Becca had it in her back pocket everywhere she went. She kept it to remind her that everything would go OK and that they were meant to be together, but it didn't matter. He would never live with her on the beach house, or hold her on the rocks again.
She fell into her bed, just for some sort of material comfort, anything to make her feel better and drown out her life. She didn't want to see the sun, because it would remind her of their time at the beach. She didn't want to hear anyone's voice because it was so painful. She curled up a little girl with a bear and let the world pass her by. When her eyes would open, it would be too painful so she closed them again, but until she fell asleep, she just saw his face, looking up at her when she threw the rock at that girl.
How could he do this to her? Didn't he love her? Didn't he want that life that they'd planned. For so long they'd been talking about what they could have together, what their lives could be like, and he threw that all away. He wanted to make it work. She knew he did, so why did he do that to her? When a person betrays the one they love, they lose every shred of humanity they retained. Mike had become a monster, incapable of compassion, living for his own self-gratitude and he betrayed her, she knew, because she failed him. She wasn't by his side enough. She didn't work hard enough to relate to him. She was always so dumb and awkward and it put him off. She'd betrayed him too.
So she wasn't just cowering in heartaches; she was also cowering in shame. It was too hard to think about. She couldn't go out of her room, or answer anyone's calls. All she could do was cry, then she couldn't cry any longer and that hurt worse. She just kept going over and over everything.
Becca's world collapsed, but she didn't care. Her boss, Rick, had long stopped calling her to come into the restaurant. They loved her, but they couldn't just let her leave like. She wouldn't have a job for much longer, but she didn't want one anyways. She could sleep in her cardboard box as long as she had her comforter, and why not? She didn't have anything left anyways.
The only one that wouldn't stop was Ellie, her best friend for more than 16 years. They met the day they went into kindergarten, and they'd been inseparable ever since. She banged on Becca's window twice a day, pleading with her, but Becca refused to answer. She just held her bear and huddled under her comforter.
When Ellie had finally had enough, she showed up at the door with takeout and a bucket of ice cream. She looked nice with her straight blond hair falling down her back, but she knew that if she dressed up it would make Becca feel bad. She knew exactly what had happened as soon as Becca broke away from their normal phone call routine. She'd been planning this ever since Mike drank an entire bottle at her birthday party.
Ellie had her way of urging things on a bit, and dropped little hints here and there, but she could never come out and say that Becca needed to leave him. She couldn't see Becca's reaction. They were so close, a team and when Becca and her disagreed it felt like the world fell apart. She swiped a clump of hair out of her eyes and pressed the doorbell six times screaming, “I brought you cashew chicken, Becca! It's over. Get out of bed or I'll the fence and go in back.
“It's locked,” Ellie heard Becca scream from her bedroom.
Ellie marched her way through the flower bed, trying not to knock over the new rose bush she'd planted two weeks earlier. To the left of the front door was Becca's window. Ellie stared inside, trying to get a look to see how bad things were. They were bad. There was tissue strewn all over the floor and a smashed blue vase was lying broken on the floor.
The worst part was that Theodore, the bear that she got for her in middle school, wasn't on his shelf. It was an emergency. She was curled up under her black mourning shroud holding a teddy bear. Ellie decided it was time to take things further. She started tapping lightly on the window, trying to provoke some sort of reaction. It was like Chinese water torture. She wasn't going to stop.
“Becca, this is for your own good. If I have to tap on this window for a week without resting, I'll do it.” She started making rhythmic movements, something to make it a little more irritating, then she started banging on the wall to add some oomph. Becca was staying as still as possible. She was giving it her best effort, Ellie knew.
This was hard on her. She didn't fall into this kind of thing, not usually. Regardless of her meek manner, she was a strong woman. She might not know that, but she was.
Ten minutes in Ellie stopped to shake out her wrists then resumed her battery, singing Freire Jacques. She knew that Ellie hated that song. What she wanted was to spur an angry reaction because she knew she could talk Becca out of her anger, and that it was the only thing that would help move her out of her depression.
“Aren't you hungry, Becca?” Ellie laughed. “I know you hate this. Come on. I just want to see my friend.”
Becca shifted in the covers, but there was no answer. Ellie started singing again, in French then in English. She must've gone through 6 verses before Becca ran up, covered in her comforter like a ghost, and closed the curtains. That'd probably been the most she'd moved since the incident.
Ellie promised herself that she wasn't going to do it, that it would be an invasion, but at that point she had no other option than to begin her final attack. Besides, she was exhausted. She pulled out her key, the shining Excalibur that would save Becca's life, out of her pocket and opened the front door softly so Becca couldn't hear. She didn't want to get hit by a flying lamp or decoration. Becca had some crystal vases near her bed, and they would hurt something awful.
The smell in the house was awful and there were fruit flies everywhere, dozens of them darting across the room, buzzing around the tables and infesting the trash can, which was overflowing with ramen wrappers. Ellie was starting to feel a little guilty that she had let this happen for so long. She should've been there the first day, but Becca probably would've hated her for it. She needed to come down from it.
She heard that Becca hurt Mike, but she didn't get all the details. A girl saw him at the grocery store with a sling, covered in scars and bruises. It wasn't consolation enough, not for somebody so beautiful. Becca was innocent, giving and she cared so much about every single person that came into her life. If Ellie ever saw him, she'd finish the job and piss on his grave.
She made her way towards the smell of body odor, trying not to make a noise on the wooden floor. They were warped, so she would have to be careful. If she gave herself away before she got into Becca's room, the girl would lock the door and Ellie would never be able to get to her. The problem was that once Becca's heart broke, she couldn't pull herself out, not from something like this. She would just get worse.
There were tissues strewn all over the bedroom floor, covering the side of the bed in a thick layer of despair. She'd used the entire box. Ellie walked over and sat down next to her. Becca groaned as Ellie started rubbing her back softly, right below the middle of her neck where the tension got the worst of it. She just hushed her softly, pulling the blanket down slowly, then grabbed a brush from the side table, and started running it through Becca's hair. She got it for her on vacation in Oregon. It was made of mother of pearl, the finest that she had ever seen, and it gleamed in the light. Becca loved it so much that she cried whenever she saw it. She needed that appreciation since she lost Mike.
“You loved him more than he ever deserved, so much that it was tearing you apart. I wanted to tell you that so badly, but I didn't want to hurt you. I knew he hurt you Becca.”
The girl was shaking, and Ellie could tell that she was sobbing. “You cared more about him than you cared about yourself. You need to love yourself.” Becca flinched. It was a harsh thing to say, but it was true, and she would have to accept it. “You want to be loved so bad, not because nobody ever accepted you, but because you got teased so much that you started to believe it. You're crying out for love because you don't love yourself.” She was shaking even harder as Ellie ran her fingers through the girl’s hair and dug her hand into Becca's shoulder. “There's a lot to love—more than
you know. This isn't about Mike, Becca. It's about you. You're the one that matters.”
Ellie had to let that sit. She wasn't sure how to talk to Becca. She was starting to think that she wasn't going to get through to her. She grabbed her takeout box of cashew chicken and headed out of the room. She wanted to clean up so Becca could at least get rid of the bug problem, but it wasn't her place. Becca would have to clean up her own mess. She walked over to the front door then stopped. She heard a creak in the floor boards. She zipped around and saw Becca, looking like she'd just got out of the hospital, wearing what she presumed to be the same clothes she wore during the incident.
“You're right, Ellie. Just hard to think about things. I wanted to run.” Becca walked past to get a drink of water.
Ellie followed her into the kitchen. “You're too sweet, Becca. You did something wonderful.”
“Have you heard any other news,” Becca said. Ellie had heard the news.
“No.” Becca saw through her response, but she had to steel herself. She knew that Mike would want to get back with her, but it was too late. After what he'd done, there's no going back.
“I was up there early, and I saw him climbing up the rocks with another girl. “
Ellie nearly dropped the bag. She knew of a gun shop right down the street, and she knew that Mike had just moved into the cockroach infested apartments on Ranch street. She could get away with it if she was careful.
Becca was looking at her, with her eyes moving up and down the girl's face. “Ellie...”
“No, Becca. He-he can't just do that to you and walk around. I'm going to kill him.” Ellie calmly set the takeout box on the counter and went to leave, then she turned around and stopped so she could inspect Becca.
“There's something seriously wrong with that boy.” Ellie shook her head.
Becca lowered her head in shame and Ellie heard her sniffing. “You're right, Ellie.”
“Come on, Becca. Take a shower, shave do your hair. We'll go out and have a drink—anything. Just get out of this pit.” Ellie looked around at the trash, the dishes piled up in the sink, and curled up her nose from the stench.
“I can't, Ellie. I have to take care of things here and get myself cleaned up. That's what this is about.”
“You're right.” Ellie nodded her head and excused herself. She was glad that she could at least help her friend out.
Chapter 3
Becca couldn't believe that the kitchen had become such a mess. There were dirty dishes piled up in the sink and little pieces of trash on the ground next to the wastebasket which was completely overflowing. The worst part was the fruit flies.
They would fly in and attack her face then they flit around her eyes and nose. She didn't really have anyone to blame for this but herself, she realized. She didn't have to cause such a mess and throw a temper tantrum.
He was a terrible person, there was no denying it.
Becca honestly believed the boy had a little datebook so he could pencil people in. He probably was using the rocks with more than a few girls. He was always a little off.
Becca honestly didn't know what she'd been thinking. How could she allow a guy to do that to her? In the end, you're alone in life. All you have is yourself. You're the only person you can count on. Becca had lost sight of what was most important—taking care of herself.
She didn't have to tell herself that; the mess was all around her. She had to change her life and her way of looking at things if she was going to go anywhere. That was another problem. She didn't have any career prospects at the restaurant. She would never get any more than tips and minimum wage. She barely made it.
She had lost sight of her ambition, something that could save her from the mess she lived in. It was still there, and she knew that she could make it happen. She would finish school and enter the field while she worked. It wasn't impossible, and the best school was less than an hour away. She could save and leave town, build a new life where nobody knew her. She could start again and be completely gone from this mess.
None of this mattered. Life would go on. She had to be born again so she could rebuild her life and start anew. She had to become a completely different person. She left the kitchen and stripped off all her clothes. She looked down at her body as her bare feet smacked against the wooden floor.
She wasn't as bony as she used to be and her hair was getting darker, turning a nice auburn. She stood in front of her full length mirror on her bedroom. She never noticed the way her hair curled in a spiral near the bottom, right below her shoulder line.
She turned to her side and looked at herself. When she looked to her side and turned her butt just right, she could see the allure. There was something there, and she could work it. She wanted confidence. She couldn't just be.
She had to worry and think too much. What she really wanted to do was move through the world easily while still finding a way to get what she wanted. Perhaps she could use her sensual body and good looks. She didn't have to overdo it. She could be modest and still look good, and it wouldn't hurt. In fact, it was important. She should be taking better care of herself instead of slumping around and walking through life in a daze.
Becca tiptoed into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She wanted the water to be hot; it would make her feel clean. She hopped in and basked in the warmth. It was wonderful to have something washing away the oil and dirt off her body. Her hair was matted and tangled. It needed to be washed better.
She took out a dab of shampoo. It had a sweet coconut smells. Before when she would do this, she would just rush through, trying to get everything done as quick as she possibly could. This time, she let her fingers run slowly thorough her hair, and gently undid the knots with her fingers. She was putting love into herself, which was a foreign concept.
She felt like she was picking the worry and pain out piece by piece, just running her fingers along and pulling it out, throwing it into the drain. The knots and tangles were the inky cloud of negativity that had been following her.
She was undergoing a transfiguration process. She would learn to take on the role of a successful seductress. She could mold herself into anything that she wanted to be, but she wanted the power to enchant men. If she could get men to look at her everywhere she went, then she could get whatever she wanted. All she had to do was ask in the right way and maintain dignity.
She could see herself taking on the role, changing the way she moved. When she turned off the water. She did it gracefully. She was careful when she stepped out and lifted her leg a bit too much. She lit a red scented candle she kept near the bathroom sink with matches from her mirror cupboard. She needed to see herself in the mirror again to cement the change. Her face was blotchy and she had little marks from acne when she was a teenager.
She reached in the cupboard below and pulled out a plastic freezer bag that she hadn't touched in months. It held all of her makeup. She had the basic kit, but not much color. She had a nice cat eye that jutted up on the outside of the eyes. She thought added something extra, and in the low light when she turned just right, she didn't even recognize herself.
She was taking on the role. She could feel herself changing. She curled her hair at the bottom so it fell in a long wide spiral. She never looked at herself like this before.
She dried off and left the bathroom completely naked. Her phone was sitting on the arm of her couch. She snatched it up and did something she'd never done before. She took a picture of herself and posted it on the dating app Venus. She stood in front of her bark green accent wall because she knew the green would go perfect with her hair.
The only thing her profile said was mermaid.
Chapter 4
Becca had always wanted to be a marine biologist, but if she was going to do that, she would have to find a way to support herself in the meantime, so she spent all afternoon putting in applications. She'd spent most of her adult life putting up with trouble from her bosses and terrible customers. Going back to the restauran
t simply wasn't an option.
After putting in six applications and several hours at the mall, she finally relented and answered the last of a barrage of calls from Ellie, who must've been convinced that her friend had committed suicide.
She was sitting on her couch and had just finished painting her nails. “What?” She was furious.
“Oh thank god. I'm coming over there right now. I'm almost there. Please, Becca, are you OK?”
“I'm fine, Ellie. You don't have to bring the rescue squad.”
“I'm just worried, Becca. Yesterday you looked like you'd just crawled out of a coffin. I'd just feel better seeing you to make sure that you're doing better.” Becca didn't really want to keep allaying her fears, but there was no escaping it. She could be quite persistent. That's why she liked her.
“Alright, Ellie. I'll see you in a bit.”
“Great.” Ellie knocked on the door as soon as they hung up. She could've just cut out the pretense instead of acting like she was still on her way, but Becca knew she was just trying to save face. She sighed and got a piece of the apple pie she bought out of the fridge, added a dollop of vanilla ice cream and handed it to Ellie who'd predictably let herself in and was already sitting on the couch and staring at Becca. She almost dropped it when Becca handed it to her.
“What is going on?” She was automatically suspicious of Becca. “You're having a mental breakdown, aren't you?”
“What?” Becca sat down in a chair across from her. “No. Ellie, I just wanted to start something new, take care of myself just like you said. It's your fault, you know.” She was wearing a dark green top and expertly faded jeans.
Romance: Yes, Stepbrother! Page 44