by M. D. Cooper
Shannon snapped to attention and saluted, with Tonga following suit, if not quite as quickly or enthusiastically. “Lieutenant Bravhart, sir! These cadets were causing a disturbance, and I was—”
Bravhart interrupted her the second he spotted Johnnie. “Mr. Jacobson. What a surprise. I suppose you don’t think it necessary to salute high-ranking officers anymore.”
Johnny looked around before he answered. “Uh…actually, I—”
Bravhart wasn’t having any of his excuses. Not today. He’d long ago become weary of them. “Cadet! Now!”
Johnnie hesitated, then saluted Bravhart, which caused the hem of the short tunic he wore to rise up to his stomach. Everyone, including Bravhart, stared at Johnnie’s exposed privates while Johnnie continued to give a regulation-perfect salute for an inordinate amount of time.
Bravhart gritted his teeth. “That’s long enough, cadet.”
Johnnie lowered his arm and smirked, unable to control himself. “That’s what she said.”
Bravhart’s face and ears became red with anger. “Cadet Jacobson!”
“Sorry. That’s what she said, sir!”
“It seems the entire campus is in disarray thanks to you.”
“Well, I do try, sir.”
“I’m sure Commandant Lords will be most interested in your latest escapades, as usual.”
Johnnie’s expression changed to one of earnestness. “Hey, this wasn’t my fault. That guy…” He pointed back at the senior cadet, who was dragging Reg down the hall by the back of his uniform shirt. “…was trying to kill me.”
Bravhart smiled at the senior cadet. “Ah, yes. Cadet Ramses. I know him well. Perhaps he was trying to win another medal?”
Ramses dumped Reg on the floor next to where Johnnie was standing.
Bravhart smiled and nodded at the enormous senior. “Thank you, cadet. That will be all.”
Johnnie’s jaw dropped as he pointed at Ramses again. “Hey! But—”
Bravhart ignored Johnnie and addressed Shannon and Tonga “If you two wouldn’t mind assisting me in escorting Mr. Jacobson and his accomplice to the Commandant’s office?”
Tonga replied immediately as he gently helped Reg get up off the floor. “Yes, sir.”
Shannon smiled proudly. “It will be my pleasure, sir.” She got over-excited and gave Tonga an I can’t believe this is happening look.
Tonga reluctantly pulled Johnnie and Reg along next to Shannon as they all followed Lieutenant Bravhart toward the administration wing. Tonga looked at his fellow cadets apologetically.
Johnnie leaned toward Shannon and spoke under his breath so that Bravhart couldn’t hear. “You know, you’re going to end up regretting this, sweetheart.”
Shannon slyly punched Johnnie in the shoulder without Bravhart noticing.
Johnnie grabbed his arm and rubbed it. “Ow.”
Tonga and Reg stared at him. “What? She punches hard for a girl.”
Shannon punched him again for that.
Johnnie winced. “Again: Ow!”
“I’m not a girl.”
Johnnie looked confused. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not usually so attracted to members of my own sex, so I figured—”
Shannon blushed, but was still angry. “I’m not a man. But I’m not a girl, either. I’m nineteen standard sols. Almost twenty.”
“Oooo. An older woman. I love cougars. Grrrrr.”
This time she slapped him, since punching wasn’t working. “Geez. You could have at least hit the arm again. That’s gone numb.”
Reg shook his head. “You never learn, do you?”
“Don’t be fooled by all the physical abuse. The violence is just a cry for attention. She’s definitely warming up to me.”
“Uh…no. I don’t think she is.”
“She definitely is.”
Shannon spoke without looking at him. “No. I’m not.”
“What if I told you my dad is an admiral?”
Shannon scoffed at him. “Oh, please. I’d accuse you of lying to a senior cadet in addition to everything else you’ve done wrong this morning.”
Reg held up a finger as he spoke up. “Actually, that’s the truth. For once.”
Shannon stopped walking for a moment. “Admiral Jacobson is your father?”
Johnnie smiled wide as it sunk in. Of course, he left out the part about his father being on the verge of disowning him. And that the Academy was actually punishment for all of the trouble Johnnie had gotten into. And that, if he failed at the Academy, it was straight to prison for him.
Johnnie still couldn’t understand why everyone had made such a big deal about The Incident. It didn’t seem like that big a deal to him.
But it was certainly true: Johnnie was the son of Admiral Jacobson, one of the most important people in all of the entire Galactic Alliance of Planets. And his father’s most embarrassing failure.
Chapter Two
Many a terrified cadet had spent time sitting in the stark, imposing waiting area outside the office of Commandant Lords. But Shannon couldn’t figure out why she was more nervous than Cadet Jacobson right now. After all, he was the one who had broken so many rules—she was just the one who was going to turn him in. There they were, Shannon, Jacobson, Tonga, and—Reg, was it?—all lined up in chairs like they were in middle school and waiting to talk to the principal. She kicked herself for not getting Reg’s last name and hoped it wouldn’t reflect too badly on her. What was she so nervous about? And why was Jacobson so confident? He was most certainly going to get into more trouble than any cadet she’d ever seen.
Everything was silent except for the sound of Lords’ secretary clacking away at her keyboard. Shannon knew better than to ask why she was using such outdated technology. The woman was older than the Academy…maybe even older than the Alliance itself. In fact, her species lived for centuries. She was probably just set in her ways. The secretary’s eye stalks turned and noticed Shannon watching, and she scowled at her. Shannon looked around, pretending not to be interested.
The double doors to Lords’ office finally slid open and Shannon instantly jumped to attention, followed quickly by Tonga and, finally, Reg. Jacobson had the nerve to slouch even more in his chair, if that was possible.
But it wasn’t the commandant who exited the room as she expected. It was, instead, what appeared to be an extremely attractive, purple-haired woman of about twenty-one sols. Shannon quickly noticed some of the telltale signs that she was actually an artificial lifeform: the slightly rubbery skin, the almost vacant-looking eyes, the stiffness in her hair. Even so, she knew at first glance that this was someone in whom any heterosexual male would definitely overlook such features.
Present company certainly not excepted. She could easily detect that fact that Reg had instantly started breathing heavily and sweating.
Johnnie finally jumped out of his seat and stood at attention at the sight of her. “Hellooooo Dolly.”
Commandant Lords followed shortly behind her, and was obviously unaware of the presence of students in the area. His normally dignified look became more like discomfort for some reason. From Shannon’s hall monitor training, she could tell right away he was feeling guilty about something.
Lords cleared his throat as his ears turned bright red. “Ahem. Well, yes, that will be all, Cadet C.O.R.A. I’ll see you next week for our weekly… uh…maintenance…session.”
C.O.R.A. turned to face him, nonplussed by the statement. “But, sir, I thought you indicated that you needed your ‘data stream flushed’ at least twice per week in order to maintain ‘maximum efficiency’.”
Lords’ expression turned from embarrassment to anger. “I said that will be all, cadet!”
The other four cadets looked at one another, then stared at their commandant. C.O.R.A. tilted her head in curiosity at his behavior.
Lords turned to his secretary. “Why wasn’t I informed that they were out here?”
“You told me you weren’t to be disturbed under any circu
mstances.” She answered matter-of-factly.
Lieutenant Bravhart appeared to be even more nervous than everyone else as he spoke up. “Sir, your, uh…” He nodded toward Lords’ crotch.
Lords looked down and saw that the fly of his uniform pants was down. He turned away and zipped it up, then turned back. “Now, then. What’s going on with…” A look of disgust crossed his face as he looked directly at Johnnie. “…him.”
Shannon straightened up even more. “Sir! Cadet Jacobson was found committing an act of fornication in a senior cadet’s dorm room, then caused a disturbance in the corridors, including enlisting his friend here, Cadet…” She looked nervously at Reg.
Reg saw her panic and helped her out. “Christopher. Reg Christopher.”
She let out the breath she had been holding. “Cadet Christopher, to assist in—”
“Cadet!” Lords interrupted.
“Sir?”
“What’s your name?”
Shannon couldn’t help a slight smile as she answered proudly. “Cadet Shannon Roberts, sir. Hall monitor.”
“Cadet Roberts. When I asked the question, I wasn’t talking to you, nor am I interested in anything you have to say. That’s what I keep this idiot around for.” He pointed his thumb at Bravhart, who was so used to being talked about in that manner that he was completely unfazed.
But Shannon was mortified at the dressing-down from the commandant.
Lords wasn’t done, either. “However, if I ever decide I need a second idiot like him, I’ll be sure to contact you immediately, since you appear to be the perfect candidate.” He turned to his secretary. “Mrs. Schluump, add Cadet Roberts’ name to the top of the idiot candidate list. And put a star next to it.”
Shannon slowly sat down, the blood draining from her face. Her eyes began to tear up despite her desperate attempt to hold back.
Once he was sure Lords was done, Bravhart spoke up. “Cadet Jacobson was found committing an act of fornication in a senior cadet’s dorm room, then caused a disturbance in the corridors, including enlisting his friend here, Cadet—”
“Lieutenant. Just because I wanted you to answer the first time instead of her doesn’t mean I need you to repeat everything she already told me. We already have a parrot down in the exospecies veterinary lab. Maybe I should have it replace you, if that’s what you think your job consists of.”
Now Bravhart was finally flustered himself. “Yes, sir. Understood, sir. No more repeating things, sir.”
“Jacobson, in my office, now. The rest of you are dismissed. And you’d better not be hanging around here when I come out.”
The commandant slyly checked his zipper again to be sure, then stormed into his office. As Johnnie followed Lords into his office, he turned to look at Shannon. From his expression, she could tell that he felt bad for her, and maybe even a bit guilty. Once the office doors closed, she hung her head low and shuffled out of the office along with everyone else, including C.O.R.A.
***
Johnnie plopped down into one of the chairs in front of Commandant Lords’ desk. He was so used to being there that it was more familiar to him than his own quarters. He kicked his feet up onto the desk, fully aware of the fact that his naughty bits were hanging out the bottom of the tunic’s skirt. “So how’s it gonna go this time, Dick? You call my dad…he chews me out—again—takes away my allowance—again—tells you to go easy on me—ag—”
“Shut up.” Lords’ tone was dripping with loathing.
Johnnie was a bit shocked. He’d never seen Lords act so boldly. He was, after all, his boss’s son, no matter how much the man may have hated him. “Excuse me, Dick?”
The smugness was practically bursting forth from Lords’ face. “You heard me. And stop using my first name. You will address me as 'sir' or 'Commandant' at all times."
"Sure thing, Dick. I mean, Commandant. Sir."
"The admiral told me the last time you were in trouble that he was tired of bailing you out. He doesn’t want me to call him anymore.”
Johnnie smiled wide, a twinkle in his eye. “That’s great news! I guess that means I get to keep my allowance then, too. Well, good talk…” Jonnie started to stand.
“No.” The Commandant’s expression was enough to cause Johnnie to sit back down. “This time I’m allowed to deal with you in whatever manner I see fit.”
Johnnie’s smile was gone, but his confidence had only slightly wavered. “So…what? Week’s detention? No dessert for the rest of the semester? Man, I'd really hate to miss pudding week, though.”
Lords laughed.
This finally made Johnnie nervous. “Wait…you’re not actually going to expel me, are you?”
“Oh, you only wish you were that lucky. You’re not just going to be punished for all of the havoc and chaos you’ve caused here at the Academy.” Lords grinned wide. “You’re going to actually serve your sentence for the incident that got you sent here in the first place.”
Now Johnnie looked really worried. Crap. The Incident.
Johnnie had pulled off some major mischief in his time, but The Incident was a work of pure genius. The highest of hijinks. A symphony of shenanigans. It all started when he stole an Interplanetary Patrol Cruiser from Starbase 111 and took it for a joyride around the sector with the Galactic Alliance’s Interplanetary Patrol on his tail for six days. He’d done it, as he’d so often done many things, to impress a girl. Priaxa. No, that wasn’t it. Prelizia. Yeah, that was it. Wasn’t it? No, maybe it was Priaxa. The one with the amazing violet eyes. And turquoise skin. And just the right extra body parts Johnnie preferred in an alien species.
Regardless, she was into bad boys, which Johnnie most certainly was, and he was ready to take things to the limit. Granted, it helped that he was an admiral’s son, since that prevented the Patrol ships from vaporizing him on sight. But still, he proved that he was one hell of a pilot during that extended chase. In fact, the only reason he was ready to stop after six days was that the food synthesizers on board had run out of energy and he could no longer produce any more junk food and alcohol.
Knowing he was running out of time, he asked Priaxa where she’d like to be dropped off, and she stated that she wanted to land in the middle of the biggest party in the galaxy. So he aimed his ship, just as it was about to run out of fuel, for Decimus Two, where he crashed it into the Temple of Seraph during the wedding of the Monarch’s daughter.
The Monarch, needless to say, was not happy about it, and wanted Johnnie immediately executed. But an interplanetary crisis was averted when the Alliance’s best diplomats, who were luckily attending the wedding, stepped in and made numerous promises about Decimus Two being highly rewarded if he would stay his hand and allow Johnnie to live. Johnnie was carted off in handcuffs while the wedding attendees scowled at him.
But outside of the temple, the people of Decimus Two, who had been suffering from poverty and famine while the royal family hoarded all the wealth and resources and put on the most lavish wedding the galaxy had seen in millennia, cheered for him. The whole thing set off a revolution in which they overturned and beheaded the Monarch, and the people of the planet had been writing songs and poems about Johnnie ever since. But they also decided to leave the Galactic Alliance because it had supported and made deals with the Monarch, including helping to keep the subjects subjugated, and now the valuable resources of Decimus Two were no longer at the Alliance’s disposal.
Johnnie snapped out of his reverie when Lords cleared his throat and decided to continue.
“I’m going to throw you in the brig here at the Academy, then transfer you to a penal colony as soon as humanly possible. What do you think of that?”
Johnnie snickered as the commandant stared at him, astonished by his reaction.
“You said ‘penal’.”
***
Shannon was still in full dejection mode as she moped down the corridor with her head bowed. Tonga and Reg walked next to her, trying to comfort her but not really sure how to d
o it. C.O.R.A. followed a few steps behind, looking on curiously. Her main directive was to observe and imitate human behavior, and that’s exactly what she was going to do.
Shannon sniffed as she continued her attempt to hold back tears. “I’ve waited almost two years to finally meet the commandant in person. He’s been my hero for as long as I can remember. And then he turns out to be…to be…”
Reg tried to help. “An ass-hat?”
Tonga chimed in as well. “A Fegullian gutter slug?”
Even C.O.R.A. gave it a shot. “A rather unpleasant human?”
They all looked at C.O.R.A., including Shannon. “Who exactly are you again?”
“My name is C.O.R.A.: Cybernetic Oral Response Android. I have been sent to the Star Academy for officer training, and my mission is to observe and imitate the behavior of biological beings.” She made an attempt at a pleasant smile, but the uncanny valley effect caused it to be a bit creepy instead.
Reg, still fully in overheated mode from his attraction to the android, leaned up against the wall with one hand in a spectacularly unsuccessful attempt to look cool. “So, do you, um…have a boyfriend?” His sweaty hand slipped off the wall, and he nearly fell to the floor.
C.O.R.A. looked at him for a beat, computing her answer. “I do not have any…friends.”
The others look at one another guiltily.
Shannon spoke up as she wiped away the beginnings of a tear. “Oh, what the heck. Come on, then. Let’s all go get a cup of coffee.”
***
Lieutenant Bravhart and two security guards escorted Johnnie down to the brig. At least Johnnie had been given a chance to change into one of his own uniforms. Xanthia’s had been getting pretty drafty. They stood in the lift as the lights pulsed by in an upward motion, indicating the floors they were passing on their way down to the detention level in the basement. It wasn’t often that the Academy had to hold prisoners, but when they did, they tended to stay held. The brig was located so far down in the Academy’s foundation that it was practically in the center of the tiny moon it was built on, and not only were the walls made of the hardest material known in the galaxy, but outside of the walls was the core of the moon.