In no hurry to decide his future, he planned to remain a while longer and allow himself a chance to learn the ways of white people. Live in square houses and try to adjust to wearing trousers. The shaft between his thighs was by no means small and was in the habit of drifting free under his loin cloth. Things down there just didn’t seem to fit, bringing to mind the tightly wrapped meat they ate for supper. Sausage. He shook his head as he thought about it. Made no sense to stuff meat back in skin when a woman worked hard at reaping it in the first place. Walking was a hell of a lot more difficult.
Nudging at the denim material covering his groin, Trevor sighed heavily, unable to understand why they hid behind everything. Their eyes. Their clothes. Their emotions. Not saying what needed to be said.
* * * *
Megan observed Doc Keeling’s horse trotting along. Doc turned in his saddle and waved a final goodbye as he reached the bend that curved behind the barn.
Megan returned the wave from the porch as he disappeared beyond the hill, and she caught sight of Devin headed toward the water pump. Wrapping her shawl tightly around her shoulders to brace herself against the cool evening breeze, she strolled over. His back was to her, affording her a nice view of his well-curved, tight rear clad in form-fitted denim trousers. She sighed softly and watched with appreciation as he pumped the handle, then lowered his head under the refreshing waterfall.
“Jumping in the river saves time,” she suggested lightly, teasing as she drew closer. She remembered with a smile as a flush of sexual awareness heated her skin, how long ago it seemed since she, Devin, and Caleb took that first wickedly sinful dip in the river. They hadn’t been back since. Instead, since returning, Devin took the girls to the river almost every afternoon. That left the two of them little chance to talk, let alone do anything else. Today was no different. They spent the entire afternoon down by the river, which was why the girls were already sleeping like little blonde logs after their trip. She wouldn’t hear a peep out of them till tomorrow.
Megan would give anything to sleep that soundly, as though not having a care in the world. She hadn’t had a decent night’s rest since he left. Even with Caleb visiting, she felt lost, alone and empty the entire time. A tremendous, cavernous need to be held by him, filled by Devin, and loved by him. She needed that most of all. She’d waited with bated breath until he returned. A return that wasn’t quite what she anticipated.
The harsh squeak of the rusty iron mechanism as he pumped the handle up and down aggravated the lengthening silence as she stood there, watching the sinewy muscles in his arm and back flex and relax. Water spurted out of the spigot in a steady stream, drenching Devin’s thick mass of auburn hair. She wanted to run her hands through the wet strands matted to his face and shoulders and keep running them along the hard length of his body until he finally gave her what she needed.
Straightening, he vigorously shook his head, releasing some of the excess water from his hair. Megan felt cool droplets of water sprinkle over her skin, already pulsing with the sexual need coursing through her nerves, sensitized by his presence. Her body trembled at the sight of him as the water ran down his hard-edged, masculine features, over his broad shoulders, and down his powerful arms and back. His cream-colored shirt clung to him. The soaked fabric molded the hard planes and ridges of his well-honed muscles, giving him a dangerously carnal appearance, taking her breath.
Strangely, it occurred to her he seemed to be doing his best to avoid looking directly at her. With long, sweeping strokes, he smoothed the wet clumps of hair from his forehead as he stared past her. “Caleb will take you to the river anytime you want.” Stepping to the side, he completely circumvented her.
“Devin,” she bit out, turning to stare at his back as he walked away. She was taken aback by the way the words came out. Mean. Vicious. Cold…final.
His demeanor seemed to stiffen, as did every muscle in his taut body. The distance between them continued to increase. A sense of panic that he was walking away for good suddenly washed over her. She cried out, “What is wrong with you?”
He stopped, but didn’t turn to face her.
“We live under the same roof.” Hesitantly, she took a few steps toward him. “You can’t ignore me. Why won’t you speak to me?”
He swung around, and she had to take a step back as the wild look in his eyes stole her breath away, sent a shiver of unease down her spine. “It’s pretty damn easy when we don’t share the same bed.”
His voice, strangled with bitterness, came as quite a shock,. It revealed a deep, intense anger and jealousy toward Caleb. The absurdity of the idea confused her. It didn’t make sense. She stared up at him. His piercing silver eyes roamed over her heatedly. More frustration shadowed his darkened gaze than the sexual interest she longed for.
“You’re the one who offered to bring a cot in the room.” Her voice shook with mixed emotions. So soft, she could barely recognize it herself.
* * * *
“What the hell was—” Devin stopped mid-sentence, grimaced, annoyed by the interruption as he noticed Trevor walking nearby on his way inside the house. He pulled at what he could only assume were wedgies up his butt crack. It was nothing nice, suddenly restricting what nature intended to be set free. Known for letting the boys roll free, Devin felt Trevor’s pain along with the brutal force of his own.
He noticed Megan did a double take. She stared curiously as Trevor tugged at his each pant leg after every step, shuffling his groin uncomfortably.
With the front door closed behind Trevor, Devin took up where he left off, lowering his voice, fighting to control the hellish existence he found himself in. “Megan, you wouldn’t leave Caleb’s side. What was I supposed to do? Let you crawl in bed with him? What would the girls think?”
“The girls!” Her eyes flared unbelievably large, her voice rising with frustration. “Since when are you so concerned with the girls? Were you thinking of them the night you tore off my clothes and made me suck your cock? How about when you fucked me on the table, or tied me up and shoved your fingers up my ass?”
“I don’t gotta listen to this shit. You wanna fucking share his bed after being with me, you go right ahead.” Turning in an intense blaze of anger and lust, he stormed off toward the barn with every intention of leaving for good. The sexual images struck him, tormented, gripped him with a fiery need coursing straight to his cock. In another second, he would be inside her so fast, she wouldn’t have time to lift her legs. She was pushing him. And she damned well knew what happened when he was pushed too far.
“Damn you, Devin. Walk away. Leave. Run. Just when you start to feel something. When Shelby and Emma start believing in you.”
The anger and desperation vibrated in her voice. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t. He would wind up destroying the only good thing in his life. It was tearing him apart.
“Abandon them. You’re good at that. But don’t expect me to be here when you return.”
Her threat hit him hard, right where it hurt the most. He jerked around. With a few long, purposeful strides, he stood directly in front of her. He stared down at her. It took everything he had left not to grab her, kiss her hard, so she’d take back those vain words. “I don’t expect a damn thing from you. You made your choice,” he hissed fiercely and was more than a little impressed when she didn’t even flinch.
“As I recall,” she said firmly with a heaping load of conviction that caught his attention, “you made it for me. I wanted you. You’re the one who didn’t want me. You handed me over to Caleb. You wanted me to love him, not you. You did everything possible to make sure I did. And because I loved you so much, I let you. He almost died, Devin. What was I supposed to do? Turn my back on him?”
He stared at her, long and hard. How could he argue with the truth?
“Trevor didn’t even know who Caleb was. All he knew was what he saw. In a matter of seconds, he made the decision to do everything to save him. Even he understood you don’t turn your back o
n someone in need. Devin…I need you.”
I need you too, Megan. More than you’ll ever know.
“Go to him, Megan. Caleb needs you more.” Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. The underlying reason he needed to leave, why he wanted her to marry Caleb was still there. The only difference was now, he was positively jealous, outraged, aching with misery clear to the marrow. Megan desired Caleb more. She actually wanted to marry him not because he asked, but because she wanted to be his wife. She’d wanted Caleb all along. He could barely stomach the thought.
She looked as though the wind had been knocked out of her. He wanted to reach out and hold her. Comfort her. Tell her…tell her… Tell her the only thing he could, that he was sorry for ever walking into her life.
“I’ll only bring you and the girls more hardship and grief. Chewy, Rico, and the other scum aren’t the only ones out there. Word will be out soon. There are plenty more bastards itchin’ to see me face down. I should know. I’d do the same if I were them.”
He turned, and she grabbed his arm. He looked down, where the heat of her small hand burned through the damp fabric, searing his skin. Closing his eyes, he absorbed as much of her warmth, her body, her soul into his flesh as the moment allowed.
“You’re not like them, Devin.”
His gaze locked with hers. There was so much assurance in her soft voice. He desperately wanted to believe her. “Right. I’m worse.”
“No, you’re not.” She shook her head furiously, as though the harder she shook, the truer the sentiment.
“Tell that to my father. I wasn’t even a day old, and already, he didn’t want me. He knew.”
“How can you say that? Didn’t you read the letter? He loved you.”
What did she know about love? Because of her, he’d started to feel something other than emptiness, a black hole where his heart should have been. She gave him hope, a reason to wake each morning, to dream of tomorrow, only to leave him longing for what could never be. He jerked his arm from under her grasp.
She pulled back, as if shocked by the coldness of the gesture.
“I thought you said you never read it.”
“I…I ran across your papers while doing laundry,” she muttered softly. “I saw the President’s letter pardoning you. You never told me.”
“It’s a damn piece of paper. Doesn’t matter.” He knew what he’d done. How many lives were lost because of him. The faceless men out for revenge. As long as he stayed, Megan and girls would never be safe or secure in their own home.
“Freedom means everything. And what of the lives you saved? All those women and children over the years. Those monsters you rode with would have done horrible things to them if not for you. We wouldn’t have lasted five minutes if the fear of your wrath hadn’t held them off.”
Her tone was emphatic, desperate as she tried to reason with him. It made no difference. He knew what he had to do. Just as he fought against the Laredo Gang, Hardin and his men, his path in life had been thrust upon him. He didn’t have a choice. He never had a choice.
“I assume money doesn’t matter, either. Is that why you haven’t cashed the reward draft? Or did you recover the rifles for another reason?”
“I’m a simple man with simple needs.”
“I know about your needs, and believe me, there is nothing simple about them.”
Mockery, vindictiveness he could handle, but what she did was far worse. She reminded him, tempted, tortured the hell out of him with her suggestive, husky voice that threatened his last resemblance of control. Those hazel eyes gazing up at him like a love-sick puppy that didn’t know when to stay put. She didn’t know what she was doing to him. Pushing him too far. Tearing him apart.
“Your father wrote that he loved you. Grace died giving birth to you. But the proclamation of a dying man isn’t enough for you. Is it?”
He figured it wasn’t much of a question, considering she didn’t pause for an answer, and since one wasn’t forthcoming, it worked out nice. But she sure as hell was driving him insane, making him hotter and harder with the way she was staring at him. Eating away at him with her dark, sensual eyes, the heat, longing, promises of pleasure reaching into his soul. If she didn’t quit soon, he was going to give her what she wanted. Right here, right now. Throw her to the ground and pound away his misery into the wet, hot, tight passage between her thighs. It wouldn’t do either of them any good. He’d still leave afterwards.
“What he failed to mention was before your mother died, she made him promise your aunts would raise you.”
“Why’d they put me on a train headed to hell?” he groaned between clenched teeth, his voice rough with the unsatisfied lust he knew they both felt.
“Damn you, Devin. You’re as hard-headed as…”
He watched in disbelief as her eyes lowered to what must have been the hardest thing that came to her mind. Under her lingering gaze, her face flushed with arousal, his cock throbbed in needy response. He needed to push inside her, fuck her hard, ram into her tight heat until she begged, pleaded, screamed for her release. He heard her soft moan of desire, noticed a shudder wash over her. A dark, primal lust consumed him.
Gritting his teeth, he clenched his fist. The need to hit something, anything was a poor substitute to release his bridled lust and the sexual frustration coursing through his veins. If he didn’t find relief soon, he would burst. His chest would literally explode, and his cock would melt inside out from the heat. There was no way in hell he was going to find solace in her hot little body. No matter how much she seemed to need it, want it. Damn her. Damn him for wanting it too.
Her breathing was harsh as her heavy-lidded haze rose to meet his, then nervously looked away. She started anew, her voice quivering in sexual need as she somehow managed to ignore the smirk on his face and the throbbing erection she’d admired moments earlier. “They were supposed to raise you until you were old enough to walk.”
Shit. He figured if she could stare at the goods with her nose pressed against the winda and her tongue a hangin’, then so could he. He found guilty pleasure gawking at her, seeing how that was all he was allowing himself. He liked how her clothes fit now, nice and snug, showing off her female curves. His gaze settled on her nipples, hard and pleasantly plump. The puckered areolas were distinguishable in the faint remnants of the evening light. Her breasts, firm and full, pushed hard against the tight bodice, straining the buttons down the front of the flimsy material until it looked like they were going to pop open. His mouth watered, his fingers ached, his cock protested, his body throbbed.
“Life was rough back then. Rougher than it is now. Grace didn’t give up her life to have you die within your first year. Reed didn’t give you away, you stubborn fool. He gave you a chance at life. Your aunts loved you so much, they didn’t want to give you up either.”
It wasn’t working. He was getting too damn horny. With a heavy sigh, he stared past her into the darkness quickly descending upon the rolling field beyond the corral. He tried to think about Big Grizzly, the bear that carved out a chunk of his back. Pretty pink nipples flashed in front of him. Oh, fuck. That wasn’t working either. Pretty pink lips, slick with arousal, parted before his eyes. He blinked, blew out a deep breath as he ran his hand roughly through his hair.
“Every year, they put Reed off. It wasn’t until you nearly killed that boy they agreed to send you to your father.”
He glared at her. How in the hell did she know his life story? “You seem to know a lot about my childhood.”
“I should. You’re all Reed talked about. After they kidnapped you, he left the ranch. Searched over a year for you. He’d still be searching if it weren’t for that old man in a saloon, put a bullet in him. Nearly killed him.”
“What old man?” he asked, relying on the heightened awareness of his intuition. He rubbed his pulsating temple as he started to pace back and forth. “Did he ever say what the man looked like?”
“Said he’d never forget his face a
s long as he lived. Kinda hard to believe, since Reed didn’t look at him long. As soon as he walked into the saloon and asked the barkeep about you, he said the man at the end of the bar pulled his gun and shot him. No reason at all. He looked like one of those mountain men with long, white scraggly hair, a scar over his cheek, big and tall.”
Devin stopped in his tracks. His heart slammed against his chest as he suddenly remembered that day. It was his third or fourth visit to the brothel upstairs, learning what it meant to be a man. He heard the shot and ran out of the room, yanking up his britches. Ol’ John met him in the hallway and told him they needed to use the back exit. “Trouble brewing,” was all he offered by way of explanation.
“As soon as Reed recovered, he remarried. He knew one day you would return. When you did, he wanted you to have the family you deserved. A mother, brothers, and sisters. As the years passed, every time a new story rolled in, he paid them no mind. Knew if you found the right woman, you’d settle down. Reed never gave up on you.”
His head tilted toward her first, then his body followed as his eyes narrowed on her. “What did you say?”
“Your father never gave up on you.”
“No. Before that.” He took a few frantic steps closer toward her.
For a brief moment, she recounted her words. Her head tilted sideways as though it just came to her. “About settling down?”
“Yes,” he snapped impatiently, eager to hear her explanation. “What did he tell you?”
Shrugging her shoulders, she smiled warily. As if they both understood he considered his father’s ideals on salvation less than ideal. “The only way for you to change your lawless ways was if you found the right woman. Said the love of a good woman could make any man hang up his guns.”
Reed didn’t mention that in the letter. He’d preached the same nonsense over eight years ago when he first passed through Tejas. It’s what made him leave. The only way for her to know about it was directly from his father. Bullheaded. Devin refused listen, but it sounded as if she did.
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