by Violet Shaw
“Excuse me?” Her mother was clearly annoyed. “I thought you were going out with that American?”
“Yes, I did. But then Jason suddenly appeared, and there was almost a fight between the men. And, well, Ray left in a rage. In any case, I have a date with Jason later for lunch at one of the Huts!”
Valerie noticed how her parents exchanged meaningful looks which didn’t really smack of enthusiasm.
Her father shook his head in disapproval:
“You’re making a mistake, Valerie. The American was really pleasant. You could have relied on him. But this Jason appears on the
scene, and your good sense and powers of reason seem to depart. But you have to know what you’re doing; it’s your life, after all; do what you think is right.”
Valerie didn’t have the slightest intention of discussing these existential problems with her parents just now.
Deep in her innermost self, she sensed that her father was right.
But she didn’t want any man on whom she could depend. How conventional and normal was that?! She was seeking adventure, that special kick, and for those reasons, Jason.
But she couldn’t explain that to her parents, of course, despite all the freedom that they offered her. She would only have given them reason for concern if she did. And she didn’t want to do that, of course.
And besides, she had no desire for any stress and argument, especially not so early in the morning.
She wanted to be free to anticipate the day happily, particularly Jason.
And she had to get ready to ski; that meant an effort to look refined, yet sporty-sexy.
Shortly after 1:00 p.m., she made her way to the Alpine Hut. To get there, she first had to travel up to the Corviglia Station by gondola and from there, transfer to a chair-lift that took her up toward the Hut. She was incredibly nervous and excited.
In the gondola, her cell phone sounded, with a further text-message from Jason:
“Sitting at the Alpina in the first row in the sun and waiting for you. See you soon!”
Oh boy, he’s creating stress again, letting me know he’s already there. And too early! He could be so not-charming and totally without style.
Oh, well, it doesn’t matter; she tried to calm herself; she would be with him in a few minutes.
She didn’t answer the text but felt stressed because he had put her under pressure.
When she arrived at the Hut, she couldn’t find him at first. She looked for him on the terrace from her vantage point.
Oh, there he was, escorted by his sinister friend from last evening.
They had apparently noticed one another at the same time.
Jason’s expression didn’t change, as per usual. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of Gucci sunglasses. His mouth was pressed together to create a small slit.
But when Valerie reached the table, Jason immediately jumped up with aplomb:
“Hello, Valerie, there you are!” He kissed her on the cheek.
“Hello, Jason!”
“This is Chris, but you two met last evening already.” His expression had grown darker in the meantime.
Valerie looked directly at his face, but couldn’t decipher any particular feelings. His expression remained hard and opaque.
“Hello, Chris!” Valerie said.
They greeted each other politely, as Chris sported a wide grin, which he tried to suppress.
At that moment Valerie noticed for the first time how young Chris was. In his early twenties perhaps; no older.
Where, in all the world, had Jason met him, for heaven’s sake? And what did he want with him? What did a playboy in his late thirties want from such a child?
Oh dear, all of a sudden the craziest fantasies cropped up in her imagination. She hoped that Jason didn’t have a relationship with Chris and wanted to pit the two of them against each other. Such a perverse game would suit him all too well.
“Sit down, here by me!” Jason interrupted her thoughts.
They were now sitting closely next to one another, with Chris across from them, and she could feel Jason’s knee which he – on purpose or not – pressed lightly against her left leg.
“And how’s Rocky from last night doing?” he interjected unexpectedly.
His facial expression continued to be impassive and hard.
Valerie looked over at Chris, who seemed to be grinning even more.
“Good!” Valerie responded as unconcerned as she could muster.
“He left today.”
“So!” the monosyllable sounded from Jason’s mouth, somewhat unconvinced.
“And when did you come home yesterday?” he barked at her again.
“Why do you want to know?” she barked back.
All of a sudden Jason’s façade seemed to break down. He had taken off his sunglasses in the meantime. His head was slightly bowed, and he allowed it to glide over toward her. In his eyes she recognized a plea, a “Help me, please!” They touched hands briefly during this moment.
She also gave him a soulful glance, which was intended to mean “I want only you!” Valerie realized that Chris was grinning even more strongly than he had before. She hadn’t thought that this grin could, in fact, widen to the degree that it had.
Jason had taken the time to collect himself and adopted his distant stance again.
“Where is this guy from, actually? The Middle East?”
Valerie burst out laughing.
Yes, Jason was right; the guy had indeed manifested ownership tendencies that were unusual in the world of Western Europe.
“No, from New York,” Valerie said, after she had gathered herself together. Jason really was jealous; that was a sure sign that he was apparently not indifferent to her.
“Oh, and what does he do in New York?” Jason dug further.
She was beginning to feel as if she were being interrogated. How long was this question and answer game expected to continue?
“Bank,” Valerie answered, with the hope that the topic of Ray would end with that.
“Excuse me????” He has his own bank?” Jason was now excited and quite impressed: “What’s the name of the bank?”
The question and answer game seemed to have no end.
“I didn’t ask!” Valerie replied brusquely.
“That can’t be true!” escaped from Jason’s lips. Chris, too, seemed appalled at her lack of information.
Both Jason as well as Chris could hardly contain themselves in face of the fact that she could remain so cool when she had met the owner of a bank.
“Well,” Jason finally commented, “Valerie finds inner worth to be the most worthwhile!”
“Yes, exactly, and that’s why I’m so fond of you!”
As Valerie spoke this sentence, she realized instantaneously how cynical her words sounded.
She had really intended to let Jason know how indifferent she was to the fact that he was the owner of a bank and that for her, only he was significant.
But Jason had misunderstood her because of her cynical undertone. His head almost lay on his plate in disappointment. Valerie regretted her cynical words deeply. Oh, she had really messed this up. How could she be so awkward!
“How do you two know each other and where are you from?” she asked Chris, with the hope that would wean them from the current topic.
“I was an intern for Jason at the bank and otherwise live mainly in London.”
His answer and the glow that appeared on his face assured Valerie that he felt flattered, in that, finally, attention was being paid to him.
“Yes, precisely,” Jason added, “and now Chris is making art, and you’re intellectual. So, everything fits together well.”
In the meantime, their meal was served. All three had decided to have pasta, and the mood had also improved a little.
“Look at this panorama!” Jason said, turning to Valerie, “one can’t find this anywhere else in the world.”
In fact, Jason was right; it was a gorgeous Janu
ary day and the sun was spoiling them with its generous rays.
“And are you coming with me tomorrow to Zurich?” He looked at her with anticipation.
“Yes, perhaps; let’s discuss it a little later this evening.”
But Jason wasn’t satisfied with her answer:
“What, why are you still pondering?” Tomorrow we can ski together the entire day, then we can drive back to Zurich, go have a nice dinner, and you can stay with me in Zurich as long as you like, preferably the whole week!”
But after all that had happened in the last weeks, Valerie wanted to be a little more independent and not give in immediately; she wanted him to dangle a bit. “That sounds really very tempting; let’s talk about it again this evening!”
Jason was still not satisfied with her less than direct answer. He looked at her skeptically from the side:
“Come, let’s go skiing!” he urged her.
One after the other, the fasteners on her skis clicked into place. They were standing parallel to each other on the slope.
Jason looked at Valerie with a deadly serious expression and nodded in recognition: “Beautiful skis!”
“Yes, thanks, I agree. I rented these here. They not only look good, but they glide very well.”
It was really odd, she had to admit to herself. Beautiful skis! Instead of paying her a personal compliment, he concentrated on her skis! Incredible. Either he was total inhibited, or simply fucked up and unfeeling.
She still didn’t know how she should judge him.
He was either the most inhibited or the coldest person that she had ever come across.
But it was that impenetrable quality that seemed to appeal to her the most, that fascinated her so.
Valerie made a sweeping run down the slope. She wanted to prove to Jason immediately that she was an excellent skier. And she knew that for a non-Swiss, she was more than passably fair. Ray, with whom she had also spent the day skiing yesterday, had told her as much.
After a couple of lively swerves she stopped to look around for Jason.
And there he came, dashing down the slope. He made several elegant, dynamic arcs as well.
Wow! Fantastic style, Valerie decided. She was quite impressed.
Jason traveled a little farther and stared straight ahead in her direction.
From the right, a beginner was moving very shakily toward him.
Jason continued to look at Valerie and didn’t see the beginner coming. More quickly than the eye could see, Jason had knocked the beginning skier down.
Both of them were lying on the slope. As much as she would have liked to, Valerie couldn’t stop herself from laughing.
“Is everything okay?” she called up to him.
“Yes, of course; but for safety’s sake, and in view of my current performance, maybe I should travel the slopes on a snowplow!”
He tried to laugh, but Valerie could tell by the expression on his face that the situation was more than embarrassing for him. Not even five minutes on the slope, and he had already fallen once.
“Oh, don’t worry about it, no harm done. It wasn’t your fault!” she called out to encourage him.
And before she realized what was happening, he was coming down toward her quickly. In the meantime, Chris had also joined them.
And now the boys wanted to step on the gas, to prove how good and daringly they could ski. Valerie realized immediately that they wouldn’t grant her priority as a woman, nor show any consideration.
Jason and Chris caught up with Valerie at full speed and traveled down the run like lightning.
Chris, who had been described at lunch earlier as a ski-racing competitor, set the pace.
His technique was brilliant and impeccable. One could immediately see that here was a professional on the ski-run. His slaloms were sleek, perfect. He seemed to melt into the slope.
And Jason, apparently challenged by Chris, also felt he had to give it his best, and increased his tempo.
Chris took off at breakneck speed in front, followed by Jason who, like a madman, tried to emulate him. But Valerie, too, in childish fashion, wanted to impress the boys and made a particular effort.
Although she was an experienced skier, she wasn’t used to racing down an icy run at such a fast speed, which was quite a dangerous feat. She became frightened.
Nonetheless she followed Jason as the last of the three, and oriented herself according to his slaloms.
In view of all of the dangers implicit in the situation in which they found themselves, Jason was really a very good skier. He had great stamina and his style was both sporty and sexy, like a young god.
Oh, dear, if they continue to ski the whole afternoon in this same style, it means no fun, just pure exertion and concentration, Valerie thought to herself.
They had decided to meet at the bar of the Badrutt’s Palace Hotel in St. Moritz at 11:00 p.m. Valerie was going to have dinner with her friend, Severin, before that, and Severin insisted on coming along for a drink at the bar.
The bar was already very overcrowded when they arrived. It was a colorful crowd of the so-called upper class, the upper ten-thousand.
Every year between Christmas and New Year’s Day, the “Snow Society” met here. The group was young and international, a mixture of Zurich, London, and New York.
“Valerie!” she heard a very familiar voice call to her across the bar.
It was Jason; he had noticed her immediately with his eagle eyes, in the middle of the crowd.
He was sitting at a table with a group of people and jumped up as soon as he saw her.
He gave her a kiss on the lips in greeting:
“There you are! I’ve already told all my friends about you!”
Once again, Valerie was enchanted by his appearance.
He, the true cosmopolitan, knew exactly how one presented oneself as both casually relaxed and interesting. He was both cheerful and quick-witted:
“Oh, hello, do you remember me?” Jason suddenly turned to Severin. “We know each other from Frankfurt!” His whole face was beaming and he showed Severin his irresistible smile – just like a toothpaste ad.
But Valerie sensed immediately that the level of self-confidence that Jason manifested didn’t appeal to her friend at all.
“No!” Severin replied smugly and aggressively at the same time.
“Excuse me?!” Now Jason had become annoyed and laughed in embarrassment at Valerie and her friend.
“Yes, of course, naturally!” Severin now corrected herself. “I just wanted to annoy you a little. You’ve gotten so thin!” At the same time, she gave him a challenging look.
“Yes, that could be,” Jason countered promptly, “but Valerie likes my physique, and that’s the most important thing!” Valerie had to laugh at his quick-wittedness.
She looked at him, completely in love.
And yet, the situation threatened to become more complicated. Had he become completely mad?
Did he have to provoke and challenge her friend so deliberately?
To let her know by implication that Valerie found him attractive the way he was, and – even worse – was dependent on him, sexually dependent?
Severin didn’t like his answer, he could see that in her facial expression. He had clearly spoiled things with her, being much too fresh and narcissistic.
But, under all circumstances, Valerie wanted to avoid worsening the situation.
To change the subject, she asked: “Jason, tell us, how long have you been living in Switzerland?”
“Almost a year already, and I like it very much. One can lead a very pleasant life here. The working conditions are far better and also the possibilities that exist for one’s free time. Germany, that is Frankfurt particularly, is a little far away, but Valerie and I see one another very often!”
He beamed at Valerie, and she looked at him dreamily in return.
“And then, I also travel a great deal professionally. I was in New York just recently, and in Miami at Art B
asel,” he added.
“Please excuse me for a moment; I want to order something for us to drink. Is Champagne alright?! One has to take care of oneself in this hovel!”
Without waiting for an answer, Jason headed for the bar.
“Heavens, Valerie, I hardly recognize you any longer!” Severin started in as soon as Jason left the table.
“You don’t seem to have any words of your own, nor your own opinions. It’s terrible, what he’s done to you. You stand in front of him like a little squirrel and gaze at him adoringly! The guy is so unattractive to me. He’s narcissistic and megalomaniacal. There’s nothing authentic about him. Besides, I think he’s just playing with you!”
Valerie was completely perplexed in light of her friend’s harsh words and disapproval of Jason, and apparently also of her.
Her friend’s harsh words didn’t undermine their meaning as far as Valerie was concerned, however. She stopped to think.
Could Severin be right? Was he indeed so superficial and had she, in the meantime, become his stupid little victim?
Before she could respond, however, Jason returned.
“Okay, mission accomplished; I’ve ordered for us; the Champagne will be here in a minute! Tomorrow Valerie and I will go skiing again. I’ve already reserved a table at the Paradiso Lodge, and thereafter we’ll drive to Zurich together. Valerie wants to stay with me all next week.”
Severin gave Jason a hostile look and said not a word.
The situation with Jason didn’t set well with Severin and she excused herself more quickly than planned, leaving Valerie and Jason alone.
The two decided to go to the nightclub at the Palace Hotel.
First, Valerie stopped at the ladies’ room. Although all was going well with Jason for the moment, her friend’s negative comments gave Valerie cause for concern.
She ran cold water over her hands and wrists to try to calm her nerves. She had to try to think clearly.
When Valerie returned to the club, the mood was explosive. She walked by the bar and moved toward the dance floor.
She could see him directly from there. Jason was standing at the edge of the floor.
He was talking with a very attractive young man; Valerie thought him to be in his early twenties.