by Jenika Snow
“In the long run I’ll just end up hurting you.” He dropped his arm and turned his head to look at her. “How could you want someone like me, Tristan?”
She knew he wasn’t asking her why she wanted to have sex with him, but why she wanted him, the man who had revealed his weaknesses and demons to her all those weeks ago. She could tiptoe around what she really wanted to say, or she could just say it and hope he still looked at her with adoration in his eyes.
“I chose you because you are everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“How could you want someone with such a violent past? How could you want someone who only knows pain? I’m part of an illegal underground fighting ring, for fuck’s sake.”
“Oh, Kash.” She leaned forward and kissed him. Tears pricked her eyes because she knew this one moment would reveal a lot, for both of them. “When you touch me, I only feel pleasure. Everyone has pain and violence in them. It’s a part of life, a part of being human. I can see how lost you are at times, and I wish I could wipe it away. I wish I could find you.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, she was looking at him, the man she loved, not the fighter who hid his emotions and only knew pain and blood. “When I’m with you, there is nothing else that matters, nothing else that feels as good.”
She brought her body flush with his. “I love you, Kash. I. Love. You.” Tristan put her hand on his chest, over his heart, and felt it pound a fast, steady rhythm. He didn’t say anything, just watched her, and she felt uncertainty for expressing her feelings, for opening her heart to him. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if he rejected her. She knew her own heart wasn’t strong enough, not when it came to him.
“My sweet Tristan.” His breath hitched as he kissed every inch of her face. “I may be the devil, but you’re my angel.” His lips pressed against hers, and then there was nothing else but the two of them. “I didn’t ever think I’d be able to love someone. A person like me doesn’t deserve that, doesn’t deserve you.”
She shook her head. “You deserve so much, Kash.”
“What I feel for you is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.” He crushed her to him, kissing the top of her head as he whispered, “I love you so fucking much it scares me.” They were silent for long moments. “I have a darkness inside of me, a darkness that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to be rid of. But then you came into my life and those shadows receded. They backed off because they saw how good and bright you were. No amount of demons can crush what I feel for you. I see it … feel it in my very marrow.” When he pulled away, she could see the clarity reflected in his eyes. “I can’t stop fighting. I need that outlet. I need to release this evil that I have harbored inside of me for all these years.” He searched her face, for what, she wasn’t sure.
He couldn’t stop fighting. Did she want him to? Was he telling her he couldn’t stop, even for her?
Tristan took a deep breath. “I love you knowing what I know. I love you knowing you have to do what you need to, and I accept that. Maybe one day we can take that next step toward finding you a happiness that doesn’t include the horror, blood, and pain.” Their fingers laced together beneath the sheets. “Until that time, until you’re ready, I’m here for you.”
He squeezed her hand and closed his eyes.
For that one moment, when his guard was down, Tristan glimpsed that little boy, the frightened, hurt child that only wanted to be loved. She could do that for him. She could give him as much love as he could handle, and then she would give him more, until he was drowning in it.
Tristan wrapped her arms around Kash and just held him. He was big, so much stronger than she was, but in this moment he was vulnerable. He’d let his wall down. It may not have completely crumbled, but he showed her a glimpse into his heart.
She knew the rest would come when it was right.
23
It was just like she remembered.
The noise.
The scent of alcohol, sweat, and blood.
Tristan looked around, the sea of bodies seeming almost unreal. The cement and steel walls that surrounded her should have buckled from all the energy coursing through this room. Not in a million years did Tristan ever think she would be back here. The club was right above her head, the patrons dancing and becoming intoxicated without the slightest knowledge of what was happening right below their feet. She could even smell the exchange of money.
Everyone around her wore energized expressions. It was like the idea of watching someone get the shit kicked out of them had the crowd growing hard, aroused, and hungry for more. Even though she knew Kash’s reputation, knew that once he was there, in the arena where nothing else mattered but the pain and violence, he would succeed, she also feared for the man he was to contend with because, although Kash had never showed her the frightening look that he reserved for the ones he fought, she knew he was a force to be reckoned with.
The announcer’s voice boomed all around her, and she glanced anxiously at the raised cage.
“I don’t need to boast about his prowess and rawness because we all know the Champion is a fucking machine!” The crowd went crazy, deafeningly loud. “He knocks them to their asses before they know what’s coming, but tonight he may have met his match.”
Tristan’s heart thundered as she looked around. There was no need to worry about him because she had seen how he fought, but the idea of someone just as strong as Kash as his opponent sent shards of ice through her.
“He’s the new kid in the arena, known to have the punch that knocks them to their knees, but will it be enough to make him the victor tonight?” The announcer raised his voice on the last part, and everyone went ape-shit crazy. The walls seemed to bend in from the sound.
“Let’s welcome Adrian, the new fighter to the motherfucking cage.”
Tristan stood on her toes to try and see over the crowd. She watched an impossibly huge man—who rivaled Kash in height and weight—step out of the darkness. The closer he came, the more her heart pounded behind her ribs. Tristan didn’t think anyone could be fiercer than Kash, but this man was a fucking beast.
There was a break in the crowd, and Tristan pushed her way to the front. When Adrian passed by, his gaze captured hers. Frigid coldness seeped into her from that one look. He was calm, collected. Unlike the other fighters she’d seen, who seemed juiced up, ready to kick ass, Adrian was stone-cold still in his resolve.
That scared her most of all.
“And here he is, the one you’ve all been waiting for. The one. The only. The Cham-p-ionnnn.”
In that moment, that one, twisted second where she was about to see two men kick each other’s asses for money and entertainment, Tristan felt pride for Kash. She watched him walk out, his expression closed, guarded. He searched the crowd, and when his gaze landed on her, she saw his body relax even further.
When he turned his attention back to Adrian, his face grew cold and hard again. The look of determination covered his face, made his body tense. She wrung her hands together, her anxiety slowly climbing to the surface. Maybe it was just her, or maybe everyone knew that what was about to happen was far different than any other fight before? It was as if the room grew quiet. Did everyone feel what she did? The slow, steady pulse of what was to come?
Before she knew what was happening, they were swinging punches and dodging fists. Adrian was fast despite his impressive size. It was like watching two wild animals corner each other. The only things missing were the growls, the snap of canines, and the swipe of claws.
Punch after punch was delivered, but it didn’t seem as if either was willing to forfeit. Blood covered both of their chests as it poured out of their noses and mouths.
Punch.
Dodge.
A fist to the jaw.
Duck and an uppercut.
The excitement grew in the room as the ones closest to the crudely made cage shouted at the fighters, yelled at them to do the worst kind of damage. The tension grew, and Tr
istan found herself getting pushed forward. The ones behind her wanted a better look, wanted to smell the fucking blood.
But despite all the noise around her, the shouting and yelling for more violence, a scream pierced the room, clear and terror filled. She saw a moment’s hesitation from Adrian, but then he was swinging his fists again.
Another scream filled the air. It was clearer, more high-pitched.
Closer.
Did no one else hear the cry of distress? She was surprised she had heard it given the noise filling the room, but it was distinct. Kash and Adrian had stopped swinging at each other then, both breathing heavily as they stared off into the crowd. Tristan couldn’t help but see the strained look in Adrian’s bloodied face.
When the scream came through the air again, Tristan looked behind her. A young woman, a waitress by the looks of the small apron wrapped around her waist and the black tray that lay by her feet, cried and screamed as two men touched and grabbed her. Horror washed through Tristan. Memories of that night came crashing back, and she grew dizzy.
Why was no one helping the woman? By the looks of nearly everyone in the room, their glazed-over expressions spoke of far too much to drink. She took a step toward the woman, not caring that she was half the size of the poor girl’s attackers.
Before she could take another step, someone pushed her to the side and moved toward the trio. It took her a moment to realize that the huge muscular back charging forward was Adrian. She stumbled back, and arms wrapped around her waist. She fought, feeling the remnants of that night crashing in on her. Tristan struggled, but when she heard Kash’s deep voice in her ear, telling her everything was okay, she stilled.
When her mind came back to the present, she looked in front of her again, saw Adrian slamming his fist into one of the waitress’s attackers, and watched as another man came forward. Instinctively she took a step forward, knowing she would be useless as help but wanting to do something and not just watch what was happening.
The girl was huddled on the floor, her hands covering her face. Tristan needed to help her.
The man jumped on Adrian’s back, trying to choke him but not getting very far. He was easily half the size of Adrian and struggling to hold on.
Kash turned her around and pegged her with a hard look. “You stay right here, Tristan. Do you hear me?” His face bloody and one of his eyes slightly swollen, he still managed to look beautiful.
“I’ll be fine. Go to him. Help him.” Tristan looked at the small woman huddled on the floor and then again at Kash. “I need to go to her.” He stared at her for several long seconds and then grabbed her hand. He pushed people out of his way, but then they realized who was trying to get through and the sea of bodies parted for him.
“You stay right here, and if anyone messes with you, scream bloody fucking hell.” He dipped down and kissed her. “I’ll hear you and I’ll come running, baby.” Without another word he moved with purposeful strides to where Adrian was.
Fear and dread settled in her gut. Something was off, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. But it was that feeling that told her something terribly bad was going to happen and she wouldn’t be able to stop it.
24
Tristan saw more people joining in on the fight, the alcohol fueling their own need to have a little taste of the rush. Adrian was a big guy, but there were too many of them, more than he could handle. She now knew why Kash had to go to him.
Another little piece of his wall was coming down. He may have just been in a bloody match with Adrian, but he still felt the need to help him. That part of him that depended on no one, that person who only looked out for himself was slowly crumbling.
She liked to think she had a little hand in his willingness to accept things around him, accept the things he couldn’t change, but how could she ever know? Maybe one day he would fully open up to her and let her into his heart.
Tristan didn’t waste any more time as she rushed over to the crying girl. The mob of people had now started congregating around the fight, and with her small body curved into itself, she went unnoticed. Tristan crouched in front of her and placed her hands on her shoulders. The girl shrank away for a moment, and when Tristan refused to remove her hands, the girl slowly lifted her head.
Big, blue, tear-filled eyes met hers. A wave of relief passed over the girl’s face when, Tristan assumed, she realized it wasn’t another attacker.
“Are you okay? Can you stand?” The girl nodded, and they both started to rise. Tristan wrapped her arm around the girl’s shoulder, bringing her close and trying to stay calm in an otherwise chaotic scene. “Everything will be okay.”
The girl wiped the tears from her face and nodded. “I need to get out of here. I’m so stupid for agreeing to come down here.” Her voice cracked on the last part.
Tristan glanced around, trying to see if there was any way out. Bodies were crammed shoulder to shoulder, and the two of them were in the thick of it. She knew what she had told Kash, and knew he would be furious if she didn’t stay put, but she could see the fear in the young girl’s eyes.
The crush of bodies was tangible and brought back too many memories. She glanced back to the fight, hoping Kash was okay, but not being able to see anything over all the people. It was then that Tristan realized they were slowly getting pushed farther back as more people tried to get a closer look.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” The girl kept apologizing frantically. Her hands covered her face, and Tristan could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. There was no way Tristan could let her stay down here any longer.
“Come on. I’ll get us out of here.” Tristan gripped the girl’s hand and started pushing her way through the throng of shouting people. “Move. Get out of the way.” She tried to show aggressiveness, but it was no use. These people were too juiced up. The harder she tried get away, the farther they pushed her back.
Tristan glanced around, saw they were closer than she had realized to the exit that would lead them up to the club. She pushed forward. The crowd of people bowed like a taut arrow about to be released. Tristan’s hand got separated from the girl’s, but thankfully she could still see her. Her gaze was frantic as she glanced at Tristan and then at everyone around them.
“Go, get out of here,” Tristan yelled and pointed to the door that would lead upstairs. The woman hesitated for a second and then turned and rushed toward the door. Tristan glanced behind her shoulder and saw that the fight was now broken up. But there was no sign of Adrian or Kash. She turned back around and saw the woman was nowhere to be seen. Good, she was glad she’d gotten out of this craziness.
“I knew I’d see you again.”
The voice by her ear was crystal clear despite the rush of booming sound all around her. She felt her eyes growing wide and her body growing tight. Everything around her stopped for that one moment when she fully realized who spoke. She’d never forget that smooth drawl that had whispered things against her neck as he tried to force himself on her.
A hand gripped her upper arm with brutal force and spun her around. Max’s horribly handsome face came into her view, and her breath stopped.
“I’m surprised to see you here.” He smirked and leaned forward until his lips brushed the shell of her ear.
She was frozen in place, but even if she could have moved, there was such a large crowd around her it made it impossible to even breathe.
“You can’t imagine how hard I got when I saw you through the crowd, looking so innocent and frightened.” He ran his tongue along her ear slowly. “I’ve been waiting all these months for you. I would have just come by sooner, but it seems you’ve had your watchdog staying with you.” When Max pulled back, she could see the sneer on his face. “He can’t help you tonight, though. Tonight I’ll finally get what I’m after.”
She pushed him back, disgust filling her.
“You can’t possibly know how much I’ve been thinking about you, knowing you were the one who got away.” She faced him f
ully now, her stomach in knots at the way he grinned at her.
He kept his hand firmly around her arm and all but dragged her toward the door. It was like her body had shut down, like she couldn’t fight for herself, couldn’t stand up and knee him in the balls. Screaming out for help went on deaf ears. Tristan sounded like she was part of the crowd.
As he pulled her up the stairs, the fear along with the adrenaline rushing through her veins made her feel discombobulated. She tried to break free from his grasp a few times, and Max cursed, pulling her more roughly forward, his fingers painfully digging into her flesh.
When they stopped at the top of the stairs, he turned around to face her again. “You have no idea the things I have planned for you.” He sneered at her, and Tristan could hear the twisted excitement in his voice.
Cold dread settled like cement in Tristan’s stomach. She pulled and tugged, tried to knee him in the balls, but his hold on her became bruising, violent even.
“Stop fucking fighting me.” His mouth was close to hers, his heat covering her like this disgusting vat of honey. Drowning her, suffocating her.
Tristan’s anger mounted to swirl with her fear. She leaned forward and bit his bottom lip hard enough he reared his head back, blood welling on the wound she’d created. He brought his finger to his lips, and when he brought it down to examine it and saw the blood coating the digit, his face contorted into rage.
“You stupid fucking bitch. I’m going to make you pay for that in kind.” He pushed open the heavy steel door and shoved her out. The bouncer from the time before stood guard, and Tristan knew she had to act fast. He would stop this, help her. But it seemed Max already anticipated it all.