by V. M. Franck
Ruth
"I don't want you to go." Distressed, Ruth drew her knees to her chest and instantly started to sweat. Unwrapping herself in an attempt to cool off, she gazed toward the valley below. Sheep and goats roamed the knobby slope. A young shepherdess attended them.
"I know." At the top of the hill seated with his sister under a tree up from the housing complex, Yeshua sighed.
Refreshing winds which usually swept up the hill, even on the hottest days, were absent. Clouds overhead cast a greyish hue.
"The caravan leaves tomorrow?" Troubled thoughts jammed Ruth's mind.
"Yes. I really don't want to go, especially now. Father hasn't been the same since the last family gathering. It worries me."
"You've noticed it, too?"
"Uh huh. What if something happens while I'm gone? I couldn't forgive myself if I wasn't here to help."
"Then why go?"
"I have to, Sis. Things have to change. Since I'm the only one I have control over, I need to do this. Do you know the ways we are connected?"
"You, Mother and Father?"
"No, you and me."
"Well, uh, you're my special big brother, and you dote on me. I've always thought there were things you and I share that others in the family don't."
"That's why I wanted to talk to you. You're on the threshold."
"Of what?" Goose flesh rippled her arms.
"A journey similar to mine, only from a woman's perspective. I've always wanted to help you with it."
"Mother will be here. She's pretty good at all that."
"Yes, and she's a good model, but you're not like her. You're more contemplative, intellectual. Mother's a loving, spiritual woman. She helps others with whatever they need."
"I try to do that, too."
"Yes, but," he paused, trying to think of a better way to say it. "Mother is salt to the wound. You are the salve. Mother is the fuel that keeps the fire going. You keep it from getting out of control."
"You mean, Mother is more directly involved. I have noticed that."
He rubbed his beard and thought a moment more. "Yours is the way of peaceful change. Mother provides the medicine. You provide light. Mother is the lamp."
"You think I'm a light?" She was pleased.
"Yes. Ruth, nothing is more important than being a light. That coupled with love, kindness really, is the crux of change for the good. Our souls are intertwined, yours and mine. Wherever I go and whatever I do, I will be with you in my heart, in my soul, in all that I am. Do you believe that?"
"Yes, except...." She nibbled the inside of her cheek, wishing, just wishing, things could be different. The ground beneath her was hard, like everything these days.
"Except what?"
"When you're off somewhere, and something goes wrong, it doesn't feel like you're with me. It feels like I have to face it by myself."
"It feels that way to me, too. But that's only because we have yet to embrace the connection of all things. When two souls harmonize the way ours do, there can only be blessings once we learn to tap into it."
"How?"
"Practice. Think of me and know that in some part of my soul, I am with you, always. Envision my face, my eyes, my heart. I will do the same with you," he said. "That's how we can make it through whatever comes."
"Yes, but you will be off doing other things with other people. I will be here, doing what I do. How will you have time to think of me?"
"It doesn't always have to be conscious. It's just there. Such is the nature of All-That-Is."
"Is All-That-Is God?"
Across the slope a ewe and her lamb grazed on withered grass. Ruth watched them, wondering how they could get enough to eat. It had been a dry year.
"As far as I can tell," he said. "It seems to me, that what we call God is everything, everyone, all that exists. There is no separation of the place we go to after we die from the place we were before we were born. We experience separation here because our bodies and minds have physical limitations."
"How do you know this?"
"It comes to me."
"Do angels and spirits talk to you?" She gazed at his profile, memorizing it, so she easily recall it after he was gone.
"Sometimes, but mostly I just suddenly know."
"How can you be sure you haven't just made it up?
Yeshua said, "I go with what seems right."
"Yes, but for me that doesn't always work. Something can feel so right and turn out to be wrong. I've seen it happen with Mother and Father, even as smart as they are," she hesitated, "and you, too, actually."
He laughed. "It's a matter of sorting it out. It doesn't always work. That's why I test and retest everything. I admit that the way information comes to me, and the things that have happened to me could put the wrong slant on everything. There's no real way to be sure. All a person can do is their best.
"While I'm gone I'd like you to share these kinds of thoughts with other people, get them to thinking and questioning things. Most of all I'd like you to share the quietness of your heart."
"How can questioning everything mean a quiet heart?"
"Beyond the turmoil, you are the quiet that calms the storm."
"Me?" She looked doubtful.
"Yes." He pulled a piece of dead grass from the shaft and chewed the tip. A refreshing mist settled over them. He leaned back and enjoyed the sensation.
The lamb came close and scouted between clumps of weeds inches away. Ruth stroked the little one. It climbed onto her lap. Yeshua chucked its chin.
"Animals have always loved you, Sis," Yehsua said. "This little one instinctively knows who you are and that you're safe. It senses your inner quiet."
She did love animals. They were part of her.
"And, Sis, there's something else I want you to remember. Please be careful not to give your soul to John."
"What do you mean by that?" she said. She considered the way John acted at the family gathering. He had been attentive and flirtatious.
"It's okay to give him your love. But please don't forget, your soul belongs to you."
"What makes you think I'd give my soul away?"
"What he's said and the expression in your eyes when he's around. Just remember, men want to own women. They're not like this lamb. It just wants your company. Men often think that they, themselves, are so important that they strip women's spirits so they can manipulate them. Whatever you do, don't allow that to happen to you. Most men choose not to see. Basically, they need to grow up. John would never do it on purpose, but he's so zealous about what he believes, you could get caught up in helping him and lose your own destiny."
"He's always gentle and respectful with me."
"So it seems. Funny, when we were children he was determined not to be with any woman. He called marriage a shackling of the soul. But with you, in you he sees the hope of what we can become. It's your gift. Please promise me that no matter what happens you'll never give it up."
"Give what up?"
"Yourself, your soul, your destiny. People will call you naive, they will think you need perspective, that others are horrible jerks who abuse and victimize each other. They will tell you it's not worth the trouble."
"Yes, and?" She watched him closely, the way the muscles in his face moved, heard the intensity in his voice and noted the way he gestured to emphasize a point.
"If you decide to believe in the good people are capable of, they will call you stupid, unworldly--mostly because they don't want to bother to try to make a difference themselves."
"I've been trying to get Mary Martha to help me with sick people," Ruth said. "She says it's too much trouble. She's more interested in making money from selling clothes she makes. She thinks Mother and Father are foolish doing all they do, especially the things they don't charge for."
"Mary Martha is a bit spoiled. Hopefully, she'll outgrow it. Everyone of us under the right circumstance i
s capable of doing all kinds of selfish and awful things. But we are also capable of the opposite. That is one of the reasons I love you, because you choose to see the good, regardless. Please, please, as you grow into the woman you're destined to become, don't let anyone take that from you. You and others like you are the hope of the world, its only consistent hope."
"I'm learning it from you," she said, laying her head against his arm. She adored him. "Everybody likes you, instantly. You're so real. I wish I could be more like that."
"It's a matter of practice, Sis. Decide how you want to be and start working toward it." He loved to study her. Her inner beauty sparkled like crystals in a clear stream.
"It's hard when you're born shy."
"Phooey. I don't believe you're shy. I saw it even when you were a toddler. You're a watcher with light in your eyes, looking for ways to express that light."
"I try."
"No matter what happens I want you to remember one thing. What we are here to do is far more important than any man you meet, any plans you have for a family, anyone's will they may try to impose on you. Please, don't let anyone or anything keep you from doing what you were born to do. Don't let your dreams, your promises take second seat to anyone, not your husband nor whatever children you have. Children are not meant to rob parents of dreams. Children are but condiments to life's main course."
"Do you plan to have children, Yeshua? I know there's that lady in Magdela you see now and again. Everybody keeps asking me why you aren't married, especially some of the women in town."
His face took on a vibrant smile. "Maria is one terrific person. If ever there was a woman I would marry, it's her. You'd like her. I introduced James to her last week when we delivered goods to the market there. I'd consider it a favor if you'd go with him on one of the deliveries so you can meet her. She has good ideas. Her heart is pure, like yours. That's what's important."
"So, why don't you marry her? If she has a pure heart, if she has good ideas, she could help you."
"You always could cut to the core." He drew a deep breath and released it slowly. "I can't risk anything getting in the way. Neither can you. Please, remember that while I'm gone."
"How long do you think you'll be?"
"I don't know."
"I was hoping you'd change your mind at the last minute."
Yeshua hugged an arm around her shoulder. "If only there was another way, Sis. But the best instructors are in the East. They can teach me things I need to learn before chaos erupts entirely. I have to know how to calm myself in the face of terror. I must know how to present messages to a passionate, volatile society. I've got to find ways to unite with change, rather than divide with it. It's a formidable task. It requires a calmness I currently don't possess."
"There must be some of the brothers in the hills around here that could help. They've been teaching us for years."
"Brother Samuel suggested it, and we got to talking. We came to the conclusion that the brothers can't help with the next step. They are separatist. They see corruption in society and stay away from it. My course is the opposite."
"Sometimes, I'd like to stay away."
"Me too, but that's not what I need to do. The masters of light are in the East, Sis. I need to learn to make their peace my own. I don't know how long I'll need to study peace to become peace. It's more than the absence of fighting. I have to learn what it is. Going around saying, I'm right and you're wrong and trying to kill or convert each other doesn't work. It causes anger and hatred and destroys everything worthwhile. It comes back to everyone needing to grow up."
"I wish I could go with you."
The rain was coming. She could taste it. Wind arrived, rippling blades of dead grass along the hillside. Leaves rustled in the tree overhead. The lamb spotted its mother and scampered over to her. Ruth felt the void as the animal departed.
"Me too. But the gurus I'm going to spend time with don't allow girls or women to study with them. That's their one flaw from what I've heard. That needs to change. That's what, as I see it, you need to start concentrating on--how to reach women. Society is out of balance. We need the best qualities of both men and women to set it right. That's one of the reasons I'd like you to talk to Maria."
"She's into that?"
"Yes. She's a good, strong woman. She's dealt with all kinds of problems in her business since her father died. She's a capable woman, but she says the men she deals with treat her like she's a dumb sheep. She says dealing with them is as difficult as swimming in camel dung."
Ruth smiled dimples over her face. "Sounds like I'll like her."
"I'm sure of it. Anyway, I'm to meet the caravan on the edge of town shortly after first light tomorrow morning. That's why I wanted to say goodbye to you now."
"Mother's planned a feast for you tonight."
"I know. It'll be good to see everyone. I'm going to miss you, Ruth, you and Maria most of all."
A sob rose in her heart. "I have a horrible feeling about it, about what's going to happen here soon. I keep having awful dreams."
"So do I. That's why I have to go. Things could get way out of hand. I hope somehow to temper it."
"Some people say you're the messiah we've been waiting for."
He groaned. "Each person carries a messiah seed. Each one has to find a way that's right for her or him. I do hope to be a teacher. Teachers can make a difference. They can introduce ideas that would otherwise take several lifetimes to surface. I'd like to quicken the process."
"I was listening to Father and Zacharias talk last night when everyone else was asleep," Ruth said. "It made me feel like I should have saved the world yesterday, and now it's too late."
"I feel that way a good deal of the time. There's always time to develop kindness. There are always ways to grow. So, promise me, Sis."
"Promise you what?"
"That you won't let anyone or anything get in the way of what you agreed to do before you were born." The wind brushed strands of hair from his face as he stared into an uncertain future. The expression in his eyes was deep, solemn and otherworldly.
"I promise." The vow burrowed into her heart where her treasures lived. Her mother had told her about keeping things safely tucked away until it was time.
~~~***~~~