by Lisa Yee
“You,” Batgirl said, rolling her eyes.
Harley blushed and fanned her face with her hands. “Aww, you are too kind!”
“How do I turn this off?” Cyborg asked. “I don’t want everyone to know what I see all the time!”
“Just blink quickly three times to turn it off, four to turn it on,” Batgirl told him.
Harley batted her eyes at him. “Thanks, Cyborg! Be sure to get the crowd shots. The ones of them cheering and yelling. Oh, and lots of shots of the host, too.”
“That’s you, Harley,” he said, imitating Batgirl good-naturedly.
Harley tapped the side of his metal head. “Nothing gets past you, does it?” she joked.
“Bumblebee, just in time. You’re next,” Batgirl said as her friend arrived and shrank down to be outfitted with a micro-camera. That way, she could fly right into the middle of the dancers and broadcast live.
As Harley tested the camera, Batgirl blurted out, “Macro micro mini drone!”
“Whatzat?” asked Harley.
Batgirl shook her head. “Oh, just an idea,” she said. “I’ll tell you later. You’ve got a show to put on. Plus, you’ve got to coordinate with all the judges.”
“The judges?” Harley asked.
“I know you had help selecting the semifinalists, so I assumed you’d have judges for the finals,” Batgirl said.
Harley’s brain was racing. She knew there was something she’d forgotten. “Snap!” she finally said. “Here’s a news flash: no finalist judges. I’ve got something a billion times better!”
“What?” Batgirl asked.
“Me!” said Harley, nodding happily. “I can’t wait to name the winner! Excuse us—the judges have some decisions to make.”
After conferring with herself, Harley decided that she alone would determine who the winner was. After all, this was her Web channel, and this was her show.
The dance-off started smoothly. Star Sapphire and her corps de ballet were marvelous. After Barda made sure all the loudspeakers were working, she played the music from Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake. The ballerinas’ costumes sparkled whenever they pirouetted, which was often. Then, when The Flash lifted Sapphire, he paused so the audience could take in the beauty of his partner—that was her idea.
“Spin!” Star Sapphire whispered. “Like we practiced.”
The Flash nodded, started off slowly, and then spun so fast the two of them rose in the air, to the delight of the audience. Then, as they floated above, purple glitter showered down on the crowd. Never had there been louder cheering, or more sparkles, for Swan Lake.
As if to balance the beauty and grace of Sapphire’s dance team, CAD Academy went next. Captain Cold was in charge, as usual. He swaggered up onstage, followed by his crew: Ratcatcher and Magpie. While Barda manned the DJ booth and played the hard-driving beat, Captain Cold and company jerked around in an odd but mesmerizing rhythm.
“Cap’n Cold and His Break-Dancers are in the house!” Barda yelled as Captain Cold pulled a plate out of his jacket and hurled it at the audience.
A roar of approval went up as the CAD Academy dancers broke dozens of dishes—smashing them on the ground, and throwing them into the audience and at each other.
At the far end of the gym, Parasite looked on and shook his head. He knew who would be cleaning up the mess.
“They crack me up,” Harley said with a laugh as she took center stage while the CAD Academy students took their bows.
The show continued at whiplash pace, with Harley at the helm and Cyborg and Bumblebee displaying stellar camera work. “Next,” Harley announced, “we go outside for the One Hundred Tappers, and not one of them is under one hundred years old! You know what that means, right? One hundred times one hundred equals awesome!”
The special dance floor that Supergirl and the others had installed worked perfectly. The sound of two hundred feet tapping in unison was so loud it could be heard in Metropolis and beyond. The crowd was so jazzed by the tapping tones of the 100 Tappers that they stood up and began tapping along. When the Super Hero High buildings began to shake off their foundations, Harley was forced to cut their dance short. Even she was worried that they might cause an earthquake.
“WHOA and WOWZA! That’s going to be a hard act to beat,” Harley said as she led the audience back inside. “But now we have a team who teaches by day and dances by night—our very own Super Hero High teachers!”
The audience oohed as the lights dimmed and a disco ball lowered from the ceiling. When Supergirl’s laser gaze hit the mirrored ball, it lit up and showered the gym with hundreds of thousands of reflective sparkles. When Barda dropped the needle on a disco classic, Crazy Quilt struck a pose, looking resplendent in his all-white three-piece suit with flared pants and oversized purple glasses. His body moved in a combination of quick jerks and fluid spins. He did the splits—literally—and leapt up, not letting the rip in his pants stop him. When Vice Principal Grodd appeared behind Crazy Quilt along with June Moone, the music veered as the two did a graceful modern dance depicting the beauty of the change of seasons.
“YOWZA, will ya look at that!” Harley exclaimed.
Now the trio locked arms and were doing a high kick ending with a three-person backflip. The audience was on their feet cheering as the teachers left the stage.
“A-plus!” shouted Harley.
Someone was pacing behind Barda. When Harley called him onto the stage, she was surprised to hear him say into the mic, “Golly gosh, I’m so nervous.” He was green, but then, he always was. “I don’t think I can do this!”
Beast Boy looked like he was on the verge of tears. The audience sat silent. A few even sobbed along with him as the green teen buried his face in his hands and wept. He started to walk off stage, defeated before he had even begun.
“Aww, Beasty, you’re gonna be great,” Harley assured him.
“You know what?” Beast Boy looked around at the crowd. “You’re right!” He gave one of his impish grins, pointed to Big Barda, and yelled, “Hit it, BB!”
As the music pulsated, Beast Boy morphed into an astonishing menagerie of animals. A hip-hop hippo, a graceful gazelle, a belly-dancing anaconda, and a twisting, turning otter. He had morphed through thirty-seven different animals by the time he was done. It took both Supergirl and Katana to get Beast Boy off the stage. As he took his umpteenth bow, Harley leapt over him to the center of the stage.
“And now for our mystery group,” she announced. Harley paused for drama. She was all about the drama. “This last-minute addition has been together since they met at Pedigree Prep Hall in kindergarten. Having just graduated from high school, they are looking for their next adventure. Perhaps it will be as professional dancers? You tell me! Put your hands together for a group you’re going to be hearing a lot from…the Green Team!”
The gym went dark. Slowly the lights went back on and, through a haze of smoke, the Green Team seized the stage. The young men and women were dressed in chic matching designer suits.
“They’re wearing Calder Melino shoes!” Sapphire whispered appreciatively to Lady Shiva as she took a picture of them and instantly posted it on #FashionistaFotos.
With precision so sharp that the entire audience gasped as if on cue, the Green Team snapped into three rows of four. They bowed and began to dance to the sounds of Celtic fusion funk. Acting as one instead of twelve, the Green Team incorporated all the styles of dance that been displayed in the contest thus far into their own performance.
“This is truly amazing,” Harley said breathlessly. “We are seeing the future of dance! Green Team, we’re expecting to see a lot of you in the future!”
The audience was on their feet roaring their approval.
“Next up, we name the winners,” Harley announced. “But first, a short break!”
“I dunno, I dunno,” Harley wailed as she nervously yanked on her own bouncy blond pigtails.
“You dunno what?” Barda asked.
“I dunno who the w
inner is,” Harley said to herself. “They are all sooo good!”
“True,” Batgirl agreed. “But you have to pick one. Remember, instead of audience votes or a secret ballot, you said you were going to be the sole judge.”
“Is it too late to do an online audience vote?” Harley asked, biting her fingernails.
Batgirl nodded. “You have to go out there now and announce the winner. This show is streaming live. Your audience is waiting.”
Harley grimaced and pulled on her pigtails even harder.
“Quiet, everyone!” Harley yelled.
Outside, one hundred tap dancers stood at attention. Cyborg aimed his camera on them in case they were the winners. Inside, Grodd, Crazy Quilt, and June Moone held hands, waiting to hear their names. The CAD Academy break dancers were already congratulating themselves, and Sapphire had changed into her new celebration party dress as The Flash tried in vain to remove the purple glitter from his costume.
“This is a first!” Harley said, her excitement bubbling up as she thought out loud. “Never before in the entire history of dance contests has something like this ever happened!”
The Green Team looked at each other and tried not to smile. Little dancing toddlers from Miss Toddler’s Tots School for the Talented and Tiny squirmed in their mothers’ arms. The Wally Waltzers from Vienna held their collective breath.
“The winner is…EVERYONE!” Harley cried. “It’s a twelve-way tie!”
The audience was silent. Stunned. Then the noise began. It was unclear whether people were cheering or booing, but either way, Harley was happy.
“And that’s it for the first-ever Harley’s Dance-O-Rama. Tune in for my next totally live, totally unexpected contest. Until then, keep watching. I know I will be!”
The cameras shut off, but the crowd remained. Some were applauding the audacity of it all. Others were grumbling. And others were getting louder as they expressed their displeasure, since they were certain their team or their favorite should have been the one and only winner.
“I won?” Beast Boy asked, looking confused. “But so did they?” he pointed to the trio from CAD Academy. They looked more intimidating than usual, if that was possible.
“We should have been the sole winners.” Captain Cold’s voice was as chilly as ice. He started to freeze Harley, but Wonder Woman stopped him with her lasso.
“This is a travesty,” Sapphire said, staring down Harley. “I should have won! I’ve already paid for the party!”
“But you did win,” Harley sputtered, unsure of why some people were mad at her. “Everyone won.”
“It’s not winning if there are others on the winner’s stand,” Sapphire lectured Harley. “If this is your idea of a joke, it isn’t funny!”
When Harley started to protest, Cheetah commented, “Looks like the class clown has really flubbed this one.”
Despite the mixed reactions to Harley’s announcement, or maybe because of it, her viewership soared. Not only did a record number of people tune in, but they watched the Dance-O-Rama over and over again. Harley was getting hundreds of messages at a time. She was loving it.
“Unexpected was the word for Harley Quinn’s first-ever dance contest,” Lois Lane reported. “The chatter is burning up the Internet. Some are thrilled with the judicious twelve-way tie. Others are incensed, saying that Harley copped out by refusing to name one winner. There have even been threats lobbed at her. Harley, what do you have to say about all this?”
Harley smiled at the camera. “I say let’s do it again. But first, I’ve got something even bigger planned. You’ll be the third to know, Lois. First me, when I think of it. Second will be my loyal and loving Harley’s Quinntessentials audience!”
“Harley, are you worried about the angry comments?” Lois asked. “Some dance fans can get pretty serious.”
“Nah,” she said, sounding cavalier. “I can handle anything. I’m Harley Quinn!”
At the weekly assembly, Supers were flying and tumbling and climbing the walls. That is, until Principal Waller took the stage and cleared her throat. Instantly, everyone was seated and the room was so silent you could hear Vice Principal Grodd crack his knuckles. Repeatedly.
As Waller congratulated the Dance-O-Rama competitors from Super Hero High, the dancers stood to be acknowledged. The reception was thunderous. After all, the Supers were always ready to support each other. Star Sapphire and her corp, including The Flash, stood and twirled before taking a bow. Beast Boy turned into a parrot and flew overhead squawking, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” And the teachers waved politely, as if they were in a parade.
“Disco! Disco! Disco!” the Supers chanted. It didn’t take much for Crazy Quilt to stand and strike a disco pose.
“You do the disco pose!” a Super yelled to Principal Waller. Harley looked around to see who would be so brave.
No one was taking credit.
“Never going to happen,” Principal Waller said, trying to hide her amusement. “Now, let’s talk about why you are all here and the responsibilities you shoulder.”
Big Barda had a piece of lemon cake in front of her, but she was ignoring it.
“You gonna eat that?” Harley asked. She loved cake. Birthday cakes. Pound cakes. Funnel cakes. Ice cream cakes. All cakes—especially cakes right in front of her!
“Not hungry. You can have it,” Barda said, handing it over.
As Harley dug in, Supergirl put her arm around Barda’s shoulder. “Are you all right? You look worried.”
“I think Principal Waller was talking about me,” Barda said, staring down at her lap.
“What do you mean?” Bumblebee asked. She was working on her second slice of honey bread.
“I think that when she was talking about responsibility, she was telling me that I’m responsible for Granny Goodness and the Female Furies when they came through the Boom Tubes and tried to take over the school,” Big Barda said in a rush.
“Well, you were one of them then,” Harley said, trying to be helpful.
Supergirl, Bumblebee, Thunder, and Lightning glared at her.
“Wha?” Harley said through a mouthful of cake. “It’s true!”
Supergirl turned back to Barda. “That was then. You’ve changed and helped the fight against evil and are partly responsible for our victories!”
“That’s right,” Lightning chimed in. “Remember what Principal Waller keeps telling us?
“ ‘We are here because of who we can become tomorrow,’ ” her sister said.
Supergirl nodded. “I didn’t ask for my powers of strength and flight and heat vision. But now that I have them, I have a responsibility to make sure I use them to my best ability, and to help others in the process. Harley,” she said, “what’s your take on responsibility?”
Harley polished off the last morsel of cake and the colorful crumbs left on the plate. “I’ve been giving this lots and lots of thought,” she told the group. “So many thoughts, my noggin’ is a-swimming. Ha! Can you just picture a head swimming?”
Everyone waited for Harley to sit down and stop pretending that her head had come free and was bobbing up and down on an imaginary ocean.
“Anyway,” she continued. “I was thinking about the Dance-O-Rama and how great it was, and even now the replays of the Web special are getting more and more views. Plus, I got a record number of comments after—”
Miss Martian leaned over and whispered reverently to Ivy, “She gets tons of fan mail! I know. I’ve seen it.”
“—so when I think about responsibility, I think that it is my responsibility to…Are you ready? This is big!” Everyone nodded as Harley stood on her chair and shouted, “It is my responsibility to announce that the next Harley’s Quinntessentials will feature…a Battle of the Bands!”
“Who can tell us why your weapons are important?” Mr. Fox asked. He strolled purposefully up and down the rows of desks with his hands laced behind his back. His thick black glasses made him look serious, but his orange sw
eater and magenta tie said otherwise.
Wonder Woman raised her hand.
“Yes, Wonder Woman?” the Weapononics teacher said.
“Our weapons are to protect and defend,” she began. “However, in the wrong hands they could be used to destroy. It is our responsibility to use them wisely.”
“Excellent!” said Mr. Fox, beaming. “Anyone else? Harley, what about your mallet?”
Harley had been daydreaming about the Battle of the Bands. In her imagination, after the winner was announced, she would start a record label called Mallet Music, and it would be an instant hit—
“Harley?” Mr. Fox said, snapping her out of her daydream.
“Huh? Harley? That’s my name, don’t wear it out!” Harley quipped.
As the class laughed, Mr. Fox shook his head. Harley smiled sheepishly and shrugged.
Unfortunately, this was not the last time she’d be caught daydreaming.
In history class, their teacher Liberty Belle talked about the great battles of the last century—including recent ones with the Supers, led by Katana, battling Dragon King, and Supergirl leading the charge against Granny Goodness, and Batgirl versus the Calculator.
“I seek to honor the legacy of my grandmother,” Katana said. “She fought hard against evil, and passed down her beliefs to me. I feel that in my heart.”
“Thank you,” Liberty Belle said. “Harley, you look like you want to say something. What can you add to this conversation?”
Harley had been poking the girl in front of her, who was doing an excellent job of ignoring her. She was hoping Hawkgirl would agree to be stage manager for the Battle of the Bands.
“Harley…?” Liberty Belle said, waiting for an answer.
“WOWZA, Teach!” Harley said, glancing around the room. “Um, er…well, yes.” She wished she knew what the question was. That would make things so much easier!
Everyone was staring at her. Cheetah smiled and whispered, “We were talking about our favorite foods.”