The One We Feed

by Kristina Meister

  He was perfect.

  When his mother saw me, she nearly dropped everything. I could see the old fire there, the resentment and jealousy that had existed before she won our little duel. It was tempered by motherly concern, an emotion that gave her a kind of divine maturity that I would not even try to match. I met her expression with Ananda’s winning smile and waited for her to sit down.

  The groceries were forgotten as she snatched the baby up in a protective embrace. They sat across from me stiffly, but the baby was wriggling uncontrollably. Somehow, with that elastic contortionism that only children possess, he twisted out of her arms and, balancing against the coffee table, waddled to me, the curiosity. Trisha reached for him, but Howard captured her outstretched hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

  “There he is. Already walking,” he said to me. “Would have run around the house the day he was born, if he could have.”

  My eyes misted over. I blinked it back. Looking at him, an eerie sense of completeness filled me. “What is his name?”

  “Mason.”

  Without meaning to, I chuckled.

  The stone-cutter.

  “Well done!” I caught the boy’s body as he flopped forward in an uncoordinated step and gently lifted him up to sit in my lap. Trisha was tense.I could feel her vibrating like a harp string I’d plucked, but she had nothing to worry about, and I told her so with a glance. “That’s quite a strong name you’ve got to live up to, Mason!”

  He gurgled at me and shoved a finger at my nose.

  I hooked it and shook the whole group of them. They barely took up the length of one of mine. There was a moment then when our eyes connected, and I knew exactly what kind of person he had the potential to be, exactly the kind of person I could help him be.

  Stand on bedrock. Lay the Cornerstone. Build on that.

  I tipped him forward and brought his rosebud lips to mine. No one noticed the thin sheen of red on my mouth. No one saw it stain his skin and change him forever.

  Baby-eating banshee.

  I leaned back and watched the transformation come over him as the magnificent nectar absorbed into his bloodstream and made him immune to any disease.

  I could not give you children, Howard, but I can give your children part of me.

  Mason stopped the aimless jittering that toddlers dance, when brain moves faster than limb but forgets twice as quickly. He would remember every day, every meeting, every moment after this; I had made sure of it. And since this would likely be his earliest memory in years to come, I made sure to sit still and let him take in my face as if he were a baby bird imprinting on its mother.

  “Strength, wisdom, and compassion, all come from stillness, little Mason. Be sure you remember that.”

  He turned and looked at his mother with eyes only I could understand. I think it frightened her. She stood up and took him from me before I could say anything else, then walked him over to a playpen and sat him down inside. As soon as she turned her back, he got to his feet, and leaning against the rail, stared at me fixedly.

  I pulled the envelope from my pocket and laid it on the coffee table. “This is for you.”

  Howard picked it up and opened it. He scanned only once before understanding dawned in wide-eyed astonishment.

  “It’s a bank account,” I said. “Babies are expensive..”

  Howard showed the paper to his new wife, and she in turn gaped at me.

  “I only have one request.”

  He turned and laid the paper down. “We can’t accept this.”

  “It’s not for you. It’s for him. I want him to have your best, and to give him that, you need this.”

  Trisha’s hands knotted together in her lap. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

  “Because you have made a very special boy, and I want him to succeed. Eva would have wanted it too. Which is why I am passing some of her wealth on to him. Did I tell you she was rich when she died?”

  “What’s the catch?”

  I stood, feeling lighter than I had in many weeks, as if a huge burden had been lifted from me, a burden I didn’t even know I had carried, I had had it so long. I stretched, feline muscles strangling the skeleton beneath, then cradling it gently. With a yawn, I laughed in sheer joy.

  “When I call to check in on him, let me speak to him. It’s the price for being his kindly old benefactress.”

  Trisha’s face writhed. “What makes you think I want you in his life? I’m his mother.”

  I bowed my head. “Trust me when I say that you do. Or better said, you will.”

  She scowled. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  I lifted my hands. “I just want to hear what he’s up to, get updates. That’s all.”

  She was still glaring at me. I could not stop smiling.

  “Trisha, you won. You have everything I could have ever wanted…. I have other goals now. And they do not include harming an innocent child.”

  I turned and walked back to the hall, around the pile of parcels, and carefully opened the door. From his pen, Mason chirped as if sad to see me go. I waved at him and smiled at his parents.

  “I’m happy for both of you. I hope you have an amazing life together.”

  Howard was already following me. I was halfway to the truck when he caught my elbow and slowly turned me. “Lily, are you sure you’re all right?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  He examined me for a long moment, until his wife appeared in the doorway and lanced his back with a hot stare. “You seem different.”

  I laid my hand over his and gave a firm nod. “Believe me, I am.”

  He let me go. I went back to the car, waving as I pulled away. I imprinted the image of them standing, looking after me in confusion into my perfect memory and turned the radio on.

  Epilogue

  I leaned back in the truck bed and tried to capture the waning moon in my grasp. Somewhere in the distance, a coyote howled. In the cool, clear air of the high desert it seemed that the mournful sound was sharper, clearer than any sound had ever been.

  “That’s my cue.”

  I picked up the phone and found the number. The voice that answered sounded almost surprised, as if it had been caught in the middle of something and couldn’t help but be flustered.

  “Lilith! Why not use….”

  “I’m sort of avoiding it just now. Couldn’t tell you why. I hope you don’t mind, but I thought I might drop in on you in a few days. Is that okay?”

  He sighed. Instantly all tension in his voice vanished. “It would be wonderful. When can I expect you?”

  “I’m not sure.” I sat up and looked around at the scant shrubs that dotted the sun-baked earth. The dark red land went on as far as the eye could see, an endless horizon of directions to take. Thousands of stars blinked at me, prepared to guide should I request it. “I’m sort of...seeing the sights. There’s a giant ball of string and a two-headed calf I’m just itchin’ to check out.”

  He chuckled, for the first time sounding happy. It was good to hear. Further proof that my deeds were taking the course they were...that they were coming to fruition.

  “Call me, then, when you’re close. I’ll put you up in a nice hotel, if you like.”

  It was my turn to chuckle. “Gee, I don’t eat, don’t sleep, have no material desires beyond a good scratching post. What a fantastic idea. No, it’s okay. I think I’m going to stay with my friends, if it’s all right with you, though I say ‘stay,’ in the loosest meaning of the word, since I’ll probably spend most of my time locked in one of your sterile little boxes being poked and prodded by a man in a white coat.”

  “It will all be very informal, I assure you,” he said almost apologetically.

  The wind picked up, sweeping over me and my truck as we sat on the side of the lonely highway. The reception crackled.

  “Well, I’m glad to hear it. As much as I’d like to say I did, I did not have fun the last time we hung out together. I mean, you could have at
least taken me to dinner before you strapped me to a chair.”

  He chuckled again. “I’m glad that the impression did no lasting damage.”

  “I’m pretty resilient.”

  “I was glad to hear you were all right, after what happened with Mara.”

  “Yeah, well, so long as ‘all right’ is a euphemism for totally not anything like what I used to be, because I’ve changed a lot.” It was as tentative an approach as I could manage. I was still getting used to the speed and strength, the strange and sudden urges, and the keen awareness that tinged every choice I made. It took some adjustment, the whole running-on-instinct thing.

  “I understand. It’s fine. You are perfect just as you are, whatever way that is.”

  “Thanks! I feel exactly the same way!” I said cheerfully, eclipsing the stars with my fingers.

  “Will...Arthur...be with you?” I could hear the ache in his voice and was all too happy to soothe it with a tender correction.

  “No, Karl. This time, it’s just me.”