by S. E. Rose
She nods and hands the picture to me.
I kiss the top of her head. “Thanks, sweet pea.”
“You’re welcome,” she says and lies back down.
The conversation haunts me for the rest of the day. My mom looks at me with concern when I meet her for lunch. I shrug it off and say I’m tired. At dinner, Cody looks at me with concern, and I start to think I’m not doing a very good job of covering up my worries about Olivia.
“What’s wrong, Zoe?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar.”
I walk over to my bag and pull out the picture and hand it to him.
“Olivia drew this for me,” I explain. “That’s me and that is her. She’s—”
“She’s watching over you?”
“Yes,” I say, surprised that he guessed it.
“I see,” he says and puts his arms around me. “Sorry, princess. I wish there was something I could do, but I’m afraid this is one situation I can’t control.”
I nod and then feel the tears collecting in my eyes, I finally let go and allow myself to cry against his chest for a very long time. He pulls us down onto the couch and runs a hand slowly up and down my back as he lets me release my emotions. After a while, he pushes me back and looks into my eyes.
“I wish I could fix it for you,” he whispers.
“Me too,” I sigh.
He kisses my forehead and takes me into the bedroom to distract me.
Chapter 20
Zoe’s Playlist: “The Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga
The next few weeks go by quickly. Between work and helping Lance prep for the wedding, I’m exhausted. I’m also one hundred percent sure that I will never become a wedding planner. Even though Lance has hired one, I’ve become her go-to person for all decisions. If I’m not actively working, then I’m actively answering emails from the wedding planner or looking at various wedding-related items online. Each day, I’m getting more excited for Lily, it’s practically impossible to keep this enormous secret from her as each day ticks by and each decision is made. Lance has thought of literally everything and his overwhelming desire to please my cousin makes me see why she fell in love with him so quickly. As the weekend of the wedding approaches, I decide to take a week off work and focus on the preparations. Jack still hasn’t heard back from his IT security friend who apparently is still trying to decode encryption on the files from the USB drive.
The weekend of the wedding, Jack asks me to bring the drive so his friend can look at the files directly on the drive. I pack it in with my things and then get whisked away in a helicopter of all things up to a Victorian mansion that Cody announces his brother just bought as we pull up to the house.
“Bought? As in, he owns this place?” I ask, staring up at the old three-story home in disbelief.
“Yep,” he says.
“How in the hell did he afford this?” I ask.
“Well, you know how Lily’s uncle Jesse owns a big software company?”
“Jesse?” I ask, and he nods. “Yes, I know, Ryder Enterprises or something.”
“Yep, they merged,” he says.
“They what?”
“Merged, you know joined their companies,” he says, a teasing twinkle in his eyes.
I slap his arm. “I know what merged means, asshat. I just didn’t know Lance was looking to do that with his company.”
“I guess so. He didn’t really even talk much to me about it, but I guess he and Jesse have been talking about it for a few months now.”
“Wow,” I say as I enter the house and the chaos of the wedding day. My aunt Laura has set up a spa day for all the ladies, so we get whisked away in a limo within the first thirty minutes I’m there. Then it’s all hair, makeup, massages, nails, and lunch, with copious amounts of champagne. By the time we are transported back to the house, I’m feeling pretty good from the buzz I acquired at the spa. I slip on my bridesmaid dress and then help my cousin into her wedding gown.
I step back and admire her as I brush a tear aside. We haven’t had a moment alone since I arrived, and I finally feel us connecting as I gaze into her happy eyes.
“You look amazing, Lily!” I exclaim. And she really does. “Lance is one very lucky man.”
She smiles at me and turns to give me a hug. “Thanks, cuz.”
“No problem.”
“And thanks for helping with all of this,” she says as she motions to everything around her.
I squeeze her hand. “It was my pleasure.”
I’m second down the wedding aisle to the pergola that faces the ocean. The sun is starting to set, and it is absolutely breathtaking as the sky fills with so many amazing colors. The house is situated on a point that has both ocean views and bay views, so the setting sun can be seen from behind the backdrop and the ocean in the other direction. I smile and think what a perfect wedding location it is. When I see my cousin’s biological grandfather and her mother walk her down the aisle, I can’t help but shed more tears. I’m so happy for her.
Cody and I dance the night away under twinkling lights and jars filled with small white candles that are hanging from lines tied between trees. It’s magical and makes me feel like I’m in a fairy wonderland. I let Cody pull me against him song after song, and we dance in our own little universe. It’s a perfect night.
We spend a few days hanging out at the property with family. I know Lance is about to take my cousin away on a secret honeymoon with an even more secret end destination. He pulls me aside after the wedding to tell me his plan of adopting a child, and I nearly spit out my remaining champagne. But the more he speaks, the more I could see how this might be the right way for them to start their family. I am less sure that my cousin is ready for it, but time will tell.
Jesse lets us use his helicopter to get back to NYC, so we can grab a train home. By the time we get there, I am exhausted. I sleep for a good twelve hours and wake in Cody’s arms.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” he says and kisses my forehead.
“Morning, handsome,” I say as I stretch my tired limbs.
“That was quite the week, huh?”
“Yeah, it really was. But it was perfect, don’t you think?” I sigh and look over at the bouquet I caught. The look on Cody’s face when I caught it had been priceless. I giggle at the memory.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Oh, nothing. Just memories,” I say.
“Back to work this week?” he asks.
“Yep, tomorrow,” I answer.
“Oh, hey, did you give Jack the USB drive? I meant to remind you,” he asks.
“Yes, I remembered,” I say, poking him in the ribs. “You know, my brain is healing.”
“I know,” he says as he slides out of bed. “I’d just like to get back home, sooner rather than later.”
“Me, too,” I say. He gives me a strange look and shakes his head. I don’t press him, and we go about our day. After dinner, we are both lying tangled on the couch watching a show on Netflix when Cody’s phone buzzes.
“Hello,” he answers. “Oh, hey…shit, really…no, I understand…when…any idea how long…no, I see…sure, give me a few days…OK, I’ll call you tomorrow.” He hangs up and sighs.
I sit up and look down at him. “Let me guess. A project in some far-off place has a problem, and they are sending you to fix it.”
He nods. “China, railway issue, next week, possibly for a few weeks.”
I feel my muscles tense, and he pulls me down against him. “You are coming with me,” he commands.
“What? Cody, I’m not sure…” I trail off when I see the determined look in his eyes.
“No buts, you are coming with me. You aren’t working next week, and they haven’t put you back on the normal rotation yet. Just take off a few weeks,” he says.
“You know, I do have bills to pay,” I say defiantly.
“I will pay your bills. I’m not letting you out of my sight. Plus, you’ll be safer in China, n
o one knows you’ll be there,” he says.
I have to give him that one. “Fine,” I mutter.
“Great, tomorrow I’ll get my assistant to get us visas. It’ll take about a week if we can get them rushed, and then we can make our travel plans,” he says as he types what I can only assume is an email to his assistant, Max, the poor guy.
I lie back down on his chest. “You ever been to China before?” he asks.
“Nope,” I answer.
“Well, I think you’ll like it,” he says. “Great food. We’ll be in Nanjing. It has some wonderful sightseeing. I can set you up with a guide, so you can get the lay of the land.”
“OK, but I only want to stay a week at most. I don’t feel comfortable staying away from the hospital too long with Olivia so sick,” I murmur as my eyelids grow heavy. He doesn’t acknowledge my last point, but I feel his body tense.
Chapter 21
Zoe’s Playlist: “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M.
The next day I’m up early and make it to the hospital in time for my first forty-eight-hour shift since I’ve been back. I’m a bit nervous, but seeing Cami quells my fears.
“Lena feeling better?” I ask her.
“Yeah, a few other nurses have the flu, too. I just hope I don’t get it,” she laments as she scans files.
“So, debrief me,” I say, taking a seat next to her at the nurses’ station.
She turns to me and looks around. Then she shakes her head and literally pulls me into a janitor’s closet. I stifle a laugh, and she puts her hand over my mouth.
“What?” I ask, but it sounds more like “fhwa” with her hand covering my lips. I do the obnoxiously lick her hand, and she pulls it away.
“Ewww, seriously, Zoe?” she says as she wipes it on her scrubs.
“What?” I ask again.
“I went out with Dr. Tomlin,” she whispers loudly.
I start laughing, and I can’t stop. Tears run down my cheeks, and I bend over trying to regain my composure. I stick up my index finger, signaling her that I need a moment.
“Oh, please take all the time you need, it’s not like we are on call here,” she says with an eye roll.
“OK, I’m good,” I say as I stifle a final laugh. “Dish.”
“Well, he asked me to grab drinks while you were at Lily’s wedding, and I figured why not. Five tequila shots in, I got a little, you know…drunk, and I’m pretty sure I lip locked him on the dance floor of some dive bar and then performed some sexual acts in the car on the way to his house, which is amazing by the way. Anyhow, I woke up the next day in his bed, naked.” She pauses for what I can only assume is dramatic effect. “I’m pretty sure we had sex that night, but not completely sure. Anyhow, we did have sex that morning, like three more times. He’s actually, uh, really good in that department.”
I raise both my eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”
She shrugs. “Anyways, we’ve gone out twice this past week.”
“Shut the front door!” I exclaim.
“Yeah, well. I just didn’t want this to be weird between us since you know…” She trails off and looks at me. “But I figured since you seem so tight with Cody now that you probably wouldn’t care if I was helping myself to your sloppy seconds.”
“First off, Cami, you are not taking my sloppy seconds. Second, you know I was never into him, he’s too…too nice and proper. Anyhow, I’m happy for you guys,” I say, truly meaning it. Although, I am a little weirded out by the whole thing, but I push that aside and stick it back in a deeply buried vault in the basement of my mind.
Cami literally releases a breath. “Oh God, I’m so glad. I thought you might be pissed off at me,” she admits.
“No, no, not at all,” I say. She gives me a hug.
“Alright, let’s go debrief,” she says and skips back to the station, literally skips. I roll my eyes and sit down. It is going to be a long forty-eight hours.
The next morning, I’m sitting on Olivia’s bed playing the game of Life with her. It’s her favorite game, but it feels bittersweet playing it this time.
“Your turn,” she says, motioning for me to go. I spin the wheel and land on a space that says I am having twins. I laugh, and she claps her hands.
She holds up little pink and blue game pieces. “Boys, girls or one of each?” she asks.
I tilt my head to one side and contemplate this. “One of each,” I say as I think of my own cousins.
She smiles and sticks one pink and one blue piece in my red car. “Do you want to have kids?” she asks.
I smile at her. “I don’t know,” I say, being completely honest with her.
“I think you should,” she says. “You’d be a good mom.”
“You think?” I ask her as though she’s a ninety-year-old grandma with a lifetime of knowledge.
She leans back on her bed. “Yes. You’re kind and funny. You give good hugs. You help me feel better even when I hurt. You’re good at trying not to be sad in front of me. Oh, and you are nice to all the patients even the naughty and mean ones.”
I laugh. “Well, thanks, sweetie,” I say, touching her cheek tenderly. Her mom glances over at us from where she is working on a work project from her computer. I can see tears in her eyes, and I give her a brief smile.
“She’s right you know,” Mandy chimes in and gives me a small smile.
“Not helpful,” I gripe.
She laughs. And it makes me feel better just knowing that I’ve made her laugh for a moment. It’s times like this that I remember why I became a nurse, to help others.
We finish our game, and Olivia wins.
“So how does it feel to be a retired millionaire with four kids and two dogs?” I ask her. She grins and then the grin fades and is replaced by a sniffle, followed by another until she’s crying.
“Hey, what’s wrong, cutie pie?” I ask her. “Do you hurt?” I see Mandy stand up and start toward the bed.
“No, I’m just sad,” Olivia whispers.
“How come?” I ask as I wipe away a tear from her cheek. Her mom takes one of her hands in hers and sits down on the other side of the bed. Just then Olivia’s dad walks in and immediately rushes over.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
Olivia stifles a sob. “I’m really going to miss you all,” she wails.
“Oh, honey,” her mom says reassuringly. “You’re not going anywhere. We are right here.”
“I know you are here, but soon I’ll be someone else without you, and I’ll miss you. Who will play Life with me, and who is going to hug me when I’m sad? Who’s going to read me bedtime stories?” she cries. The three of us look at each other, and we all start crying. We crowd around this little miracle of a child who shouldn’t have been here as long as she has been but has brought nothing but joy to our world.
We do a group hug, and after a while, Olivia stops sobbing. “Do you believe in reincarnation?” she asks us. We all look at each other and stop crying, shocked by the question mostly.
“Uh, don’t know,” I answer.
Her parents both shrug and say some noncommittal parental answer.
Suddenly she’s smiling, a big giant smile. “Can you all promise me something?” she asks.
“Sure, anything, baby,” her dad says as he grips her ankle, gently rubbing her foot.
“Mom and Dad, you have to agree to have another baby, and Zoe you have to agree to have a baby, too. I mean someday, when you find Mister Right,” she says. I stifle a laugh.
“Mister Right, huh?” I ask.
“Yes, because then I can come back and be part of your lives again. Oh, and you have to promise to be friends forever, even when I’m gone because then no matter which of you has the new me, I’ll get to see you all,” she claps her hands as though she has solved world hunger.
“Wait, what?” her mom asks. “I’m not following.”
“Duh, Mom, I am going to be reincarnated into either another baby for you and Dad or for Miss Zoe. Then I can be with yo
u all again, and I don’t have to worry about who will read me a bedtime story,” she crosses her arms and squares her shoulders, giving us a very serious face.
I look toward Mandy and Ethan and smile. And channeling my inner child I put out my pinky finger. I look back at Olivia.
“I pinky promise, that we will always be friends. And if I ever have a little girl, I hope she is half as awesome as you are,” I say smiling at her. Mandy and Ethan link pinkies with me and then Olivia attempts to wrap her pinkie around all of ours. I grab my phone and take a photo of our intertwined pinkies and text it to Mandy.
“There, you even have evidence,” I say with a nod as we release our fingers. Olivia smiles and gives me a hug.
“I’m tired,” she says with a yawn and lies back down. I check her vitals and am not happy with her oxygen levels, even for her.
“OK, sweetie. I’m going to get the doctor to come check on you later. I’ll probably have to leave soon, but I’ll stop by before I head out on my trip next week.” I’d told her about China and she was already asking for gifts.
Mandy walks me out and gives me a hug in the hallway.
“Thanks,” she says shakily.
“Sure thing,” I say.
She sighs. “She’s fighting hard, but she’s getting weaker every day, Zoe. She’s having a good day today, but you saw her yesterday, she could barely sit up and talk with us. Playing that game with you was the longest I’ve seen her sit up in over a week.” I see tears threatening her eyes.
I grasp her hand in mine. “I know. I wish we could get a miracle with her. I wish for it every day,” I say to her quietly.
“Me, too,” she says.
I start to walk away and then I look back at her. “Mandy?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe having Olivia here with us for this long has been our miracle. She certainly has taught me a lot,” I say.
“Me too, me too,” she says and walks back into Olivia’s room.
I finish up the rest of my shift and am about to check out when Olivia’s room buzzes. I walk in and find Mandy and Ethan sleeping in their cots. Olivia is awake but looks pale. I smile at her and walk over.