by Jesse West
While he was telling the story, the entire room was listening to him. Their impressions were indifferent to how they felt about Jack at that moment.
“You risked your career,” Sal spoke up in the middle of it all, “for a boy?”
“You don’t get it,” Sue spoke up before Jack could say anything.
“Oh, I get it. He’s crazier than he looks.”
“He’s only crazy to you because you get it,” Vicky spoke up this time.
“What’s wrong with you two? How can you defend him after what he’s been putting us through?” Sal couldn’t understand their reaction to the story. He was still against Jack in the current situation and he didn’t care why he was doing any of this.
“You don’t understand because you’re not in his shoes.” Vicky continued “You were always loved and you got everything. Jackie grew up dealing with the same things that boy went through.”
“So that gives him the right as a cop to beat a man cause he feels it’s the right thing to do?!”
“No, it gives him the right as a man to stand up to another man and defend someone who is defenseless. That’s more than a cop is meant to do. Who don’t get it cause you’ve never stood up for anybody but yourself!”
Sal couldn’t believe his niece was yelling at him like this, defending a man who not long before this argument was pointing a gun at her.
“I don’t care what you feel about it,” Sal shook his head and wasn’t listening to what his niece had to say “you’re a kid and you don’t understand this anymore than I do so don’t act and yell and talk like you know what’s going on.”
“I don’t need to be an adult to know what’s right.” She proclaimed, “this may be a little messed up but what he did to that man…if I was that woman…I’d want a man like him to exist in this world.”
Jack turned and looked at her. Her acceptance of his actions took him by surprise but he was happy to hear that from someone.
“I agree.” Sue said, getting Jacks attention. “As a mother, if my daughter was ever in that situation…I would take a man like you over a cop any day, Jackie.”
“Thank you.” Jack said.
He sat there in his own mind for what felt like hours. For months, the look on that boys face haunted him and even after speaking about it, he couldn’t forget it.
“Jackie.” His mother spoke up. Jack lifted his head to her call. “You can’t do this anymore Jackie. You have to stop this now.” She proclaimed.
“Stop?” Jack spoke in a soft voice, almost whispering his confusion. “Stop.” His voice got louder. “Stop!” he stood up and walked over to his mother, standing over her. Shouting down as if he was scolding a child. “STOP! You think I can just STOP? There is only one thing stopping this, Mother, and that’s if you fess up to the horrible example you’ve led in my life!”
“I’m not perfect, Jackie!” she spoke with conviction, “But I am still your mother!”
“You keep saying that as if it’s supposed to change things or make things better! But it doesn’t! I am not here to manipulate, I’m here to get the truth and to get what’s coming to me!”
“Oh, you’ll get what’s coming to you alright,” Sal added in his opinion.
From the expression that drew across Jack’s face, this pissed him off instantly. With that, he took the baton out of his pocket and flicked it open, turned and walked right up to Sal. He swung the baton once directly across his face. Blood spattered all over the wall.
“NO!” Pauline shouted in grief as she could do nothing.
Jack stood there, towing over him. He watched as his head slowly lowered and he started spitting out blood.
“Fuck…” his speech was mumbled “…my teeth…fuck…” he spat up at least three teeth and it was clear that he had bit his tongue, or simply cut it with his jaw. His head swayed and it seemed like he was going to pass out any second.
“Jackie,” his mother called for his attention. He spun around and looked at her “Why are you doing this?”
He glanced over at Pauline who was in tears for her boys. Both of them, beaten and defenseless, even her husband lie next to her in pain, and there was nothing she could do.
Jack did a full turn and walked back over to his mother, knelt down in front of her and pointed at Pauline.
“You see that?” he said “You see the grief on her face? The pain she must be feeling? Have you any idea what that feels like? Have you ever shown any pain or grief for me?”
“How dare you ask me such a question!” she proclaimed.
“Answer me!” he shouted “Have you ever actually cared about me that much?!” he paused to wait for an answer. When he didn’t get one, he added to it with “Or am I just in your way?”
“Jackie.” she tried to speak but was cut off.
“When Emily left, you didn’t stop her or attempt to have her stay, you just let her walk out of our lives. And when it came to me and my issues and what I had to deal with, you let me walk right out that door with hesitation. I was just a burden lifted off of your shoulders. A living excuse that you could call yourself a mother even though you’re far from it.”
“Shut up, Jackie!” her tone snapped Jack out of his thought. “You have no idea what it’s like to be a parent! You’re just a kid and you don’t have a glue what it is you are fighting about or what it is that upsets you! You are confused and taking it out on me! I AM YOUR MOTHER! When does it become fair for me?! When do I get a break?! I just hope that one day, you have kids and then you’ll know what it’s like to be in my shoes for once!”
Jack stared at her and a big grin rose on his face. He leaned in close to her and whispered “I’ll never know what that’s like because I never had an adult figure to look up to that I wanted to become one day.” He began to speak slightly louder. “I’ve never had a parental figure to teach me these things because my mother was too busy with her new family that she chose over me and my father was too busy destroying his own life…” he couldn’t finish his sentence before his mother chimed in.
“This is about your father, isn’t it?”
“You do not speak about him!” Jack shouted this directly at Jeanette’s face.
“You do not get to throw judgment or point fingers! I have already pointed my fingers at the both of you and neither of you are capable of being parents!”
This silenced her in a shock and her expression filled with uncertainty. She could comprehend what to do in this moment. All she could do was stare and listen.
“You weren’t there to pick him up off the floor! You weren’t there to dig food out of his mouth! You weren’t in the hospital with him after he’d wake up from an overdose and just laugh his fucking ass off about it! He thought it was the funniest thing in the world! He never thought about me! I was just a nurse to him! Made him dinner, cleaned his clothes, put him to bed, fed him his medication, and I continued to sleep on a damn couch! I’M SICK OF COUCHES! I haven’t had my own bed since I was 7 years old! What parenting have I learned from you exactly, Mother?”
She had nothing to say.
“You just think that giving birth to me makes you my mother…it doesn’t…raising me makes you my mother…and you’ve done none of that.”
“I took care of you when you’re father was in prison was stabbing my brother. I have been a better parent to you than he ever was!” she thought this would be enough to defend herself with.
It wasn’t, for Jack knew better.
“Do you honestly think I’m stupid, mom?”
She looked at him confused.
“I looked up the report on dad shortly after he passed. It said you had written a statement saying you had no involvement and you spoke out against my father. You pointed the finger at him and the only reason I even looked into it was because after an argument we got into, he let it slip that he saved you from going to jail. His statement said that he took the full blame for what had happened that day. But I was there. I saw it all. I know it was mostly you t
hat stabbed Uncle Scott.”
Her expression shrunk from confused to anger.
“Dad was trying to get the knife away from him, but you leaned into him. That body weight pushed the knife into him, not him struggling with dad. It took me years of having that memory stuck in my head to really see it for what it was…and dad telling me that was all I needed to clarify it myself.”
“You were a child. You can’t possible remember something like that, Jackie.” She said.
“You don’t think watching someone get stabbed is something that would’ve stuck with me? For years? Having that be the last image of my father, I’m just supposed to forget that? Watching you fight in the kitchen while I stood there, I’m supposed to act like that never happened? No mom, YOU may like to act like the shit you’ve done didn’t happen but I have the unfortunateness of having it embedded in my brain.”
“You think that was easy for me to forget!” she said.
“Yes! Yes I do. Because you, mother, are able to lie to yourself about everything! And when you lie to yourself, you start to believe it! How do you live like that?!” Jack began getting very emotional with his ranting that he was losing his sense of stability in the situation.
Jeanette just sat there and took this belittling of rage infused yelling from Jack. With everything he was saying being true in his mind, in hers it was everything but true. She did not believe she was this way and convinced herself that Jack is wrong. But Jack wasn’t letting up.
“You have nothing to say because you know I’m right!”
“No, Jackie, You’re wrong!” she began “You have no idea what it’s like to be in my position! To deal with what I had to deal with! You had it easy! You don’t need to be me! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THE THINGS I’VE DONE!”
Her shouts echoed and were heard outside by one of the officers who brought it to Lynn’s attention. They continued to hear her scream from the house.
“Everything I’ve done was always for somebody else! Never for me! When is it my turn?”
“Why are you so fucking selfish?” Jack asked her. “Why is it so hard for you to think about the children you brought into this world and not about yourself?”
“I’ve always thought about you and Emily! But now, it’s MY turn to think about ME!”
“YOU’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT YOU!”
“Jack.” Lynn’s voice could be heard on a megaphone from outside. Jack still had the radio off so there was no way to talk to him.
“Is everything alright in there Jack?” Lynn’s words echoed throughout the neighborhood.
Jack wasn’t paying attention to it. Neither was Jeanette. They were having it out and Jack wasn’t stopping now.
“Every decision you say was for us was really for you! What have you done for me? For Emily? For you god damn grand children? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”
“Jack, why don’t you turn on the radio?” Lynn spoke over the megaphone trying to get his attention. Other officers looked on and listened to the muffled yelling coming from the house. The swat teams set up in the back were holding their positions, listening and waiting for their command to enter. Rick stood side by side with Lynn as they listened on to the shouting coming from the house.
“Mahoney.” Lynn used his other radio to speak to the sniper he had in one of the houses “You see anything?”
“No visuals, sir.” She replied.
“Dammit.” Lynn was stuck and he knew he needed to talk to Jack. He looked at his watch and saw that an hour had barely passed since he made the deal with Jack.
In the house, the back and forth battle raged between Jack and his mother.
“I did everything I could!” Jeanette continued to state her peace regarding what Jack was saying.
“NO! YOU DIDN’T! YOU JUST WANT TO BELIEVE YOU DID!” Jack’s was having more and more trouble gripping his emotions when it came to this. “Do you think bringing him” gesturing towards Bobby “into our home, allowing him to destroy my childhood. That was for me?”
“You needed a father!”
“I NEEDED MY FATHER!”
“I am your mother and I did what was best for us!”
“You did what you wanted to do and you know it! Nothing you did was ever for me and that is what you choose not to believe!”
“I’m an adult! I’m allowed to do what I want sometimes!”
“That’s not the mentality you should have when you have children to worry about!”
“You need to stop blaming me for how your life turned out and take some responsibility for yourself!”
“You’re the reason my life turned out this way! Why don’t you take some responsibility for that?” Jack’s emotions were running circles through him. He stood there and ran his fingers through his hair and he couldn’t contain himself. “You were supposed to be my mother……you were supposed to raise me…to teach me how to be a good parent or a good person…” Jack tone spoke with miser, he was angry and upset. It was difficult to find words but he straightened his upper lip and spoke the ugliest truth he good think of to his mother. ”……but you were too busy being a drunken, stoned whore.”
Shocked by this, Jeanette sat there in awe. Her own expression filling with disbelief to the malice in his voice.
“Do not talk to me like that! I AM YOUR MOTHER!”
“YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!”
Jack’s emotions took the best of him as these words broke his inner strongest solidity and he couldn’t control his rationality anymore. He pulled the gun out of his pants, pointed it at his mother and fired.
The shot rang through the house as everyone in the room flinched.
Outside, Lynn panicked at the sound and looked around as he got on the radio almost instantly.
“What happened? Does anyone have a visual?”
None of the teams were able to see into the house but the shot rang everyone to attention.
“I’m sure everything is ok, but you need to get on that radio.” Rick declared to Lynn.
“I need to make sure that nobody moves on him first.”
“You gotta send them in and end this, Lieutenant.” The captain came to his side and spoke with concern.
“No. This is too soon. Something is happening in there and it can still be saved without force.”
“We have to try captain.” Rick added.
“Nobody move! Everyone, stay where you are!” Lynn spoke into the radio to all the teams. “Nobody moves or fires unless I say so, copy.”
All the teams and the sniper stood motionless, waiting for the command to take action. Lynn picked up the megaphone again in order to get Jack’s attention.
“Jack. You have to turn on the radio or we’ll be forced to move in.”
In the house, Jack stood there with the gun still in his hand and raised in his mother’s direction. Sue was the first to open her eyes and look at Jack. She noticed that Jeanette was still breathing.
“You almost shot me?” his mother said.
“I missed.” He replied. “On purpose.” He stared at her and lowered the gun slowly. “Don’t make me regret it.”
She was speechless, breathing heavily, and confused. Her son tried to shoot her. She couldn’t accept this as a true fact but she felt the bullets heat as it glided passed her cheek.
Jack heard the calls from outside from Lynn.
“Shit.” He thought to himself. “Why did I do that?”
He walked back into the dining room and peaked his head into the hallway, making sure he didn’t hear or see anyone else in the house. He took the radio out of his pocket and turned it on for the first time since he last spoke to the Lieutenant.
“I’m here Lieutenant.”
A sign of relief was clear from Lynn but he knew he had to act fast with his next move.
“Jack, what happened in there?”
“I had a” Jack stuttered while trying to figure out what to say “I had a miss fire.”
“Miss fire, Jack? Do I seem like a fool to you?”
<
br /> “No Lieutenant.”
“Then don’t treat me like one. I gave you the respect of treating you like an officer that would be out here by my side, now I want you to treat me like I am not deaf, dumb, and blind. Do we have a deal?”
“Yes, Lieutenant.”
“Good. I’m glad we have this mutual respect for each other. Now, tell me, why did you fire?”
“Nobody is hurt if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I am worried about that, Jack. But what concerns me more is that I’m starting to lose pull out here. That’s the second shot you’ve fired tonight and I don’t know how much longer I can keep these guys out of there.”
This concerned Jack and he didn’t know what he could do to fix it. He had the time and he was about to lose it. He had to think fast.
“You cannot let them come in here. I swear, I’ll take every single one of these people out including myself if I hear a creek in this house that I don’t make myself. You got that?”
Lynn, Rick, and the captain all had looks of distress mutually strung out across their expressions as they heard this. Lynn was nervous for the hostages, the Captain was concerned about the media being everywhere, but Rick was mostly just worried about Jack.
“Jack, it’s not going to come to that but I need you to do something for me.”
“What?”
“I need you to give me the hostages you promised.”
“What? That wasn’t the deal. I haven’t gotten my three hours yet.”
“Well, Jack, you letting a round go off kind of puts that deal in the tubes and now we need to make a new deal.”
This clearly didn’t please Jack but he had no other choice. He thought for a second and responded.