by John Case
“Ray Shaw.” The voice was low and sonorous.
She hesitated, then recovered. “Hello?”
“Yes?” He sounded dubious, as if he suspected she was a telemarketer.
So she took a deep breath, and dove in. “Doctor Shaw—this is Adrienne Cope at Slough, Hawley. Bill Fellowes gave me your name.”
“Oh? And how’s Bill?”
“He’s fine! Doing great. Said, ‘When you call Doctor Shaw, say hello.’”
Shaw chuckled. “Well, Bill’s a terrific kid.”
“He is!”
“So!” Shaw boomed, the niceties done. “What can I do for you?”
“Well, actually… I was hoping I could bring someone to see you.”
Silence at the other end.
“It’s a very unusual case,” Adrienne continued, “and—”
“I don’t know if Bill told you,” Shaw interrupted, “but… testifying in court isn’t something I have time for. I did it once, as a favor to an Old Blue—but that’s it. You know what they say: ‘Once a philosopher, twice a pervert.’”
She laughed politely. “I understand completely, and Bill did tell me that the Brewster case was a one-off proposition. But this isn’t one of those.”
“Oh?”
“No. As I said, I was hoping you could see someone—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! You mean—a patient?” He pronounced the word as if she’d promised to produce a platypus.
“Yes.”
Rueful chuckle. “Well, I don’t think I can be of much help, then. Between teaching and research, I don’t really have a lot of time for patients. It’s a terrible thing to say, but—”
“I’m not asking you to take on a new patient, Doctor—I was just hoping we could get a sort of… ‘preliminary evaluation.’ It’s a very unusual case.”
His grunt was skeptical. “How so?”
Careful, she thought. Don’t tell him too much, or the men with the butterfly nets will come through the door. “Well, it’s a little awkward on the phone, but… the man we’re talking about is completely delusional.”
“Is he functioning?”
“Yes.”
“How highly?”
“He thinks he’s a therapist.”
“Really!” Shaw’s bemusement was as palpable as his earlier skepticism.
“Yes. And that wouldn’t be so bad, except: he treats people.”
“Oh.” Shaw’s tone went from sharp to flat in the space of a second. “Bring him in on Thursday,” he told her. “I can see him at ten.” Then he gave her the address, and she rang off, feeling virtuous.
Joining Duran in the living room, where he was finishing a beer, she told him “I’ve made an appointment for Thursday morning—”
“With who?”
“A neuropsychiatrist. In New York.”
Duran gave her a skeptical look. “And what’s that supposed to accomplish?”
Adrienne shrugged. “I thought a professional opinion might be useful.”
“An opinion of what?”
“Of you.”
“Me?” he asked.
She nodded, bracing for the objections she knew would be coming. There’s nothing wrong with me—I’m fine! In fact—
“Good idea,” he said.
The next morning, she got up early and drove to a little strip mall, south of town, where she bought a cheap tape recorder. On the way back to SeaSpray, she stopped at the Dream Cafe and picked up coffee and croissants for the two of them.
As she came into the house, Duran wandered out of the kitchen, running a hand through his hair, and yawning—as if he’d just gotten up. “I thought we could listen to the tape,” she suggested.
“Which tape?”
“The one you didn’t mail.”
“Oh,” he said, and frowned. “That one.”
“What’s the matter?”
He shook his head. “It’s complicated.”
“What is?”
“Well, for one thing, there are ethical issues. Henrik’s a client, and when he talks to me, it’s in confidence. It’s as if I were a priest.”
“You mean, it’s as if you were a therapist.”
He ignored the sarcasm. “And the other thing is: you’re suing me, so… I’m not sure this is such a good idea.”
“I’m not suing you.”
“Why not? You were.”
“But I’m not anymore. I’ll have the complaint dismissed as soon… as soon as things get back to normal.”
“How come?”
“Because it’s a mess. I can’t sue you one day, and check into a motel with you the next. It doesn’t look good. And, anyway, things aren’t as simple as I thought.”
He considered that for a moment. Finally, he said, “Okay, but—you don’t need to know the client’s identity.”
She inclined her head in agreement. “I just want to hear you work.”
The man’s voice was deep and tremulous, his English perfect, but with a Benelux lilt. Duran was sprawled in an armchair across from the couch, looking at the ceiling as the tape rolled. “You actually met him,” he said.
“I did?”
He nodded. “When you came to my office the first time.”
She tried to remember.
“We were having a session,” Duran reminded her. “Big guy. Blond hair.”
Adrienne leaned over to the tape recorder, and adjusted the volume. She frowned, unable to recall Duran’s client.
“You yelled at him—remember? Said he should wake up.”
“Ohhhh… right.”
“And you called me a—”
She nodded. “I was upset. Now, shhhh—I want to listen.” She rewound the tape for a bit, then turned up the volume.
Duran: Concentrate on your breath. Thaaaaat’s it. I want you to breathe with me… good! That’s really good. Can you feel the peace, Henrik? It spreads all the way through us, all the way to the edge of our skin. And when we exhale—it just increases the feeling. Like that. Yes, just like that. I want you to feel the air, coming and going. Do you know where we are, Henrik?
Henrik: In the safe place.
Duran: Right. We’re in the safe place. On the rock. I can hear the little waves lapping, just below us. And there’s a breeze on the water. Can you feel it in your hair?
Henrik: And a seagull. Overhead.
Duran: Right. There’s a seagull, turning in the sky above our heads, riding the wind.
Henrik: It’s nice.
Duran: Now, I want you to remember the night when you were driving… you were driving in your car… and you were on your way to Watkins Glen. Do you remember that, Henrik?
The reels of the microcassette unwound slowly.
Henrik: It was late in the afternoon—a clear day. I was walking past the sweet shop—
Duran: No, I don’t think so. I don’t think you were walking. Perhaps you were riding in a car. Do you remember being in a car? At night?
Henrik: Yes.
Adrienne glanced at Duran, who unfolded his legs, and sat forward, listening harder now.
Duran: And whose car was it?
Henrik:… I… I don’t remember.
Duran: Perhaps it was your parents’ car?
Henrik: Yes. It was.
Duran: Excellent. And then what happened?
Henrik: There were lights.
Duran: What kind of lights?
Henrik: I’m thinking: these are headlights, but—
Duran: No. I’ve told you before, Henrik: that’s what your father thought. You were seven. You didn’t know what to think. And then the light was everywhere. You were bathed in it, remember?
Henrik: Yes. Yes, of course.
Duran: It was like—can you tell me what it was like, Henrik?
Henrik: I don’t know.
Duran: It was like a searchlight, wasn’t it?
Henrik: Yes! In my chest. It was like… a searchlight in my chest!
Adrienne shut off the tape recorder, and stared at Du
ran, who was himself on the edge of his chair, looking shocked. “You’re making it up,” she told him.
He nodded.
“It’s like a script,” she said.
“I know.”
“That’s supposed to be ‘therapy’?”
He shook his head. “No. It’s… something else. I don’t know what it is.”
“And this guy thinks… what? What’s his problem?”
Duran cleared his throat. “He’s completely delusional. He thinks he was abducted by a flying saucer. He thinks there’s a worm in his heart that gives him orders.”
Adrienne’s laughter came in a short, angry burst, then stopped as suddenly as it began. “What are you doing to this man?”
Duran was speechless for a moment. Then he cleared his throat for a second time, and said, “Well, it sounds like I’m driving him crazy.”
“Like Nico, only with a different story.”
He didn’t know what to say.
Leaning over, she pressed the Play button, and listened as Duran led his client deeper and deeper into madness. Half an hour later, when the session had come to an end, she hit Stop and looked at him. “I don’t get it,” she told him. “Why are you putting all this… crap in people’s heads?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s like you’re training them for the Jerry Springer Show! I mean, my sister thought the Devil was screwing her when she was ten, and this guy—Henry—”
“Henrik.”
“Whatever! This guy thinks he’s got a tapeworm in his head—”
“Heart.”
“Don’t! I’m not one of your patients!”
“I know that, but—”
“What’s up, Doc?”
He shook his head, searching for the words. Finally, he said, “I’m not sure. I mean, it’s not me—that’s not me.”
“What?!”
“Well, it is, but… I wouldn’t talk to a client like that.”
“You can hear yourself.”
“I know, but—”
“What? It’s you? It’s not you? Which is it? What?”
He was silent for a moment. Finally, he said, “Yeah. Like that. Just like that.”
That evening, Duran went out for dinner, returning half an hour later with a rotisserie chicken, plastic tubs of potato salad—and a chilled bottle of Chardonnay. They ate in the kitchen, in silence, at a gray formica table whose metallic edge reminded Adrienne of the kitchen table in Deck and Marlena’s house.
Finally, she stood up, the chair scraping loudly against the floor. “I’m going out for a while,” she told him.
“You want company?” Duran asked.
“No. I need to think.”
The night was cool, the air fresh. But she was having a hard time dealing with the thought of Duran coaxing Nikki into madness, just as he’d cajoled the German (or whatever he was).
And then, just as she was starting to like him (he had a nice sense of humor, after all, and the good habit of rescuing her from harm)… Just as she was starting to like him (he was really quite good-looking, when you got down to it—tall and lean, with even features and cobalt-blue eyes)… Just as she was starting to like him, it was becoming more and more apparent that he was like… Rasputin.
She walked to the end of the boardwalk and thought about turning back, but instead took the wooden steps down to the beach. She’d get sand in her shoes, but she didn’t care. It was a gorgeous night, the stars so luminous they looked wet, the moon a cold clean sphere beaming a path of pure silver onto the black water. The tide was out. The surf rolled in with a soft roar, and receded with a chatter of pebbles.
Duran, she thought. What was he doing? He was as fragile, in his own way, as Nikki had been—or, at least, as disconnected. Taking off her shoes, she carried them in her hand as she walked along the waterline, flirting with the little waves. Why such crazy ideas? she wondered. They weren’t even original, or particularly interesting. Aliens and Satanic abuse. It was ridiculous. No one took that sort of thing seriously—not anymore, not if they ever did.
And a worm? In the heart? Pleeeze.
It would be absurd if it weren’t murderous—and it was murderous. Bonilla was dead, and so was the partner of the man who’d killed him. And the guy in the Comfort Inn stairwell, as well. And her, too, if it wasn’t for… Duran.
She muttered to herself, and shook her head. It didn’t make sense. Why did Nikki have a gun—and that gun? What was that… stuff in the apartment next to Duran’s? And what were they looking for in her apartment?
She couldn’t figure it. Pretty much the only thing in her apartment that had anything to do with Nikki was: her ashes. If they were after the gun, well, she didn’t have that. It was still at Nikki’s place, sitting in her closet. The only other thing was… the laptop.
But she’d already looked through its folders and files, and there was nothing in it. The address book contained a dozen names beside Duran’s and her own, and none of them was of much interest: Ramon and the bank, a couple of takeouts. Jack’s vet. There were some other names that she didn’t remember, but all of them were transparent. A nail salon. Merry Maids. That kind of thing. There were no boyfriends who might be blamed for her suicide, or any listings to suggest membership in the Georgetown Militia or the Lady Snipers Association.
Still…
When she got back to the house, she saw that Duran had done the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. She heard the television in the other room—a bright voice delivering a line of dialogue, a responding surge of laughter—but when she went in, she found Duran asleep on the couch.
Carrying the laptop into the kitchen, she set it on the table, raised its screen and toggled the On-Off switch. Then she sat back, and waited for the machine to boot up.
It took a minute to go through its routine, and when it was done, she logged onto Nikki’s AOL account, letting the automated password routine do its work. Soon, she was in the “Mail Center,” looking at New Mail, Old Mail, Sent Mail… and, of course, there was nothing of interest. A couple of bulletins from Travelocity; some newsletters from the Jack Russell Terrier Society; come-ons from E*trade and a couple of e-tailers selling vitamins, makeup and nutritional supplements. But that was it.
Signing off, she returned to the Windows Desktop and clicked on the icon for Nikki’s accounting program, Quicken. She had the vague intention of “following the money,” but the program must have been bundled with Windows when Nikki bought it, because it had never been used.
There was a calendar in the Microsoft Outlook program, and if Nikki’s life had been anything like Adrienne’s, it would have been quite revealing. Her own calendar was crammed with appointments and reminders of every kind. It tracked her weight, and logged the distances she ran. It reminded her of birthdays, deadlines, and a lot more. But Nikki’s calendar was as stripped-down as her life. There were appointments—with Duran, the nail salon, the hairdresser, the vet. And every two weeks, the simple legend: A—here at 7, or A—her place at 8—reminders of the alternating venues for their dinners together (half of which, Adrienne realized, she had weaseled out of). But that was it. The calendar did not reveal Nikki to be a secret churchgoer, devil-worshiper, or art student. She had not attended a support group for the ritually abused. Neither had she taken marksmanship lessons.
All in all, the laptop’s files were a disappointment, but they were not a surprise. After Europe, Nikki’s life had been remarkably self-contained. She’d gone blading, walked Jack, and kept almost entirely to herself. Other than that, and her sessions with Duran, she hadn’t done much of anything except, perhaps, watch television. So the blandness of her calendar did not come as a shock.
But it did raise an obvious question: why did Nikki need a computer at all? She could have done as much with a pad of Post-its. So maybe it wasn’t the computer they were looking for when they turned her apartment upside down. Maybe it was something else. (Then again, maybe she’d overlooked something.)
; Suppressing a yawn, Adrienne went through the calendar, month by month, looking for something—anything—that might be unusual. But there was nothing. A dental appointment in July, a trip to the kennel in October, a reminder to see Little Feat at Wolftrap.
Adrienne frowned. Kennel?
Returning to the October entries, she clicked on the 19th, and brought up a screen:
Subject: Jack to kennel.
Location: Arlington
Start time: Sun 10/07
End time: Fri 10/12
Adrienne sat back in her chair, and eyed the screen with a look of puzzlement. Nikki never went anywhere—so why would she put Jack in a kennel? She thought back to the month before. There were a couple of days—she remembered, now—when she’d tried to get in touch with Nikki, but couldn’t reach her by phone. What was that all about?
She remembered being concerned, concerned enough, at least, to send an e-mail—which Nikki ignored, just as she’d ignored the messages on her answering machine. Adrienne had been about to go over there, to see if she was all right, when Nikki finally got in touch, acting as if nothing had happened.
Where have you been?
Nowhere.
‘Nowhere’?
I was busy. I forgot to call you back.
Adrienne thought about the date. October. Beginning of October. Right about then. A surge of guilty pleasure ran through her, riding the realization that her sister had lied to her. It was right there on the computer, and in her own words: Jack to kennel / Where have you been? / Nowhere.
She shut off the computer, got to her feet, stretched and yawned. Nikki had had a secret life. Somewhere.
In the morning, she woke to the sound of rain—a lot of rain—and the muted roar of surf, the unfamiliar feel of a bare mattress under her skin, and a scratchy blanket.
The cottage didn’t come with linens and this had slipped her mind when she and Duran went to the outlet mall. There were a couple of tattered beach towels, though, so at least a shower would be possible. Her head hurt and she put her hand to its side, gingerly exploring the swelling above her ear, a swelling that seemed, if anything, more tender than it had the day before. Swinging her feet out of bed, she glanced at her watch and blinked with surprise: it was almost noon!