by L. L. Muir
“Maybe you will eventually find a way to come back?” Lilith didn’t look at him as she said the words, and ’twas like a knife in his gut.
He knew he wouldn’t be returning. He didn’t wish to give her false hope, but like an idiot, he didn’t say a word.
Lilith headed toward the door to the kitchen, and Alan quickly rose to his feet. “Do ye need any assistance?”
She shook her head without looking at him. “I’ve got this. Go ahead and sit down.”
Alan hovered, unsure for a moment.
“Sit! I’ll be right back.”
A while later she backed into the dining room and the door swung shut behind her. She turned around and set a glass dish on the table.
He looked at it, then glanced up at her, unsure.
“It’s supposed to be a traditional Scottish beef stew. I got the recipe online. I hope you like it.”
The fact that she’d made the dish especially for him only made him feel worse.
“I would have made haggis in your honor, but lucky for us,” Lilith winked. “I didn’t have the ingredients.”
He gave her a small smile.
“Perhaps another time? I’m not going to say it won’t be disgusting, because it might be. But I’ll give it a shot and you can be the judge, okay?”
“What is haggis?” Olivia wanted to know.
With relish, Grandma answered. “Sheep’s heart, liver, and lungs. Onions and oatmeal and I think the stomach too.”
Olivia looked unsure.
Lilith smiled, for real this time, as she looked at him, and his heart filled with sadness.
He had to admit he yearned for her to love him, and was afraid she wouldn’t. No one had ever loved him before, and he couldn’t quite believe it was happening now. Of course, what did it matter? What did anything matter anymore? “I thank ye, lass. It looks delicious.”
Lilith sank down across from him and carefully unfolded her napkin onto her lap. “Olivia, do you want to say the prayer?”
After Olivia said the blessing, they passed the dishes and filled their plates. Lilith handed him a bowl with rolls. “I hope it’s as good as your grandfather used to make.”
He tried the food. “’Tis delicious.”
“Oh, good.” She smiled and dipped her spoon into her bowl.
Of course, it was delicious. Even if it hadn’t been, he would not have said a word. She’d made it for him. He glanced at her beautiful profile and something within him seemed to expand, his heart cracking wide open. And the space was filled with Lilith. Her soft smile, her soft gaze, her voice, everything that was her.
He loved her. He loved her with all of his heart, with every bit of him.
Why did he have to leave? He remembered wishing to stay upon the moor. How anxious he’d felt at leaving his brothers, though at times being trapped there had been hell on earth.
But ’twas naught to what he felt now.
Knowing Lilith? Loving her and leaving her alone and unprotected in this world?
When that happened, he’d know what hell truly was.
After dinner, everyone helped clean up.
Lilith noticed Alan didn’t have much to say, so it was good Olivia and Grandma were chattering in the background.
Afterward, Grandma took Olivia with her to her bedroom, so they could cuddle and watch TV. Lilith appreciated that very much. She hadn’t said anything to Grandma, but was certain the other woman was giving the two of them some time together.
Lilith needed it. She was going to try and get him to stay, or at least commit to coming back again. Heck, at this point, being pen pals was starting to sound appealing. “Maybe we could watch a movie?”
Alan looked around as if distracted. His glance landed on the front door for a moment, but he nodded. It was obvious he was waiting for his friend to show, which only made Lilith more anxious.
“Come on, we’ve got the cupboard under the stairs to ourselves for a while.”
He went in first, looking a little lost at the pile of pillows and blankets.
“Go ahead, have a seat. You can wrap up in a blanket or I can turn the space heater on.”
When she bent over, the key around her neck got caught on the cupboard holding the DVDs. She’d forgotten to give it back to Grandma. She removed it and hung it on a hook, and went back to choosing a movie. Would it be too obvious if she put in a romance?
Or, maybe, after all they’d been through, she should put in National Treasure. Except she didn’t want to think about treasure anymore. So, she put in a romantic comedy, but turned it down so they could talk.
He automatically took her hand when she settled next to him, which gave her hope.
They watched the opening of the movie for a while and he seemed fascinated, which hadn’t been her intention.
She turned the television down even more, and shifted on the cushions to face him. She took a deep breath, hoping for courage. “Alan, I know we haven’t known each other for very long at all.” A nervous laugh escaped her and she dropped her gaze. “But, I was wondering, if we might be able to continue to see each other? I mean, after we’re settled in our new place and all.”
His face crumpled into a look of pain. “I’m sorry, lass. I cannae stay. I’ll be moving on. Soon, in fact.”
Hurt that he didn’t even consider it when she’d laid her heart out like that, her breath caught in her throat. “Of course,” she said faintly and cleared her throat. “Of course.” She shook her head. “What was I thinking? I mean, you barely know me. I just thought …”
He captured one of her flailing hands in both of his. “I need ye to believe that if I could, I would stay.”
A sinking feeling in her stomach had her blurting out, “Are you married?”
He shook his head. “Nae, I’ve never been married, never had a girl to call my own before ye.”
Before her? That he would say that was like a dagger in her heart. “Then why? Why can’t we work this out somehow? I mean, maybe you have something to do. You don’t have to tell me what it is, but when you’re done, couldn’t you come back?”
He looked agonized. “I’m sorry, lass. I’ll not be coming back. Ever.”
Another dagger to her heart. “What is it about me that lets men move on so easily?” The words escaped before she could think to hold them back.
Chapter 14
Alan was so stunned by her words he couldn’t move for a moment. That she would think he didn’t want her was ripping his heart out. That she would compare him to the blackguard that left her …
He reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders. “I would do anything to stay!” The words were fierce, as he gave her a slight shake. “Anything!”
She was crying, trying to get away from him. “Look, it’s fine! I’m sorry I embarrassed us both with this. I must seem crazy to you. We barely know each other. These feelings, they’ve come out of nowhere for me. I … I thought maybe I wasn’t alone in this.” Tears spilled down her cheeks, gutting him. “I thought that you felt the same way too. I’m sorry I burdened you. Believe me, it won’t happen again.”
She struggled as if to get away, but he’d not release her. He couldn’t stand for her to think he didn’t want her. He would do anything in his power to stay if he could, but he’d had his chance at life, and he wouldn’t get another. He wanted to pull her close, but she needed to see his face. See his sincerity.
“Lilith! Ye misunderstand me. Everything I said last night at the séance … all of it was true. I was a ghost on Culloden Moor for nearly 270 years. Without hope, without family, without anything! There with my brothers, seeming doomed for eternity for we knew not what!”
He was breathing heavily, determined to convince her.
“I was sent here to help. And I’m sorrier than ye can ever know that I havenae. But I do have to go, I doonae have a choice, I died a long time ago.”
Her expression scrunched into disbelief as she wiped at the tears drenching her cheeks. “That’s what
you’re going with? That you’re a three-hundred-year-old ghost? You know what? I’ve heard some whoppers in my time, I’ve had some of them directed at me,” she shook her head. “But you? You take the cake.”
She wrenched out of his arms. “Just tell me the truth! Why can’t you stay? Or at least come back? I know you’re feeling what I’m feeling too, so don’t deny it!”
His breath seemed to leave him as his heart pounded wildly in his chest. He could think of nothing to say, naught that would ease the pain both of them felt.
“Are you afraid?”
Again, he didn’t respond.
“I’m afraid, too!” Her tone was agonized, and the pressure in his chest, the need to do something, ignited within him. “Lilith—”
“I’m just going to lay it all out. When you caught my daughter, you caught my heart, too. Please, please stay! I’m begging you! Just try, or if you have to leave, come back again!”
Again, he didn’t respond, couldn’t.
“But you don’t need to act all crazy. Just say what you need to say. Tell me the truth, so I’ll know.” Her voice was filled with pain. “So that I won’t wonder why I wasn’t good enough.”
Ire rose within him once more. “There is nae a man alive good enough for ye! Myself included!” When he realized what he’d said, his breath left him, so he took another. “I’m dead, lass! I had my chance at life, and now ’tis yers! And though it guts me, I cannae be a part of it.”
He’d died once, in pain and grief, and ’twas nothing to this. The pressure in his chest, the despair in his mind, his clenched muscles a torrent of agony.
She rose to her knees in front of him. “Enough! Stop it! Just tell me the truth!”
They stared at each other.
His stomach felt like lead, as he gripped her shoulders once more.
She gripped the front of his shirt in turn.
“I am, lass. That ye would believe I didnae want ye when I would give everything I ever had and more to keep ye. I’d give my own life all over again, feel the pain of it, to protect ye.”
She opened her mouth to respond, and there was a sharp knock on the front door, only slightly muffled because of their location.
Dread filled him.
Soni was here.
Alan turned to Lilith. “’Tis Soni. I can feel her. She’s here, coming to get me.”
Her grip on his shirt tightened. “Please, don’t go.”
He gripped her hands where they clung to his shirt. “I have to. I doonae wish to, but I must.”
She threw her arms around his neck.
He pulled her onto his lap and hugged her tightly in return. He didn’t want to ever let her go. This would no doubt be one of his last moments with her. “Never think I doonae have feelings for ye,” he whispered fiercely in her ear. “I do, lass. I do.”
She hugged him tighter in return, and then finally relaxed her hold on him, her hands sliding from his shoulder down past his elbow to grasp his wrist.
She lifted it.
He turned his head at the same time he heard a snick.
Springing off of his lap, she moved backward, until she could stand up to move out the door. It took a moment to realize what he was seeing. She had cuffed him to a metal pipe sticking out of the wall. Confused, he gave the restraint a tug.
He looked at her. “Lass, what are ye doing?”
She took a breath, her eyes fierce. “You may not realize it, but I am crazy for you and I’m not just letting you go.”
Crazy for him? “But …” he tried to think of a protest, but nothing came to him. “We shouldnae do this, we should …”
She stepped out of the cupboard, and her face hardened. “You wait right here, I’m just going to have a little talk with your Soni.”
Fear for her had him shaking his head again and pulling on the restraint. “Lass, nae. I didnae tell ye this before, or mayhap ye didnae hear me but … she’s a witch.” He whispered the last three words.
At that, Lilith laughed, a humorless sound. “This is Salem, Massachusetts, Alan.” Her eyes narrowed upon him. “The last thing I’m afraid of is witches.”
And truly, she did look fierce and fearless. He relaxed, docile as a lamb, against the cushion once more. After all, what could he do? The woman had trapped him. Surely Soni could not fault him for that?
She started to go, and at the last moment reached in, turned on the baby monitor, and took its mate. “You can listen, if you want to. But I want you to keep quiet and stay here.”
He raised a brow and jangled the handcuff. Where else could he go?
Giving him a nod, she left the cupboard.
Without much of a protest, without trying to break the flimsy lock, he just let her go.
A slight bit of hope filled his heart.
Lilith clutched the second baby monitor as she crossed the foyer.
Another knock sounded, and with dread in her heart, she closed the distance and opened the front door expecting … well, she wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it wasn’t the pretty young girl standing there.
Her mouth parted in surprise.
Granted, the beautiful girl did sort of look like a witch with her black dress and cloak, but she was fresh, pretty, and had the brightest, loveliest smile Lilith had ever seen.
She glanced around for a car and didn’t see one. Maybe she was simply selling girl scout cookies?
Feeling a little let down, Lilith said, “Hello.”
“Hello. Is Alan MacBean here?”
Her insides hollowed. “Yes, he is. Are you Soni?”
“Aye, that I am.”
The disparity between the ogre Soni that she’d built up in her head, and the Soni present before her was rattling her mind. Lilith straightened her shoulders. Alan’s reaction told her to be wary, but her own instincts gave her hope. “Would it be all right if I spoke to you for just a moment? Alone? Woman to woman?”
The girl’s smile was bright. “Of course, that would be lovely. So many of ye ladies just fly off the handle, and dive straight into protective mode. It would be nice to have a chat for a change. Any chance for a spot of tea?”
“Of course. Just give me a moment of your time first, and then I’ll put on a pot.” Lilith gestured Soni into the parlor, followed right behind her, and shut the door.
Chapter 15
“Please, have a seat.” Lilith gestured to a plush chair. She set the baby monitor nearby on the antique armoire.
The girl sat down, rubbed her hands along the chair and smiled. “Ye have a beautiful home.”
She felt a pang in her chest at the compliment. “Thank you, but we are actually about to lose the place. We haven’t been able to keep up on payments, and Alan has been here trying to help us.”
“Oh, dear. I’m so sorry to hear about yer house.” The young girl nodded, and did sound very sympathetic. “I’m so glad Alan was able to be of help. He’s always been a verra obliging lad. His brothers think highly of him.”
Lilith’s brows rose and a jealous pang twisted her insides. Alan had never mentioned brothers. She wasn’t sure how to respond to that, and didn’t like that the girl knew him so well. She had to be about eight years younger than Alan, and so to hear her call him a lad was odd. “Anyway, Alan seems to be under the impression he needs to go with you—”
“Oh, he does. That he does.” Again, the girl’s voice was kind.
Lilith breathed in slowly. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I kept him.” The last two words came out much more sternly than she’d intended.
“Oh, nae. I’m sorry, but that willnae be possible. Ye see, I made Alan a promise, that I would take him back to be with his brothers once more.”
“I’m willing to stay!” The words were muffled, but could be heard through the cupboard through the foyer and through the parlor doors.
Lilith rubbed her hands together. “Sorry about that. Just ignore him. I told him to keep quiet.”
Soni’s eyebrows rose, but when she simp
ly looked amused, Lilith relaxed a bit. “You see, the thing is, I’ve lost a lot of things in my life. I lost the father of my daughter, I lost the relationship I had with my parents, and am about to lose this house. But I would be completely and utterly devastated if I lost Alan. He’s … I suspect … that is to say …” She straightened her shoulders. “He is the love of my life. I know he is.”
The girl looked entirely sympathetic. “I’m so sorry, but I cannae let ye have him.”
Lilith fought the urge to get down on her knees and beg the girl. Pride didn’t stop her, the fear of looking insane did. “I know this probably doesn’t seem real to you because we barely know each other, but I swear to you, this is the real deal. I love that man with my entire heart. I don’t want to lose him. Whatever you need him for, I promise I’ll understand. Just make sure you send him back at the end of it.”
Soni gave her a sad smile.
Lilith waved a hand. “No, don’t say anything. Look,” Lilith took a deep breath and released it slowly. Her jaw firmed. “I’ve tried being nice about this, but I am keeping him. That’s just the way it is!”
Soni disappeared.
Confused, Lilith glanced to the right, and then to the left, she stood and circled once. The girl was really gone. Chills ran up her arms, and up the back of her neck as the blood of her disgraced Salem ancestors rose up to accuse. Witch! Witch! She’d always secretly known that had she the chance to live in 1692 she’d have spoken out against the hysteria. She sucked in a breath as her heart continued to pound. Now she wasn’t so sure.
What was going on? Could the girl really be a witch? She wrapped her arms around herself as her mind quickly jumped to the next conclusion. Could Alan really be a three-hundred-year-old warrior sent from Culloden Moor?
In a burst of energy, Lilith crossed the room to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. Breathing hard, she glanced over to see the baby monitor was gone as well.
Her jaw tightened and her hands clenched. Witch, or not, warrior or not, Lilith was keeping Alan! She pounded on the door a few times. “Alan! Don’t go with her! Stay here with me!”