by Golden Angel
Remembering that horrifyingly awkward scene in the garden, Alex shifted uncomfortably. Just thinking about that night made his skin crawl. He still didn't understand what had come over Irene, although she’d explained what had gone on in her head; her actions that night had been shocking. Most of the time he could forget about it when they talked now, but he still held back from the way their friendship used to be. Not just out of respect for Hugh and Grace, but also because it made him anxious.
"It'd be easier if, when I did tell her something, she actually believed me," he muttered.
"Well then maybe it's you that needs to listen, instead of talking," Hugh said, shrugging. They both looked across the room at Grace. "She's stubborn and when she gets an idea in her head, it can be the devil to knock it out again. When she and Eleanor were younger, our Cook at the time told them that if you eat a pie just out of the oven, before it’s had the a chance to cool, it's poison. Eleanor didn't believe her, but Grace still won't eat a fresh made pie."
Now that was something Alex definitely hadn't known about his wife. The very silliness of it made his lips twitch, wanting to smile. "She's never said anything about it to me."
"She wouldn't, it's just one of her habits now," Hugh said, grinning. "I daresay she doesn't even realize she still does it... it's just an idea that got stuck in her head."
So what idea did she have stuck in her head about Alex and their marriage?
He was just about to excuse himself from Hugh when a seductive waft of feminine perfume made him turn his head. Beside him was Lady Astor, a beautiful young widow who had just recently come out of mourning her much older husband. She looked like delicate springtime, all soft creams, pinks and golds. Even her doe-like brown eyes were soft looking as she smiled up at him, completely sincerely and with open invitation.
"Lord Brooke, Viscount Petersham," she said, with the tiniest curtsy that allowed her to dip just enough to lean forward and show off rather splendid cleavage.
"Lady Astor," they chorused together. Alex's bow hid his wince.
"You look splendid this morning," Hugh said, somehow managing to strike just the right note of admiration in his voice, without making it sound as though he was interested in her personage.
"Thank you, Viscount," she said, obviously pleased by the compliment. She glanced at Alex, her lashes lowering as if inviting him to compliment her as well. When he didn't immediately speak up, it didn't seem to faze her at all. "The wedding was beautiful, I'm so glad I was able to come to Bath for it. Quite the event of the Season. Those who stayed in London will be sorry they missed it."
They exchanged meaningless social niceties for another few minutes, Alex shifting away every time Lady Astor tried to reach out and touch him. He didn't want her damn hand on his arm. It didn't take very long for her to smile and excuse herself, having finally gotten the hint.
Unfortunately, that seemed to be the cue for the other women to take their own run at him. Alex held himself stiffly aloof, although he had to be polite, and let Hugh do most of the talking. Unlike himself, Hugh had a wife who felt secure in their relationship, one who wouldn't mistake the necessary social graciousness for something more than it was. His own situation was more precarious.
When he next glanced across the room, and saw that Grace was watching him with an expression of surprise and wariness on her face, he was even gladder that he'd decided to be so aloof to the flirtatious ladies.
******
It was like a game of cat and mouse.
Grace watched Alex, but only when he wasn't watching her, making sure that their gazes never crossed. Part of her mind was busy with the conversation going on around her, while the other was completely occupied by observing Alex. She was still trying to decide whether or not to trust him.
Last night had been... wonderful. Terrible. Her body ached to repeat it. Her heart ached to believe in it.
"Are you going to be alright on his estates?" Eleanor asked her softly, leaning in so that the other women around them couldn't hear what she was saying. They were involved in their own conversation anyway, so none of them were trying to listen. While the ton hadn't lost interest in the continuing saga of Lord and Lady Brooke, this morning they were far more interested in the Earl and his new Countess. "I'm not sure if I'll be able to talk Edwin into leaving the Manse once we get there... considering..." She gestured discreetly at her belly.
"I think I'll be fine... I don't know." Grace let out a huff of air. She'd told Eleanor everything she'd found - and hadn't found - in Alex's study last night. Although she hadn't told Eleanor about what had come after Alex had disciplined her. "I just... I want to believe that maybe this is real, that maybe he does feel something for me... but I’ve been wrong before, why would I be right this time? I don't think I can go through that again, Nell... it just about killed me the first time. Why would I set myself up to fall a second time?"
Eleanor grasped her hand, her serious blue eyes filled with earnest sincerity. "Maybe you should confront him. You've been doing everything you can to find out his motives, except actually asking him. If he knew why you left him, why you don't trust him now, maybe it would help."
"Or maybe he'll see me for the little fool that I was," Grace said bitterly, wincing. She didn't want to talk about that with him because she was too afraid he would ridicule her.
So she was afraid to question him because he might turn out to be a man she couldn't love, and at the same time, she was afraid to love him anyway because she hadn't confronted him. Maybe she really was a little fool.
"Talk to him," Eleanor whispered, squeezing her hand. "I wish I had talked to Edwin sooner. I kept hinting around what I wanted from him, because I wanted him to say what he felt in his own words, but he didn't realize what I needed to hear. I thought the declaration only mattered if it came, unasked for, from him... but if I had asked, he would have told me. He would have reassured me until I believed it, the way he did as soon as he realized what I wanted. I was too stuck in wanting something specific from him, instead of appreciating what he was doing to show me how he felt."
Nodding, Grace admitted to herself that, in some ways, she'd been unreasonable ever since Alex had shown up in her life again. Not that he'd been entirely reasonable. Hence, the kidnapping her to Bath. She hadn't been ready to listen before.
Watching as yet another woman stepped away from Alex and Hugh, a look of disappointment on her beautiful face, Grace knew that she was ready to start listening now. Alex was making an effort to show that he could be the same kind of caring husband that his friends were to their wives; eschewing the company of other women, staving off the flirts, and showing that he was serious about this reconciliation. More serious than Grace had originally thought, certainly.
"I'll talk to him. But not tonight."
Eleanor made an exasperated noise. "Why not tonight?"
"Because we're leaving Bath tomorrow and I will be stuck in the carriage with him for hours, if the trip here was any indication. I'd like as pleasant a ride as possible, so I might as well wait until we're at the estate to say anything. At least that way I'll have a whole house, not to mention the acreage, to get away from him if I need to."
The reasoning made sense, but she couldn't help but giggle when Eleanor did. Just having a course of action, knowing that the end of her current Purgatory was coming in one way or another - although she didn't know whether she'd fall into Hell or rise into Heaven - made her feel better. Even if she did fall, at least then she'd know. The constant doubt and anxiety was turning her mad.
"You can come stay with us if you need to," Eleanor said, the giggles subsiding as she turned more serious. "You'll be right next to Hugh and you know he'll do whatever he can to help you, if you need it."
He would too, even though he was now Alex's friend, Grace knew that. Hugh was, by far, the most serious of the trio that had grown up together, he would consider it his duty to protect his sister's best friend. After all, he had often enough when she was you
nger. It was a position she had never put him or his family in when she and Alex had separated, because she hadn't wanted to take advantage of their feelings towards her in a way that could cause them some strife among the rest of their peers. They'd never kept her from Eleanor, and that had been enough.
If she had to take shelter with Hugh...
Hopefully it wouldn't come to that. Because if she did, and Alex was determined to keep her in their marriage, the law would be on his side. Hugh could actually be arrested if he tried to keep Alex from her. If a husband wanted his wife under his roof, there was very little anyone could do. She truly would flee, rather than forcing her friends to make terrible choices.
But even thinking about such things couldn't stop the almost painful burgeoning of hope in her chest, spurred by both Alex's recent behavior and Eleanor's encouragement. Her life had been a kind of Hell for years now; perhaps it was finally time for redemption.
******
As much as Edwin wanted to hear exactly what his wife and Grace were whispering back and forth, he could tell from the way they were huddled together that leaning down to overhear would only result in the end of the conversation. From the way they both kept peeking over at Alex, he was sure that it had something to do with Grace and Alex's marriage. Just as he was certain that last night's escapades were about that as well.
He couldn't figure out exactly what they thought they'd accomplished last night. Sometimes women just did inexplicable things.
Although, it had led to some very satisfying moments for himself. There was something exquisitely erotic about teasing Eleanor into a needy frenzy and then denying her pleasure. The look of aghast disbelief on her face as she realized the control he had over her body and her climaxes had been hotly arousing for him. He'd held her close all night to ensure that she wouldn't cheat and pleasure herself.
Today he amused himself with little touches to the nape of her neck, her shoulder, her lower back... small caresses meant to tantalize without satisfying. The angry, sexually charged dirty looks he received in return only made him grin. He wanted to get his Nell to a frustrated boiling point, and then tomorrow he'd wake her with his mouth between her legs. This was a punishment he was going to have to remember even after he didn't have to worry about disciplinary spankings again.
He didn't doubt that he'd need plenty of creativity through his life when it came to disciplining Eleanor. Their marriage would be a constant testing of wills, but he was sure that he would always win. It wouldn't be restful, as Hugh would put it, but it was what Edwin loved about her.
This time, when he caressed the back of her neck and she glared up at him, her gaze almost immediately softened. Perhaps because of the way he was looking at her. He could practically feel his love for her flowing out of him, as if it was water spilling out of a too-full glass. It still baffled him that she hadn't known how he cared for her.
"There you are!" Lady Harrington pushed through a knot of people, beaming at her daughter, son-in-law, and daughter's friend equally. Since returning to Bath, it was obvious that her health had improved greatly. Trailing along behind her with an indulgent look on his face, Hugh and Eleanor's father just smiled at them, without the excitement that Lady Harrington was showing. "I've been looking all over for you."
To their surprise, she reached out to Grace, leaning down to give her an affectionate kiss on each cheek. Murmurs from the people around them, showed that Lady Harrington's preference had not gone unnoticed. Edwin coughed to cover his laughter. He smelled a motherly plot afoot. The Countess had also been marked in her attentions to Grace this past week, keeping her from the censure of the high sticklers that had been invited to the wedding. He wasn't sure if Alex had asked her to help or if she had just decided to do it on his own, but Grace's mother and Lady Harrington were best friends, so it wasn't too surprising that she would be putting her own foot forward to further Grace's re-entrance into the higher echelons of Society.
For herself, Grace looked surprised, pleased, and - strangely - a bit worried. Edwin saw her glance at Alex before turning her attention back to Lady Harrington, a happy smile on her face, although the tension hadn't quite left her shoulders. She was another one who obviously didn't know how much her husband cared for her, but that wasn't his problem. That was something Alex would need to work out on his own; Edwin had his own stubborn wife to deal with.
He stroked his fingers down the back of Eleanor's neck, watching her shiver.
Reaching back, she grabbed his hand and tugged, pulling him downward. To any onlooker, it would seem that she just wanted a wifely word in his ear, but her tone was viperish as she hissed at him.
"If you don't stop touching me, Edwin... I swear... I'm going to explode! A spanking would be better than this!"
The feverishly bright look in her eyes made him immediately contrite. The entire point of this exercise, other than to punish her, had been to provide discipline in a way that wouldn't cause her undue distress. A disciplinary spanking would have her bucking and crying, stressing her both emotionally and physically; he hadn't meant to drive her quite to that point now. It seemed that he would have to be more careful than he realized with this kind of creative sanctioning of her behavior.
At least while she was pregnant.
"I’m sorry, sweetheart, calm down," he said, his voice full of apology. He’d only meant to tease her, not to torture her. While it was gratifying to know the effect he had on her, he also needed to maintain his control.
When he straightened and put his hand back on her neck, it was no longer the seductive, light touch that he'd been tormenting her with. Instead, he used his fingers to massage and soothe her, affection running through him as he felt her relax under his ministrations.
Soothed, Eleanor allowed herself to be drawn into the conversation with Grace and her mother.
"Well, you two seem to be happy as two peas in a pod," Lord Harrington said jovially, sidling up to Edwin. He looked down indulgently at his daughter, who (fortunately) hadn't heard a word he'd said. "I knew she'd come around once she had a chance to settle."
"She's perfect," Edwin said, conveniently ignoring the various escapades that Eleanor had put him through. After all, they were his concerns to deal with now, not her fathers. Besides, those same escapades were what made her perfect for him. As long as she wasn't putting herself in the way of harm, he quite enjoyed her high-spirited antics. Playful spankings were arousing in their own way, but he knew that his favorite ones were those that Eleanor had earned. He would miss seeing her tear-stained, contrite face following a well-deserved punishment, and that hot, red bottom, until her pregnancy was over... but he would also be tallying all of her misdeeds and build his anticipation for the day of reckoning once their child was born.
"Just like her mother." The loving look Lord Harrington bestowed upon his wife left little doubt to his own feelings. "Have you spoken to your parents yet?"
"I wrote them, of course," Edwin said. He shared a knowing look with the older man. "They encouraged us to visit the Manse as soon as possible. We'll be leaving tomorrow to make our way there. They're thrilled, of course, especially mother."
Lord Harrington nodded, knowing his friends' vagaries very well. None of them had truly expected Edwin's parents to leave their estate, not even to meet his new bride. If they'd had enough advance notice of the wedding, they would have come, but once the deed was done - and to a young woman that they knew quite well - they'd be content to wait for him to come home.
"Penelope and I will be in Bath for another week before we leave for Stonehaven. After that, we've been invited to come stay at the Manse."
"I'm sure Eleanor will be particularly glad of her Mother's company by then," Edwin murmured, careful to keep his voice low. They hadn't announced her condition yet, and they wouldn't until they were ready to leave Bath, but he knew that she was going to tell her mother sometime today or tomorrow. Dropping a discreet hint to her father wouldn't ruin that. "I hope you plan to stay for
a while."
The sharp-eyed Earl looked down at his daughter and then back up at Edwin and grinned, making him look years younger. "I'm sure that can be arranged. Penelope will probably insist."
"So will Eleanor." Truthfully, Edwin would be grateful to have Lord Harrington there as well. While his own father was a good man, he could also be rather absent-minded and unreliable. Lord Harrington was like a bulwark of paternal strength to lean on, whereas the Earl of Clarendon was just as likely to be buried in the library with his research as he was to be attending to his parental duties. It wasn't that he meant to be distracted, but Edwin was still glad that Lord Harrington would be there to help as well.
Sometimes he wondered if the reason they kept putting off announcing Eleanor's condition was because he found the reality utterly terrifying. He'd told his closest friends, of course, in the first rush of excitement, but with every day that went by he found himself less excited and more overwhelmed by the impending life that was growing in his wife's belly. To the best of his ability he would keep Eleanor safe and healthy, but the dangers of childbirth were unavoidable. Only so many factors were within his control.
Then once his son or daughter was born... would he be a good father? Would he be able to keep his sons from running wild? Instill in his heir the right amount of responsibility? Teach his other sons that they mattered, even though they weren't the heir? He certainly didn't want them to feel the way Wesley's younger brothers had felt under their father's iron fist. Then again, he didn't want to be like Wesley's father at all. What if it was a daughter? What would he do with a daughter?
A hand on his arm jerked him out of the spiral of thoughts that seemed to engulf him whenever he started to think about his future progeny. Lord Harrington's clear blue eyes were filled with fellow feeling and understanding. He clapped Edwin on the shoulder.