What I really wanted now was a good chat with Mum. We used to talk for hours on end about anything and everything. I imagined her and Marcus screaming with joy on a roller-coaster. All Mum and I seemed to do now was have rows or not speak to each other at all. I was getting really good at that; keeping my feelings all bottled up until they exploded into tears.
I went straight upstairs, hurled myself on my pillow and sobbed my heart out. If you asked me to explain why, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. It had something to do with my feelings getting too big for my body again and a lot to do with being made to feel a fool in front of people.
What was it about me, anyway? I just didn’t seem to be able to fit in anywhere. I was hopeless at school and Mia’s friendship always made me feel inadequate like I was never quite good enough. I wanted to be able to stand up for myself but I didn’t know what I wanted to make a stand about!
A light tapping noise at the window startled me. As I pulled back the curtain and squinted out of the window I had to duck the next stone that was flying towards the window.
A voice whispered, ‘Have you finished changing the cat litter tray yet?’
‘Yes,’ I hissed back and as I leaned out of the window I smiled at my answer to Gabe’s question, feeling like an absurd Juliet.
‘Come for a walk with me. It’s a beautiful evening. I’ll wait for you at the front.’ He leaped back over the wooden fence.
My first instinct had been not to go, but since when had my first instincts got me anywhere? So I splashed my face with cold water, pulled on my clothes, took a deep breath and went outside.
Gabe was sitting on an old stone wall opposite the house. There was a faint thud of music coming from Charlie’s place. Gabe’s legs twitched in time to the music.
We headed off down the lane in silence for a bit, then Gabe said, ‘Sorry for the cheap doughnut jokes. I will never mention the “d” word again. Though, I have to say that I am truly impressed by your ability in that department.’
I noticed how soft and warm the tone of his voice was despite the well-rounded vowels.
‘Sorry for my “changing the cat litter tray” put-down,’ I replied.
Gabe laughed. ‘That was funny – and so quick. I usually only think of things like that to say afterwards.’
‘Me too, usually.’
It was a beautiful warm evening with a half-moon in the sky.
‘Where I live it’s never dark or quiet,’ I said.
‘I go to college there. Do you miss London?’ Gabe asked as he sat down under a tree. I stayed standing, but leaned against the trunk.
‘I’m not sure if I miss it exactly. It’s just the people there. They seem more real when you’ve left them behind. Or maybe it’s just that you can understand your own feelings about them better from a distance.’
Gabe leaned back on the other side of the tree trunk.
‘And what are your feelings about the people you’ve left behind?’
‘Mixed. Sometimes I miss them but mostly I feel relieved to be away from them for a while. It gives me some space to think,’ I said as I became aware of the tip of Gabe’s elbow touching mine.
I moved my arm away slowly and stroked the bark.
‘What is anti-folk music? I am sick of pretending that I have any idea what it is,’ I said, laughing.
Gabe grinned. ‘It’s easier to tell you what it isn’t. It’s a reaction to manufactured pop music.’
I nodded. ‘All those boy and girl bands and reality contest stuff. It is getting pretty boring.’
‘That stuff is so phoney. They’re told what to wear, how to sing in a certain way, what to say in interviews. Like they haven’t got any opinions of their own. No one sings about anything that really matters.’ He looked down at his watch and grabbed my arm. ‘Come on, run! We can just make it.’
‘No way am I …’ I started to say before I was pulled along.
We raced down a hill, across a field and down through a graveyard. We stopped next to the churchyard. My lungs were bursting and my heart was banging on my chest to be let out.
Gabe put his arm around me as the bells from the church tower began to ring out. We counted twelve muffled rings.
‘Is there somebody in there?’ I asked, still catching my breath.
‘The vicar has to sit there all through the night and ring the bell.’
‘You are kidding me!’ I said. Then I looked at the expression on Gabe’s face.
He laughed. ‘Urban urchin.’
‘Country bumpkin.’
‘Mall rat.’
‘Tree hugger.’
‘Jenna hugger.’ Gabe drew closer and hugged me tight. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. We didn’t speak or move for a long time.
‘Jenna.’ His voice sounded serious.
‘Gabe.’ I echoed his tone.
He laughed. ‘Let’s do this again tomorrow night. But let’s not tell anyone. It’ll be like our time together. When the others are around, things get complicated. I’ll meet you by the wall at nine.’
‘I’ll see if I can make it,’ I said casually, knowing that whatever happened I would be there tomorrow night.
Gabe took hold of my hand and we walked back to Sarah’s in silence.
‘See you tomorrow,’ he said when we got to the door.
Sarah came back early the next morning. After she had made a huge fuss of Tallulah, she turned to me. ‘Sorry to leave you. I just needed to get away.’
‘I thought you were buying some books.’
Sarah looked a bit sheepish. ‘Oh yes, I did manage to pick up some. Were you all right?’
‘Ava cooked me some great food. I went to the youth club and Aurora invited me for tea today … and Kai came back.’
Sarah’s face flickered with hope, so I added quickly, ‘To collect some of his stuff.’
‘Did he leave a message?’ Sarah said weakly.
‘Just that he’ll be back for the festival.’ I tried to make my voice sound neutral, as if I didn’t know how much the news would be hurting Sarah. No one likes to be pitied, do they?
Chapter Thirteen
I spent most of Tuesday trying to decide what to wear for tea with Aurora. I deliberately hadn’t brought many clothes with me and Sarah’s wardrobe wasn’t worth raiding. By rights I should have been spending three weeks wearing a bikini and sunbathing on a Florida beach with Mum and Marcus.
Why hadn’t I asked Gabe last night if he was going to be there? Part of me felt that I had dreamed our meeting last night. It had been too perfect. I tugged at my hair with a comb and tried on another T-shirt.
Sarah knocked lightly on my door. ‘Can I come in?’
I nodded, but she hovered in the doorway.
‘It’s a bit awkward, Jenna,’ she began. I put the comb down and swallowed hard. Maybe she wanted me to leave.
Sarah cleared her throat. ‘I seem to have lost a vase that was in the bathroom. It belonged to your gran. And it’s valuable. I was wondering if you’d broken it or something.’
It took me a while to think which vase she was talking about, there was so much clutter about the place. Then I remembered the garish orange-and-black-patterned monstrosity of a jug on the window ledge. Mum had one like it too, except in our house it was in a display case. Mum liked to show it off because it was by a woman called Clarice Cliff and it was worth a small fortune.
‘Only it means a lot to me,’ Sarah continued. Then it clicked. She was accusing me of taking it!
‘Why don’t you ask Kai about it?’ I suggested as softly as I could. You didn’t have to be Inspector Morse to work out that he’d be the most likely suspect.
Sarah sank down on the bed. ‘What would he want with it? He knows how I’ve always loved that vase.’
I flared up. ‘So you’re blaming me instead.’
Sarah swallowed. ‘I’ve heard that you’d been up to some pretty wild things. The school even considered calling the police.’
My
head reeled. So this is what it was like when you got labelled. You get to go to the front of the blame queue. Part of me wanted to yell out loud something like, ‘Oh, that vase! The one that I smashed into a thousand pieces and chucked through the window. If I’d known how much it meant to you I would have done it in front of you!’
Instead I stormed out of the room and raced down the stairs, sending Tallulah running for cover as I slammed the front door behind me.
It was starting to lightly rain as I made my way to the Mini-Mart so I sheltered in the phone box.
On impulse, I dialled Mia’s number.
‘It’s Jenna,’ I said when she picked up.
There was a long pause.
‘Hi. I got your e-mail. Sounds like things are working out for you.’
‘It’s cool here,’ I fibbed.
‘We are thinking of coming down for this Netherby Festival that you mentioned. Rebecca’s brother, Justin, says he’ll drive us if we pay for the petrol.’ Her voice brightened up. ‘Jackson says hello.’
‘Sounds like you and Jackson are getting on.’
‘He’s always talking about you, Jenna.’ There was a sulky tone in her voice. ‘He thinks you’re ace for the way you’ve dealt with things.’
‘That was a temporary deal. You promised.’
‘I know,’ Mia snapped back. Then she explained, ‘Mum has been a total pain. Most of my free time is “planned” with activities, tutors or dancing lessons. I have to be in by half past eight. I’m only allowed to go to Rebecca’s house. As soon as Dad comes back from his trip to the States, I’ll sort things out.’
‘Please hurry, Mia. I don’t think I can handle it for much longer,’ I said in a pathetic voice. Not my style at all. That business with the vase had shaken me up.
‘I have to go, Mum’s due back soon. Give me the number of the phone box and I’ll call you at seven o’clock tomorrow. I want to hear more about that mystery boy.’ Mia ended the call.
As I was making my way to the treehouse it began to drizzle and I could feel the fine rain soaking through my hair and cardigan. I wished I’d thought to pick up my coat.
It was five to three and Aurora was waiting for me by her tree. She waved and smiled when she saw me. At least somebody was pleased to see me. We walked up to the back of Netherby Hall. The architecture was plainer and tattier than the front of the hall. It was still impressive, though. The rain ran through an ornate lead pipe next to the well-worn back door. Aurora lifted a heavy latch that led us into a tiled porch and then on into a small, warm kitchen.
‘Shitty weather, isn’t it,’ she said as she closed the door behind me.
‘Language, Aurora!’ came a tired voice from the kitchen.
‘But Mum, you said it. Just before I went to collect Jenna you said “shitty weather”.’
Aurora’s mum wiped her hands on a cloth and smiled at me. She was a small woman with long grey hair tied into plaits like Aurora’s. She was wearing a nylon overall. She looked more like a lady of the school dinner variety than a lady of the manor.
‘Hi, Jenna. I’m Isobel. The quiche will be ready in five minutes. I hope you like field mushrooms,’ she said, a worried expression on her face.
‘I love them,’ I said brightly, despite the fact that I had no idea what a field mushroom was.
‘How is Sarah?’ she asked. ‘It’s so good of you to help out in the shop whilst Kai’s away. I hope he’ll be back soon. He is such a wonderful poet! Sensitive souls always suffer in everyday life.’
I just nodded. Why did Kai take in women so easily? As far as I could make out, he was about as sensitive as a bucket of mud.
Aurora tugged at my damp sleeve. ‘Come on, Jenna, I’ll show you around.’
We walked back into the gallery. I remembered the last time I’d been there with Gabe. Where was he now? Had he remembered that I was coming?
Aurora threaded her arm through mine and said, ‘In the olden days people used to walk up and down this gallery for exercise. Especially when it was too cold or muddy outside.’
I stopped briefly at the picture of Septimus Netherby. ‘They could walk past all their dead relatives and nod and say hello.’
Aurora giggled. ‘They could stick their tongues out or give them a wink.’
‘Or see where they got their cruel eyes or big nose,’ I added as we walked along. I stopped again next to the large Chinese vase filled with Gabe’s white roses and looked at a picture I hadn’t noticed the last time.
It was a tiny portrait tucked away behind the vase. It was a portrait of a beautiful chestnut horse and resting her head against it and smiling was Lavinya.
Aurora looked at the picture, tightened the grip on my arm and said in a tight, hard voice, ‘Shitty, evil bitch!’
‘Aurora,’ I said, shocked. ‘Isn’t that Gabe’s mother? You shouldn’t call her names.’
‘Why not?’ Aurora looked at me and said in a slow venomous voice, ‘I hate her.’
‘Whoah!’ I said taking a step away from her. I was really shocked by the force of her feelings.
‘She hurt Gabe and I’m glad she’s dead!’ Her mouth tightened and small bubbles of foam gathered at the side.
Before I could say anything, Isobel appeared in the doorway and called us back to the kitchen. ‘Quiche’s ready. Come quickly!’
Chapter Fourteen
Aurora had spooked me. I hadn’t seen an expression of such pure loathing like that outside of a horror movie. It was shocking to meet a child who hated a dead person so much. Maybe Lavinya had gone mad. I’d heard a lot of aristocrats do, and she had then tried to hurt her son. It wouldn’t be the easiest of topics to ‘casually’ bring up with Gabe.
We sat round a large wooden table in the kitchen. Aurora didn’t seem at all fazed by her outburst and I didn’t speak much over the meal. Fortunately I had a large chewy mushroom to deal with, which kept me busy for ages. There was still no sign of Gabe.
The back door rattled and a tall gangly figure, wearing the grubbiest pair of trousers I’d ever seen, came in.
Aurora frowned. ‘Daddy, where have you been? Jenna has come to tea.’
He winked at me and kissed her. ‘Sorry, Button, but the car broke down again.’
‘Poor show!’ Aurora tutted. ‘And now it’s raining.’
‘Can’t blame me for that. Though come to think of it I did get a spot of cramp this morning. Maybe the gods mistook my stomping for a rain dance.’ He began to laugh.
Aurora’s fist landed on the table, causing one of the mushrooms to leap off my plate.
‘You’ll just have to do a sun dance now, then, if that’s the case!’
Without batting an eyelid Lord Netherby unhooked a yellow wok from the wall and began dancing around the kitchen. Isobel grabbed a torch from the shelf and began to switch it on and off.
‘Let the sun shine!’ she sang in a high-pitched voice.
Hugh Netherby joined in, singing, ‘Oh yeah,’ and they danced round the kitchen.
It was very funny in an insane-family sort of a way. It reminded me of our ‘Must Have Chocolate Now’ song. Mum, Marcus and I made it up and we sang it when we were hungry, tired or miserable.
A loud crash of thunder sounded followed by a heavy blast of rain that sent a chill across the kitchen.
‘You’ve been doing it all wrong!’ Aurora wailed.
‘No problem,’ I said. ‘Just do the dance backwards.’
‘Great idea!’ Hugh bellowed and waved the wok in the opposite direction and sang, ‘Shine sun the let!’
Hilariously, the rain did ease off a little and we all cheered. There was the sound of a car pulling up outside. Was it Gabe at last? No. Turned out to be Mrs MacLean from the chemist’s. She shook off her headscarf and was carrying a large white plastic bag.
‘Just dropping off the prescription – ’ she said. Then she looked up and saw me, looked flustered and added, ‘And some bit and bobs that you requested.’ She put the carrier bag down in the hall and
left quickly.
When we had all finished eating, Hugh offered to make us coffee. It took ages, as he was making it the Ethiopian way. He burned some coffee beans in what looked like an old tin can with a handle. We all had to sniff the aroma. Then he disappeared for ages before coming back with a strange black bottle and some tiny cups on a tray. He poured out the thick black liquid. It tasted like liquorice.
‘Cardamom,’ Isobel said. ‘Good for the digestion.’
The coffee wasn’t bad and I helped myself to another cup. Aurora got out a battered game of draughts and we all started to play. Another half an hour or so passed and the door opened and Gabe came in.
He didn’t see me at first because he was in the porch taking off his Wellington boots. His hair was wet and drops of rain ran down the side of his face. He picked up the carrier bag from the chemist. He barely even looked at me.
Then he walked into the kitchen, put the kettle on and made himself a drink with his back to me. The jumper he was wearing was soaked. I could smell a mixture of wool fibres and his body as the heat in the kitchen warmed him up.
Isobel sipped her coffee. ‘You’re late,’ she said in a disapproving tone. ‘The food is cold and we have a guest.’
Gabe stuffed the last piece of mushroom quiche into his mouth in one go and muttered something that sounded like, ‘Things to do.’
Had he deliberately stayed away because he knew I was going to be there? I swallowed the rest of the coffee. Some grounds stuck in my throat like sand.
As he reached the door his eyes swept over to mine.
‘Hi,’ he said in a tone of voice that sounded like he didn’t know my name or even cared to find out. Like our night-time meeting had never happened. His features were arranged into a completely different expression.
I lost the next three games. I couldn’t work it out. I know he wanted to keep things private, but his coldness towards me went way beyond that.
Aurora looked up from the game and asked, ‘Will Sarah be doing her poetry tombola again at the festival?’
Soul Love Page 6