by Hale, Mandy
The OWN staff gave us the grand tour of the backstage area, and we were able to actually witness several brainstorming sessions as they happened among Oprah’s production staff and social media team. We had a front-row seat to all the action, and my inner TV production nerd was overjoyed. Once again, God had found a way to resurrect my TV dreams in a far bigger and more thrilling way than anything I could have ever made happen for myself. And seeing how kind, warm, and welcoming Oprah’s staff was—even in the midst of chaos, deadlines, and last-minute planning—restored my faith in a business that I had long ago deemed cutthroat. My own TV career had come to such an abrupt, unexpected, and hurtful end, I had more or less assumed since then that all TV people were ruthless, cold, and only out to advance themselves and their own careers. It was an assumption that was completely blown out of the water by witnessing the inner workings of the OWN team. Even when they didn’t know we were watching, the spirit of teamwork, support, and cohesiveness was on full display. I humbly realized in that moment the importance of not writing people off or placing them in boxes of your own limited thinking. Just because one TV executive, friend, or love interest hurts you doesn’t mean they all will. This experience was turning into life class for me in more ways than one.
The next morning we all had breakfast with Iyanla Vanzant. She was someone I quoted often on The Single Woman Twitter page, and I was delighted to learn she was just as colorful, spirited, and feisty in person as I hoped she would be. All through breakfast I just kept looking around the table thinking to myself, How did I get here? I was sitting alongside a personal hero of mine who had jumped off the Twitter page on which I so often quoted her and into my reality. I could feel God smiling down on me the entire day. It was amazing how quickly and powerfully your dreams can become reality when you hand them over to Him.
I had made it through part one of my Oprah’s Lifeclass adventure, and I still had part two to go, looking bigger, brighter, and shinier to me than even the brilliant orange sun that beamed down on Alli, Jennifer, and me that day as we giggled and snapped photos in front of the St. Louis Arch.
Next up: the Big Apple.
Precisely six months to the day after I traveled to New York City to see Mr. E, I returned to the city for round two of Oprah’s Lifeclass. I couldn’t help but reflect upon the last time I traveled to the Big Apple and what different circumstances surrounded the trip. I didn’t even feel like the same girl this time around. As much as I had learned about myself on the last trip, it had been about chasing love, chasing an illusion, chasing Mr. E; and this time I was here for no other reason than to chase my dreams. Unlike Mr. E, it seemed my dreams were actually within reach. I was so grateful to God in that moment that He doesn’t allow us to catch everything and everyone we chase. Imagine if He did. Think back on your own life, and remember some of the fruitless goals, relationships, friendships, and careers you’ve chased but haven’t caught. Then imagine what your life might have been like had you actually caught them. Chances are, when you finally surrendered the chase, slowed down, and stopped running, the thing that really was meant for you showed up and caught you. Had I realized my temporary goal of catching Mr. E, I might have forfeited my lifelong dream of working with Oprah. Remember that the next time the object of your desire dances just beyond your reach. It might be best to drop your arms and let whatever it is dance away.
For this trip, I had brought my parents with me. The Oprah’s Lifeclass taping was at Radio City Music Hall, and I was thrilled to get to share the experience with my mom and dad. We arrived a day early so we could have a little time to enjoy the city, and we took full advantage, hitting Times Square, touring the 9/11 memorial site, and doing a little shopping (my idea, not my parents’). The pinnacle of the day came for me when I managed to track down Carrie Bradshaw’s brownstone as it was featured in Sex and the City. I stood there on the street, staring up at it in awe. Though my message was far more PG-rated than Carrie’s, I felt a kinship to the fictional character through our love of writing, shoes, and unavailable men. And how could I not draw the obvious parallel between Carrie and her ever-elusive Mr. Big, and me and my ever-elusive Mr. E? As I sat on the steps of her iconic building, my mind drifted to one of my favorite episodes of the show when Carrie had finally moved on from Mr. Big with someone new, and he couldn’t stand it. He started calling frantically, pleading with her to see him, finally showing up in front of her apartment. But he was too late. Carrie was moving to Paris, and she was finally ready to leave Mr. Big in her rearview mirror. I could picture her turning to him on the sidewalk, the same sidewalk that stretched in front of me now, saying firmly, “You can drive down this street all you want, because I don’t live here anymore!” before disappearing down the street.* I smiled, thinking of my time here six months ago with Mr. E, thinking of the disappointment of being shown engagement rings but not receiving a proposal, thinking of all the years I had spent on the dead-end road that was our relationship. And thinking of how I had finally learned to love myself enough to walk away. Then I stood, facing my fictional counterpart’s door, and said aloud to the ghost of Mr. E that darted all around me: “You can drive down the road not taken all you want, because I don’t live there anymore.”
Then I turned, feeling a feisty, unbreakable spirit rise up in me as I disappeared down the street and into the rest of my life.
The blogging team was reunited the next morning at Radio City Music Hall, and it was wonderful to see everyone again. We learned that we would be meeting with Tony Robbins and Deepak Chopra that morning, then, a little later in the day, with fellow blogger Perez Hilton. All three gentlemen were on the panel that day and wanted the opportunity to meet with us and answer our questions. Once again I was blown away to be in the company of such greatness, Mr. Robbins and Mr. Chopra especially. Both men had even left gifts for us in our dressing room (our dressing room area was the same one used by the Rockettes)—a copy of his new book from Deepak, an iPod touch from Tony.
The morning went by in a whirlwind as we were escorted in to meet Tony, Deepak, and then Perez. Tony was just as intense and passionate as I imagined he would be. Deepak was incredibly humble, gentle, and kind, and Perez lived up to my expectations and beyond with his wildly outspoken, slightly eccentric personality. Though a lot of people have criticized Perez over the years (myself included), I actually had to admire his willingness to speak out on such a public platform about how he was working to “change his energy” and transform the tone of his often catty and abrasive blog into something a little kinder and gentler. Regardless of whether I agreed with his tactics or not, it took bravery to sit in front of thousands of people and admit how wrong you had been and ask for forgiveness, and I admired him for it.
After a busy and hectic morning, I think all the bloggers were looking forward to a chance to kick back in our dressing room for a few minutes and rest. Instead, following our meeting with Perez, we were ushered in to a small room to receive some very important news.
We were going to meet Oprah.
Though we had been told in advance that we “might” get a chance to see Oprah or speak to her in passing at some point during the Oprah’s Lifeclass process, Oprah had instead requested a thirty-minute meet and greet with the blogging team so she could sit down with us and hear a little bit of each of our stories.
The culmination of the past thirty years of my life, every step of my journey, every fear, heartbreak, disappointment, victory, and defeat—it all came into focus. It had all been leading me here, to this moment, to realize one of my biggest dreams of meeting one of my biggest inspirations.
As we made our way through the backstage area of Radio City Music Hall, down one long hallway after another, my heart was nearly pounding out of my chest. So this is what a dream come true feels like, I was thinking.
We walked through several long hallways, down a couple of staircases, through a back door to an outside area before we wove our way back into a different part of the building, no one m
aking a sound. Everyone, I think, was lost in their own thoughts about what the experience meant to them. Finally we made our way to a closed-off room, guarded by a giant bodyguard, where Oprah was finishing up a media interview. Still no one made a peep. I think we were all too busy soaking in the moment that truly felt like one of the biggest of our lives to bother with idle chatter. I felt close to tears as I imagined what my eleven-year-old self would do if she could see me in this moment. I pictured that little girl who loved to read and loved to write and dreamed of being a journalist someday, a little girl who faithfully watched the Oprah show every day after school and dreamed of what it would be like to host her own show and inspire people and change lives. What would that little girl say if she could see me now? Had she known all along?
I had met famous people before, but never the person who had inspired so much of the very direction that my life path had taken, and I had no idea what to say to her. So I reached out and silently took God’s hand, asking Him to usher me through the next few moments. As He always does, He calmed my nerves, quieted my anxious thoughts, and spoke words of comfort and encouragement into my heart. I am bigger than this moment, I felt Him whisper in that still, small voice. Your destiny is bigger than this moment. I designed this moment to remind you of that. Keep hold of My hand, and there will be no position of favor too high for you to realize.
Then, suddenly, it was time.
The OWN team ushered us all into the room, where we sat in a semicircle facing a solitary chair holding none other than—ta-da!—Oprah herself. It was a setting as intimate as a dinner table with friends. Was this really happening?!
Within five minutes, I truly felt like I was sitting there chatting with someone I had known my entire life. And I guess, in a way, I was. As amazing as I always thought Oprah would be, she surpassed that and then some. She was so down-to-earth, so funny, so warm, so centered, and so sure of herself. At one point, her team motioned that it was time for her to go, and she said, “But we’re not done talking yet!” And there she stayed, for ten to fifteen more minutes, probably edging into her next appointment in her insanely busy schedule in order to carve out time for a group of writers who would have been happy with even just five minutes of her time.
Though I only got to speak to Oprah briefly that day, I was able to tell her how special it was to me to be sitting there with her.
“Meeting you has been a goal on my vision board for many years,” I admitted shyly.
She smiled broadly. “Was I wearing this?” she joked, gesturing to her purple blouse. The entire room broke out in laughter. It was a priceless moment.
Before we left the room, we all got to take photos with her. As I started to leave after our photo was snapped, she called behind me, “You know, there’s a Twitter page called The Single Woman.”
I turned back to her, grinning from ear to ear.
“That’s me!”
“Oh wow. Good for you!” she replied in her Oprah cheerleader voice, giving me two big thumbs-up.
Oprah knew who I was. My biggest hero knew who I was.
I was in New York City at Radio City Music Hall, meeting some of the biggest voices of inspiration, healing, and hope in the world, working with some of the most dynamic and talented bloggers in the country, having been invited there by Oprah’s team to be a part of a VIP blogging program that would open doors to me in the future that before I would have likely only pounded on fruitlessly. And to top it all off, Oprah herself knew who I was. Better yet, she knew what I was building with The Single Woman. I was Oprah-approved.
But even better than that, I was God-approved.
This I know to be true, friends: your life, your path, your journey—it isn’t going to look like everyone else’s. And that’s okay. Mine hasn’t. I planned to be married with children by now. Instead, I’m single and giving birth to books instead of babies. And while I haven’t yet realized my dream of someday getting married, I’ve realized other dreams. Amazing dreams. I’ve traveled to cities I love, met my biggest heroes, become a published author, been on television, walked red carpets, and prayed with and for single women who live in parts of the world my toes have never touched. I’ve looked high and low for love and haven’t found it, but you know what? Along the way I found myself.
We paint an idea of what our lives are going to look like and are supposed to be like in our minds, and the reality very rarely matches up with the fantasy. You lose the job. You lose the love. You get sidetracked. You get discouraged. You get blindsided by bad news. You get beat up by life. You lose your way, and you lose your career, and you lose your faith. And you wonder if you’ll ever get your Happy Ending or if you’re destined to wander this planet alone.
But what you can’t see at the time is this:
You lose the job because it wasn’t your destination, but merely a stop along the way. God knows that you were never meant for a cubicle even though you don’t yet realize it. You lose the love because to cling to it would hold you back from everything else you’re meant to experience. Your arms are now free to grab on to life. You get sidetracked because God knows the only way to get you off the stubborn path you’re on is to allow you to run smack dab into a detour. You get discouraged because you’re human, and fallible, and sometimes you need those down moments to rest, regroup, and prepare for the up moments. You get blindsided by bad news and beat up by life because this is life and bad things happen, but the beautiful flip side of your present struggle is that it prepares you for your future success. You lose everything you think is so vital to your very existence because God longs for you not just to see but to truly grasp that all you really need in this life is Him. You wander the planet alone for a longer time than you would have liked because you have a destiny that’s so special, and so important, and so far beyond anything you could have ever imagined for yourself, a relationship before its time would only distract you from fulfilling it.
And somewhere along the way, amidst all the loss, tears, triumph, tragedy, joy, pain, laughter, transformation, restoration, lessons, love, and life, you realize that the true meaning of it all isn’t to settle for merely a Happy Ending, but to hold out for a Happy Everything.
* Biography.com, “Oprah Winfrey,” accessed August 19, 2013, http://www.biography.com/people/oprah-winfrey-9534419/.
* Darren Star, Michael Patrick King, and Candace Bushnell, “An American Girl in Paris: Part One,” Sex and the City, season 6, episode 20, directed by Timothy Van Patten, aired Februrary 15, 2004 (Home Box Office (HBO), 1994).
Epilogue
Life after Oprah’s Lifeclass finds me still very much a student in the class of life.
The whole experience of working with Oprah truly did usher in a new era of my life. A couple of months after I returned from New York, I signed my first book deal. And a couple of months after that, I turned in my notice at my day job. The three-year struggle to balance my dream and my job was over. I was a full-time writer. (My vision board had certainly had a very successful few months!)
As I look back over the many mishaps and miracles I’ve encountered on the road to my own unorthodox and often wildly colorful version of Happily Ever After, it seems the hand of God on my life has been there every step of the way, bringing some of my biggest dreams to life right in front of me. Because I’m perfect? No. Because I’m willing to share my weaknesses and imperfections to help others overcome theirs.
So would I whisper hints of the future in younger Mandy’s ear if I could talk to that girl now?
I don’t think so.
If I could talk to her now, I’d simply let her know that she’s going to face some tough times ahead. She’s going to be hurt and get her heart broken more than a few times. She’s not always going to get the job, or the guy, or her way. She’s going to stray far from the path a few times, and disappoint God, her family, and herself more than a few times. But as the prophecy spoken over her at age twenty would reveal, I would remind her: “God has never been, nor will He ever
be, very far from you.”
And after sharing a few giggles with her about the fact that while we once thought we’d be married with kids by age twentyfive, we’re thirty-four and still single, I’d tell her this:
There is a bigger plan at work here. What now seems wrong, unfair, and ridiculous will all make sense later. The colorful characters in your life will one day be colorful characters in your story, and the lessons learned from each broken heart you endure will help heal thousands more.
So take chances, take leaps of faith, bet on yourself, kiss the boy, go out on more limbs. Even if things go horribly awry (and they sometimes will), at least you’ll be left with a fabulous memory instead of a painful regret.
Then I’d give her a great big hug and tell her to throw down her expectations, throw up her hands, and enjoy the ride. Because it’s not going to turn out the way she thought it would.
It’s going to turn out so much better.
I’ve never made it back to Vegas. Who knows if I ever will? Every step of my journey is in God’s hands, and where He leads, I will follow. The one thing I do know for certain is this: If and when I do make it to Las Vegas someday, my luggage can join me if it feels so inclined.