Pew! Pew! - Bad versus Worse
Page 58
“Guess I’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way,” she said, and stepped over to the control panel, pushing the indicator for Sweep 3 with her elbow.
Nothing happened.
“Oh, fiddlesticks!” she exclaimed.
Does being a theme station involve needing serious repairs to the freight lifts?
The station map she’d downloaded before leaving showed the location of a staircase, and Cindy walked out of the lift into the long, dimly lit corridor. There was an intersection ahead, and the stairs should be down the corridor on the left.
When she turned the corner, she was confronted by a group of three dwarves.
“Bimmy,” she whispered, recognizing the dwarf in the center from the image Girl had shown her.
A sound behind her caused Cindy to look back, and she saw another dozen dwarves spill into the intersection from the far corridor.
“You’ve got something that belongs to me,” Bimmy said, pointing at the Glass ShoesAlso-Not-TM.
“Really?” Cindy asked as she set the crate down. “You, or Him, or the Fairly Goodmothers? Far as I can tell—whether I like it or not—these shoes belong to me right now. Especially since they don’t come off.”
Bimmy let out a menacing laugh. “I bet we could cut your feet off. Let Him figure out the rest.”
Cindy shrugged and slid her left foot back, widening her stance. “Good luck with that.”
“You think you can take us?” Bimmy snarled.
Cindy looked at the fifteen dwarves surrounding her. “Oh, I know I can take you. What’s more? I’m going to get a special rise out of it.”
The moment the last words passed her lips, Cindy lunged at Bimmy, knocking him to the ground, while kicking out with her right leg and catching one of the dwarves beside him in the face.
They rolled over on the deck, and Bimmy delivered a solid punch, striking Cindy in the abdomen, which became hard as diamond from the impact.
“Yeooowwwww!” Bimmy howled, and reared back.
Cindy made good use of the opportunity, kicking Bimmy off and sending him sailing into the dwarves that were crowding around.
She leapt to her feet just as two dwarves grabbed at her arms, pulling her backward.
“Stars, you’re heavy little doozers!” Cindy said as she heaved the two dwarves forward, swinging them together. The pair fell to the ground, but a moment later, she was swarmed as all the dwarves leapt at her in unison.
She backpedaled, and her heel caught in a gap in the deck. “Fiddlestiiiicks!” escaped her mouth as she fell to the hard steel plating.
The dwarves piled on top of her, and her outfit became completely rigid from the initial impacts.
Fudge cookies! If this is how I go, I’ll be quite irate!
Then the catsuit softened once more, and Cindy grasped onto a divot in the deck and squirmed until she was facing down. She pushed her arms straight, struggling against the writhing mass of dwarves on her back, and got her knees under her.
With a cry of “Fluffy muffins, get the flowers off me!” she rose up, throwing the dwarves off and sending a dozen small bodies sailing through the air.
She got back to her feet as the dwarves scrambled to theirs. For a moment she stared at them, and they at her. Then Bimmy drew a pistol.
“I didn’t want to have to do this, but if this is how it’s gotta go down, then this is how it’s gotta go down.”
Without any further hesitation, he fired four rounds at her chest. The shots ricocheted off her bodice, striking the wall and two other dwarves.
Cindy grinned savagely—at least it felt savage to her. She suspected that it was more of a beautiful beaming smile.
“OK, if that’s the game you want to play.”
She kicked her right foot out, sweeping the legs of a nearby dwarf, and grabbed his ankles as he went down.
“Whoa, whaaaaa!” the dwarf cried out as Cindy swung him at two of his compatriots.
Like she was harvesting a field of grain with a scythe, Cindy mowed the dwarves down with one of their own.
Bimmy fired another shot that bounced off Cindy’s side, and she tossed her dwarven cudgel aside and rushed toward the small, angry man. He fired two more shots, one ricocheting off her exposed chest—an unexpected, but very welcome development—before she reached him.
Her hand balled up into a dainty fist and slammed into his face. She could feel a satisfying crunch as her glove hardened from the impact and shattered the dwarf’s cheekbone.
The one blow was all it took to take Bimmy down, and Cindy spun, staring at the groaning dwarves strewn around the corridor. They all appeared to be moving; even the one she’d used as a club, though he was holding his head and sobbing.
“Good. Serves you bad little dwarves right!” Cindy squeaked with rage. “You should all be very grateful that I didn’t see fit to rip your geraniums off.”
She planted her hands on her hips and glowered at them as her catsuit suddenly reverted to a poofy dress.
Cindy sighed, and then smiled beatifically at the scene before her.
Maybe being Cindy isn’t that bad, if I get to be an unstoppable bad apple. Bad aaaaasp. Bad aaaaaaangora. Oh, muffin crumbs!
THE TEAM
It took Cindy nearly thirty minutes to make it back to the ship. She entered the Rec Room to see the rest of the crew sitting around, watching vids, while Vampy sucked on a blood pouch.
“Wow, here I am getting attacked, and all of you flamingos are sitting around watching vids.”
She set the crate down and stared at them, willing her expression to be as menacing as possible.
“Girl told us about it once you got back on the Link,” Ramsey said with a shrug. “Seemed like you had it all covered.”
“Those damn dwarves,” Girl said aloud. “Present company excluded, of course, Porty.”
“Understandable,” Porty replied. “I kinda hate dwarves, too.”
Cindy nodded and collapsed into a chair. “OK…that crate did not start out that heavy.”
“Why didn’t you rent a hoverpad?” Lashes asked around the blood pouch she was sucking on.
“Really, Vampy? Really? I had to fight off a horde of dwarves to get you your next meal, and this is the thanks I get? You’re a real peach, you know that?”
Kitty leapt up from her seat and rushed over to Cindy. She jumped on her lap and wrapped Cindy in a firm embrace.
“I’m so glad you’re safe and sound, Cindy. We were worried about a sweet little thing like you all alone out on the station. What with your incredible strength and bulletproof clothing!”
Cindy pushed Kitty off her lap, doing her best to give an angry glare. She leaned forward to hit Kitty, but the woman crouched down and licked her hand, before running it over the back of her head.
“You wouldn’t hit a defenseless kitty cat, would you?”
Cindy paused. A smile worked its way across her face, and a titter escaped her lips. The titter turned into a giggle, and the giggle was soon a full-on laugh.
The rest of the crew looked at her like she was crazy for a minute, and then, one-by-one, they all joined in.
Soon they were all laughing and slapping their knees, even Porty. Cindy wondered what he thought of his crazy crew. Then again, he was the one who had worked on a station protected by Kong and flying monkeys.
After the crew calmed down, Girl spoke up. “I think I’ve picked my name.”
“Oh yeah?” Vampy asked. “What is it?”
“Laylani,” Girl replied. “It means ‘heavenly flower’, and I’m beautiful and fly through the heavens. Plus it’s a bit weird, which I think I need to be to fit in with you organics.”
“Speak for yourself,” Ramsey said as he gnawed on his golden carrot. “I’m perfectly normal.”
The room broke out into laughter again—all except for Ramsey, who frowned as he gnawed on his golden carrot.
THE GOODMOTHERS
The two Fairly Goodmothers stood on a gantry high above the ships
in the docking bay, watching the woman in the sparkling white catsuit carry a crate toward the ship bearing the pink stripe.
“She really should have rented a hoverpad,” the first Fairly Goodmother said to the second.
“I know; I would have…and I can fly.”
“Are you sure this will work?” the first Fairly Goodmother asked the other. “Sending them out like this?”
The second Fairly Goodmother gave a curt nod. “We’ll make sure they’re at the right place at the right time. When they’re needed, they’ll be ready.”
“That time is years away,” the first said. “Will they be OK until then?”
“Porty will let us know if anything goes awry. But I have a feeling that this unlikely crew of superheroes will become a force for order and justice. The galaxy needs that.”
“You’re right there. The stars are surely lacking in that,” the first Fairly Goodmother replied.
The second nodded, and they looked down at the ship for a minute longer before she let out a long sigh.
“Come, we have to deal with Bimmy and his cohort. Their misdeeds may have worked toward our plan, but they were still made against our will.”
“You sound like you have something in mind,” the first Fairly Goodmother noted.
“Well, someone has to hunt those vampire cards that are now infesting the Dark Forest….”
THE END
— — —
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Table of Contents
The Evil Neon Octopus Overlord Vlog
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Consensus
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
Dodging Fate 4: Attack of the Blagrooks: A Holiday Spectacular
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Voyage of the Space Bastard
Chapter 1: Prologue to History
Chapter 2: Fear of a Frag Planet
Chapter 3: Slash and Burn
Chapter 4: This is Yesterday
Chapter 5: Born to End
Chapter 5: Archives of Pain
Chapter 6: Space Dementia
Krample Co: A Galaxmas Story
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Deta Team: 3 – It’s Hard Being a Girl
PREVIOUSLY ON DELTA TEAM
DWARVES
DELIVERY
DECEPTION
DEPARTURE
Totalus
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Part One: The Soldier
Part Two: The Pilot
Part Three: The Resistance
Part Four: The Bartender
Part Five: The Attack
STAR ACADEMY 3013: What are Sex Robots Made Of?
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
>Galactic Alliance for a Better Tomorrow Network
Miss Planet Earth and the Amulet of Beb-Sha-Na
Chapter 1: The Dynamic Duo-Trio
Chapter 2: Getting some Gold Green for Some Purple Silver
Chapter 3: The Return of Space Pig Whale Thing
Chapter 4: Growing Pains and Other Disgusting Aspects of Human Nature
Chapter 5: That Scene from the Matrix, only in the future, with a cat
Chapter 6: Sloths Versus Sharks and Other Bad Ideas
Chapter 7: The Mad Tea Party and What Katra Found There
Delta Team: 4 – A Fool’s Gotta Feed
PREVIOUSLY ON DELTA TEAM
COOLING OFF
A NEW LOOK
A NEW FACE IN THE MIRROR
ACCEPTANCE
THE TEAM
THE GOODMOTHERS
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