He tried to sound as if it didn’t matter and was shocked that it did — far more than he cared to admit.
Kate paused, appearing thoughtful. She took a sip of wine.
“I will probably have to see to him,” she said. “Mr. Jamison assigned me to the project. I have to see it through.”
When she slowly licked a bit of butter off the corner of her mouth, Colin pictured setting down his fork, getting up, and walking around the table. What would she do if he picked her up, carried her to the garçonnière, and locked her inside like a princess in one of the French fairy tales his mother used to read?
It would take a miracle for him to be able to carry her anywhere.
“Colin?”
It was a moment before he realized she had spoken.
He swallowed. “Pardon me. What did you just say?”
“I asked if you would care.”
“Care about what?”
“When I have to meet with Captain Stevens, will you care?”
How much should he reveal? No matter what their living arrangements, she was his wife. There was no shame in having proprietary feelings about her. Nothing wrong with being possessive, either. But he had never worn his heart on his sleeve or had such strong feelings for a woman.
“Let’s just say I wouldn’t be very happy about it,” he admitted.
She put down her fork, folded her hands at the edge of the table. “Why?”
“Because, as I told you the day I met him, I don’t like the man. I don’t trust him.”
“Trust him?”
“To keep his hands off you.”
She surprised him by laughing again.
“I doubt a man like Captain Stevens would find someone like me desirable,” she said.
“Any man would find you desirable, Kate.”
She went completely still and clenched her hands together so tightly her knuckles whitened. Silent seconds ticked by. When she finally spoke, he barely heard her.
“Do you find me desirable?”
He had no idea how they had started down this road but it was too late to backtrack. Her eyes were wide and blue behind her round spectacles. In the glow of the lamp’s flame, her hair was not only rich brown, but highlighted with copper and gold. The light shimmered on her moist lips. Her glasses magnified her thick lashes. She was trim, her slim figure emphasized by the expert cut of her black gown. Even the evening breeze off the river seemed to have stopped, waiting for his answer.
“Of course I do.”
The truth came easily. What would she do if he kissed her? Really kissed her? There was only one way to find out.
He waited until dinner was over. When they were finished he walked around to her side of the table.
“Are you tired?” he asked. When she stood and turned to him he was tempted to take the pins out of her hair and watch it fall around her shoulders.
“My eyes are tired.” She seemed in no hurry to leave. He reached down and turned out the flame on the lamp.
The moon was high, the gallery and land beyond bathed in silver light. The oaks were black, hulking shapes beneath the moonlight. Kate hadn’t moved. He reached for her glasses, slipped them off, and set them carefully on the table.
“Better?” he said.
She rubbed her eyes. “I can see well enough.” She didn’t sound so sure.
“You already know what I look like — tall, dark, and limping.”
“Oh, Colin. Don’t make fun of your injury. It was valiantly won.”
“Was it? How do you know?”
“I know you.”
“I’m luckier than many. They say over six hundred thousand Americans died in the war. That’s what happens when a country turns upon itself.” He paused and stared out at the silhouettes of the oaks, bent and twisted, raw and beautiful at the same time.
“I’m sorry to spoil the evening with such melancholy talk,” he said. “Thank you for putting up with my dark moods.”
“You seem happy tonight.”
“Pain stays as long as it’s nourished. What of you, Kate?”
“I’m a little better every day. Eugenie reminded me that God shows us the way out of our darkness.”
“Do you believe it?”
“Maybe He’s slowly lighting the way for us.”
Colin drew her into an embrace, prepared to release her if she balked. To his surprise she slipped her arms around him as if she did it all the time.
“Are you happy here, Kate?”
“I’d be lying if I said I am as happy as before Amelie died. The world looks different to me now. I’ve learned we can’t force things to go our way. We hurt, we lose those we love, but we have to go on and learn to survive, to become someone new, someone hopefully stronger and wiser.”
“You don’t regret marrying me?”
“I’m glad we did the right thing.”
“So am I, and not just for the children. We’re good together, Kate. We’re partners. I like to think we’ve become more than friends.” He was surprised at how easily the words poured out of him.
“More than friends,” she whispered.
“I’ll admit seeing you with Stevens made me jealous.”
“You don’t have to be jealous of anyone, Colin.”
“Lately I’ve thought a lot about how much you willingly gave up for the children and me. You walked into this knowing you might never have a real marriage or children of your own and for that I owe you more than I can ever repay.”
She was staring into his eyes, her lips so close, so tempting that he found himself lusting after his own wife. He didn’t question when or how it happened, but he had fallen in love for the first time in his life.
“I married you willingly, Colin,” she whispered. “I …” She fell silent without completing her thought.
He pressed her lips with his, kissed her long and deep and held her close as their hearts beat as one. Kate didn’t protest. She returned his kiss with so much fire and spirit that he was afraid to let it go any further lest he lose control.
He lifted his head and gazed for a moment longer into her eyes. What was she thinking?
It didn’t matter. He’d said what he wanted to say and now he had to leave before he broke his promise not to press her. She would come to him when she was ready.
“Thank you, Kate.” He hated to let her go. “For tonight. For the sacrifices you’ve made for my family. For your trust and faith in me. I thank you.”
He picked up his cane and followed the moonlit trail to the garçonnière, stunned to realize he’d fallen in love with his own wife.
Kate somehow managed to walk back to the table and sit down. Her hand shook as she reached for her glasses. She had trouble slipping them on, and when she looked back down the path to the garçonnière, it looked empty. A moment later, lamplight bloomed in the window.
Her lips were still warm with the taste of his mouth and wine and moonlight. His kiss was so much more than she’d ever imagined. So much more.
More than friends.
Was it a sin to long to sleep with a man she’d vowed to love and cherish for the rest of her life?
She spread her hands wide, palms down against the table, and tried to keep them from shaking. Her breath was ragged. Colin had left her wanting more. Trembling, Kate took a deep breath and tried to think of something else. Anything else.
For a second she considered clearing the table but was afraid she’d drop every dish, every glass, every last thing she touched.
Smoothing her hair back, Kate straightened her glasses and then traced her lips with her fingertips. She stared at the lamplight escaping the garçonnière window.
She left the gallery and went upstairs. Stopping to look in on the children, she found them sound asleep. She smoothed the covers over each of them and kissed them.
Kate undressed by moonlight and slipped on her nightgown. Seated on the edge of the bed, she pulled the pins from her hair and brushed it out before she carefully removed her
glasses and set them on the bedside table.
As she turned down the bed, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Silhouetted by the moon she appeared as elusive as a shadow and nothing at all like a woman made of flesh and blood.
SEVENTEEN
Colin sat on his bed, an open book forgotten in his lap. He wanted to blame the full moon for his inability to sleep. The truth? Thoughts of Kate kept him awake and restless.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, he supposed. They were a man and a woman living in close quarters, sharing meals and plans and children.
Was this how his father and mother came to fall in love?
A knock at the door interrupted his musing.
“Simon? Come in.” Was there an emergency? It was the first thing that came to mind with all the new people here. One small disaster would be a setback.
The door opened slowly. It wasn’t Simon. It was Kate. She was wearing a long white nightgown that swept the ground. Prim and full, it covered her from the lace at her throat to the cuffs of her long sleeves to her toes. She clutched an emerald shawl around her shoulders. Her hair was down, her glasses gone. There were spots of color on her cheeks, otherwise her skin was as pale as her gown.
“Is everything all right?” He struggled to his feet and crossed the room. “Damian? Marie? Are they all right?”
Kate nodded. She shivered and her hands tightened on her shawl. What catastrophe had sent her running to him barely clothed?
“Kate?” He touched her shoulder. “Please, tell me what’s happened.”
She blinked and looked around as if she had no idea where she was.
“I will be all right. I’m sure I will be all right.” She spoke so softly, he had to lean closer. “Right now I’m just frightened.”
“Of what? Did someone break into the house?” He thought of all the men he hired. He didn’t know them. Not really.
“No. It’s nothing like that.”
His erratic heartbeat slowed. Maybe she was upset about her work. What else mattered so much after the children?
“Are you apprehensive about sending your plans to Jamison tomorrow?”
“No. Of course not.”
“What then? What has you trembling this way?”
“The unknown.”
“Kate, why don’t you sit down?”
“I don’t want to sit down.”
She’d come unhinged. Why else would she be standing here in her nightclothes, barefoot, her hair hanging loose around her shoulders, her big blue eyes wide and frightened?
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come,” she turned.
He stopped her. “Whatever the matter is, we can work it out, Kate.”
“Yes. For you are my partner. My friend. More than a friend, you said.”
He took her hand and led her over to a chair. She refused to sit.
“What did you mean by that, Colin? When you said that we are more than friends, what did you mean?”
“I meant … well, I meant that what we have here is something special. We made an agreement, we …”
“We spoke our vows before a man of God.”
“Yes. We did.”
“We are more than friends. I am your wife. And you are my husband.”
“That’s right.” Heat began to creep up his neck.
“The way you kissed me tonight … it was not the way friends kiss.”
“I’m so sorry, Kate. I owe you an apology. I don’t know what came over me.”
She pressed her palm against his shirtfront, took a step closer, and stared into his eyes.
“It came over me too, or didn’t you notice?”
“Oh, I noticed, Kate. It must have been the setting, the moonlight.”
“Perhaps,” she said. “Or perhaps I am the sort of woman who clings to silly female notions of hearts and flowers and romance after all.”
“You don’t sound very certain.”
“I’m not certain of anything right now. I’m not even sure I should be here.”
The hand she placed over his heart trembled. Colin closed his eyes. She was too close. He fought the urge to run his fingers through her hair, to cup her head, pull her close, and kiss her.
“Why are you here?” He was afraid to hear the answer. Had he gone too far earlier?
“On our wedding night you told me that you would never press me for more than I am willing to give.”
“And I never will. I promise.”
“Nor I you,” she whispered. “But I am here now, if you want me.”
“Oh, Kate.”
She tried to pull away. “I’m sorry if I misunderstood.”
“Don’t go.” He drew her back into his arms. “You understood very well. You understood more than I. You felt what I’ve been trying to deny for weeks. I want you, Kate. I want more than a business arrangement. I want ours to be a real marriage. I want to be your husband in every way.”
“As I want to be your wife, Colin, but …”
“What is it, my darling?”
She dropped her gaze. He tightened his arms around her.
“I don’t like to fail, Colin, which is why Amelie’s death shook me to the core. I try to rise to every challenge, but tonight, I …” Her words faded into a whisper. “I have no idea what to do.”
He cupped her chin, forced her to meet his gaze, and smiled. Then he lowered his head and whispered against her lips.
“Trust me, Kate. By tomorrow morning you will be an expert wife.”
A shaft of sunlight streamed through the window and woke Kate. It took her a moment to realize that she was not in her own bed, but in Colin’s. She slid her hand across the sheet. He wasn’t there. She sat up and called his name. There was no answer. There was nowhere in the small six-sided room for him to hide.
She glanced over at the cuckoo clock that ticked on despite the sad wooden bird dangling by a wire from its broken perch. She was too far away to read the time so she got out of bed and crossed the room.
Nearly nine. She shoved her tangled hair back off her face and tried not to panic. The children were early to bed and early to rise. By now they would have been up for a good three hours, no doubt asking after her.
She pressed her hands to her burning cheeks and stared down at her bare feet. How was she going to sneak back to the house without anyone seeing her?
Maybe Colin was with the children already. Had he told them where she was? What about Eugenie?
She pressed her palms to her cheeks. She had planned to return to the house long before dawn, before anyone knew she had spent the night in the garçonnière.
She found her wool shawl hanging over the back of a chair and then tried to finger comb her hair into some semblance of order. Looking around for her glasses, she remembered leaving them in her room and groaned.
Padding over to the window, she didn’t see a sign of anyone about. She opened the door and slipped outside.
She darted across the lawn toward the hedge and followed it around until she was at the front of the house. Thankfully, there was still no one in sight. She hiked up her nightgown and started running across the sun-warmed grass.
The gallery was empty so she hurried upstairs and locked herself in her room.
Eugenie always brought hot water upstairs just after dawn. It was tepid now. Kate washed up, changed into clean clothes, and pinned up her hair. She grabbed her glasses and walked to the mirror to survey the damage.
She looked tired. Her eyes were puffy from lack of sleep. She leaned close to the mirror and stared at her lips. They were tender to the touch and a bit swollen.
No sense hiding all day, as if anyone would allow it. Sooner or later Colin or the children or all of them together would come looking for her. Better to face the world head on, suffer the embarrassment, and be done with it. They were married. They’d done nothing wrong. She took a deep breath.
Yesterday she was a well-educated, twenty-nine-year-old spinster who thought she knew all she needed to kno
w about life and love. How very wrong she’d been.
But last night had been worth a little embarrassment.
The smell of coffee drew her out to the kitchen. As soon as she entered the small building Eugenie turned and smiled a knowing smile.
“Good mornin’, Miz Delany.” It was the first time Eugenie had ever addressed her by her married name. “I kept the coffee warm for you, but it’ll be a might strong by now.”
Kate thanked her and quickly glanced at the table, which was already cleared.
“Where are Colin and the children?”
“Mr. Colin told them to let you sleep in this morning and turned them over to Simon. They’re corralled in back of the barn pitching horseshoes.”
“Colin left?”
Eugenie handed her a mug of coffee and then shooed her over to the table.
“I got a plate of grits and eggs for you in the warmin’ oven.” She walked over to the stove. “Mr. Colin went into N’awlins with Mr. Bolton. Said to say he took your plans in for you and that he’ll drop ‘em by the architect’s office. Said today was a special day for him too.”
Embarrassed, Kate dropped her gaze.
“Special seein’ as how you are done with your plans and he and Mr. Bolton were going to see about gettin’ a loan.”
Kate glanced up so quickly she sloshed the hot coffee on her hand and winced. She carefully set the mug down and went after a dishrag.
“Colin went to New Orleans for a loan?”
Eugenie nodded. “He left a letter on your desk.”
“I’ll be right back.” Kate eyed the plate of food. She was ravenous but wanted to read Colin’s note. She hurried into the dining room to her desk.
The letter was centered beneath the carving of Belle Fleuve.
Dear Kate,
Thank you for last night. The last thing I wanted was to leave you today but Jason and I planned this trip before I knew that we would …
Well, before last night.
Leaving you this morning was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I cannot wait to see you again. We’ve gone to apply for a loan and should return in two days. I have your plans and will personally deliver them to Roger Jamison before I do anything else.
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