“Like Preacher McCoy said, he was a good man,” Amy Jo went on. “He was a gentle, loving man. In all our time together, I only had to call the law on him once.”
She looked down at Clyde’s restful, not very life-like face in the casket.
“I worked at Ginger Snaps when I met him,” she said. “As soon as I looked into his eyes, I knew he was the one. I didn’t dance for nobody else the rest of the night.”
She motioned to her friend Suzy, who had been standing to the side of the alter. Suzy helped Amy Jo down the step so that she was standing at the foot of the casket. She then walked back up to the pulpit, positioning a smartphone next to the microphone.
Amy Jo spoke directly to Clyde. “This was the song that was playing when we first locked eyes. I love you always, Clyde.”
It would have been a very private moment, other than the fact that Amy Jo spoke loud enough for everyone to hear her. She then nodded at Suzy and her friend pressed a button on the phone. A heavy metal power ballad began to blast through the speakers and Amy Jo shut her eyes and began to gently sway to the music.
As electric guitar chords were punctuated by pounding drums, Amy Jo began to lose herself in the music. Her hips began to sway a little more suggestively. Her hands moved sensuously over her body as the sway evolved into a grind. As the song took her back, she began to dance as if she was still in Ginger Snaps and it wasn’t long before she was stripping with her clothes on.
The men and younger boys took notice, shifting in their seats. The man who had assisted Amy Jo up to the podium seemed to fall in a trance and instinctively reached for his wallet. His wife slapped his hand as he started to pull out a dollar bill.
Finally, it became too much for Mama. She bolted up and stormed the podium, throwing the smartphone across the room. The music stopped abruptly, yanking Amy Jo out of her trance. She looked up at Mama who was now marching back down off the podium and toward her.
“How dare you turn my son’s funeral into a tramp dance!” she yelled. “You never deserved Clyde and you sure as hell don’t deserve that necklace.”
She grabbed for it, but Amy Jo took a step back, clutching it. Jade stood up. This was getting out of hand. She looked back at the FBI agent standing next to the sheriff. His eyes were trained on her, and she immediately realized he knew who she was.
She had no choice. She had to make her move. Now.
57
Amy Jo tripped backward, accidentally planting her hand on Clyde’s face to catch her fall. Mama screamed in horror and her face twisted into a rage and fury so intense, people in the first two pews started clammering to get out of the way.
Randy leapt to his feet and tried to pull his mother back, but she swatted him away like a mosquito, her eyes locked on Amy Jo. Unable to get past Randy and Mama, Jade ran up and around the podium and down the other side. As Pauline laughed in delight at the chaos, Jade lunged at Amy Jo from behind. They both tumbled forward, knocking the casket off its stand. It toppled to the ground with them, and Clyde’s body half-rolled out on to the floor.
The entire congregation stood in shock, standing to get a better view of the commotion and unwittingly blocking Dean and the sheriff, who were now trying to struggle through the crowd. Some parishioners had pulled Jade off of Amy Jo and were holding her back. Others were restraining Mama. Amy Jo clutched her goat pendant.
“What is wrong with you people?” she yelled.
Stonewall and Toby stood up. Stonewall was tall enough that he could see Amy Jo’s pendant was the source of the pandemonium. He had no idea why, but he figured it must be because it held some value. And he wanted in on it.
“Get that!” he yelled to Toby, pointing to the pendant.
The two men began to maneuver around the outside aisle of the church in order to get around the gathering crowd.
“Give me that pendant,” Jade growled.
Horrified and confused, Amy Jo let out a panicked scream and ran through a side door behind the podium that led to a fellowship hall. Jade wrestled free and chased after her, as did Randy, Mama, Stonewall and Toby. Pauline pushed through the crowd.
“Wait for me,” Pauline yelled, still laughing.
She was followed closely by Dean and the sheriff.
The rest of the congregation stood in shock, staring down at Clyde’s body, not quite sure what had just happened. They were distracted by the muffled voice of Pastor McCoy.
“Help me!” he pleaded.
It was coming from underneath the toppled casket. Several men scrambled to move the casket and free the old man. As they moved the casket, Clyde’s body rolled out of his forever home. The crowd let out a collective gasp and an elderly woman at the front of the crowd passed out.
As the men helped Pastor McCoy to his feet, the ten-year-old boy pointed at Clyde’s corpse.
“He ain’t got no shoes on!”
58
Amy Jo had kicked off her stiletto heels in the fellowship hall before scrambling out the back door. She was already terrified of Mama but now Randy’s new girlfriend was some kind of maniac, too. Driven by adrenaline and fear, she ran in a panic, high-tailing it toward the first place she saw: The Lazy Goat.
She was being chased by a small mob of people who were all shouting things at her but she couldn’t hear them over her own hysterical screams. It was just as well. Had she been able to hear them, she would have been even more confused.
“Amy Jo, please!” Randy begged.
“Get her!” Stonewall demanded.
“Stop, FBI!” Dean announced.
“You tramp!” Mama yelled.
Jade wasn’t yelling. She was focused on catching the crazed woman who was attempting to run in a tight red skirt. Jade’s outfit was creating its own obstacles. The floor-length dress and high heels made it hard for her to run at full speed. Never breaking stride, she kicked off the shoes and held the hem of the dress above her knees as she took off after the hysterical ex-wife.
Amy Jo reached The Lazy Goat and yanked the door open, running inside but then stopping dead cold in her tracks. A very sweaty man in nice clothes was pointing a gun directly at her chest. She froze in shock and raised her hands.
Jade was the next to race into the store. As soon as she entered, she saw Peter pointing a gun at Amy Jo and knew what was going on. She wasn’t surprised when she felt Viktor’s gun pointing at her temple. She sighed and raised her hands.
Dean was next, but he had caught a glimpse of someone pointing a gun at Jade and had rushed in prepared. With his own gun drawn, he burst in the door yelling “FBI” and aimed his gun at Viktor, only to feel Leo’s gun pressed against his own temple.
They were almost barreled down by Randy, who ran in next. Seeing all the guns drawn, he immediately raised his hands in surrender.
“Don’t shoot!” he pleaded.
Stonewall and Toby were the next to race inside. They immediately pulled out their own revolvers, pointing them back and forth between the three Russians.
Sheriff McKinley was right behind them, his gun drawn and pointed at Jade.
“Gotcha,” he yelled, before realizing he was late to the pistol party.
Leo pulled out a second pistol and aimed it at the sheriff. The group stood frozen, everyone silently assessing the precarious situation. Viktor was the first to speak. He moved in front of Jade and smirked.
“Jade, my lovely,” he purred. “It is so good to see you. Although, I am a bit surprised. I thought you preferred to work alone.”
Dean heard the name Jade and muttered “I knew it” under his breath.
“And now you see why,” Jade replied coldly.
Viktor smiled and looked Jade up and down.
“Nice dress,” he said sarcastically.
He motioned toward Amy Jo, her hands still in the air.
“I see you found my package,” he said. “I am most grateful for the personal delivery.”
He walked to Amy Jo, gun still trained on Jade, and examined her pendant
, noticing the red dot.
“I’ll take that,” he said.
His hand slithered lightly down her neck and the front of her chest to the pendant. But before he could get a solid grip on it, Amy Jo fell to the floor in a dead faint. The goat pendant was yanked out of Viktor’s hand and it crashed to the floor, shattering on impact and releasing a beautiful blue diamond the size of a fifty-cent coin. Everyone except Viktor and Jade gasped in awe at the sparkling treasure. But the pause was quickly interrupted when a furious Mama stormed through the door.
59
“Where is she?” Mama demanded, oblivious to all the guns pointed at everyone.
The distraction was just what Jade needed. In a blink of the eye, she did a front flip, kicking Viktor’s gun from his hand. As she landed, she punched the Russian mob boss in the nose, knocking him to the floor. As she hoped, the attack created a chain reaction and total chaos ensued.
Peter fired at Dean just as he dove to the floor. The shot missed, shattering one of the windows at the front of the store. Dean rolled across the floor as the sheriff traded shots with Leo, but as everyone had begun to run for cover, they both missed their targets as well. In a fit of panic, Stonewall and Toby opened fire on Peter and Leo, hitting nothing but a wall of goat figures that the Russians had ducked behind.
In the middle of the mayhem, Mama stood in shock, guns blazing all around her, until Randy yanked her to the floor. As she fell, the sheriff noticed Pauline had been standing behind her and he pulled her to the ground, scrambling to get her out of harm’s way.
Everyone took cover as they continued to exchange gunfire, shattering goat figurines and exploding light fixtures. It was all over in a matter of seconds. Everyone had taken cover behind counters and shelves and the explosive pops of gunfire were replaced by the flaccid clicks of empty gun chambers.
Randy had pulled Mama behind the sales counter where Dean had also taken cover.
“Can someone tell me what the Sam Hill is going on here?” Mama demanded. “Who are you people and why are you shooting up my son’s store?”
“Ma’am, I need you to calm down,” Dean whispered loudly. “I’m FBI. And these men are very dangerous.”
Viktor’s voice called out from the far side of the store.
“Give me Jade and the diamond and no one has to die,” he demanded.
“Who the hell is Jade?” Mama asked.
“Where the hell is Jade?” Dean muttered.
Dean peeked around the edge of the sales counter. Other heads poked up from behind shelves like a coterie of prairie dogs.
“Boss, look,” Leo muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear.
Dean looked at Amy Jo’s passed out body in the middle of the showroom and knew immediately what the Russian was referring to.
The diamond was gone.
60
An old, pale-blue Dodge pickup bounced and clanked down one of the narrow asphalt backroads that led out of Red Dirt. The driver, an old farmer in a plaid work shirt and a tattered gray baseball hat, whistled to himself as he drove. Sitting next to him was a large brown and black hound with a droopy face and giant ears. The dog leaned her head out of the open window and the breeze caught her constant drool and sprayed it back.
Jade sat on the other side of the truck bed to avoid the shower of hound spit. Her black dress was torn up a bit, but she appeared unscathed otherwise. She looked down at her clinched fist and finally relaxed her grip to look at the large blue diamond.
She had to admit that, for a minute, she thought she had reached the end of the line. She had been expecting Viktor Petrov to show up at some point, but not the FBI. As luck had it, having them both there at the same time is what gave her the opportunity to grab the diamond and make her escape. They would keep each other busy for a while, which would buy her enough time to get far away. It was actually as clean a getaway as she could expect.
She looked down at her evening dress and noticed a small rip just above the knee. She dug a finger in the hole and pulled at the fabric until it ripped. She would be able to get new clothes soon enough but, for now, she needed to make her outfit a bit more comfortable. She was pretty sure Pauline would understand.
She reached under her dress to the back of the waistband of the biker shorts she was wearing. While she had left her gun in Randy’s truck, she was able to store her phone under her dress. Unfortunately, there was no cell reception. She would have to text Donovan later.
She sat back and smiled, letting out a loud sigh as she watched the road grow longer behind her. Still, she couldn’t shake the very unfamiliar feeling of guilt that was beginning to claw at her.
61
Viktor, Peter and Leo remained hidden behind a tall shelf of shattered ceramics as they reloaded. On the other side of the store, behind the checkout counter, Dean reloaded his Glock. He crawled past Randy and Mama and peered around the side of the counter to look for the sheriff. Behind a toppled display, near the shot-out window, he could make out the tan shirt of McKinley’s uniform. The shoulder appeared stained in crimson. He must have been shot.
“Are you okay?” Dean called out in a loud whisper.
The sheriff had been trying to collect himself after the gun battle when he heard Dean’s question. He signaled to the FBI agent that he was okay. Luckily, the bullet had just grazed his shoulder. It hurt like hell but nothing the proud sheriff couldn’t bear. Truth be told, he was wearing his first battle scar proudly.
He looked at a wide-eyed Pauline who was sitting next to him and put a finger to his lips to instruct her to remain quiet. Then he whispered into his shoulder radio.
“Jody, this is the Sheriff. We got ourselves a bit of a situation.”
He instructed the sheriff’s deputy to keep the funeral crowd away from The Lazy Goat and block off the area. He also needed her to reach out to the Campbell County Sheriff’s Department for backup immediately.
“We’re gonna need an ambulance, too,” he finished, looking at Amy Jo’s passed out body.
He asked Pauline if she was alright.
She replied in a loud whisper. “I gotta pee.”
Behind the counter, Dean leaned back, trying to figure his next move. In less than 24 hours, he had gone from being a disgruntled desk jockey to being caught in a shootout with the Russian mob. With several civilians caught in the crossfire.
Be careful what you wish for, he thought to himself.
To make matters worse, Jade had escaped. His whole reason for being here. At least he had got to see her. Sort of. Granted, he never got a great look at her face, but it was more than what anyone else had ever had to go on. Also, he got to see her in action. The impressive flip move she had made to break the standoff was exactly the type of ninja style attack Dean had imagined she would be capable of. He’d never admit it to any of his fellow agents, but Dean had been more than a little starstruck. But he couldn’t be thinking about any of that right now. He had Russian fish to fry.
Dean turned to Randy.
“This your store?” he asked.
“It’s my brother’s. Well, technically it’s my mama’s.”
Dean stopped him.
“You have any other guns? Under the register? In the back?”
Randy shook his head.
“There’s a shotgun,” Mama whispered.
Dean and Randy both looked at the woman.
“Clyde hid it in back,” she explained. “It was his ‘just-in-case gun’. It’s in the old guitar case.”
“Where is that?” Dean asked.
“It’s behind the Bell Jar boxes,” Mama explained. “On top of the bin where he keeps the old deer horns.”
Dean nodded. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”
Randy shook his head.
“No. I’ll go.”
“Don’t you go do nothing stupid,” Mama whispered. “Let the law handle this.”
“He ain’t gonna be able to find it,” Randy said. “They need my help. I’ll be okay.”
Mama smiled proudly. “You’re a good boy, Randall.”
“You stay put,” he said. “I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you.”
He looked at Dean and used complicated hand motions to explain where he was going. Dean nodded, only half understanding the bizarre gesticulations. Randy then turned to his mother and smiled before crawling toward the backroom doorway.
62
“Has everyone caught their breath?” Viktor yelled out sarcastically.
The sheriff was the first to reply.
“Backup is on its way,” he yelled. “Turn over your weapons now and this doesn’t have to go bad.”
“I want Jade,” Viktor replied. “And I want my diamond.”
“Can someone tell me who the holy hell Jade is?” Mama yelled.
The sheriff caught Dean’s eye and motioned that he was going to crawl around the far side of the store to sneak up on the Russians. Understanding the sheriff’s gestures, Dean motioned for him to wait, pointing out that he could more easily do it from his vantage point. He pointed to the front door, signaling for the sheriff to keep it covered. Now all Dean needed to do was keep the Russian mob boss occupied for a minute. He spoke to Mama loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Jade is a jewel thief and assassin for hire who is wanted by the FBI.”
“Jade stole my diamond and killed my brother,” Viktor corrected.
“Who. Is. Jade?” Mama repeated.
“Covering for her will only make things worse,” Viktor said.
Finally, Mama put two and two together.
“Lord all Mighty,” she said to no one in particular. “Our Jen is your Jade?”
“I knew she was trouble from the get-go!” Stonewall yelled.
Red Dirt Blues Page 13