Pew! Pew! - Bad versus Worse

by M. D. Cooper

  The president sneered at him angrily. “Then you will be executed along with him!” He motioned and some Police put cuffs on Johnnie and the others and dragged them away roughly.

  Chapter Six

  Johnnie and the rest of his small crew sat in a Decimusian prison cell, shell-shocked. “Boy, they’re quite the volatile people, aren’t they? I wonder what all that was about.”

  “How about first you explain why they thought you were a hero, and then we’ll figure out why they hate you now?” Shannon asked.

  “Like I said earlier, it was through my actions that they ended up overthrowing their Monarch and holding democratic elections. That’s pretty cool, right?”

  “And how exactly did they overthrow him?” Asked Reg.

  “The usual way. With a revolution.”

  Captain Rickard snapped his fingers. “That’s it! That’s why I recognize this planet. I was sent to help the Monarch try to put down the revolution. Man, we killed a lot of people.”

  Tonga looked intense. “Killed a lot of people? Here?”

  “Yeah, we blew up entire cities from space. At first it was a normal mission, but it got way out of control. It was kind of a bummer.”

  “A bummer? Really?” Said Reg.

  “They nicknamed me ‘The Butcher.’ In fact, now that I think about it, that’s pretty much when I started the drinking.”

  Johnnie looked at Tonga. “See? At least he feels bad about it.”

  “Right. That makes it all better, doesn’t it?” Tonga said sarcastically.

  Johnnie stood up. “So, needless to say, our plan has gotten somewhat derailed by these latest developments.”

  “You think?” Said Shannon. “I went from being worried about detention and having the school call my parents, to having my head on the chopping block. Literally.”

  “Yeah. That president dude does seem a bit like the Robespierre type, doesn’t he?” Johnnie said.

  “Pierre who?” Reg asked.

  “Never mind. We just need a new plan. Let’s start spitballing.” Johnnie paced back and forth, and on one of his rounds he noticed there was someone in the cell across from them.

  He leaned up against the cell door. “Hey! Are you who I think you are?”

  The beautiful young woman in the cell looked up at him. “Probably. And are you the one who ruined my wedding and got my fiancé and entire family executed?”

  “Uh...it was...an accident?”

  She scoffed at him.

  “Look, Princess. They’re going to execute us, and I’m sure you’re not faring too well under the current regime either. Do you think you might be able to put the past behind us in order to fix things?”

  She stared at him for a few seconds, and her expression softened. “I’m listening.”

  ***

  Captain Rickard and Johnnie stood on a dais in the center of a giant courtroom, with the others standing one level down on a lower portion. Across from them, a judge sat at a tall desk, and the president and his aides were behind them on a high balcony. Giant screens showed the proceedings in the courtroom, which were also being broadcast live across the planet.

  There was a lot of formality spoken in the native language of Decimus Two, which Johnnie understood very little of. Finally, the judge addressed him and Rickard in Alliance Standard. “According to our laws, you may have one witness to speak on your behalf, and then you may say a few words yourself before we pass judgment on you. Who have you chosen as your advocate?”

  “I choose Princess Aureliana,” Johnnie announced.

  The gallery broke into a lot of murmuring until the judge brought his mallet down a few times on his desk. “Bring in the princess.”

  Princess Aureliana stood at the witness stand. “For months now, I have sat in captivity awaiting the final judgment of the court and the government on whether or not I should be held responsible for the crimes of my father and his forebears. I have spent most of that time thinking about how I would destroy Johnnie Jacobson if ever given the chance, since I blamed him for all of my problems, just as most of you praised him for them.”

  There was more murmuring until the judge pounded his mallet down again. Johnnie whispered to Rickard. “Damn, she’s good.”

  She continued. “But I have come to realize we cannot blame one man for what happened. It was my family’s own avarice and ignorance which led to our downfall, not the fact that one man...basically not much more than a child...happened to interrupt my nuptials. We all must take some responsibility for the violence and death that followed, however. We could have found a way to change things peacefully. Gradually. Instead, we chose a bloody conflict that destroyed even more lives. I ask you to stop the killing. There has been enough death. Enough bloodshed. I plead with you not to execute Johnnie Jacobson. Kill me if you must, but please make my death the last of this horrific era, and let our people continue on in peace.”

  The gallery broke out in applause, and this time, the judge was unable to quiet down the audience. The president stood up, angry. “Why would anyone listen to her? She deserves to die!”

  Many in the audience began to shout him down. He shouted back at them in return. The crowd became more and more unruly. Suddenly, the huge double doors that led into the great courtroom burst open, and commoners flooded into the building. Those who supported the president and those who decided they liked the princess better fought each other, as well as the guards and police who tried to stop them.

  The guard standing next to the dais was knocked unconscious, and Johnnie quickly grabbed his blaster pistol. “I have a feeling this is our cue to go.”

  “But what about the trial?” Shannon asked. Just then, the judge was dragged down off his bench by the mob supporting the princess. “Never mind.”

  “Tonga, if you wouldn’t mind taking the lead?” Johnnie suggested.

  Tonga scowled, but still pushed the rioters out of the way without effort, and the group waded through the crowd of tall, thin protestors without too much trouble.

  Outside, things were already escalating out of control. Stores were having their windows shattered and being looted, vehicles were being turned over, and some people seemed to be fighting just for the sake of fightint.

  When they reached the spaceport, the gates were closing, which would prevent them from being able to get to their ship. They were still too far away to reach the controls. It looked like the end of the line.

  Reg shouted to Johnnie. “Throw me the blaster!”

  Johnnie tossed him the blaster and he aimed it, still at a full run. The energy blast hit the gate controls just right, and the panel started to spark and smoke. More importantly, the gates stopped closing and they were able to squeeze through.

  Several rioters followed them through the gate and were gaining on them. Shannon turned around. “I’ve got this.”

  She surprised the rest of the group with a sudden whirlwind of martial arts moves that quickly took down the entire mob that had been after them.

  They made it back to their ship just as the courthouse was set ablaze by vandals, and police were shooting tear gas canisters into the mob.

  Once they got the ship into the air, they could see that many parts of the city were now burning. Johnnie flew the ship out of the atmosphere and away from the planet.

  “Well, now that we’ve ruined that planet, what’s our next step?” Shannon asked.

  Johnnie shrugged. “We can’t go to Dynasty space, that’s for sure. And there’s no going back to the Alliance…especially now. That only leaves one place.”

  “What’s that?” Reg asked.

  “The Badlands.”

  ***

  The navigation buoys floated just in front of the ship, red lights blinking on and off.

  “This is it, guys. Say goodbye to the Galactic Alliance for a Better Tomorrow, and hello to the Badlands, where Chaos and Anarchy are king and queen.”

  “That’s very poetic, Johnnie,” said Shannon.

  “No, t
hose are the actual names of the monarchs who rule over the badlands. Imperator Chaos and Lady Anarchy. Well, loosely translated anyway. But they don’t do much except collect the occasional tribute and kidnap unsuspecting civilians and force them to fight to the death in their giant space arena.”

  “That sounds oddly familiar,” said Shannon.

  Johnnie shrugged. “Yeah, it’s pretty standard for evil tyrants.”

  “Is it just me, or does the term badlands seem a little weird for an area of space?” Reg asked.

  “They tried badspace and badplanets for a while, but neither one ever really caught on.”

  “My parents are going to disown me,” Reg whined. “And, much more importantly, disinherit me. I’ve never lived as a pauper before. I don’t know if I can do it. Is it as bad as I imagine it to be?”

  “My parents will be so disappointed.” Shannon was practically hyperventilating. “I’ve never disappointed them before. I don’t even know what it’s like to disappoint my parents. It makes my heart hurt just thinking about it.”

  “If I ever see my three parents again, they’ll eat me alive. Literally.” Everyone looks disgusted. “What? That’s our custom. I don’t judge your weird human customs.”

  Rickard’s baritone voice came from the back of the bridge. “My parents have long since retired and are now living in Boca Raton, Florida back on Earth. I’m not sure they even know I’m a captain. Or whether I’m alive. I should probably give them a call one of these days.”

  Johnnie turned the ship around and it started heading back to the Academy.

  “What are you doing?” Shannon asked.

  “Going back. As much as I’d love a life of adventure in the badlands, it’s obvious you guys would never last.”

  Reg tilted his head. “Honestly, it didn’t sound all that fun to begin with.”

  “But Reg: Space. Monkeys.”

  Shannon scowled. “I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to space monkeys.”

  Tonga agreed. “Yes. Their fur does contain copious amounts of dander.”

  C.O.R.A. added, “Actually, according to Spacepedia—”

  “Not now, C.O.R.A.!” Said Shannon. “But what are you going to do, Johnnie? I mean, we’ll certainly get into some trouble, but you...”

  “I know. I was already headed for a prison planet before my great escape. I can’t imagine what Lords is going to have planned for me now.”

  C.O.R.A. chimed in again. “Prison Planet is one of the games the commandant enjoys during our maintenance sessions. If you wish, I can show you a recording of our last—”

  “Not now, C.O.R.A.!” This time it had been Reg’s turn to shut her up.

  Rickard perked up. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing—”

  Johnnie interrupted. “Wait! What did she just say?”

  Shannon looked disgusted. “She’s going on about her maintenance sessions with the commandant again. It's so gross.”

  “But she said she had a recording.” Johnnie was getting excited again.

  Shannon was misinterpreting Johnnie’s excitement. “Even more disgusting. In fact, C.O.R.A., I think you should just delete—”

  Johnnie threw up his hands in dismay. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”

  Everyone stared at Johnnie as he grabbed C.O.R.A. by the shoulders. “Whatever you do, do not delete any of your recordings of you and the commandant. Do you understand me?”

  C.O.R.A. gave him a quizzical stare as well.

  ***

  Johnnie landed the ship on the docking pad back at the Academy, then allowed Shannon to put some cuffs on him. They all exited the ship except for Rickard, with everyone except Johnnie feeling extremely nervous.

  They were greeted by Lieutenant Bravhart and a host of security guards. “Ah, Cadet Roberts. I see you already have the situation well in hand once again. I should have known I could trust my finest hall monitor to step up. You’ll be up for a commendation, young lady. You remind me so much of myself when I was your age.”

  Shannon tried to hide her distress at the thought. “Uuuhhhh...yes. Of course. Tonga and I managed to sneak on board his ship before he took off, then caught him unawares and stopped him. Yes, we did. We sure did.”

  Bravhart looked Reg up and down. “And I suppose this young man was his stooge once again?”

  Reg was indignant. “Hey!”

  Shannon put her hand on his forearm to calm him down. “Yes, sir. Stooge. Definitely his stooge.”

  Bravhart got up in Reg’s face. “I don’t care how many engineering wings your family buys for this academy, Cadet Christopher. You’re not squirming your way out of this one.”

  Bravhart motioned for the security guards to take Johnnie and Reg into custody, and they grabbed them. He addressed Shannon again, putting his hand on her shoulder. “This time, I don’t believe the commandant will be quite so dismissive of his second idiot.” He looked up at Tonga and put a hand on his shoulder as well. “Or his third.”

  Shannon and Tonga exchanged a glance—they had no idea what he was talking about. They all started moving toward the entrance to the academy, but C.O.R.A. stayed behind, unsure of what to do.

  Johnnie pointed at her. “Hey, don’t forget the sex robot!”

  Shannon punched him in the same spot on his arm where she hit him earlier. He rubbed it gingerly. “Ow! I think I’d rather go to prison than keep getting punched like this.”

  As everyone headed into the Academy, Rickard appeared at the ship’s exit hatch. He looked around, smiled, and then strolled down the ramp and over to the door. But he didn’t notice that Bravhart turned the force field to the landing dock back on, unaware that anyone was left.

  Rickard walked straight into the invisible barrier and received another huge jolt, then slumped to the floor.

  ***

  Commandant Lords sat on the edge of his desk, watching the door to his office in anticipation. He’d been waiting for this day for a long time. He thought he’d had enough on Johnnie Jacobson to send him to prison before, but, truth be told, he was still feeling somewhat ambivalent about jailing the son of one of the most powerful men in the Alliance. But now...now there was no way anyone could argue against it. He’d broken out of the brig and stolen an Alliance starship—practically the same crime he’d been sentenced for before being sent here. Then he returned to the planet that he got all Alliance personnel banned from!

  He wondered if there was enough time for a celebratory drink before Bravhart arrived with Jacobson. Deciding to take the chance, he ran around his desk and pulled the bottle of Starshine out of its hiding place in his bottom drawer. He was in the middle of pouring himself a glass when his intercom buzzed. “Yes?”

  His secretary’s voice came over the small speaker. “Lieutenant Bravhart has arrived with Cadet Jacobson, sir.”

  Lords did everything he could not to sound as thrilled as he felt. He held his breath for a moment and then downed the glass of Starshine before tapping the intercom button. “All right, send them in.”

  He sat down on the edge of his desk again and pretended to be busy on a data pad as Bravhart entered with not only Jacobson, but C.O.R.A. and the other cadets from earlier as well. His expression immediately turned to one of frustration. “Lieutenant, why are you bringing your fellow idiots into my office again?”

  Bravhart’s smile went away as he got flustered. “But sir, they—”

  The commandant gestured at Shannon and Tonga. “You two—out!”

  Johnnie was defiant. “No.”

  The commandant’s eyes went so wide that they threatened to leave their sockets. He was not used to being spoken to that way. By anyone. Especially not someone like Johnnie Jacobson. “What did you just say?”

  “It’s only one very small word. How about I say it slower for you?” Johnnie repeated the word in extreme slow motion. “Nnnnnnoooooooooo.”

  Lords’ face was beet red and it looked like steam was about to start pouring from his ears. “You hardly give the orders ar
ound here!”

  Johnnie walked around Lords’ desk and sat right down in his giant chair. As much as it seemed as if the commandant couldn’t get any angrier, he somehow looked even more like he was about to blow a gasket...maybe even have a stroke.

  Johnnie crossed his legs and put them up on the desk. “We’ll see about that, Dick. Hey, sex robot.”

  This immediately angered Shannon, as usual. “Her name is C.O.R.A.!”

  Johnnie finally started to sound like he cared. “Sorry. C.O.R.A., then. Can you please plug into that console over there?”

  C.O.R.A. approached the office computer console on the wall and stuck her tongue into the input slot, as she’d done in the brig. Reg shuddered at the sight, and got so weak-kneed that Tonga had to hold him up.

  Johnnie simply smiled. “How about we play some home movies of you and the commandant?”

  The frozen image from earlier of Lords making his ecstatic “Oh!” face appeared again, this time on the huge conference vid screen on the wall of the office.

  Lords nearly fell over on his face as he leapt off of his desk and rushed over to C.O.R.A. “Wait! What is he talking about?”

  Reg found his legs and his voice. “He’s talking about the fact that C.O.R.A. records all of her interactions with biological life forms to help her learn about them.”

  Johnnie’s smile grew into a shit-eating grin. “All. Interactions. Even the...nasty ones.”

  Lords’ anger had quickly turned into full-on panic. “C.O.R.A., I order you not to play those recordings. Actually, I order you to delete them immediately.”

  C.O.R.A. disconnected from the console so she could speak. “I cannot comply.”

  “W-what? Why?” The commandant stammered.

  “I am currently under orders not to follow your orders.”

  “Orders from whom?” The commandant’s indignation was returning.

  “Admiral Jacobson.”

  Everyone’s attention went back to Johnnie. “I might’ve, well...hacked into my dad’s files once or...a dozen times over the years. I gave her one of his old override codes on the way here. And what do you know? It still works!”