by Juli Valenti
“Grilled cheese and tomato soup okay?” he asked her as he set a glass of ice tea on the counter in front of her. She nodded, okay with pretty much anything that wasn’t hospital food. Jensen had done a good job sneaking in food to her – donuts, subs, even tacos once – but her primary diet had included bland, not-so-great meals.
When he was finished the two ate in silence, something that had become familiar to Drew. She still had occasional moments she mourned the complete loss of her hearing, but for the most part had become adjusted to it. Surprisingly, Jensen didn’t seem bothered by her differences at all – when he wasn’t asking new words in ASL, or writing things down on a rare occasion, he spoke to her like he’d probably speak to anyone else. He did slow his words down some, but he didn’t make a huge mockery of her lack of audibility by going into theatrics with it. It was just part of her life, which he had made a part of his.
Her belly full, content and comfortable in the warmth of Jensen’s home, they snuggled on the loveseat and turned on a movie. It didn’t take long before her eyes grew heavy and she motioned for his phone, which he handed over.
Im sorry in advance if I fall asleep. U r 2 comfortable. Mayb we can shop 2morrow?
It was only about three or four, but the thought of going out was lost under the bliss of relaxation she was feeling. Just like they’d rested in the hospital, Jensen was laying long-ways on the sofa, and she was lying along the crack of the cushions beside him. Drew’s head rested on his chest and his arm was around her waist. Nothing seemed important enough to move, especially not clothes or having to deal with anyone.
After what seemed like forever, Jensen passed the phone back to her awkwardly, both of them functioning with only one hand.
Fine with me. I don’t want to move. I never realized my couch was this comfortable… but then, maybe it’s because I have you here.
Smiling to herself, she nuzzled against him, happier than she’d been in longer than she could remember. No longer did she have any tubes or open wounds to watch out for, nor did they have to deal with the constant interruption of nurses for check-ups. Here it was just Drew and Jensen.
<3
She handed the phone back quickly, before she could change her mind and erase the heart she’d just typed. It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it was more than the smile she’d give him before. The truth was though, she needed him to know she felt more for him than just friendship. Besides, in her mind, friends didn’t cuddle the way they were, so entwined with each other and comfortable enough to sleep. To sleep meant to trust, which was a gift she didn’t give lightly.
It wasn’t until she awoke a couple hours later, to Jensen still napping, that she saw his reply.
You own my <3.
Three weeks passed and between them, Drew and Jensen eventually fell into a routine. When he worked morning shift, the two had breakfast together before he left. Drew spent her days either working on her school work, trying to graduate without attending classes anymore since she’d missed so much, or reading. Occasionally she’d walk, finding peace in the fresh air.
Evenings were livelier. Sometimes Jensen would take Drew out to eat or sometimes he cooked for them. Regardless of what they did, he found ways to surprise her. He’d even researched and bought tickets to a silent movie right outside of Jackson during one of his weekends off. It was old, in black and white, but the entire show was done in subtitles, making her feel like she missed nothing since everyone in the small theater was having to read as well.
With the help of Carrigan, Drew had finally gotten access to the money she had in the bank. After getting over the shock of the decimal points there, she’d agreed to go shopping while Jensen was at work. When looking for, and finding, the keys to his Jeep, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“Dear Drew,
I know you do not have a license. Do not take my Jeep, which is in the garage, with a full tank of gas. The key is not the large silver one that is unlabeled because a dog I had once chewed the black stuff off it. I repeat, do not take this set of keys, leave the door unlocked, and drive the Jeep to get clothes.
… on a more serious note – get what you need and drive safe, please. I do not want a call that something happened to you.
I’ll be seeing you beautiful,
Jensen.”
It was so like him, she could almost picture his face as he said the exact words on the paper. His face would scrunch as if he were serious, but his lips would pinch at the sides, trying to hold his smile back and look macho. It was an expression she’d grown familiar with and adored it.
So, off she’d gone, on the great search for something to wear that actually fit. That day, Drew learned something about herself – she hated shopping. Once upon a time, in a lifetime before shit got real, she’d loved buying pretty things, looking her best and accessorizing. Now, it was a chore that after the first store of finding nothing, she wanted to give up and seek refuge in Jensen’s shorts and T-shirts.
In truth, he’d been more than willing to go with her, but she’d turned it down. Drew had used the excuse she didn’t want him to spend his own money – which was true – but she also didn’t want to force him into feeling like he needed to cheer her up. She knew after putting on the dress he’d bought her at the hospital that fit was going to be hard; what she hadn’t anticipated was her complete indifference to everything. It all looked the same, and she had no idea where to start. Ruby, the store clerk, had stared at her for a long while before approaching her, but when she did, she wouldn’t meet Drew’s gaze.
It took five long, excruciating hours for Drew to find a handful of clothes that would work and fit well enough to buy. Panties and bras, though, were in short supply unless she went to the local Five and Dime, which she refused to do. Luckily when she’d been just about to give up and spend the rest of her days pretending she was an army commander, she bumped into Stella, Officer Carrigan’s wife.
“Stella,” Drew called, hoping she wasn’t screaming. Speaking aloud had gotten easier with Jensen, or maybe she was more comfortable with him, but she was self-conscious about getting the woman’s attention.
Luck was on her side because the woman turned, a smile growing on her face as she took Drew in. She quickly embraced her before stepping back, awkwardly signing, “How are you?”
Drew couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m okay, really. And if you talk I can read your lips – no need to try to sign.”
“Oh, my dear, I’ve been trying to learn. We want to have you over for dinner but I wanted you to actually want to come,” the woman told her, clearly concentrating on her words and making Drew wrack her brain to remember if she naturally spoke a million miles a minute or if she was just nervous.
“Sure. Let Jensen know when and I’ll be there,” Drew told her, pausing for a moment before continuing. “Hey, could I ask a favor?”
“Of course,” Stella said quickly, surprise alighting her face.
“Um … where can I buy underwear in this town that wasn’t designed for the grandmas over at Calvary?”
Drew knew her face was turning twelve shades of pink at asking the question and the thoughts it could raise. Six months ago she wouldn’t have cared if she was wearing granny panties that came up above her belly button. But now, well … it wasn’t like she was planning anything, really. She merely wanted something pretty – hoping that it would make her feel the same. And, if something were to happen, she didn’t want to be caught in something embarrassing.
Stella stared at her for a heartbeat before a kind softness crossed her expression. “Of course, dear. Head on down to Lace by Grace over on B and 2nd and tell Lucy I sent you. She will help get you taken care of. I’m off to pick Glory up from the babysitter before Tommy gets done with his shift. I’ll get details to Jensen soon, okay?”
Drew nodded and they hugged again before going their separate ways. And, much to her surprise, her trip to Lace by Grace was much easier than the clothing choices. Lucy was a whirlwind, n
ewer to town, and not at all put off by Drew’s inability to hear. She continued on, never stopping talking, often entirely too fast for her to follow, but Drew was still grateful. It felt … normal. She’d left smiling as she climbed into Jensen’s Jeep, and drove back to his house.
It was about seven when the lights flashed, the signal Jensen had created to inform Drew he was home so he wouldn’t startle her. The flashing pulled Drew’s attention from the book she’d been trying to read. In truth, she’d been thinking about Jensen and his ‘you own my heart’ comment he’d made weeks ago. Neither had brought it back up, and nothing had changed. They lived together, laughed together, and slept – only slept – together almost every night, whether on the couch or in bed. It was only on nights he took shift that she slept alone.
As he entered the living room, she watched as he hung his rig up by the door, as was his routine, and made a beeline for her. She expected him to tell her hello, to ask her how her day was, but something was different today. When he reached her, he dropped to his knees, his arms going around her waist and his head in her lap. Something was very wrong.
“Jens?” she asked, playing with his hair as he remained where he was. Drew didn’t want to admit that her heart was beginning to speed, beating frantically in her chest. It was one of the downsides of having feelings for someone in his profession. Chance wasn’t exactly a crime capital, but it had its fair share, and the department was only so big. The possibility of him being involved with something big, or one of his co-worker friends, was more than she cared to think.
The strong man didn’t budge, his hands clutching at her shirt to hold her to him. Drew stopped trying to get his attention and instead held him, letting him know the only way she could that she was there for him. Whatever had happened had rattled the man – it wasn’t going to be good, whatever it was, because he wasn’t easily stirred up. She visually examined him, making sure she found no blood on his uniform, whether it be his or not. Not finding any, she breathed a bit easier.
An eternity passed before he finally lifted his head to look at her, his face ashen and eyes red. She opened her mouth, wanting to make sure he was okay, to find out what was wrong, but she didn’t get the chance. He tugged sharply at her waist, pulling her down onto his lap on the floor, and crushed his lips to hers. In mere seconds, his tongue had her opening for him, allowing him to explore her mouth, letting him overtake him.
Most of their embraces were soft and tender, gentle. This one, though, was reminiscent to their first real kiss, when they’d lost themselves for the first time. His hands were trailing Drew’s waist, her sides, her breasts, while she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly as she kissed him back. Her breath caught as air touched her bare skin, a heartbeat before Jensen’s hands were there, warmth replacing the cool.
Drew followed suit, lifting herself from his lap long enough to pull his shirt from his waistband, their lips never parting. Fingers moving frantically, she unfastened each button, almost groaning in relief when the final opened and she pulled it down from his shoulders. She tugged at his undershirt until she found his skin and sighed into his mouth. Jensen nipped at her lips before breaking the kiss.
When his eyes met hers, they were blazing, sending chills down her body. Shifting, he lifted her top, pulling it over her head before laying her down on the carpeted floor. He towered over her, his gaze tracing down her chest and stomach before resting on her face again. A question formed on his face; is this okay he was asking. More sure than she’d ever been, Drew didn’t hesitate. She rose up just enough to kiss him once more and brought him down against her.
She kissed him with all the desire she could, but it still felt like she couldn’t get close enough to him. She needed more. Reaching between them, she grasped the hem of his undershirt and pulled it upward, until it wouldn’t go any farther. Jensen broke their embrace to pull it over his head, tossing it across the room before settling his mouth over hers once more. His skin was hot where it met hers, his weight comfortable and familiar. Abruptly he pulled back again.
“Drew, baby, are you … We can stop, but if we’re going to stop, we need to stop now,” he told her, his struggle with control making it harder for Drew to read his words. She could feel Jensen’s muscles quivering, whether from the effort he was expending or something else, she wasn’t sure.
What Drew did know, was that she didn’t want to stop. Memories tried to flood her, but she closed her eyes against them. This wasn’t the last time, and Jensen wasn’t him. She wasn’t sure if Jensen was in love with her, but his typed response – you own my heart – told her he felt close. She wanted this, wanted him, all of him, to hell with any consequences.
“Don’t,” she mouthed, the term that had become theirs in the past few weeks. It was said when one was thinking something the other didn’t want them to; it was said when they were playing, it was theirs, and she meant it now.
Jensen hesitated for a moment, obviously weighing her response, and possibly the meaning behind her utterance, before dropping his lips to her neck. He trailed kisses down to her breasts, to her stomach, to the seam of her jeans. Drew watched as his fingers deftly unfastened the button and slid the zipper down. He stopped again, his forehead wrinkling with thought, and he stood, scooping her up with him and carrying her to the bedroom.
“Not on the floor,” he mouthed slowly in explanation as he kicked the door shut and placed her softly on the mattress. Moving quickly, he lit the candles on the dresser and turned to face her. She’d seen glimpses of desire in the man before her, seen the passion he kept close to his chest. Now, though, he had it all on display and he simply took her breath away.
Chapter Ten
Jensen
Jensen stood, unable to move as he took in the vision of Drew before him, lying on his bed. She’d propped herself up on her elbows to watch him, an expression on her face he’d seen before, but not to this extent. Drew was radiant with desire, her eyes hooded and her cheeks flushed. Her chest rose and fell, her breaths coming quickly as she waited.
Climbing on the foot of the bed, he slowly made his way to her, his hands trailing up her still jean-clad legs. Glancing at her, he gripped the sides of her waistband and tugged, pulling them off her, revealing her creamy ivory skin. She seemed too good to be true, too beautiful to be real and in his bed. Jensen would’ve been lying if he said he hadn’t been dreaming of this, of seeing her body, touching her. But what was in front of him was nothing like his dreams – she was better.
He started at her feet, using his fingers to massage the sole, which elicited a soft moan to escape her. Fuck, that sound, he thought, almost groaning to himself, trying to keep his focus. It was taking all of his self-control to not simply ravage her – and while he wanted to do just that, he wanted to cherish her. Trailing kisses up her legs, alternating soft nips and licks, he stole a glimpse of her. Drew’s eyes were closed, her hands already bunching in the soft comforter.
This close, Jensen had a moment to take her in – somewhere she’d gotten purple lace panties, something he wasn’t expecting. He could see her skin through the delicate fabric and, as he toyed with the sides, he had to work not to rip them off. Slow … be patient, Marks, he scolded himself, pressing his nose against her and inhaling.
“Jens,” her voice came to him, clearing the fog of his thoughts, a plea. Her hips were rolling against the bed, squirming, desperate for his touch, which turned him the fuck on.
Unable to deny her anything, he whispered against her skin that he’d take care of her. He knew she couldn’t hear him, but his breath on such a sensitive area had her arching into him. In one swift motion, he’d removed her panties, his own breath catching at the sight of her bare to him. Soft red hair covered her, and he let a finger trail through it before exploring further.
Fuck, she’s wet, he moaned in his head, running a second finger between her folds. Jensen wanted to taste her, wanted to see if she was as sweet as he knew she would be. Holding her h
ip with one hand to keep her in place, he used the other to spread her and dragged his tongue upward. Closing his eyes, he did it again and again, relishing in her softness. When moving to make another pass, Drew’s small hand grabbed at him, an attempt to stop him, and he looked at her, confused.
“Jens, please.”
He arched an eyebrow at her and started to go back to his ministrations, but she was unmoving, not letting him. She tugged at him and he relented. Moving upward, it was she who caught his face and brought her lips to his, tasting herself on his lips, almost unmanning him. Did she even realize what she was doing to him? How fucking sexy she was? When one of her hands snaked down the front of his slacks to find him hard and ready, he almost lost it.
“Drew,” he murmured against her lips, unable to keep her name from tumbling out of his mouth. Jensen rested his head on her forehead, shifting to allow her a better angle as she continued to fondle him. Her other hand pulled at the button and deftly pulled his zipper down, freeing him completely. Small fingers grasped him, pulling at him, and he captured her lips, allowing her to swallow his groan. Reaching between them, he let his fingers explore her, touching and caressing.
Drew’s hips were rising with each touch, her actions quickening, pulling on him, bringing him to the brink. Breaking away, he caught her hand.
“Baby,” he said, watching her eyes follow his one utterance. She nodded and he mirrored the gesture. It was Drew who reached over and pulled a condom out of the drawer, handing it to him, her green eyes piercing through him. Jensen was grateful in that moment she’d given it to him; if her fingers had wrapped around his cock one more time, he was going explode.
Wrapped, he positioned himself at her entrance, an arm on each side of her head. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly pushed forward, giving her body a chance to adjust to his. She was so tight, so wet, even through the thin material separating them.