when I told her of our plans to go out with Nick and Lizzie.
I didn’t know whether or not to pick up her jaw or put her eyes back into her eye sockets. Poor girl – she never saw that coming.
“Are you sure you want to have dinner with Lizzie and me?” she finally questioned. She didn’t look threatened. She actually looked concerned. For her? For me? For us?
I shrugged as I tried to dry my feet on another towel. “I have had dinner with them plenty of times. The question is – do you want to go? You don’t have to. We can call and cancel but before you decide. Just know this, I will be hand feeding you cannolis tonight and that may lead to more love making,” I growled out as I snapped her on the ass with the back of my hand. It was a light snap. It would always be light with her. Always. Her body required tender touch. It deserved soft, worship, and gentle body love.
She let out a large exhale. “If you want me to go to dinner, I will go. You don’t need to ask me.”
She didn’t see me watching her dress and worrying her lip over and over. This probably wasn’t a good idea but we couldn’t back out now. It was go time.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sean
Nick and Lizzie were waiting outside their brownstone apartment across from the Boston Commons when my truck pulled up to their building. I threw the keys at their valet boy and opened Aoife’s door. She wore a simple black dress and she looked beautiful. She had a small scarf that she used to cover up the portion of the dress that dipped a little too low into her cleavage. I wanted to rip the scarf off and nibble on her there but that would be way too slimy to do on a sidewalk outside of a brownstone in the most pretentious neighborhood in Boston proper. I still gave her the look that I wanted to.
“Me, too,” she said as I brought her down to the sidewalk. I grinned at her and she looked at me with an appreciation that we both knew that bed sounded better than going out with another couple. We were double dating. Damn. When did that happen? It felt so formal now and yeah, I guess I kind of liked the idea of her dressing up. I liked the way she helped me tuck a short sleeve, black dress shirt into my khakis. I liked that we matched. I liked that my sleeves were bold and rich when they were pretzeled in with her white milky skin. We were a fucking awesome couple and we both proudly knew it.
It appeared that Nick and Lizzie were also stunned by how we looked together as a couple. Nick had his phone out and was checking something but kept glancing up to look at Aoife. I could see he was trying to place her. She didn’t look like she did the night of their party. Lizzie’s mouth was slightly open like she wanted to say something to us but couldn’t find the words. We stepped up to them and Aoife gave a little wave to Lizzie – obviously trying to jump start some kind of a greeting.
“Nick, I am not sure if you remember Aoife from your party a few weeks back but this is my girlfriend. Thank you for that party, by the way.” I laughed. “Aoife, this is Nick Sawyer and you have met his wife, Lizzie Sawyer
.”
I sounded so professional and studious that I wanted to make fun of myself. It must have worked though because while Aoife was shaking hands with Nick and laughing about something, Lizzie stared at me in wonderment.
“What?” I asked in a loud whisper.
“You have never called me by my married name. I am always Lizzie or just O’Malley. Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?”
Aoife saved me from answering Lizzie as she interrupted us.
“Lizzie, ‘tis a pleasure to see you again as well. Thank you so much for including me tonight. I have heard fantastic things about the cannolis I am going to eat tonight.” She held out her hand and Lizzie immediately grabbed it to shake it before drawing her in for a hug.
“I am a hugger!” Lizzie exclaimed as she pulled away. “And yes, the cannolis are to fucking die for. Babe? Are we doing a cab?” She looked at Nick who was again looking back down at his phone with a perplexed look on his face.
“Babe!” Lizzie basically barked out before Nick’s head whipped up to face us all.
“What? What’s up?” he asked, looking at each one of us.
“Nick, are we grabbing a cab or are we taking our car?” Lizzie asked again, sounding slightly annoyed. Were they…fighting? Every time I had ever seen them over the years, their hands were on each other constantly.
Now it was Aoife and I giving each other playful looks and grabbing one another as Lizzie and Nick discussed the transportation. A yellow cab pulled up to the side of the road and Nick immediately went to the back door and opened it for us. Lizzie got in, then Aoife, and then he motioned for me too.
“I don’t mind sitting up front,” I suggested to him.
He waved his hand.
“Don’t worry about it. I have to answer this one text on a band gig. If I am back there with her, she will probably throw the phone out the window,” he said laughingly, but his eye roll meant that he probably wasn’t joking around.
“I saw that,” Lizzie yelled out from the back seat. I jumped in and we all took off towards Peppi’s Fine Italian in the North End.
It never ceased to amaze me how Nick could go into any restaurant, not even give his name, and was immediately seated – even when a line was forming outside on the sidewalk. Aoife noticed and raised her eyebrows at me. Lizzie was watching me like I was a new play toy that she hadn’t quite figured out how it worked yet. I smiled at both of them, taking Aoife’s arm, and followed the typing Nick to a private and very intimate booth in the back.
I sat next to Aoife and across from Lizzie. We all picked up our menus and my hand went under the table to find Aoife’s leg was bouncing up and down. She was nervous. How had I not seen that before now? She looked like she was taking it all in stride but actions prove true feelings. The poor girl was not enjoying herself at all. I grabbed her hand and brought it up to my lips.
“You are awesome,” I said, kissing her palm softly. She went beet red and snuggled her head into the crook of my neck.
“Sean, you are too sweet to me.” She kissed my cheek and went back to calmly looking at her menu. My hand went back onto her thigh and she wasn’t shaking. I looked up when the waitress approached and Lizzie was still staring at me.
“What are you drinking tonight, O’Malley?” I asked with a wink.
“Can I get cranberry vodka?” she asked the waitress.
“I’ll take a beer,” I said and glanced at Aoife who was nodding her head. “Make it two.”
Nick looked up from his phone. “Beer is good for me, too.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Nicholas, it’s the first time out in months without the kids giving us grief and you are on that God damn phone the whole time.”
“Elizabeth…Don’t call me Nicholas,” he said with a warm smile.
“Pshhh,” she pushed an unintelligible noise out of her lips and rolled her eyes at him. She gently put her hands over his and brought the phone out of his grasp.
Whoa.
Give the man back his device, I thought, as it looked like we were about to witness a hostage situation. Even Aoife tensed at the look that Nick gave Lizzie as she threw his phone in her clutch.
“Much better. Now, Nick, why don’t you tell us how your day was since I haven’t seen you in many.” She was on fucking fire. The red headed bitch was back. I remembered this part of her. When she acted like this, her brother, Conner and I would run for the hills.
“Well, since you have decided to take a break from the studio to focus on your art, I have had lots to do today,” Nick answered with air quotes around the word art.
Even the people at the next table sucked in a breath at that. Then Lizzie went beet red and I tried to reign in my protective side. In no way was I going to defend her right now and what was is about confrontations at Italian restaurants. Did these two have actual Italian blood and pasta brought out their edge? Aoife started to giggle a little and we all looked to her with a question on our faces.
“How long have the two of ya been married now?” she asked through another half laugh.
They both answered something about ten years and she nodded with a smile. “That’s a long bloody time, yeah? Good for the both of ya. It can’t be easy every day, I imagine.”
Aoife was bloody brilliant and Lizzie knew it, too. Within a few moments, we all had our drinks and the decade old couple were sitting up against each other and laughing about something on his phone she had given back to him.
I threw my arm over Aoife’s shoulder and watched her take a swill off of her beer. “Did I tell you that not only do you look totally hot tonight but you are also my hero? When did you become a genius?” I asked, nodding to the couple on the other side of the table.
“The art of distraction, Sean. Have you not been paying attention at Kenpo?” She looked at me like I was an idiot.
Umm… Art of distraction? Shit. I am so screwed. A small smile found her lips as she realized that I hadn’t been paying attention. I was always looking at her ass in those yoga pants.
“Oh, I have been paying plenty of attention at Kenpo,” I answered in a deep throaty voice.
In that moment, we didn’t even realize we were still at the restaurant with other people around. She put her hand on my face and gave me the most adoring look. I watched her as she took in my face. I loved every moment of it. Her inspection made me feel like I was a bad ass, alpha man.
Lizzie cleared her throat and we both looked over to her to find an inquisitive look on her face. Nick was back to playing on his cell phone.
“So, you two are really a couple?” Lizzie said with a twinge of some undertone I had never heard before. Not jealousy, it couldn’t be that. Astonishment. It was mild astonishment.
“We are,” I said with a shit eating grin as I looked from her to Aoife and back to Lizzie.
The meals we had ordered only minutes before were placed in front of us by the waitress with finesse. Nick looked up and nodded his head. What a jack ass. We all started to dig in.
Except for Lizzie.
I raised my eyebrows at her while I took a bite of my manicotti. Aoife noticed but she continued to look down at her plate. Something was either about to happen or this was an impasse that Lizzie was debating and she should keep her fucking mouth closed.
“Aoife, how long are you going to be in Boston?”
There it was.
I dropped my fork, rather loudly, and threw my head back against the booth. Aoife’s hand immediately found mine and she squeezed it pretty hard.
“I leave back to Ireland at the beginning of August,” she answered. There was dread there. Like I knew before she answered, the final resolve was implied in her tone of voice. She didn’t want to go back. She was in love with me. She wanted me as much as I wanted her.
“That will be tough on Sean when you go,” Lizzie stated, taking a drink off her little straw.
“Lizzie,” Nick said in a calming voice. She looked over at him and he gave a slight shake of his hea
d. We all knew she was just thinking about the summer she fell in love with a man from Ireland. We were all thinking about how he left and would never to be seen again. We all knew that it was the best damn thing that could have happened to her because she did find Nick. She did have a wonderful life but the pain from that summer never left. I saw it in her eyes when I looked into them. It was probably less acute but seeing Aoife and I together had to be bringing up some shit from her past.
No matter what happens to get to where you are – a deep love like the one she had had for Teagan does destroy a little bit of the innocent person you were before. Lessons learned, stronger for it and all that bull shit does not erase the terrible agony of losing someone. If we could all go back and start innocent again, no one would have to doubt the motives of people.
“I will be equally as heart broken when I return,” Aoife answered. Her voice was choked and not nearly as strong as it had been the entire day. Even in the shower, as I massaged her, exposed and totally vulnerable, she had a laughing and strong vocal demeanor. Now, she was withering.
“Lizzie, that is something that Aoife and I will deal with together and privately when it happens,” I confirmed stonily as I nearly shot daggers at her. She didn’t back down though.
What was with her tonight? Fire. She was on fucking fire. I heard Nick mumble something, put his phone away, and then start in on his chicken.
“What will there be to deal with? Do you plan to go see her? Will she come back?” As irritating as she was, these were questions I wanted to know. Did Aoife want me to visit? Would she miss me so much that she would come back?