Beloved

by Bertrice Small

  "No, Mother, I am angry for her. Rome is truly a sewer, and none of us belongs here any longer. The gods only know how badly I want to take Zenobia from this place."

  "You will have to wait until Aurelian has embarked from Brindisi, Marcus, and then it will be another week after he has left. We cannot at this late date take the chance of anyone discovering our plans. You must remain calm, my son."

  "I know, Mother, but when I heard what he had done to my wife… The gods curse him! I hope he never returns to Rome. I hope they kill him!"

  Aurelian, however, at that moment was far from dead. At Zenobia's villa in Tivoli, he held his beautiful captive within the circle of his arms and kissed her passionately. She forced herself to eagerly return his kisses, nibbling teasingly at his lips to further arouse his desires. His hands fondled her full breasts, taunting the nipples to hard peaks. "You are so beautiful," he murmured against her ear, and she purred against him in apparent satisfaction. "Do you know yet, goddess?" he asked her. "Can you be sure yet whether you carry my child?"

  "It is much too soon, Caesar," she said, and then she lowered her eyes coyly. "I promise to send a message to you the moment I can be certain. These things cannot be rushed, Roman."

  "I do not like leaving you, goddess, but I do not want you exposed to the rigors of travel in your condition."

  "I understand, Caesar," she replied, "and I agree with you. 1 am not a maiden in the first flush of her womanhood. It is better this way."

  "If only I could be sure!" He was so anxious, and for a brief moment Zenobia almost felt sorry for him. Then she remembered the rites, those unholy rites he had held within his Temple of the Unconquerable Sun, publicly shaming her.

  "You were so virile and potent that night, Roman," she murmured wickedly. "Surely if it is written you cannot doubt the outcome?"

  "No, no!" he answered, visibly upset lest his lack of faith cause the gods to turn upon him. "No, you are with child, I am certain!"

  "Then kiss me again, Aurelian, and be on your way, for the sooner you leave me the sooner you will return to me-and to our child." She looked him straight in the face now, her silvery-gray eyes dancing with their haunting golden lights. Never had he seen her so beautiful, he thought. Swiftly his mouth descended on her, possessing her lips fiercely, but she would not be subdued, and kissed him as fiercely in return. He was strangely breathless when they parted.

  "The gods go with you, Roman," she said.

  He could do nothing but leave her now, but he did so feeling strangely dissatisfied. Climbing into his chariot, he turned to look at her once more, and the sight of Zenobia in her flaming red kalasiris, her long black hair blowing free in the afternoon breeze, her proud head held high, was a vision that remained with him. He raised his hand in a gesture of farewell, then slapped the reins upon his horses' rumps, and departed, his chariot wheels rumbling up the drive and onto the Via Flaminia.

  She also raised her hand in farewell, wondering if he could hear her laughter following him. "I will never see you again, Roman, and may my memory haunt you through all eternity!" she cried softly, and then she whirled around and re-entered her house.

  The time went slowly, the days long and dull, the nights longer and lonely. The only relief for Zenobia during this period was her monthly show of blood. She had never truly believed that the emperor could father a child upon her when he had never before sired one; but the insanity of the Temple of the Unconquerable Sun had left her shaken.

  The Praetorian guards about her villa were removed at her request to the senate through Claudius Tacitus.

  "I have no wish to cause the government undue expense on my behalf when it is not really necessary," she told him. "It is enough that Rome houses me."

  "Perhaps," Tacitus said, "it may soon be possible for you to have your complete freedom, my dear. The senate, however, needs certain assurances." His kindly old face was bland with detachment.

  "What assurances?" she demanded.

  "The emperor made some rather interesting statements concerning your condition prior to his departure; and there was some gossip about fertility rites in his Temple of the Unconquerable Sun several weeks back."

  "If you are referring, Tacitus, to the night in which I was drugged and then raped by the emperor upon the high altar of his temple, then allow me to assure you that nothing came of that night other than my acute sense of shame. Aurelian chose to believe that I was carrying his child before he departed. I chose to allow him to believe it so I might be spared the boredom of accompanying him to Byzantium. If the senate does not believe me then let them question my women, or call a physician in to examine me. I am not with child."

  "Do you love Aurelian?" Tacitus asked bluntly.

  "No," she replied in kind. "I am his captive, and that is all I have ever been."

  "He believes that you love him."

  "He also believes that I am the goddess Venus incarnate, but I am not, Tacitus." She looked shrewdly at him. "You have all but said aloud that there is a plot against Aurelian. I care not! Why should I? Aurelian has taken everything that I ever held dear from me. My sons are gone from me, my people, my city! All I have left is my daughter, and all I want is to be left alone in peace to raise her. You may tell the senate that, Tacitus! I simply wish to be left to myself!"

  "Your reputation was not a lie, Zenobia of Palmyra. You are indeed a wise woman," Tacitus replied, and then he bid her farewell and withdrew from her.

  When he had gone Zenobia called for parchment andher writing materials, and quickly wrote a note to Dagian. The note was then taken immediately to Rome by a Tiro, a young slave of Zenobia's. He was a skilled chariot driver, who had been injured in the arena. No longer any good for competition, he had been sold by his master, but he could still drive skillfully enough for the road. She had purchased him, given him a lovely slave girl as a wife, and now Tiro would have died for his mistress.

  When Tiro returned after dark that night Marcus Alexander Britainus was with him, muffled in a dark cloak as he slipped into the villa and made his way to Zenobia's bedchamber. Adria gave a small shriek as the large, black figure entered the room without warning; but Marcus flung the long cape off, and Adria sighed, "Oh, master, you gave me such a fright!"

  Marcus chuckled deeply. "Did you think I was Aurelian returned?"

  Adria made a face that caused Marcus to laugh aloud. "That one," Adria sniffed. "Praise the gods we shall not have to put up with him again, master."

  "You sound more like old Bab every day," he teased her.

  "Then the girl is finally getting some sense, which is more than I can say for you, Marcus Alexander Britainus! Are you mad to come calling, and the emperor not gone from the country yet?" Bab stood glaring at him, hands upon her plump hips.

  "Aurelian sailed two days ago, old woman; and besides, it was your beautiful mistress who summoned me here. Where is she?"

  "Here, my love!" Zenobia stood in the doorway of her bedchamber. "I was in the gardens walking-and dreaming. Find your beds, Bab, Adria."

  The two servants scurried out, and waiting until they were just gone, Zenobia threw herself into her husband's arms, raising her face up for a kiss. He stared down at her for a moment, his fingers gently caressing her cheekbones, and then his mouth descended to meet her eager lips. Her heart leapt wildly within her chest, threatening, she was certain, to burst through her skin. He kissed her softly at first, and then as his mouth grew more certain of possession, he demanded surrender, total surrender of her. She joyously gave him that surrender, wrapping her smooth arms about his neck, pressing herself as close to him as she could.

  "You are mine now!" and she could hear the triumph in his voice.

  "I am yours now and forever!" she answered him, her eyes shining up into his with so much love that he felt humble.

  Unable to resist her, he kissed her gently once more, and then he led her to their bed where they sat down so they might speak.

  "Aurelian is gone, Zenobia. Two days ago from
Brindisi, according to reports received this morning in Rome. The news came by pigeon, and was welcomed by the senate."

  'Tacitus came to visit me this morning," Zenobia said excitedly. "I had requested the senate to withdraw the Praetorian guards from the villa."

  "On what excuse?" he asked.

  "I said I wished to live quietly, and not cause the government unnecessary expense."

  Marcus laughed loudly. "Indeed, my love, you certainly must have caught their attention with that excuse."

  "He practically admitted a plot against Aurelian. This emperor will not, I wager, return from Byzantium alive."

  "How can you be sure, beloved? Tell me exactly what Tacitus said to you."

  "I do not doubt that you have heard the rumors, Marcus, of what happened to me in Aurelian's temple," she said slowly.

  "I have heard," he said tersely, his face suddenly dark and grim with anger.

  "It was not my fault," she whispered, afraid.

  He drew a deep breath, and then took her onto his lap to comfort her. "I know that, Zenobia, but I cannot help but be angry about it. I am not angry with you, but at the situation. I am not one of these new Christians who can turn the other cheek. My wife, the woman whom I prize above all others, was taken publicly in a fertility rite! The mere thought maddens me!"

  "It was the most horrifying experience of my life, Marcus, and I have lived through much. I was drugged just enough to make me helpless, but not enough to render me unconscious. I was bound upon their high altar for all to see, and all about me those unholy people chanted for Aurelian to take me."

  She sighed deeply, sadly, then said, "At least one good thing came of it. Aurelian was so certain that he had impregnated me that he never came near me after that."

  He groaned, pained. "How many times have you been helpless, and I not able to defend you, beloved? Never again! I swear by all the gods it shall never happen again! Now you are in my keeping, Zenobia, and I will protect you always."

  "And I will protect you, my love. Alone we seem but half a person; only together are we whole."

  He was comforted by her words, for he seemed to need the comfort more than she. She smiled with the thought that where she was weak he was strong, but where he was weak she was strong. After a long moment Marcus spoke again, saying, 'Tell me what else Tacitus said."

  "He said that the senate needed reassurances, which, I realized, meant that they wished to know if I was indeed pregnant as Aurelian kept insisting. He said that, given those assurances, I might be granted my freedom entirely. I, of course, told him I am not pregnant. I offered my women to the senate for questioning, and myself for examination by a physician of the senate's choice.

  "Why would they want such knowledge if they were not planning to assassinate Aurelian? They would kill me as quickly as Aurelian if they thought there was any chance I was bearing his child. Since he has no other heirs, and poor Ulpia will shortly be dead herself, they seek to tie up all the loose ends. I wonder who will be the next emperor? Are there any generals who stand out in your mind?"

  "None," he answered her.

  "Then why kill Aurelian? Why-without someone else to take his place-destabilize the government?"

  "Aurelian has offended enough men," Marcus explained, "that it matters not to them what happens to the government as long as their own interests are protected. And rest assured, my love, the interests of the conspirators will be safe. The powerful will find a new emperor. And when he offends them…" Marcus made a slicing motion across his throat with his finger.

  "Then surely the time is right for us to flee, my love! Now, while they are involved with their plots."

  "Yes, beloved, it is time for us to flee. I have spent these last days planning our escape. I have bought a ship, Zenobia, a Roman merchantman, only two years old. If we are to live on an island we shall need transportation between our new home and the mainland."

  "A merchantman? Then you mean to trade?"

  "I am not a farmer or a herdsman, beloved."

  "Will you leave me then in this strange land that you are taking me to, Marcus. Leave me to pursue your business?"

  "No, beloved, I will never leave you again, but my ship will trade for me, and I will have an interest."

  She squirmed about in his lap, and looked up at him. "What will I do?" she wondered aloud. "I am a queen without a kingdom, a general without an army. What on earth am I to do, Marcus?"

  "You will be a good Roman wife, beloved," he answered, and Zenobia laughed.

  "No, Marcus, I should be bored to death. For me there must be something else. Perhaps I shall make this island of ours the new kingdom over which I reign. I must think on it."

  "You think too much," he chuckled, falling back upon the bed, still clutching her within his arms. "Come, and be my good Roman wife," he teased, repositioning her to lie in the curve of his arm beneath him as if she were a child's toy. "I think that you should begin by kissing me, wife," and he lowered his head to brush her lips with his own. "My wife," he murmured against her mouth. "My beautiful wife, my sweet wife, my adorable wife."

  Her smile was deceptively sweet. "I have only been upon the sea once, when Aurelian brought me from Macedonia to Brindisi. I liked it, and I believe that I shall learn to navigate this ship of yours. One may use the stars in the heavens upon the sea as easily as upon the desert."

  He grinned down at her. "Had I wanted to marry a sailor…" He waggled his eyebrows wickedly at her so that she giggled. "I wanted a woman, beloved, and I married woman incarnate." His hand drew her robe open to bare her beautiful breasts to him, and he leaned forward to brush them with his rough cheek. Her scent arose from the warmth of her lovely body to taunt and assail him. "Oh, Zenobia," he said softly, and she reached out to draw him against her breasts.

  They lay together in tender embrace, enjoying the simple pleasure of being together without fear of discovery. She threaded her fingers through his thick chestnut-colored hair, noticing a silver strand here and there. Suddenly she realized that he had fallen asleep upon her breasts, and again she chuckled as she shifted to cradle him more comfortably. There had never before been a time when he hadn't made love to her. Their separation had taken its toll on him, for he was obviously exhausted.

  When morning came and he awoke, Marcus was much chagrined. "You were so tired, my darling," an amused Zenobia comforted him.

  "But I wanted you!" he protested.

  Zenobia laughed. "And I wanted you," she said, "but you were tired and you fell asleep." Then she roused him up, for it was necessary that he return to the city that morning. "When are we to leave?" she asked as she helped him to dress in his freshened clothes.

  "We will sail from Ostia in three days' time," he answered.

  "Are we to sail the entire way, my darling?" She looked a little nervous.

  "I would like to, Zenobia, as there is less chance of our being caught; but the sea is so dangerous. We will follow the coast closely as far as Massilia. From Massilia we will take the tin route up across Gaul to the coast facing Britain. It is a very small piece of water, beloved. The ship will meet us there, having gone through the Pillars of Hercules out into the great sea, and around the coast of Gaul. Our ship will then take us across to Britain."

  "Not to our own home?"

  "No. First we must take my mother to Aulus and his family. Only then can we seek our own place, Zenobia. Besides, I think it is only polite that I ask Aulus for his island before we take it over." His deep-blue eyes were twinkling at her.

  She laughed. "How the times have changed, my darling. I pray your brother will be generous."

  "He is a good man, Zenobia."

  "You must take some of the slaves with you today," she said. "I cannot leave Tivoli discreetly with a large train."

  "How many people do you have?"

  "You need not worry about the women," Zenobia said. "They can come with me when I go to Rome to meet you, but you must take Tiro, my charioteer, and Otho the gardener. They are
the only men with me, and I prefer they go with you today."

  "Very well," he answered. "How many women do you have besides old Bab, Adria, and Charmian?"

  "Just two slave girls for cleaning, and Lenis, the cook, who is Tiro's wife."

  "You'll attract no attention with so small a retinue," he said. "Have your women pack most of your goods and send them with Tiro and Otho to my house in Rome. Then you may travel easily and in comfort."

  He left her to return to Rome, and Zenobia spent the rest of her day overseeing the packing. By nightfall all was in readiness. She had instructed both Tiro and Otho that they were to leave before morning in order to be through the town before everyone was up.

  In the hour before the dawn she awakened and heard the carts lumbering from the villa courtyard. With a sigh of relief Zenobia turned over and went back to sleep. She was awakened some time later by old Bab, who shook her frantically.

  "Wake up, my baby! Wake up!"

  "What is it, Bab?" It was a monumental effort to keep her eyes open.

  "Gaius Cicero is here, and he is demanding to see you. You must get up and receive him!"

  Instantly Zenobia was awake, her mind racing with curiosity. Gaius Cicero was Aurelian's personal aide as well as the emperor's favorite. He had gone with his master to Byzantium. What was he doing back in Tivoli? Was Aurelian in Rome? Had he learned of the plot against him? She rose from her bed, her body gleaming through her sleeping robe. "Get me a tunic, old woman. Where is Gaius Cicero now?"

  "He waits in the atrium, my baby," Bab replied, pulling a light white wool tunica over Zenobia and belting it with a length of red leather. "Adria! The sandals, quickly!"

  Zenobia slid her feet into her sandals, and hurried from her bedchamber, down the stairs of the house, and into the atrium. There, she saw Gaius Cicero pacing. "Greetings, Gaius Cicero," she called to him, "I thought you with the emperor."

  "I was, Majesty. He has sent me back for you."

  "What?" She was astounded.