by Juli Valenti
Dean is still at home. If it isnt 2 inconvenient, can I stay w/u? If it is, I can prob ask 2 stay here longer, til I figure something else out.
Drew unceremoniously dropped the phone in his lap and didn’t look at him as he read what she’d typed. His mind raced at her question; he didn’t know what to say. Jensen understood why she wouldn’t want to go home, the mixture of painful memories as well as her stupid fucking brother’s presence would be a tough cross to carry. But to let her stay with him?
His heart was screaming in approval, desperate to keep her near him, keep her safe. He enjoyed being around her. His brain, on the other hand, was full of objections and four-letter words. The whole town would talk, slander her name, speculating on the nature of their relationship. It was a wonder they weren’t already; the unpleasant nature of small-town living.
Beyond that, morally would he be able to stand himself if he allowed her? As much as he hated himself for it, the despicable piece of shit he was, he was attracted to her. The willpower it took to keep from kissing her, to keep from touching her, was already almost more than he could bear. He wanted her. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone or anything.
Even the mere thought of her body melting into his, the way it had when he’d stolen kisses from her, excited him. Jensen knew himself well enough to know that if things were started, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He’d take her innocence, relish in it, consequences be damned. Of course, he’d also curse the hell out of himself as well. Still, he didn’t want that from her. He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her affection simply because she was starved for it. And, regardless of how she felt, that’s how he’d always see it, see her.
The image of when he’d first seen her, so battered and broken, so lonely and withdrawn, plagued him still. When he was alone, he’d dream of finding her so much worse, the same but lifeless – he’d wake up sweating and swearing, terrified. It was one of the reasons he stayed with her so often; he found comfort in waking to find her safe and content with the world. When she looked at him since he’d stolen the sweet touch of her lips, her eyes sparkled with demand, a silent plea for more. The male in him preened, his chest would puff out, proud. But the rest of him … the rest of him was on the same page, too.
His attraction to her was so wrong, on so many levels, but it just was. He wanted her to love him though, for him, and not because he didn’t hit her like her father. Not because he didn’t abandon her like her brother. Not because he was still alive, unlike her mother. He must’ve taken too long to respond because she snatched the phone back.
Nvm. I shouldn’t have asked. U do 2 much 4 me already.
Jensen practically threw her hands off the phone to take it. Almost frantic, his fingers moving faster than normal, he typed. All his previous mental arguments, all the logical points and lines he’d drawn in his mind, flew out the window. With only a few words, words not even spoken, she’d proverbially brought him to his knees.
Of course you can stay. As long as you like.
The minute she’d read his words of reply, she tilted her face up, her gaze alight with joy. Fuck, that look. Wars throughout history have been waged and won over looks like that one. She was radiant, a goddess. An angel and Aphrodite all in one. In a single slit second of time, the world froze, the rhythm of the Earth changing to match the beat of his heart. One split second decided his fate: regardless of how right or wrong, she’d be his forever. All he needed was time.
“Earth to Marks? Jesus, man, did you hear anything I just said?” Officer Kelly, the new rookie, demanded.
“Huh?”
“Do you even know where you are?”
“Sorry. Got lost in my own thoughts. What’s up?” Jensen asked, rubbing a hand across his face, trying to bring himself back to the present.
“Captain wanted me to see if you needed help with your reports. He said you were behind?”
“Uh, yeah, I’ve been … distracted,” Jensen answered truthfully, tamping down his ire. He’d always been responsible doing his job, whatever it was at the time, to one hundred percent of his ability. The Marine Corp. demanded nothing less. Lately, though, some things had been falling through the cracks, his reports, mainly.
“Yeah, you’ve been ‘distracted,’” the rookie retorted, using air quotes when he said distracted. He also had a shit-eating grin spread across his face.
“What do you mean by that?” Jensen asked, one of his eyebrows raised. Something about the kid had bothered him from the moment he’d met him less than a month ago. He was cocky, thought he knew absolutely everything, and disrespected his commanding officers. The one night Carrigan had been sick, Kelly went on patrol with him. It had been a disaster he didn’t ever want to repeat.
“Oh, come on, dude,” Kelly answered, rolling his eyes. “It’s not like it’s any secret.”
Jensen checked his watch before standing and facing Kelly. “Look, I have somewhere I need to be. If there’s something you want to say, just say it.”
“I’m just saying I understand your distraction,” the rookie told him, his hands up as if to keep Jensen at a distance, clearly realizing he was annoying him. “I would be, too. I got a look at the Townsend girl – curiosity got the better of me. Man.”
“There’s nothing between Drew and I. We’re friends.” Jensen knew he was full of shit as he said the words, but still. It wasn’t any of the younger man’s business.
“Hey, no shame in bangin’ the young fire crotch. I just wish I’d gotten –”
Officer Kelly was interrupted before he could finish his sentence. By Jensen’s fist colliding with his nose. Blood burst down his mouth and chin as the rookie stared for a moment before coming at him. He tried to do a fireman-like tackle, but Jensen stepped aside. When the man charged again, Jensen grabbed him, shaking him a second before slamming him into his desk, his hands on his collar, holding him down.
“You listen, and you listen well, Officer Kelly,” he all but growled in the rookie’s face, his temper at an all-time high. It was one thing to say shit about him, but to reference Drew in any sort of derogatory way just wouldn’t fly. “I don’t give a fuck what you think or say about me, but if I ever hear you say another word about Drew – Miss Townsend – I’ll make you hate yourself. I don’t care if it’s even someone else you’re referring to. If anything that even resembles her name crosses your lips, I won’t hesitate. I promise you that.”
“There a problem, boys?” came Carrigan’s voice from behind Jensen and he let the man go.
“Nope,” he answered simply, turning back to the bleeding rookie and feeling no sympathy, only satisfaction. Kelly was bent over, holding his nose as tears trailed down his cheek. When he met his gaze, fear shone in his face like headlights. “And Kelly, let me remind you I was in Afghanistan. I learned a lot of neat tricks over there.”
The man paled and Jensen angrily grasped his wallet, keys, and cell phone off his desk. As he passed his partner, he nodded – Carrigan knew where he’d be for his three days off. If he needed him, he could find him.
“That bastard broke my nose!” he heard Kelly whine as he walked toward the door, but it was the older cop’s response that lightened his mood and brought a smile to his face.
“The wall isn’t a bastard, sport. Be more careful when you’re walking next time.”
After stopping to pick up a bouquet of flowers, Jensen was able to shake his temper just in time to pick Drew up. Once he arrived at the hospital, he slowly made his way to her room. His stomach was in knots, his nerves trying to get the best of him.
As he entered her room, he frowned. It looked so different – gone were the lingering traces of her time spent there. Colorful cards from the elementary school kids, the assorted flowers he’d brought her, all of it, was nowhere to be seen. It seemed cold, dark, and lonely, like it had the first time he’d seen it. This time, though, instead of finding a beaten young girl lying in bed, he found a beautiful woman sitting in the small
leather recliner.
She sat, one leg pulled up, the other – her badly burned leg – splayed straight down, her attention buried in the Kindle he’d given her. Since she hadn’t seen him yet, it gave him a moment to simply take her in.
Fiery red hair fell to shield her face from view, only barely showing where the flames had singed it. The sun shone through the small window, casting her in its beam. Even wearing ugly green hospital scrubs – definitely a step up from a hospital gown – she was radiant. His Drew.
She’s not yours, creep. Jensen ignored his prick of a subconscious and stepped farther into the room, cautious not to startle her. He’d learned in the past few months that he had to be careful when she wasn’t paying attention – her bastard father had screwed her royally in that department. Any large body appearing in her peripheral vision, without time for her to process it, sent her in auto-protect mode. It was something he’d learned to accept, even though it pissed him the fuck off to no end. No woman, whether it be the one in front of him or one elsewhere in the world, should ever have to live that way. No female, of any age, should fear the touch of another human being – fear being hit or beaten, or even berated with words until they feel they are nothing. Maybe it was his southern roots, maybe it wasn’t, but either way it grated on his nerves.
“Don’t worry – I see you,” Drew said. He’d been bending down to her level to get her attention, and stopped, smiling when she looked up at him. She was smiling as well, though it didn’t meet her eyes. Something wasn’t right in the world of Drew, and his me-man-make-you-happy instincts catapulted into high gear.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, watching her eyes follow his lips. A small frown wrinkled her forehead as she turned her gaze back up to him.
It was clear she was debating whether or not to tell him the truth and he fought his knee-jerk reaction to demand she tell him. He wanted to know, but he’d never force her to open up about something if she didn’t want to. Though, he would do his best to figure it out on his own if he had to. Drew nodded once before speaking, like she’d made a silent decision.
“I…” she started, glancing down and fidgeting with an invisible string. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything better to wear than scrubs.”
Confusion filled Jensen. Of course he’d noticed them, especially since they’d been a swap from the colorless, bland sacks she’d been wearing before. But he couldn’t figure out why that would bother her. Suddenly, understanding filled him. The bulk of the fire damage had been in her room, since that was where it had originated. She physically didn’t have anything to go home in other than the scrubs the hospital had given her.
Always one to be prepared, to think ahead, how had he missed that detail? He’d spent the last freaking week buying new sheets for his bed, ensuring there was plenty of food variety in his pantry, and an assortment of girly products – lotions and soaps – to fill his counter. The sales lady had looked at him like he was crazy when he’d asked what to buy in the store, and eventually assumed he was purchasing a gift for either a friend or family member. It was probably way more than Drew would need, but it made him feel better to ensure she had it.
He’d also cleaned his house from top to bottom; he cleaned like he hadn’t cleaned since basic training when his only tool was a toothbrush and soapy water. Everything had to be comfortable, perfect for her when she got there. Hell, he’d even purchased an American Sign Language computer program to help him learn to speak with her, make her life easier while she spent time at his house.
Still, he’d somehow missed one of the items that would be most important to her. Clothes. What the fuck was I thinking? Obviously he hadn’t – it wasn’t like she could just live her future in a pair of his gym shorts and T-shirt, not that he’d even thought of that possibility.
“Well,” he started, noticing she wasn’t looking at him before stopping. He bent to his knee in front of her, his original plan when he’d come in, and brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. Drew’s gaze darted back to his and he started over. “Well, that’s an easy fix. We’ll go get you some.”
She stared at him for a long moment and it was killing him to now know what she was thinking. Jensen had always felt like he could read people, that it was what made him a good cop. But with her, it was always fifty-fifty. He either knew, without a doubt, what was going through her head, or he simply had no idea. The latter drove him nuts.
“Okay … I can wear these until I figure out how to get to my money.”
It was hard to believe Drew was still only seventeen; that only a handful of months had passed since he’d first met her, since her life had changed forever. When she spoke, something he knew she didn’t even enjoy doing anymore, she was wise beyond her years. He’d met women double her age that weren’t as logical in their rationing and their thought process. It was the many things he appreciated about her. She still had her occasional random breakdowns, though, where something reminded her of the past and she’d cry. Occasionally her emotion would get the better of her as well, spilling over at something silly, releasing in a flood from holding it all back. But, at the end of the day, she held her own in a world, in a town, that had set her up to fail.
“Until we figure that out – because I don’t know how either – I can take you to get a few things. A couple … outfits and some, um, under … things, should be okay,” he offered, stumbling over his words despite his effort to be precise. The thought of her and panties and bras did things to him, and he was actually afraid he may blush under her precision stare if he continued down that path. Luckily, if she saw any of his discomfort, she gave him a free pass.
“No. You don’t need to spend your money. You’re already doing too much.”
She was starting to get alarmed, he could tell by the distortion in her words. There were a lot of moments he forgot she couldn’t hear, that she relied on visual clues rather than sounds, but when she got upset or too excited, her words came out … off. Drew still sounded like Drew to him when they did, but the distortion was there nonetheless. Jensen liked hearing her talk, liked her voice, and even the cute sounding words she said.
The two remained locked in a stare-off, neither willing to back down. She seemed adamant he not do this for her, yet he was going to either way – regardless of any silly arguments she had against it. He was certain she wouldn’t want to simply be locked up at his place, essentially moving from one prison to another slightly larger one. She would want to get fresh air, go outside, maybe go out to eat or to a movie or something. And, he knew, she would feel like she was at a disadvantage if she couldn’t blend in. Drawing attention to the incident, the damage of her past and future, wasn’t something she liked. Wearing scrubs out and about, or worse, his gym clothes, would certainly catch peoples’ attention.
Abruptly, Drew leaned forward and kissed him, surprising him. Her lips were soft, hesitant and questionable, unsure of their welcome. Unable to stop himself, Jensen lifted his hand to cradle her cheek and returned the gesture, holding her mouth to his. Want bloomed in him, desire to take the kiss further, but he fought against it, instead allowing her small tongue tease the seam of his lips, deepening their embrace.
She tasted like strawberries as she innocently explored his mouth and he relished in it, letting her take what she wanted, giving the same, but keeping them both in check. It would be far too easy for him to let instincts take over, to steal things she wasn’t ready to give in. But, again, he didn’t. He let her make a final sweep with her tongue in his mouth before gently ending the kiss, pressing softer kisses on her lips as he pulled away.
“Come on, beautiful. Let’s spring you from this joint.”
Jensen left Drew to gather the remainder of her things and ran to the gift shop of the hospital once more. Luckily, since they were in a small town, handcrafted items were available – something you’d never find in a major city. Usually hospitals only sold the basics: bubblegum baby announcement cigars, balloons, flowers, and the
occasional vending machine foods and drinks. Here, though, there was a significantly larger selection.
Items made by ladies of the church were proudly on display, everything from paperweights to baby booties. There was a wall of personal items, including shampoo and soap, razors and deodorant, even makeup. Some stuff from various local shops were present too, including a couple hand-sewn dresses, a couple pairs of shorts, and even T-shirts. It seemed the people of Chance had determined that patients and visitors alike had needs that didn’t merely include the smell of disinfectant and flowers or green Jell-O in mini to-go cups.
Coming to stand in front of the available clothing choices, Jensen tried to put himself in the shoes of a young woman. Picking something as delicate as what to wear for any woman was tough – and any man willing to put himself in that kind of position got a nod from him, as far as he was concerned. So many things could go wrong in making an incorrect purchase. If one didn’t get size, style, and colors right, things could go badly. Thing was, with Drew, he doubted it really mattered. There was something about her that just screamed appreciation, regardless of what she was given. So, after scanning a few minutes, he chose one of the longer drapey-style dresses in an emerald-green color, hoping it would be okay color-wise. It had long sleeves, which would suit for the winter. Shit, it’s December. She needs a coat.
Scanning quickly, he found nothing. Without a jacket of some sort, surely a dress would be too cold. Except, well, they weren’t going to be going very far outside…
“Excuse me, ma’am?” he called out, grabbing the elderly cashier’s attention. She’d been the same one who’d helped him pick out the items to make her feel better the day she hadn’t felt pretty.
“Hello again, Officer Marks. What can I help you with today?”
“Um, well, I know it sounds odd but I just remembered it’s cold outside…” he admitted, feeling foolish but knowing he needed to swallow the emotion. Sometimes a man had to accede the fact he needed help. “This dress … I’m not sure how warm it will be? My only other options are shorts and T-shirts, or sweatpants. Ma’am, she’s been here a long time, and already has … insecurities … What would you suggest I do?”